Twisted Thomas

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#50 Dylan’s secret crush


“You slept with Mila?” Dylan asks, slamming his beer down on the table, liquid spilling over his hand. He wipes it off on his pants and gives me a look that almost seems… angry?

“Mila and Tracy,” I confirm, unable to keep a smile off my face as I think about this morning. The girls are having dinner at an Italian place they both love, and there was zero weirdness when Mila knocked on our door earlier to pick up Tracy. Dylan arrived shortly after, and I just told him that I had a threesome. Again. I know it makes me a sleazeball, but I feel pretty damn good about myself right now. I think my dick definitely deserves the crown tattoo I right above it.

“Did it have to be Mila?” Dylan asks, glaring at me. “You and Tracy are both hot. You could find a random girl at a club or on one of the apps. Did you really have to sleep with Mila, of all people?”

Oh shit. I did not see this coming.

“You like her?” I ask, leaning forward.

“Yeah well duh,” he grunts, running a hand over his hair. “Isn’t that obvious?”

“Er… no, not really.” I think back, but I truly don’t think I’ve missed any signs. Sure, he flirted with her, but Dylan flirts with everyone he finds hot. I’ve watched him hit on Aston many, many times.

“Dude, I’ve been hitting on her like crazy,” Dylan says, raising his eyebrows at me. “I thought you knew. She’s pretty damn amazing. Fucking hell, do you always get all the girls?”

I laugh so hard I snort. “I spent the past years pining after Franny and Tracy. Until I got together with Tracy I hadn’t had sex in months. I do not get all the girls.”

“You got Mila,” he grumbles, picking up his beer and gulping it down. “I bet she was spectacular.”

I had been planning on giving him at least a few details, but now that I know he wants Mila, I won’t do that. I’m not going to tell him how the girl he likes sucked my dick, or how my girlfriend ate her out. That would be mean. I’m not sorry it happened, but I am sorry that I end up hurting Dylan. If I’d known, I never would have gone there, no matter how hot it was.

“She did say that Tracy, me and you are the only people she’s felt safe with in years,” I tell him, which makes him smile a little. “So maybe you’ve got a shot.”

“I’m not gonna hit on someone you’ve been inside of, man,” Dylan says, shaking his head.

“First off all, technically I haven’t been inside her. Not my dick, at least. Just my fingers. And… didn’t you offer to be a part of a threesome with Michel and Tracy in case I wasn’t up for it?” I remind him, giving him a pointed look. “Plus, I’m pretty sure you slept with Hailey Borrea in high school, and I was the one to take her virginity, remember?”

He laughs. “I forgot about that. Damn, she was hot. Think she’s still single?”

“Married with kids,” I reply immediately. “She added me on Facebook years ago.”

“I want to be married with kids,” he says to my complete and utter surprise, getting up to grab himself another beer.

“You do?”

“Yeah man, I want to find myself a good woman, or a good man for that matter, get married, and have a couple of babies. Doesn’t have to be this year or anything, but I’m turning 30 soon. I thought I’d be in a serious relationship by now, but instead I’m not even close.” He grunts and sinks back onto the couch, handing me another beer as well, even though I’m only halfway through my first one. “I’m jealous as fuck of you and Tracy. She’s really something. I wasn’t sure if she’d make you happy at first, with all her baggage and everything that went down with Michel, but it’s obvious she loves you. I’ve never seen you this happy.”

“I know.” I can’t keep the smile off my face. “And I’m officially moving in with her. I’m so fucking happy about that. We’ve been talking a lot about the future, and I truly think she’s serious about us. She suits me so much better than any other girl before her.”

“Even better than Franny?” Dylan asks, genuinely curious. He knows I was very much into her, and that I imagined myself living with her, buying a house, having kids, the whole thing.

“Way better than Franny. She’s the type who want a house in the suburbs and just a plain, simple, normal life. With me, she was always a little wild, with the threesomes and shit, but that was just her sowing her wild oats, I think. She’s not like that at heart. Joshua is this really mature, sweet guy, and he makes her happy. They’ve got a house in the suburbs now. I visited them, and I tried to imagine myself living there, but man…” I shake my head and laugh. “That is so not me.”

Dylan chuckles. “Nah, didn’t think was.”

“Tracy is a little fucked-up, just like me, in all the right ways. I think I need that. Someone who gets my sense of humor, who surprises me, but who is also just… I don’t know. Sweet.”

Dylan nudges me and winks. “You’re such a sappy bastard.”

“Guilty as charged.”

We both just sit there in silence for a while, sipping our beers. Then Dylan puts his bottle on the floor, sighs dramatically and stretched out across the couch, his feet in my lap and his head on the armrest.

“I’m a little hurt, though,” he says, putting the back of his hand on his forehead like a damsel in distress, swooning.

“About Mila?” I ask, wondering where this show is ending up.

“No, that you and Tracy seen to want to fuck everything with a heartbeat, yet you haven’t asked me to join you for a threesome.” I can tell from the way he looks at me that he’s serious, even though he’s pretending it’s all a joke. We bruised his ego.

“Dylan, no offence, but we are never ever going to ask you to join us in the bedroom.” Before he can reply, I hold up my hand. “Let me finish. Not because you’re not hot or anything, but because you’re my best friend. You’re my brother, my family. I can’t lose you over something as stupid as sex. I haven’t spoken to my own parents in eight months because of the way they treated you. Do you really think I would ever jeopardize what we’ve got for one night of hot sex?”

He smiles and lifts one of his stinky feet to rub it in my face. “Ahw, that’s really sweet. You don’t know what you’re missing, though. I’ve been told I’m the king of blowjobs. And I am pretty awesome at rimming.”

I shudder from the thought alone. I love Dylan, but nothing about what he just said turned me on. Not even a little. “Sorry dude, I am one hundred percent straight.”

“But for Tracy, you’d agree to sleep with a dude.”

“No, I’d be okay with sharing her with a dude, but I wouldn’t want him to blow me or anything. That’s just… nah, man, I’m not into that.”

Dylan shakes his head and shoves both his feet in my face this time, laughing when I shove them away. “Why are straight men such pussies? You love watching girl on girl porn, you think it’s hot to have two girls in your bed, you’re okay with Tracy eating out another girl, but you draw the line at another man touching you in a sexual way? Don’t you think that’s… narrow-minded?”

“I think I’ve got many flaws but being narrow-minded definitely isn’t one of them.” I’m absolutely certain about that.

Dylan nods and he sits up, looking at me with a serious expression. “You’re right. You’re not. And all kidding aside, I’m really lucky to have you as my friend, Thom, but I hate that you lost your parents over this. I know it’s eating you up inside, even though you won’t admit it. You’re moving in with your girlfriend, and your parents don’t even know you have a girlfriend. Please make up with them. I don’t need an apology from your mother. I just want you to be happy, and I know you want to introduce your girl to your parents.”

He’s right, I do, but I still feel like I can’t just go back on what I told my mother. I don’t want to forfeit my principles, and when she called Dylan an abomination, that cut me deep as well. It felt like she was calling me that. I’m not gay or bisexual, but I have done a lot of things my mother doesn’t approve of. If my mother knew about the threesomes, or me kissing a guy on a dare… The fact that I watch porn would already be enough to condemn me to hell in her mind. I get that no mother wants to know any of those things about her child, but I think most mothers wouldn’t call them an abomination for doing that kind of stuff… right?

Besides, it’s not like Mom thought I was all that great in the first place. My tattoos disgust her and she hasn’t even seen all of them, she hates piercings, she’d love to get me a proper haircut, and even my clothing style has always been something she comments on. She wants a son with a proper job, who wears a suit, and who doesn’t look like a gang member. That’s not me. Charlie is the golden boy and Jolene the daughter she never had. I will never gain her approval, and I’m a little scared of what Mom and Dad would think of Tracy, although I truly think they’d love her if they gave her a chance.

“Don’t overthink it,” Dylan says, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Just go to dinner with them or something, see where they’re at now. Maybe you can find a compromise or something. At least tell them you’re moving in with Tracy, man. They’re your parents. They deserve to know where you live, and you deserve to take your girl back to your family.”

“Yeah, okay.” I grunt and drink some more beer. “We’ve gotta stop talking like a bunch of 12-year-old girls now, sharing out feelings and shit. Let’s… I don’t know… do something manly.”

“Manly…” Dylan scrunches up his nose. “Wanna go to a bar and play some darts or something?”

“Sure, that sounds manly.”

We both laugh as we get up, and then Dylan pulls me in for a hug, holding onto me for a long time. I pat his back, feeling a little weird about this display of affection.

“Are you drunk already?” I ask him when he pulls back with tears in his eyes.

“Nah, just…” He shrugs. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, man.” He pulls himself together and wipes at his eyes. “Fucking hell, I’m such a sissy. Let’s go get drunk and throw sharp things at a wall. Remind ourselves we’re men.”


Tracy looks around at our living room with a huge smile on her face. We’ve been working non-stop for two days, but the place finally looks like a real home to both of us. My furniture has replaced half of hers, and we bought a new couch, one of those huge corner sofas that’s so comfy you never want to get up once you sit down. Right now, all of our pets are on the couch, getting hairs all over it. There’s Snoopy, Pumpkin, The General, and Oyster, obviously. In the far corner are the latest additions to our little family: Princess and Froggy. They’re the cutest little kittens ever, little red balls of fur who climb everything, jump around like maniacs, and are blissfully asleep right now, snuggled up to Pumpkin. That dog has five cats who think they’re the boss of him. Poor thing.

“We need a bigger house,” I tell Tracy, wrapping my arms around her from behind.

“You only moved in a few days ago, baby,” she says, and I know she’s rolling her eyes even though I can’t see her. “Let’s see if I don’t kill you within the next couple of months, and then we can talk about buying a house.”

I love how sure she sounds about us eventually buying a house together. That dream about our own farmhouse someplace quiet and with nature all around us is sounding better and better each day, especially since this place is indeed cramped with so many animals living here. At least there is a spare bedroom. It used to be storage and a place for Tracy to hang her laundry and keep her cats’ litter boxes – a disgusting combination if you ask me – but now it’s my home office. I think I’ll have to go over to Dylan’s a lot to work in peace, but it’s good to have someplace here as well.

Moving in here wasn’t as stressful as I expected it to be. All our friends helped out, and Charlie and Jolene stopped by the day after with a shitload of presents – plants, candles, curving boards and other shit you apparently buy a couple that’s moving in together. Charlie and Tracy hit it off right away, since he’s got my sense of humor and he loves it when someone dishes it out just as hard as he does. It took Jolene a little while to warm up to her, but after those two spent an hour complaining about what slobs me and Charlie are, she’s pretty much in love with her. She even told me when they left that I found myself a good one. That’s high praise from Jolene.

She’s right, of course. I really did find myself a good one. A damn good one.

“Mila texted,” Tracy says, turning around in my arms. “Asking if we want to celebrate being done with moving and cleaning with some hot sex.”

I cringe and hide my face in Tracy’s hair. We’d both love that, but we know we can’t.

“What am I supposed to tell her?” Tracy asks, sighing. “Hi Mila, we’d love to, but Dylan is falling madly in love with you, so could you just go over to his place instead. He’d love some hot sex.”

Laughing, I pull back to look down into her big green eyes. “Maybe not that. Let’s just say that we value her friendship too much to risk things getting weird. That’s not a total lie.”

Tracy nods. “Yeah, I know, I just hate lying to her. She’s a really good friend, you know.”

I love how close Mila and Tracy are these days. Mila has confided in Tracy about some of the things that have happened to her in the past, and while Tracy has kept most of it to herself to respect Mila’s privacy, she did tell me that it’s pretty bad. Mila seems okay, though, and she helped out with moving too. She and Dylan have great banter, and now that I know he likes her, I guess I was stupid not to notice earlier how outrageously he flirts with her, way more than with anyone else. I don’t think she’s into him, though, which sucks. They both deserve someone great.

“We could still celebrate with hot sex, right?” Tracy asks, smiling slyly. “We don’t need Mila for that. You can get me off all on your own just fine.”

“You know I can, baby.”

She pulls me with her to the bedroom, groaning when she sees that I’ve left my laptop, three books, some old sweats and my phone charger on the bed. “You are such a slob,” she complains, grabbing everything and putting it away for me. “The shower drain is clogged again, by the way. By your hair.”

“Probably yours,” I tease, tugging at her high ponytail. “Yours is longer.”

“It’s yours!” She pulls away from me, runs into the bathroom and returns with – I kid you not – a wet cloth of hair that smells so badly I back away from her. “Look at it!” she yells, holding it up into my face. “That’s the exact shade of your hair. Mine is way lighter!”

“It’s wet,” I reply, trying to breathe through my mouth. “That makes it look darker. It looks pretty damn long to me.”

“You stupid fucker!” she complains, still waving the dirty wet drain hair at me. “I will put it on the heater, let it dry, and then we’ll see whose color it is! We’ll even measure it and you’ll see that it’s yours!”

Our eyes lock, and two seconds later, we’re both laughing so hard we’re crying. She hiccups and snorts, throwing the hair in the trash and thank God she washes her hands.

“You wanted to dry and measure my drain hair?” I ask, still grinning.

“So you admit it’s yours?” she yells, also laughing her ass off. “Oh God, sorry, I got a little carried away. You’re such a dirtbag, Thom. You need to start cleaning up after yourself.” She points at a beer bottle that’s on the floor. “Your shit is everywhere.

I honestly don’t even remember putting that bottle there, but she only drinks wine, so I guess it must be mine. She’s right, I am a slob. “How about I make you forget all about how mad you are by getting you naked and fucking you into oblivion?”

“You can try,” she challenges me, sticking out her tongue. “But you’ve gotta catch me first!” With that, she sprints away, gets her foot caught on the edge of the rug, and lands face-down on top of The General, who hisses and sinks his claws into her upper arm.

Laughing, I help her back up and clean her wounds. Funny thing is, this isn’t even the first time this has happened. Tracy is certifiably crazy, and no amount of therapy will ever make here truly normal. And guess what? I love her just the way she is.


Author's note:

Just a warning... there are only a few more chapter's left! I think about six of them, not sure yet, and of course the epilogues. The story is a little shorter than some of the others (which had 80 chapters), but Tracy & Thomas have way longer chapters (3000 or 4000 words often, when the other stories only had 2000 or 2500 words on average per chapter) and their story is almost done.

What am I planning next?

(1) "Blooming Rose" = a short story about Rose on spring break, where she meets up with a few of her old classmates: Gracie and the Thompson Twins (Manny and Tommy) from the first book. Of course Nathan and Caroline will be in it as well. In case you forgot or haven't read my other books: Rose is a character from "Sweet Caroline". She's a recurring character in all books, but she's always a little girl, and in this book she will be a young woman, working her ass off in med school and ready to cut loose at spring break...

(2) "Jealous Jagger" = a short story or a novel (not sure yet) about Jagger from "Caring Christopher". He got married to his high school sweetheart Celeste when he was very young, but their marriage ended in a horrible divorce. He's got no money, no job, no idea what to do with his life. Friends of his parents (Chris & Abby) invite him into their home to get some much needed perspective, and they help him get a job. Of course he meets someone, but she couldn't be more wrong for him...

(3) Maybe I will do a story about Mila one day. You probably noticed that I've been planting the seeds for a story about her these past chapters. I don't have a name and a plot yet, so I will let it marinade in my mind for a while. I really wanna do "Blooming Rose" and "Jealous Jagger" first.

(4) There are still some other ideas I wanna write, but that will happen later. I've got ideas for "Player Aston" about his life before meeting Anna, "Melodious Marcia" about Marcia & Yord, "Classy Chloe" about Annabel's younger sister, "Finally Tiffany" about Caroline's teacher friend, and some other tiny seeds that might grow into ideas one day. And, of course, I wanna write "Married ladies" about all the female characters from all the novels, when they're all married, have kids, and have been with their other halves for years. That book is one I'm very excited about, and it will be all about marital spats and troubles with their teenage kids, but I'm not ready to write it yet. It will eventually happen though!

Anyway, long author's note... I first need to finish "Twisted Thomas"!

Love you all xoxo

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