The Nightingales Romance draft

All Rights Reserved ©


I'm new here, hi. I'm Jacie, I'm an aspiring author. This is a tid bit of a scene that I want some feedback on. If you dont know the characters, they're names are Parker and Beck. The situation is they live in a sort of dystopian world with nocturnal beasts, but they are also teenage lovers. I want to know what this scene makes you think, any feedback it greatly appreciated.

Romance / Other
Age Rating:

Parker and Beck intimate draft

I don’t know about you guys, but i feel gross. I’m going to go take a shower.
“Okay, I probably need to take one too.” Parker adds.
“Yep.” I say, wiping my hand in front of my nose like he stinks. He laughs and turns toward Adam.
“Do you want me to walk you back to your bunk?” He asks.
“No Parker, I’m ten years old, i can do it myself.”
“I’ll see you later big boy.” I laugh
“Later!” He jumps up and runs in the direction of the dorm.
“Wow.” I look at him go and giggle.
“The energy in that kid!” He chuckles.
“Crazy, I can’t believe he just said he could do it on his own.”
“Already developing some sass.” He jokes.
“All those stupid boy hormones kicking in.” I laugh.
I stand up to go back to my bunk and grab my shower things, but Parker takes my hand to follow me like an adorable puppy. Since it's a Saturday Carrie and Ella are here and so are the rest of the girls. They all get dreamy looks in their eyes and I know when I come back they'll be asking about how him and I have been doing, just a fun topic to talk about. I like talking with them all anyways.
"Do you want to go out to our spot?" He whispers in my ear as I pull my bag out from under my bed.
"Now?" I ask.
"Yes." He whispers seductively in my ear again. I stuff my bag back under my bunk.
"Yeah." I giggle, and follow him out to the fence. It's difficult to sneak out in broad daylight and not mornings, but we crawl under the hole in the fence and lock the doors to the music store behind us just to be safe that no nightingale creeps in.
"So. What ya want to do?" He asks, being playful.
"Just kiss me already." I smile and pull him in for a warm kiss. The air outside has gotten nippy lately and feeling his skin against mine made all the goosebumps and bad thoughts go away. Him holding me in his arms under the covers made me feel euphoric and all my thoughts about anything but him melted away.

Chapter :

I caress the little scar on his side that I left behind and rub my toes against his calf.
"Are you ready to go back yet?" I ask. If we are gone for too long, someone will notice we are missing. Someone like Collin, he's already suspicious of us, but I don't think he can quite figure out what's going on yet. But he will soon.
"Just a little longer?" He asks, pulling the covers up higher, to cover our heads.
"Someone's gonna come looking for us, we should probably get back and take those showers." I admit.
"Fine." He kisses my shoulder and we watch our surroundings as we slide our clothing back on. Carefully we sneak back under the fence and into the lobby. No one noticed we were missing from lunch when we came back, but even Collin surprisingly.
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Readinglady: Ugh...I hate men

cobyemma: Really enjoying all your stories. Great plot and character development. Again, a few spelling mistakes, but easily fixed.

August_seventeenth: You know it always doesn't needs to have a seperating characters plot... I LOVED THIS STORY MORE THAN I CAN EVEN EXPRESS. The best part was everything was perfect and meant to be... And for my favourite part will be you specifying their Birthdays and look accidentally i share my birthday with Jac...

Destiny: I loved the plotAnd every thing about the story in general

Carina Sjödin: I'm loving this novel so far. But Millie is a downright bitch that believe in that sleezeball instead of Harper 😠 I hope she realize her mistake. And I hope Harper and Sebastian becomes more than friends =)

Nina-Marie Madugu Opene: I like how you made each book a part of the story

More Recommendations

Betty S Davies: I LOVE this book. I can't wait to keep reading it I wish you would have kept it here instead of putting it on Galatia.

Justin: this was great but I need more!!!

Jennifer Leigh Anne Ciliska: Awesome read thank you for sharing your story with me

Rhea: I like everything about the novel except for a few grammar errors. I would recommend this novel to anyone who likes to read about action and romance. I gave it this rating because the novel is by far one of my favorites

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.