When I was in the 3rd grade my cousins and sister were doing beauty pageants and I wanted to do that also and I did. It was fun I went to school but on the weekends I competed in beauty pageants and that is the one thing I loved it made me feel like I was actually beautiful but really I never felt it at all.
I never got angry or anything but when I did I always kept in me but the only times it really comes out is when I am around my sister I never get angry at her but something else she tells me to let it out and I don’t want to because I am afraid I would hurt someone emotionally but I did and I let it out on her but in all truthful, she told me to let it out.
The one thing I hated when I am mad and she just looks at me laughing she said my mad face is funny but I never understood but she also said I have a fun face and face for everything and she knows them all because she gets them all. The one thing she said that made me laugh is she said I should be in drama class because I am overdramatic but I didn’t because I couldn’t fake it had to be real otherwise I wouldn’t know how to function I guess. I probably would be we never know how to I guess you could say.
I let people use me and that is one of the hardest problems that I have. Let me explain...
So say I have this friend and we have been friends for a long time and she asks if she could use my phone during class (We are not supposed to be on them) I let her and she gets it taken away and my mom gets involved it’s just extra and I go to a charter school. I hate them because they are so strict but my mom loves the school, (I DON’T LIKE THIS SCHOOL) They say they don’t show favoritism but they do.
I once had an Incident with the Principal and she was being extra and taking her anger out on me because there were other people involved but no she just suspended me and this one girl and this other girl let’s call her Chris. So Chris was in the bathroom on her phone and taking pictures but only me and this girl were in it. Chris uploaded the pictures to Snapchat and made a stupid decision and only me and this other girl got into trouble. I try to stay away from Chris but whenever we have to work on something Teachers always want me to work with her and it is so annoying sometimes.
A/N: I dedicate This to my sister (Best friend, Motivator ,etc)
So there was this boy I have liked ever since I was in the fifth grade, I was awkward and I had got bullied once but I felt hurt and disrespected. I felt that I was not good enough for anyone. One day when I was sitting in math class just like normal and my crush was looking at me consistently and I always wondered why because of me. I was not beautiful and anyway were we in math class and someone told us to not talk and suddenly I see he had pulled a piece of paper in front of me it said I like you do you like me check yes or no? I check yes because I liked him very much, and I knew someone scared him I would say no since he was giving me that nervous vibe.
The worst thing about the situation is after that day he didn’t want to be in contact with me after he just stopped talking to me and sitting next to me because the people that were bullying me had told him that I had roaches and I smelled like Pee. I hated them but I felt like if I confronted them then I would have made it worse. I hate that feeling.
So it was time for recess and I wanted to hang out with him but he could tell he was busy with his friends and so then I was on the playground in the swing when there were 4 people coming up to me (3 girls and 3 boys). I was on this thing you could swing on and every time I pass them they make do that thing with three hands that showed that I stink. I didn’t like that I knew I would never have friends because they were telling rumors about me having bugs and bringing them to school because once there was a bug in one of my classes and they just assumed that it had come from me I guess but it didn’t.
They used to trip me when I was walking and that had gotten irritated but I didn’t have the guts to go up to them and stand up I also didn’t have the guts to tell the teacher. I thought they would just make fun of me more and I didn’t like that. I also didn’t enjoy being bullied.
I felt that I was alone had nothing to live for but then I remembered that I have my sister. I and my sister are close sometimes she is like a friend I have always wanted a friendship with but I couldn’t because she has friends and when I try to make the friends; She does I can’t because there is no one like that at my school or we just don’t click and that is something I hate. I know it’s probably wrong, but she motivates me to do well and that is something she probably doesn’t know because I have not said it but inside she knows it. I love her and she is the biggest and brightest person I have ever met and I am happy that I have her in my life. I need not stay in contact with anyone else in my family because to me she is the best family I have ever had, and she knows when I am sad and she knows how to make me smile without even trying (I Love You shelle. You are the best person in my life and the only thing that motivates me to do well is you even if you don’t try to. You somehow know how to inspire me).
I didn’t really have friends but one of my BFF (best friend forever) if you didn’t know what it means. But she had friends, and I only had her. I was being bullied consistently every time at recess and I was frightened to speak up and tell someone afraid of what would they do so one day we were in the homeroom having a class discussion and they were giving me the death glare and at the end of homeroom my brother’s cousin was.
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