christmas eve

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e l e v e n

I stumbled through the long halls. The walls kept moving around me, but there was no way I would stop until I had gotten some room between Cade and me. Who the hell did he think he was?

I huffed. I needed to get out of here.

I was headed to the front entrance of the college, in the great hall. I was hoping I could get out and to the next bus station. It wasn’t a good plan because I didn’t know if the buses were still driving, but it was worth the try.

I just wanted to leave. I really needed to.

I looked out of the windows to my left.

The snow had gotten even less than before. But it laid high on the ground... I wasn’t sure if I would be able to walk through it. I could see that it was stagged up high on the roofs, and there was nothing on the ground that wasn’t white.

I shook my head and hissed through my teeth. I would try it. It couldn’t be that bad, right?

I round a corner to the left, my hand on the wall to keep myself upright. I wasn’t feeling steady. The world kept moving.

I stumbled and had to stop walking for a second. I breathed in against the dizziness and closed my eyes.

Everything was spinning. I felt like throwing up.

I pressed my right hand against my stomach. Why now?

There was no need for all of this. I had just wanted to have a fun day, and now I was just trying to get away from everything. I wished that I didn’t feel so alone. Everything had been alright only a few minutes ago.

I sighed and opened my eyes again. I moved my hand from my stomach to my side, feeling it clench. My left hand moved forward on the wall. I dared to try and take another step forward.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I needed to stop being so weak. It wouldn’t take long to get to the entrance!

I shook my head and started to walk, using the wall to keep me from falling. That would make everything even better now. If I fell, I didn’t know if I’d be able to stand up after. Maybe we just had to wait and see.

I sighed. Only another corner, and then I would have to walk through the doors again. It wouldn’t take long. If I was lucky, I could even get home.

A few minutes later, I stumbled to the double doors and struggled to open them. I hissed through my teeth as I pulled one open and let it behind me.

Finally, I could see the room that would lend me to freedom. I smiled. I walked past the small fireplace. And the couch Cade had been lying on. There was a pinch in my heart as I looked at it. The smile faded from my face. It was like I could still see him there.

I had to shrug it off. This wasn’t what I should care about at this moment.

I neared the dark wooden door.

The bus station wasn’t far away. I could make it there if there wasn’t too much snow. I grabbed the door handle and prepared myself.

I could do this.

I would-

The door opened, and masses of snow fell inside. I stumbled backward. My eyes widened, and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. There was just whiteness outside. The snow literally appeared to be taller than me. I could only stare.

These were the causes of a snowstorm.

Not just a few snowflakes that barely even landed on the ground. This was mother nature telling me to go fuck myself. I shook my head and took another step back.

It felt like a slap of reality. My heart was beating heavily against my ribcage.

I couldn’t get through this. I looked down on myself. Especially not with only a hoodie and a pair of jeans. I would freeze to death if I tried.

And that before I even neared the bus station. Even I knew that. My teeth clenched. Dammit.

There was nothing I could do... Mother nature really had something against me.

I took a step forward and tried to close the door. Some snow was still left on the carpeted floor, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to getaway. It took me a few minutes and a lot of strength to close the lock. I pressed my body against the wood and sighed in relief when I finally heard the click.

I took a step back, my hand still against the door.

I huffed and stroked my dark hair from my face. I was breathing heavily.

I swallowed and then turned around. Now, I could only go back to my room. I hesitated to make the first step, though. I didn’t know where Cade was. And I didn’t want to see his face at the moment.

Especially not after I’d just realized that we were stuck in here. How real everything really was. There would be no getting away from here before all that snow was gone. It would take some time.

A sound that appeared dangerously close like a sob left my lips. My lips quivered, and I pressed my hand on them. I felt my eyes well up with tears. This couldn’t be happening. I hiccuped but refused to let myself cry.

Not here. Everywhere but here.

If Cade came along, he would see how much his words had actually affected me.

“You have a picture-perfect family, and you dare to complain?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

No, my family wasn’t all that fine. My father was dead. And my mother had decided to get married again only a year after he had passed. I shook my head and started to walk.

I needed to get to my room. That was the only thing I knew for sure.

And I was there surprisingly fast. Though I couldn’t remember my way there.

It was all a blur.

I sniffed and walked to my bed. I just wanted to hide. Maybe I could just stay here until all was over... Yes, that sounded like a great idea.

I lifted the covers and laid down. Sheets rustled, and I moved until I was wrapped into the fabric like a burrito. Everything around me was cold. Not even my heater helped.

A sob left my lips. I wrapped my arms around my middle and clung to myself.

I only knew that time passed because my room was slowly starting to turn darker. I hadn’t cared enough to change or close my blinds. I was even still wearing my shoes.

And my head hurt. Everything hurt so bad...

I wished that I’d someone to talk to. Just one of my friends would be fine. Even my mom would be good at the moment.

Another sob left my lips.

My chest felt hollow. Maybe I was overreacting. Perhaps I wasn’t.

I couldn’t tell right now.

He had seemed so angry. I didn’t know what had happened. Was he jealous? Sad? That was for him to decide. I shouldn’t even care.

But it seemed like he had regretted what he had said. His eyes had changed- I shook my head and sniffed. I didn’t even know why I was reacting like this. He was basically a stranger. And I knew nothing about him.

Maybe this was because I was drunk. Because we were drunk. I hadn’t seen Cade react that way before. And it hadn’t been all that bad.

Something wet ran down my face. I pressed my face against my pillow. Another sob left my lips, and I could do nothing to stop it.

I was fucked. I pressed my eyes close and breathed in deeply.

This was fucked.

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