"You seem to be close to that friend of yours," I said. I don't want to sound jealous at all.
We are back at his place. His apartment is cozy and homely. I love it.
"We have been friends for years. More like family."
But he is in love with you and you are too blinded to see that.
I couldn't tell him this out loud.
Yes, I want to be selfish just for once. For once I want to hold on to someone and don't let him go just like that. Not like the way I lost my girlfriend to my best friend.
I looked at Alec who was staring back at me. Will I be able to hold on to you if the same thing happens? Will I be able to fight for you and not let you go to him just like that?
"You seem lost in your thoughts," he said. "Come back to me" he whispered and brushed his lips to mine.
Yes. Right here I give my answer.
I will fight for you. I will not lose you so easily. No. Not to anyone. Not to your best friend.
He bit his lip and looked nervous. Why?
"Can we what?" I asked, touching his face. "Whatever it is you know you can tell me right?" I told him and he looked away blushing.
Oh. Did he mean that?
"Alec...can we what?" This time I was teasing him. Letting him say what exactly he wants from me. What he wants us to do.
"Fine, can we make love" he whispered and closed his eyes right away.
I wanted to laugh. It was cute. But I didn't. I didn't want to make him feel more embarrassed at all.
"You are so adorable," I said, pulling him to his bedroom. He followed and closed the door behind us.
"I remember my heart beating so hard that day," I told him and he adjusted himself in my arms. Giving me all his attention.
I smiled seeing how eager he wanted to know. My heart melted.
Come down miles. It is probably nothing.
My heartbeat increased when I saw Nick's car parked at my house. So he is here. Then let's get it over with. But deep down, the sting feeling keeps crawling to my skin. Why? Why was this happening to me?.
Walking slowly inside the house and closed the door behind me. The first thing I noticed was two plates of unfinished food on the table. Empty glasses and a bottle of wine. Someone had dined here.
My eyes kept roaming around my house. It felt strange. Gloomy and dark. My heartbeat increased when I saw a shoe thrown randomly near the stair. That’s Nick's shoe. I know it because I bought it for him on his birthday.
My shoulders tightened. I kept staring at the shoe, then the blouse on the third step of the stairs. Gripping my car keys, I kept going up. Heading to my bedroom. Or following the throne of clothes exactly.
I know my girlfriend very well. Nicola is spoiled and untidy. But this? This isn't one of those dress-up situations.
Gasps and moans started getting louder and louder. The more steps I take, the more moans I hear coming from my room. I stopped walking and held my breath. Trying to breathe slowly.
Please No. Please.
I prayed without knowing what exactly I was praying about. I mean what was I thinking? The moans were coming from my room. One way or another, people were fucking in my room.
"Fuck..aah. god I unashamedly love you"
That voice raced through my heart and cut it into pieces. The same words she said to me just that morning before I went to work. And now, she is saying them to my best friend?
I couldn't be so sure because I haven't seen him. Maybe it's not nick. Maybe it is someone else.
I didn't have to open the door to see anything because the door was wide open. And there it was. The perfect picture. The picture of Nicola in all fours and Nick drilling into her like a monster.
I closed my eyes. Hoping when I open them one more time. This thing would be a freaking nightmare.
"I bet you say that to him too '' Nick said between pants and moans. I opened my eyes. None of them were facing the door so none of them knew I was standing there.
"Of Course I say them. He pays my bills and everything" she said unashamedly. She screamed louder when Nickthrustd into her harder. Angry maybe after what she said or she just likes it rough.
"And yet...yet you have been coming to me for the past 4 years. And I still give you everything...fuck..aah"
Everything hurts. Everything. As I stand here watching them fucking and embracing each other. Four years? I thought they said they were friends. Nick introduced me to her for god sakes. What The hell is this?
My limbs were shaking. Weakness spreading all over my legs and knees. Not knowing where to touch exactly as my heart explodes in my chest. My stomach tightened. I looked at them again.
What should I do? No answer came to mind.
I touched the wall and leaned on it. Dizziness occupies me. I can't break down. I won't break down. I am Miles Reynolds. I can't
But no matter the pep talk I give to myself. I still felt weak and worthless. Tears rolled on my cheeks as I walked down the stairs with the help of the wall.
That was my best friend. The one I trust with all my heart. And my girlfriend. I can't kill them, I can't punish them. I can't. Can I?
I touched the knife that was left on the table and gripped it. Of Course, you can kill them. They betrayed you. Made a fool of you. Will you let them be?
I closed my eyes and grabbed the tears that dropped with the back of my hand. I let the knife go. My eyes scanned the place. My house. I hate it now. I won't be looking at it the same way anymore.
I passed around the kitchen. Everything was scattered around. Whoever was cooking made a mess in this kitchen. But I don’t have the energy to clean this shit up.
I will sell the house and buy another. With a new beginning and new memories.
Oil was spread everywhere on the table. How the hell did they make this mess? Just how? I slammed my hand on the table harder and the sound went far.
Breathing, I went and sat down on the couch. I want to hide. I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Everything was moving too quickly for me to process. All the past happy images flashed through my eyes. All the good times we had together the three of us. Was that all a lie? They were mocking me all this time?
"M-m-iles' 'I heard Nicola's voice. I opened my eyes and shot her a glare. There she was, dressed only in a shirt. Neck shirt. Because I know all my shirts and that wasn't mine. Besides, I hate the maroon color.
My eyes scanned her from top to bottom. Calm down miles. Calm down. But I couldn't. God knows I want to rip her apart and kill my best friend on the spot.
I saw Nick behind her, leaning on the wall touching his head.
"Explain," I said. My voice is deeper than usual. Stupid. Am stupid. How can they explain this? I mean what exactly would they say to me?
Nicola walked with shaky hands to the dining table. She started collecting the dirty dishes, putting them together.
"I will prepare something for you," she whispered. She can't be serious? Since when does she cook? She never cooks. Or maybe that's what she made me believe.
"I see you can cook"
She stopped in her steps. Looking down. Biting her lips together. I look at her with so much anger in my heart. It's over, everything is over. I lost two in one day. A girlfriend and a best friend.
I closed my eyes and let that sink in. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. I should let it go. Let it go miles.
Taking a deep slow breath, calming my heartbeat down. They love each other. Then it's the right thing to let them be together. When I opened my eyes, calm and collected, I stopped breathing.
My words couldn't form quickly enough. Her shaking hand goes straight to the cooker, upset-minded. My blood freezes in my veins. I want to scream. To warn her, the oil spilled all over the kitchen. But my voice doesn't work.
It will explode. It will explode.
Those words repeat in my mind like a chant. Getting louder and louder as her hand gets closer and closer to the switch. I cringe, standing up on my feet and running to her.
I hear the loudest boom. It sounded like a bomb.
My head whiplashes and slams into something hard behind me and pain explodes through my body.
The world goes dark.
The beeping sound of a machine rang in my ear. Fading then louder and louder.
Where am I? And what is that sound? I tried opening my eyes but failing. A heavy lid was on top of my face. Like another layer.
What is happening?
"God that disgusting, am sorry miles but I can't date you anymore"
What the hell? That's Nicola’s voice. I know it. But why is she saying this? And where am I? What is happening?.
"he was saving you. He couldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for us" another voice spoke. A man's voice. And I happen to know it very well. The knot on my throat tightened and I swallowed. A sudden pain passed through my body. Nick. My best friend.
"what? So he can say it and I can't? Not fair" Nicola spoke again. And knowing her, she might have closed her hands on her chest. How? How can she break with me just like that?
"he loves you"
"And you don't? Tell me don't you love me?"
"of course I love you. But still, we broke his heart"
"and I am sorry about that, but I can't go back to him. Not while he looks like that. No I can't. To hell with his money".
I didn't have to ask myself anymore as everything that happened earlier came back to me. Vividly. Them fucking to me running to save her. And yet-
I was wrong. I was so wrong. I didn't lose two things in one day no. I lost everything in one day. Everything.
My world sank and turned upside down. And so did all the organs in my body. These people were talking like I wasn't there. Like I hadn't been their friends for more than five years.
I tried lifting my right hand to touch something that was covering my face. My heart raced. My whole face was covered, except for a small portion.
I want to cry. My whole body is shaking. Oh god, what kind of punishment is this? What have I done so wrong to be punished?
I closed my eyes again and prayed. Prayed for all this to be a dream. Please...please let this be a dream.
"Hey...am here. Am here looking at me" Alec’s voice said beside me. I turn to look at him and he smiles at me. This man, this man was able to bring back everything that I thought I lost. This man is lying in my arms right now.
"Am sorry about what happened. But I am here now, and I promise you, I will never leave your side" he said and kissed my lips.
I close my eyes and feel him. His taste. I raise my hand and pull him closer as I deepen the kiss. He moaned into my mouth and my heart fluttered. I kissed the corner of his lips and drew his face to look into his eyes.
I believe him.
Every word he says.
I smiled. For the first time since that happened. I am barefaced. Looking at someone who isn’t my brother. Someone who touched my heart in so many ways and in a very short time.
I know it's silly but, thank you Santa. For bringing my Christmas wish early.
"I won't be able to help myself if you keep smiling like that," he said seductively. Going on top of me as he looks down on me biting his lower lip.
It was swollen due to all the kissing we have been doing.
"Careful. This time I won't be so gentle, ''I warned, caressing his face with my palm. He leaned on it a little.
How blessed am I to have found him? Him of all people.
"Who said I want it gently?"
Damn it. This boy will be the death of me. Then again, I would die a happy man.