Wishful Christmas

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"So he was the reason for all your discomfort last time and when you ran away in a hurry?"

It's been a day and I couldn't stop smiling. I have a date with Miles a few minutes from now, but here I am being questioned by my best friend.

Shit, why did he have to be the one seeing us that day? I don't have time for this, I should be with miles right now not here answering dumb questions.

"Am talking to you Alec"

"He is a friend, okay" I answered, irritated by him. Dev is the last person I should get irritated towards. He is kind and always there to help me in a blink of an eye. I took a deep breath and counted to five, I need to fucking calm down, this is dev I am talking to.

" his name is Miles and he-"

"Wait a minute, Miles? Your Miles? Your first love, first crush?"

Dev cut me short with his question as his eyes went all wide and his mouth opened surprisingly. And the memories of the person he is talking about came to kind. It's been a few days since I haven't thought about him. My Miles.

Wow. How did he do that? Make me forget about my stupid first crush just like that?

"But, that Miles is different, talkative, handsome, without forgetting a fucking billionaire who is probably somewhere in the Bahamas enjoying his vacation instead of being here with you hiding under the mask-"

Then he went silent as if he was thinking something. I turned my attention to him, whenever that happens it is as if he found out something.

But no, that can't be the Miles he is talking about. That Miles has gone missing for about three months now. I haven't heard from him. It's this period of the year where he would show up to events of donations and giving out to people. It is this time of the year where I got to spend my time watching his smile from all the videos sent to social media about him.

Does he know? That he made things easier for me even when he doesn't know me? how can he know you even exist Alec, stop dreaming?

"No, that's not him. This Miles is another one, completely different. Doesn't talk much, hides things, and is kind of mysterious" I said, a smile creating on my face.

Dev looked at me then nodded his head. I could see his eyes still deep in thought. I want to ask what he was thinking about but I have to go back to my date now.

"You should invite him to hang out, or are you ashamed of him meeting your friends?"

"Am not ashamed, but we both know our friends, things will turn dark in a minute and the last thing I want is for miles to feel bad"

"You just really like this guy"

"I do," I said with a smile on my face. But, I didn't miss the tone of Dev's voice when he said that. Am not mistaken right? Did he sound jealous? But why?

I didn't linger to his thoughts and went back to thinking about miles. He said he would be here today and I can't wait for him to meet all my friends.

Last night was special. And better and he was willing to show me his scar. He showed me his scar. Did I even take a good look at it or was I busy having the best orgasm of my life?


"Hey, calm down. Don't get all moaning on me" dev laughed and I did the same. The jealous sound I heard disappeared. I must have heard wrong, great, miles are turning me insane.

Kelvin and his girlfriend arrived and so did Rachel. Why was she here to begin with?

"So, who is this mystery man we are meeting today?" Kev asked and I smiled. "Damn you are blushing. Shit man, this man whips you"

"Enough teasing me. Come on"

"Am not surprised, you always say you want to date someone ugly, what I didn't know is that you would go ugly and gay at the same time. Damn man you are good"

I don't want this, not today. I can't have this drama today.

"Rachel enough" dev said a little bit louder.

"What! Am just stating the facts here, who would have known that our little Alec was gay all along huh?"

"I know, and him being gay or not is none of your fucking business"

"Well it is my business, he fucking dated me, if he was gay why the hell did he date me?" She screamed this time on dev face.

I hated this, I didn't want this right now. Where are miles anyway? Did he give up and went home already? Why isn't he back yet?

"Just let it go, please. Let the man be happy with whatever he wants"

I love my best friend and this is one of the reasons. He always comes to my rescue when I fight with Rachel, but I never thought a day would come he would stand up for me like this. This is new to me and I can't help but appreciate him so much.

"Would you let it go, you already have that nick guy, why do you want to keep torturing Alec too. Aren't you ashamed or something?" Another friend of ours interfered the moment she appeared.

Great, just great. People keep coming. I glanced at my phone to see if miles texted me. Maybe I should text him and ask him where he was. I brought him here, to begin with, what if he got lost? What if something happened and people were screaming at him again. Just like the first time we met?

The thought of that brought me to my legs, my heart raced as you remember the first day I heard people talk about him, and yet he said nothing at all. No, that can't happen again.

"Oh, little Alec wants to run to the rescue, always pretending to be the hero I see." Rachel said again and I closed my eyes. Why is she doing this to me? Why can't she leave me alone?

"Will you quit that? What the hell is wrong with you? What do you want! Haven't you done enough damage already? What else do you want from me? Whether I go gay, straight, or any sexual orientation what does it have to do with you? It's me and my body just leave me the fuck alone dammit"

I never shouted at her, even once in all the days we have dated, but she has crossed the line. No, not when it comes to miles. I don't know why u get worked up so much when she talks badly about him. But I can't stand it, I just can't.

She got closer to me and started poking my chest. I didn't push her as I kept suppressing my anger. She makes me want to do something bad, something I know I will regret for the rest of my life. Best the shit out of her.

"You. Fucking. Don't. Scare. Me'' she says every word poking me over and over again. "I made you who you are, dating me made you this famous so don't go all goofy on me again. You are nothing, and I mean nothing other than a low assistant lecturer."

I grabbed her hand and stared at her, my anger is at my limit this time, "so what?"

She shockingly raised her brow. Yes, I dated her bit so butt? I shouldn't move on because she cheated on me?

"I know you up and down Alec, don't forget that. You are nothing but a fucking manipulator. Always begging to be loved. Begging for affection and love like a little child who is neglected by his parents. So pathetic"

"RACHEL-" dev shouted at her, making her flinch. Then she laughed her lungs out in a mocking way. She looked at my best friend up and down and Dev never left her eyes too.

For me? I froze after hearing that, memories of my parents came to me.

I took a step back from her and grabbed my hair. She didn't go there. No, she didn't. I just have heard wrong

"What?" She said, "cat got your tongue? I just said the fucking truth and you all know it. You all know how our little Alec loves to be the center of attention. How he pretends to be loving and caring while all he wants is to be loved back. He will do anything to get someone to love him, even if it's pretending to care about them and their ugliness"

"Wow alec, let it go. She is not worthy, just leave her, let her be" dev blocked my hand that was inches away from her face.

My body was trembling so hard, I have never been this worked up before. I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. I can't do this, I can't fight this month. Why was I fighting anyway? My parents wouldn't like this. They want a good child, a good boy.

"Always behave okay, be good to people and kind to them. You are a good boy my child"

I completely melted on Dev’s arms. Memories of my mother's words coming back to me. I thought I forgot everything about them. I thought I don't remember them at all. How? How can this be?

"Alec calm down" I could hear dev voice but to a very distant extent. Arms around my body tightened as I tried to breathe. "You are okay, you are safe Alec"

The car was coming towards us at a speed light but my mother didn't see it as asked her to play with me. I see my father turning to look at me from time to time.

No please, lookout.

It will hit us.

It will hit us.

But they couldn't hear my screams anymore and everything went dark completely.

"Nothing will hit you. Am here and I will always be here" a voice whispered in my ear. "Breath for me Alec, come on"

And I followed the voice. I breathed as he wanted me to and leaned on his body completely. His hand soothing my back as he kept on asking me to breathe. It took me a few minutes to get myself together. But my eyes were still closed.

Why did I remember that? Why today? I thought I forgot all about that day. My therapist told me everything will come back in a tiny bit. But why now?

I opened my eyes slowly, but my vision was blurred. A hand came to my checks and don't fingers were rubbing something wet.

Did I cry? Why?

But It felt nice, I know it is Dev doing this. I know he is my best friend but I never thought he could be this reliable and sensitive to me. Why didn't I ever see that? I could fall. I live with him.

I chuckled at my thought. Maybe Rachel was right. I am nothing but an attention seeker. Buying life with kindness and everything else.

Pain spread through my heart. No, one told me to be kind even to strangers. That's not being manipulative but being a good child. Right?

I tried opening my eyes again and this time, they weren't so blurred as before. And there she was, looking at me like I was nothing. Okay, this ends here and now, no more

I stood up by devs help, realizing just now that we were down completely. How did we get there?

"See, I told you he is nothing but an attention seeker" she spoke again. I didn't have to do anything for someone else. A sound of a hand meeting a skin was heard and I turned to who did that. It was Melvin girlfriend, she just slapped Rachel so hard.

I could see tears welling in Rachel's eyes as she touched her cheek. No, I can't feel sorry for her. I won't do that.

There was a deadbeat silence.

Then Rachel started laughing. The hell is wrong with this girl?

"You all think I'm a monster," she said, rubbing the tears that fell on her cheek. "Okay fine, I want Alec to answer me this and be honest with yourself for once" she paused and looked at me.

The silence cane again.

My heart was heavy, I didn't like where this was heading. Something wasn't going right and I could feel it, but if it's ending things with her once and for all then I will answer her whatever she wants.

"Are you gay?"

Fuck. I knew it, I knew this question would come. I could feel my heart beating so loudly. My skin gets hotter each second. But a thankful dev was still holding me.


"Do you love him? Or are you just fulfilling the promise you made to his lawyer?"

I closed my eyes and felt a hand beside me tightened. Dev must want me to say the truth. But what was the truth?

"Let me change the question then," she said, " when will you tell him that you are using him and if it wasn't to apologize for my behavior, we would be here win in the first place?"

"I am not using him. He is a good man, a good friend and I like him. I like the fact that he makes me feel good. I like the fact that he makes me be myself with him. I like the fact that -"

"And you like the fact that he is ugly and not handsome as you" she finished the sentence and I froze.

I dated her long enough for her to know me but not everything about me. Is liking someone ugly a bad thing?

"Is it bad? I like him because he is ugly. That he is not as handsome as I am. That he can pour his attention and love to me just because I want him? If the answer is yes then you are right. I like him because he is not handsome and boastful. And because ugly people have the kindest hearts of them all." I said.

He is considerate. He is patient with me and never calls me out for my childish behavior. He is kind despite his looks and he makes me feel good. And I am in love with him.

I look away from her and others’ eyes. How can I say I live with him? It's been a few days together. He might also think it's absurd. Stupid.

"So he was just an experiment to see if your theory was right. That ugliness equals a kind heart" she said. It wasn't a question and more of a statement.

I sighed and looked at her. Let's get this over with, please. I was so done. All I want is to go miles right now.

"Think whatever you want. But I am glad Miles isn't as good looking as anyone I've ever been with. And that's a fact and I am his lawyer asked me to go on a date with him that day" I said and she smirked. She folded her arms together on her chest and raised her brow.

Uneasy feeling occupied me. I looked at the friend who slapped her and she was looking at me too but I could see something else. Regret? Why would she feel that?

Kelvin who was beside her just grabbed his hair and looked aside. No, something was off here, what is happening.

"Dev, what's wrong?" I asked and he slowly let go of me.

What is wrong-?

And right then, Dev appeared holding a bottle of water and some supplements in his hand. He looked at me then beside me.

If he was there, then who was beside me all this time?

I turned slowly to my side, so slowly afraid I would wake up a sleeping baby. But the more I did, the more my heart broke into tiny pieces.

No, it can't be, he can't be here. How, why? When?

But all the questions were not helping my foggy mind right now. I looked at his eyes and my legs weakened.



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