Wishful Christmas

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"You should go see him"

"And bring him flowers"

"Yes, Men like flowers too. A good romantic gesture"

"Are you saying am not romantic"

"Sir, what color do you prefer?" The nice old man asked me. I have just been staring at these flowers for so long. The conversation between Christopher and Matthew is getting in my head.

Will Alec like this? Am not making a fool of myself am I?

"I am sure he will love them. It's not the flowers but the person giving them that matters" I looked up and the old man was smiling from ear to ear. Ever since I met Alec, things have been different. Even people recognize me and are kind to me. Or is it just my imagination?

He smiled more and I noted. My eyes soften to show him I agree. I know it takes some time for people to see me through the mask, but those who do can see when I am smiling and when I am not.

"I hope so," I said, picking up the white roses and mixing them with a few red ones. Perfect combo.

Smiling to myself, I glanced at the bracelet he gave me. He deserves so much more than flowers. So much more.

"Thank you," I said and went back to my car. My heart was jumping from time and time and I couldn't stop the smug face I was making. Jeez, I hope he loves this.

My surgery is coming up tomorrow and I want him to see me one last time. I don't know if it's the way he likes me like this or the fact that I have gotten comfortable being around him.

Haven't thought about my face when I am with him.

"Oh, it's you," a voice said behind me the moment I got out of the car. Sighing I let go, turning to look at her.

That's Alec's girlfriend, what was she doing here?

I didn't want to make a scene or let my heart get jealous over nothing. This was the second time I am coming to Alec’s place.

The place is cozy. Christmas decorations all over the neighborhood. Alec deserves to be here. The area is homely and lively in the first place.

"Where is he?" I asked. She folded her arms to her chest and looked at me from head to toe. I wanted to chuckle and tell her to go to hell or something. But kept it inside and let her have the fair share of what she wants.


"Thank you"

"Hmmm, before that" she got closer to me and I took a step back. "Do you know that you are nothing but an experiment?"

Experiment? What is she talking about?

I looked at where Alec's house was and the door was open. Some music playing inside and people laughing. He must have friends over. Shot. Why didn't I call before I came here?

But the sentence didn't go unnoticed in my heart. There was that slightly uncomfortable that spread through me. No. I should trust alec. He gave his trust to me even when he didn't know me.

"Okay," I answered her and took some steps to get to the door. She came and blocked me.

She laughed and looked at me again and my patience was running out of time. I needed to see Alex and not get bothered by some redheads.

"Let me ask you something. Did he tell you that he is not bothered by the way you look? Or maybe that he likes you even though you are a stranger? Did he pretend to be so pitiful and yet be there for you like some kind of a hero?"

My heartbeat increased, my muscles went rigid and I froze.

"Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Why would I be?"

"You are beautiful the way you are miles. And I like you"

"I wouldn't change a thing about you"

"Not? Not even this scar?"

"Nope. You. Are. Perfect."

Clenching my jaw, I looked aside. My head was running making me dizzy all of a sudden. She is getting into my head. I can't let that happen.

"I know you don't believe me so I will prove it to you." She patted my shoulder and went inside. Signaling for me to come too.

My legs couldn't carry me and I stood there for more than minutes, until-

"Is it bad? I like him because he is ugly. That he is not as handsome as I am. That he can pour his attention and love to me just because I want him? If the answer is yes then you are right. I like him because he is not handsome and boastful. And because ugly people have the kindest hearts of them all."

I took a step back after hearing that. My heart races and becomes heavier after every passing second. I couldn't breathe, felt like someone kept a heavy metal on my chest.

No, no it can't be. Everything he did? Everything he said was because of-- no.

Reality hit me and my eyes closed. The flowers that I carried went down on their own and I kept staring at him. Today was supposed to be a good day for both of us. A new beginning.

"Alec breathed. What's wrong with him?"

I snapped out of my thoughts after a worried tone of his friend dev cane to my ears. And the next thing I saw was Alec on his knees and his hands covering his ears.

Shit, the accident. But he doesn't remember, does he? Did he lie about this too?

I looked at Dev and his worried face got to me. No, he is not faking it. So my legs carried me and I ran to him. Taking him in my arms and bringing him. back to reality.

I was in pain. My heart is in agony. But seeing Alec so miserable and vulnerable, I couldn't take it.

So what? What if he did all those he just wants to be loved like any of us. That's not a crime.

My heart was having a battle with my brain. Not the main point was letting him be normal. To breathe normally. The rest will come.

A few minutes and he was okay. But he didn't know I was the one standing next to him. Rachel looked at him and smiled.


Some people can be evil. Was it fun? To see someone suffer? Is she loving this?

I better get Alec out of here. We can figure things out ourselves.

"Let me ask you one more thing, did you tell him that you were just a step up from his so-called lawyer? That you were asked to go on a date with him for me?" She asked.

That got me really deep and my hands couldn't hold Alec anymore. My head was becoming foggy. Was this it? The reason he bothered me so much?

Was it all Christopher's plan?

But why?

Why do this to me?

"Dev, what's wrong"? Alec's worried tone asked. Oh, he still thinks I am dev.

" see love, Alec is nothing but a manipulator. He will do anything to escape his miserable lonely life" she laughed so loudly. " what? He made you feel special? Loved? Oh boy, that's all a lie. You heard him, you were nothing but a fucking experiment. A boost for his ego. He is not even gay"

I looked at where dev was standing and he was looking at me. Was this a fun game for them? Playing with someone's heart just like that?

I can't be here. Do I have to go? But where? My brother betrayed me and the only man I thought loved me for me was a fucking liar.

" M-m-miles"

I know that voice. And it went through my heart and cut me into more tiny pieces. Alec, how could you hurt me this much? Why am I hurting this much? I just met him a few weeks ago.

I touched my heart and walked away. I could hear Alec calling my name but I didn't stop.

"Drive. Home. Now" I shouted. But my voice didn't come out as I intended. Instead, it came so broken, just like my heart.

All the memories of our first meeting. First date. His drunken self and cute self. Was that all an act? To make me fall for him?

"W-why break my heart?"

The more I asked myself the more it hurts. My brother, why hurt me this much?

The driver must have told Christopher something because he was waiting in the driveway.

"Miles, I can--"

I walked past him and went straight to my room. But before I could lock it, he was there, his leg on the door pushing it open with all his strength. He didn't have one either. What would he say to me right now?

"I don't have any strength to fight with you. Please leave me alone"

"Let me explain"

"WHAT? WHAT EXACTLY WOULD YOU SAY TO ME THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER? that would make my heart stop bleeding and hurting this much?"

He stood there looking at me. No answer came to open.

"I thought so"

"All I wanted was you to be happy. Ugly or not, I wanted to fulfill the wish you made. Am sorry if I was being a bad brother but I couldn't see you that way. Miles, you were happy for the last week. You never spoke about the surgery since then"

He is not serious. He can't be serious right now. My heart is broken. Is this how he was helping me?

"I am sorry, but you are my brother-"

"You don't get it to do you," I rubbed the tears that fell to my cheek. "I wish I could go back in time and never go home that day. I wish I could just let them fuck and don't it go, leave Nicola with my best friend. But this happens. How do you think I feel? I am the face of the company. I am the face of your company"

"You are still my brother. You were my brother first before anything else"

"AND YET YOU BROKE MY HEART" I shouted at him. I know he meant well. I know that, but it still fucking hurts.

"What are you doing"

"Packing. Am going back home. I don't need you or this surgery anymore" I said. Putting all my clothes on the bed.

Christopher came running to me. Stopping me from my packing. "Listen, I love you okay and all I did was to make you happy"

"Do I look happy?"

His hand left my body after I asked that question. Hurt passed through his eyes as he looked at me. "Am sorry, please forgive me" he whispered.

My heart broke after he said that. My legs weakened and I sat down on the bed. My hands are coming to my head. I needed to hold it or I might explode. Tears fell and I couldn't hold them back anymore.

Not even Nicola's betrayal hurt me the way Alec did.

My phone rang beside me and I knew who it was. He called me over and over again.

"Miles stop" Christopher shouted but it was too late. I threw my phone outside the window and it went crashing down.

"I told him everything. I opened up to him. I showed him my scar and yet he loved me. He made me, me, a monster. Was this all an act? A lie?" My voice was breaking.

"It hurts...it hurts so badly"

Christopher came and wrapped his hands around me. Holding me tight in place so that I wouldn't throw anything else. " I love you, Miles, I love you no matter how you look"

And in his arms, at that moment. I broke down completely. Crying like a nine-year-old boy. Praying my heart would hurt like this. Praying this to be nothing but a dream.

I woke up all alone in bed. Looking at the side clock, it showed to be 5 in the morning. My head was killing me and I couldn't feel my face.

"I have to go," I said to myself and started packing again. By 5:30 I was all set up. Looking at the room one more time.

I opened my bedroom door only to freeze. Christopher was outside the door. Sleeping? Why?

I almost touched him to wake him up but then remembered he would just stop me from going home. I wouldn't want to change my mind. I want to make my own decisions from now on.

I look at him one last time then turn on my feet to leave.

"What the- what did you?"

"I made a promise to Christopher and you," Mathew said. I started feeling lightheaded and my bag fell to the floor. Something sharp pierced through my neck

Mathew was holding a syringe of some kind. Did he just drug me?

Rage occupied me. Why do they keep doing this to me?

"The more you struggle, the easier the drug spreads," he said, and right then, his face became double then triple.

Then more faces came to light and I couldn't figure out who it was. Only voices that we're heard in a distance. And all I managed to say was -



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