It's Christmas day and here I am aching to see him. He has been gone from my life and my life went back to normal. Boring and empty.
I miss him. I wish to see him even once. At Least to say goodbye, if he doesn't want to be friends again. That's all I want.
I held my head with my hands and sighed. Taking the remote and changing the channel.
“You suddenly went missing, no news of you was heard anywhere. People were afraid something might have happened to you,” she asked.
It was an interview of Miles Reynolds.
She was right, I was also afraid something happened to him. Whom am I kidding though? I haven't thought about him for the past weeks and all because of miles. But I am glad he was okay.
My heart doesn't stop the sudden ache I got after seeing him on tv. It's been so long I haven't seen Miles. I mean my miles. I guess he is still mad at me. I look down at the table that my sister was preparing, trying to be happy this Christmas, and think of all the happy memories.
“I was in recovery,” he said and I stopped my tracks to listen to him. My sister also volumed up the tv and I was glad. What had to happen? Why recovery?
“Recovery of myself,” he said. “ my whole body and heart” he smiled, and damn did I miss that smile. That man was pure and real. He was the meaning of happiness, or maybe just to me.
“Did someone break our prince’s heart?” the interviewer flirts and miles laughed
“, see in the past three months, I got to experience something major in my life. Something that changed everything for me. I got to know what is real and what is fake. Who is real to you and who is faking to be with you. But I got to know it in a hard way, a way I don't want anyone else to experience in this life.” he paused and smiled at the girl, waiting for her next question. but she seemed to be stuck or something because she kept staring at him.
I couldn't help laughing at myself either. My sister turned to look at me and smiled. Yes, I hadn't smiled or laughed like that ever since my fight with my miles. But I guess I had to.
“Is it okay if you tell us what happened?”
He smiled again. His same signature smile could light up anyone's heart. It did light up mine in a matter of a minute.
“There is someone out there who is waiting for me. And I don't want to disclose myself here without seeing him first,” he said.
“This someone, is he the one who made you disappear?”
“No, and yes.” and the girl laughed at his answer. “I was lost. I Was the point of my life where everything is bitter. People can be scary to you even without knowing a thing about you. But that someone wasn't. He stood by me from the first time we met to this time and I wouldn't ask for someone better in my life than him right now.” he said.
One lucky guy. I thought and kept on with my duties. I don't want to be heartbroken over someone else having my crush. My miles are still in my heart.
“I lost everything in one day. My girlfriend, my best friend, and my looks” he said and I stopped again. feeling like I know this story. I have heard it somewhere. My mind was foggy again and couldn't remember where.
“But, you are still handsome,” the girl said.
Miles laughed. Touching his mouth.
I know that gesture. I have seen it up close. My heart started racing so fast once again. Everything about those miles makes me retrieve the memories of my miles. but, it can't be. He can't be hi-
“This? This is after my brother put his magic touch” he said.
“You mean your Christopher Reynolds?”
“Yes. but you know something, even after getting my face back, my heart isn't the same again. I came to learn that I don't need my looks to be loved or wanted, for somewhere around the road, I found someone who loved me without a second look. And right now, I am late to make him a snowman.” he smiled and looked at the camera. And right then I saw his eyes.
Miles. My miles was my Miles, to begin with? No. it can't be, how?
My sister looked at me too and I knew she was thinking the same thing. I turn to look at dev and he looked aside. Wait a minute, he knew?
Everything Was happening so fast. I wasn't able to put two plus two together anymore. My head felt light.
“A snowman?” the girl asked.
“Yes, I felt the same way when he demanded that. Among all things in the world, he just wanted a snowman”
“What do you want for Christmas?”
“Will you make me a snowman? This big and this tall?”
“Okay okay, snowman it is”
“I-i-..” words couldn't form in my mouth. I kept looking at the screen, wanting to pull him out of there and come tell me. Maybe he can make sense of all this. Maybe.
“That's sweet. You can't be late then, what are you leaving with us and everyone watching you?”
“I think no one should be forced on how to feel. Someone's journey is their own to take, we should be beside them and support them. It would be so amazing if people get their loved ones to walk through this as I did. You don't have to be afraid of how you look. You don't need to be ashamed of who you are. Choose to feel good inside and make a decision to go on with life. People will adjust.
Be happy. Life is short to wonder how someone else is judging you. Their judgment on you is theirs, it doesn't make it yours. That's all I would say to anyone having a hard time being themselves just because of how they look. And for that and my journey, I am donating to fire casualties. My prayers go to you and your families. Merry Christmas and I hope you get your wish come true.” he waved after finishing that.
I wanted to scream, asking him not to go. Not this time again. But how sure am I that I'm the same person?
“Don't think about it, you can't be the only person wanting a snowman” Rachel spoke and I glared at her. Yes, we made up as friends but she still irritates me the most. “ You can't think that that ugly Miles of yours is the same as this one? Poor you”
“ you never change, do you? That mouth of yours will get you into trouble one day. Just wait and see” my sister said. I laughed.
I took out my phone again and tried the mile’s number but it was unreachable. I returned it to my pocket and sighed. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe all this was just a dream. A silly dream.
“I miss him”
I felt the hand soothing my back and looked up. My sister was beside me smiling. Yes, I do miss him so much. But I was also happy with him. He made this Christmas a happy one for me, even when he ain’t here with me.
Everything Was set on the table. All our friends were around. But my heart still felt empty. Laughter and joy spread all over the house, as I can see each and everyone's faces, I can't help but smile too.
“Guys, volume down, I can hear the doorbell” dev said and we quieted down. Indeed there was a ring on the door.
“I will get it,” my sister said and stood up. The rest of us went on eating and talking. In a second, screams were heard at the door and my heart stopped. Not knowing what was happening to my sister, I ran as fast as I could, only to freeze completely after seeing who was standing at the door.
“Alec..” my sister called as she pointed a finger on miles. Not my miles but the one who was talking on tv a few minutes ago.
He smiled from ear to ear, caring for what seemed to be a cake.
“And I want a cake, chocolate cake, this big”
I raised my eyes from the cake to him again. He said nothing but kept his smile still. No, it can't be him. Without thinking twice, I took the cake and gave it to my sister, grabbing his hand and searching for his wrist. And there it was, the bracelet I gave him.
Panicking I let his hand go. That is Miles Reynolds. The same guy I had loved secretly throughout my college years. And he was standing at my doorsteps, as nothing more than the man I spent a few weeks with.
“Hi love..” he said.
His voice, now that he was so close to me. I know it, I have heard it so many times. I have created it so many times when he was gone from me. My vision was blurry and I blinked. I want to see him, why can't I see him? I closed my eyes and opened them. He was indeed there, right in front of me.
I stepped back, confused about what to do now. What should I do? What should I say? My heart raced so fast as fear occupied me. Tears couldn't stop falling and I tried so hard to rub them away but failed.
“It's okay, I get it,” he said and I was confused. What does he get?
The moment I wanted to ask more, he was gone from my eyes. Was it all a dream? But- I couldn't finish my thoughts as a big slap landed on my back. It stings like hell. I turned to look where it came from and my sister’s brow furrowed.
“Wake up you stupid fool. He is leaving” she shouted. So it wasn't a dream. He was here and all the two are the same person.
I ran, as fast as my legs could take me. Fear of losing him the second time made me run faster than usual . “miles stop. Wait'' I wasn't looking where I was going and bumped into him. Hitting my head right on his shoulder.
But that wasn't the time to think about my small injury. No, not when I was about to lose the man I love. The man I have loved all my life, all over again.
“Does it hurt?” he asked. His voice is concerned as he touches my forehead. I kept staring at him. His eyes, the eyes I have come to love when looking at me. “ I'm sorry I broke my promise and left,” he said.
I shook my head. He can't be the one saying sorry, I should be sorry. Then why am I not saying it? Speak you fool. Say something.
He laughed, caressing my cheeks. “ You still speak your thoughts out loud huh”.
I leaned to the touch as my heart melted. I miss him. I miss this. “ am sorry '' I said and hugged him so tightly. He didn't push me away. He never did, not even when we were strangers. He never pushed me away and let me do anything I wanted.
I guess that's why I fell in love with him. I love him.
I love you, Miles. Please be real.
“I am real. We are real” he whispered loud enough for me to hear. I didn't mind speaking my thoughts. I want him to know how I feel. I want to seize this moment and pour my heart out.
“Tell me this ain't a dream”
“It's not.” he said. “ am sorry if-”
Whatever else he was about to say to me, I didn't want to hear it. I smashed our lips together and kissed him. I deepen the kiss and miles let me by opening his mouth and let me in. this felt like our first kiss.
I have kissed this man so many times. I love kissing him, and yet this feels so new and heartwarming. Maybe because I am kissing the man I love right now. Right now my feelings are certain.
Miles snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. At the same time, I snaked my arms around his neck. Our kiss heated and became sultry. It was everything I would have wanted for the past week.
It was as if all we had to say to each other, we were saying it right now, in this kiss. And I didn't want us to stop.
My head felt light and I needed to breathe, but if I remove my lips, I will have to stop kissing miles.
Like he knew my thoughts, or maybe I spoke them out loud again, he slowly pulled back. Giving gentle kisses to my swollen lips. He raised his hand and cup the back of my neck and he pressed our heads together.
I refuse to open my eyes. It might all be an illusion.
“I love you”
“What did you say"? He asked. My heart raced immediately.
Was it too soon? Did I mess it up?
“It is never too soon or too late to love. come here” he pulled me closer and kissed me again. “I love you too. Happy birthday love” he said and I melted.
It was my birthday. This man is-
“And there is your snowman, hope it's tall and big as you,” he said, turning me around to face it. And there it was.
I couldn't contain the joy and love I have for this man. He is beyond everything I ever wanted. Laughing, I went and touched the snowman. Memories of my parents and sister and I playing in the snow.
“ Today isn’t the day for you to cry” his voice whispered in my ear as his soft hands caressed my face. Rubbing the tear that fell without my knowledge. How can I not cry while he made all my wishes come true?
“I love you,” I said
“I think I love you more Alec. you have a way of manipulating my heart” he said smiling.
“I hope that is a good thing”
“In every way”
I kissed him again. Thanking heavens that my Christmas wish came true.