Wishful Christmas

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Christopher looked at me as if what I said was the most forbidden words on the planet. Maybe they were. But he wasn’t me. He hadn’t been with me for the past three months.

I have been waiting for him to have my surgery. I don't want to trust any other doctor while my brother was at the top three plastic surgeons in the world.

“Looks are everything especially to this world of business. Anyone can sell anything as long as they have good looks” I remember saying this to my ex-girlfriend and in front of my friends and we ended up laughing.

“ says the person who looks like an angel. Seriously Miles, what are your features made off? You can play a fallen angel at any time.” my friend Nick said and I had to smile at that.

My heart aches at the memory. I look at myself through the side mirror of the passenger seat. I want to rip this face-off and throw it away. Why? Why had it had to be my face and not my legs? The oil had to choose my face.

Closing my eyes, I sighed. Christopher beside me was silent to his house.

This wasn't the first time I had been here in LA. But I prefer my place more. Where my house is and most of my business. Christopher chose the busiest city to stay.

The city lights shine bright, revealing the Christmas decorations all over. Different colors and music could be heard indicating Christmas was near. And it was. Just two weeks to come.

I promised myself I wouldn't spend Christmas with this face. And I was happy when he called and told me my surgery was scheduled already. I will be able to see my girlfriend soon. I have been lying to her that I have traveled for three months. But I can’t keep lying anymore.

“ I am sorry about today,”

I opened my eyes and glanced at him. His handsomeness taking hold of me off guard. Or it was just me again being self-conscious of myself. As if feeling my discomfort and envy, he spoke something absurd.

“I can destroy my face if you think I am so handsome,” he was looking at me this time.

I smiled. Thanking him for the consideration but I wouldn't want this to anyone else. Especially not my brother. After having this huge scar on my face that covered most of the parts of my left eye to all my mouth, I discover a lot of things about myself. And that is, even with a lot of money, people will leave you if you are ugly.

I looked down at my hands then back at my brother. I shook my head and returned my gaze to watching the city of Los Angeles at its best night.

I spotted a couple hugging and kissing each other. They were beautiful. My insecurity builds up like a hurricane. I couldn't breathe for a second. A sharp pain nailing in my heart. Jealous

Now I am jealous of stupid things. I. Miles Reynolds envious of over good looks of people.

I wonder if anyone would ever date me while I still look this way. Oh, no way, who would try...I mean I wouldn't date me in this look.

“ I would” Christopher answered.

Oh, I spoke my thoughts again out loud. Shit.

We pulled into the most luxurious modern apartment and I stared at it. Christopher drove us through the road to the parking lot. I put my mask on again as he switched off the engine.

“No one will see you here,” he said. I didn't reply as I looked outside. Yes, it’s dark already.

I went straight to the bathroom to clean myself, leaving Christopher preparing dinner. He enjoys cooking and I have loved his food ever since I was a little boy.

The shower didn't take long for me, not that I like watching myself in those mirrors anyway. Coming back to the sitting room and meeting a furious Christopher and an apologetic Matthew.

Shit. he will kill his husband again.

Mathew frowned and shook his head. “I always stand behind you Chris, you are my husband. I may not always agree with you, and there will be times I may not make a decision you agree with, but I always and will always stand behind you”

He touched my brother's shoulder and Chris harshly removed his hand. I saw the pain in Matthew's eyes as he bit his lips. The last thing I want is to cause trouble between two love birds but I did that anyway.

“ Okay, do whatever you want, I will never stop you. Sue, the airline, and I will stand by you and not my family.'' Mathew said, sounding very defeated but loving at the same time.

Christopher got more furious as he slammed the table. I flinched. He has always been like that, hot- short-tempered.

“I don't need you to stand by me Mathew, all I asked is for you to take care of my brother. Your brother-in-law. But you failed and he was hurt.” Christopher said. He didn't sound mad, he sounded hurt and broken.

I closed my eyes and showed myself to them. I walked and sat down at the table Chris was serving. I breathed slowly and raised my eyes to look at Mathew. I shook my head to him, warning him not to say another word to anger him more.

Matthew breathed and left the room and right there I saw my brother looking at him as if to stop him from going anywhere. But he didn't say anything or move, he just looked at his husband with need and love and regret.

Mathew walked a few steps and stopped. His shoulders sagging as he stayed still. He didn't move for about a minute, then he turned back and walked straight to his husband and hugged him.

Christopher hugged him back the moment Mathew wrapped his hands on him. He breathed loudly and hide his face in the crook of Mathew’s neck. Whispering words I couldn't hear much but I’m sorries.

Mathew said back many times as he hugged him. Tighter and tighter as the second passes. Until laughingly my brother tapped him and screamed for him to let go.

I laughed with them. Yes, that is my brother, he can be everything but he is most loving, caring, and kind. And I am glad he got Mathew as his husband.

“Am sorry, I will take better care of him next time '' Mathew said and kissed Chris' cheeks. Oh boy, my brother blushed all over and I had to hide my face from seeing that.

“Am 25 years old in case you forgot. I Am not six told them and Mathew laughed.

“And we are 13 to 10 years apart. Still a little boy to us' 'Mathew said and ruffled my hair.

Christopher’s phone rang and he went to pick it up, leaving me with Matthew catching up. We haven't seen each other for about five months. Not long but we had a habit of seeing each other every week. They would travel to me and spend a few weeks with me.

“Am glad you got out of the house” he said and I nodded. I wanted to tell him I didn't have a choice. That he and my brother forced me but I stayed silent and smiled at him. Not widely but a smile to show him I appreciate everything he did for me.

My heart jumped with excitement. The excitement that soon I will get my face back and won't hide anymore. Sitting at Christopher's office and waiting for him to come up with the results and explanation of everything that would take place when they fix my face.

I couldn't sleep last night just waiting for today. I was desperate.

The moment he walked into the office, I held my breath. I didn't know why I did that but I couldn’t breathe for a minute and waited for him to say something. I want to get it over with and happy that it is happening soon and I will go back to my life.

“Am sorry but we have to wait for another week-”

He didn't have to finish the sentence as I glared at him with so much hatred and anger. He snapped his mouth shut.

Another week? Another week. He is saying it like it is a simple thing and I will be rewarded for staying like this for another damn fucking week.

“Please sit down and let me explain,” he said and I looked at myself.

Oh, I was standing. When did I get on my feet? Sighing I brought my hand to my face, stopping when I felt it again. The scar. I traced it with my fingers feeling every line as if it was drawn on my face.

Starting from my eyes going to my cheek. The skin folded together in different bumps and shapes. Why? Why did the oil choose my face above any other part of my body? Why did I have to get burnt on my face?

I felt a hand touch me and I snapped. Opening my eyes, it was just my brother. Rubbing the wet area of my cheek.

I was crying? When did i-

“ how long have you been like this? This isn't good, you will enter into depression if this goes on. Please-it's just a week and everything will be okay” he said in a soft voice.

my heart turned in my chest with so much anger. He wasn't me, he wasn't the one being humiliated and called all the names in the world. He wasn't the one who is left with all his friends the moment they will know how I look right now.

No, he wasn't. He still looked perfect and handsome. Just like he always does. Just like how I used to look back then before the accident. So he can't sit here and tell me to just wait a week.

“ Then three days, give me three days, please. There are things I need to confirm” he pleads and I pushed him.

I closed my eyes to calm myself down. Taking short deep breaths, looking away from him.

“I will go to another hospital then, “I said. My voice came out bitter. I didn't hide it. I didn't hide the pain and anger I felt within.

He was doing it on purpose and I knew it. He wanted me to look like this forever by extending my surgery every fucking day. Christmas is coming for god's sake, I can't spend Christmas looking like this. Why can’t he see that?

“I can see that, and I want the best for you. I want to give you the same face you had last time. The one you were born with and not a different one. By this I needed time to complete everything so that when you are done, it won't take much time to heal, '' he said again.

I know I should believe him, he is my brother but deep down I can't stop the pain and aching I feel inside.

“ so what do you want me to do in this one week? You could have let me stay home and come here when you were sure of everything” I said.

“I didn't want you to be alone, I wanted you with me as we wait together-”

“Bullshit '' I stormed out of his office and took a cab and went back to his apartment. Closing myself in my room.

A knock on my door brought me back to my sleepy self. Rubbing my eyes and I yawned. It Was dark outside. I must have slept for a long time.

The door opened and Mathew walked in, with a glass of juice in his hand. I smiled at his kindness.

“ go easy on your brother, he does want the best for you. In case you forgot, you are the face of Reynolds industries and if he won't give you the best surgery, then his heart would be crashed” he paused and touched my face.

I flinched but relaxed in a second. He was family after all.

"Those injections have helped a lot. Just the small part remained. Why are you still wearing a mask? This mask is what scares people Miles"

I looked down at his hand before touching it. I know, but I want my face back. I want the way I used to look.

"And you will. Give your brother a chance, please. And return the stubborn charming playboy we used to know. The one who smiled all the time and was willing to make anyone happy. Even strangers."

He was right. I have been gloomy for so long, but that doesn't take away the fact that it hurts. I feel useless and broken.

“ Come on, dinner is ready,” he said.

We ate dinner in silence. I was immersed in my thought to hear what they were saying. I raised my head to meet four eyes looking at me. Chriss raising his brow

“Did you do something?” I asked, moving my eyes from one to another.

“I-i was saying, the guy called and he wants to meet you and apologize,” Chris said.

“The guy?”

“Mmh, the one with the girlfriend you want to sue”

It took me two minutes to remember him then-i froze. Does he want to meet? why? it's not like I was serious about suing the girl. The last thing I want is useless lawsuits.

“No,” I said bluntly.

Chriss stayed silent but I could see he had more to say. His phone rang and he looked at it, then raised his eyes to look at me.

That must be the guy.

I stood up and walked into my room. Locking the door behind me. I leaned on the door and breathed.

Until when? Until when will my life be like this? Until when will I avoid people? I want to go out, have fun, schedule meetings, and enjoy life...like before. I want to meet him and listen to him talk and hear his voice one more time.

But how will I? Without him looking at me and running for his life?.

I touched my chest and felt my beating heart. No, it wasn't just beating. It Was bleeding. Bleeding for all the things it craved but I restrain because at the end of the day, it's the one getting hurt and I end up broken.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and looked at the screen. It was a new number. Maybe one of my friends.

I cleared my voice and prepared myself to lie? What lie should I bring now? Maybe I am in Africa opening up another branch. Yes, that would work.

I picked up the phone and before I could start my lie, the person spoke.

“Am sorry Mr miles, I know you don't want to meet with me but I thought I could give you a call and try my chances. Please meet with me, I would like to apologize in person.” the other person on the line said.

He sounded desperate, but what caught my breath was his voice. It’s the voice I got to know. The voice my heart got to know as it scratching inside my chest.

It was that guy.

I clenched the phone tighter. Opening my mouth and closing it. Many scenarios going in my head, one of him running away after seeing my face. Another of them laughed at me and agreed with his girlfriend that I was ugly.

I walked in front of the mirror with my eyes closed, opening them, my vision went blurry. My breathing hardened and I grabbed my chest with my free hand. Shit. I can't break down when I am talking to him. He will see how weak and pathetic I am.

But my heart couldn't help it. I brought the phone in front of my eyes and heard him call my name over and over. Asking me if I was okay. Before my finger touched the red button, I heard his last pleading sentence.

“Miles, what is wrong? God, please be okay”

His worried tone broke me completely. And I laid down on the floor. My hands in my chest as tears rolled down my eyes.

What is happening to me?.


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