Audrey: September 2013
“Noah stop!” I giggle as he easily picks me up over his shoulder and runs straight towards the creek. “Noahhh I just did my hair!” Splash! Oh my god, Noah just jumped in the creek with me on his back in front of everyone at the party. Everyone is laughing and the girls are looking at me with obvious jealousy, I’m sure every bitch here would love to be the one getting wet with Noah. I am enjoying every minute of this even if he did wreck my hair. I splash him in the face and dive into his arms “I hate you”, I give him a flirty little smack on the chest. He locks me in his mesmerizing gaze “I love you”, fuck those 3 words... it doesn’t matter how many times he says them to me, I think all my broken pieces slowly start to come back together when he says those 3 fucking words. I suddenly feel myself being pulled away from Noah by an invisible force, I’m being pulled under the water. “Audrey!!!” Noah screams in pure terror. I try so hard to swim towards Noah’s voice but I’m being pulled further and further down.
“AHH”! I shoot up in my bed, dripping sweat... fuck it was just a dream. “Shh I got you, go back to sleep”, I am paralyzed and my blood turns ice cold. Bruce. “What are you d-doing” I start to shake uncontrollably. He rubs his dirty rough hands up my bare legs and I start to whimper, “stop please” I cry, “Audrey just go back to sleep, you don’t want me to get mad do you”? That is the last thing I want... when Bruce is mad he is capable of anything. I have learned to just bottle up all my fear and make myself go numb. Bruce puts his hand up Noah’s shirt that I wear every night and squeezes my breasts way too hard, I let out another little cry. “Shut up and go back to sleep you slut”, he hisses in my face. I force my eyes closed but I don’t go to sleep... I can’t.
Bruce leaves my room a half-hour later after jerking off while playing with my breasts. He doesn’t go much further than that usually unless he’s really drunk but it doesn’t matter what he does, he always leaves me feeling like useless trash. I climb out of the bed and run to the shower, I need to clean myself. I silently sob under the scalding water, I am so numb but yet I feel every emotion... if that makes any sense at all. I just want to feel something, other than Bruce’s disgusting hands on me.
I spot my razor in the shower and grab it, I manage to break it apart and get a hold of one of the sharp blades. I don’t even think I just close my eyes and run the thin blade up my thigh focusing on the physical pain instead of the pain Bruce has caused me. I’m not cutting myself to end my life, I’m too pussy to actually do that, also I can’t leave Noah behind, we need each other too much, we no longer are two separate people, we pretty much share one heart. I rarely cut myself because it’s really hard to make up excuses of where the cuts came from when Noah asks me. As I’m about to slice through my skin again the bathroom door opens. Bruce made sure to take all the locks off every room when we moved in, how dare we have any privacy right?
I drop the blade on the shower floor making a loud ting noise. I stop breathing hoping Bruce won’t hear me but that’s just stupid, he’s already found me. I squeeze my eyes shut because I can’t bare to see Bruce checking out my naked body. “Baby”, my eyes shoot open and I’m staring at Noah, not Bruce. My angel seems to always swoop in at the right time. I forget about the bloody cut across my thigh until I see Noah’s heartbroken stare. “What did you do baby”? There isn’t one hint of judgement in his voice, just concern. “I-I I’m ss-sorry Noah”, I put my hand over the cut and start sobbing.
Noah climbs in the shower with all of his clothes including his sneakers still on. “Shhh don’t apologize baby” he grabs me in one of his famous “put all my broken pieces back together” kind of hugs. “Don’t do that again though baby, you would be gorgeous even if you were covered head to toe in scars but please don’t hurt yourself like that, it kills me seeing you in pain”. He whispers into my wet hair as he squeezes me tight. “I won’t do it again baby”, I promise him and I keep that promise for a long time.