I sat staring at Lucas dumbfounded. Blinking rapidly like a deer caught in headlights. “I... Um... Rhydian’s lying.” I spluttered. That didn’t sound very convincing at all. Lucas raised his brows at me and frowned. “Rhydian didn’t say anything to me.” I let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding in.” I worked it out on my own.” He shrugged.
“But how?” I asked, confused. He chuckled and placed his coffee cup down. “You didn’t hide it very well if that’s what you were trying to do.” He smiled. “I had an inkling, after the situation with Selena.” He explained, leaning back on the sofa. “But it wasn’t until you ran that I knew.” He sighed.
I took a deep breath before sighing. “He was distraught Amaris. He didn’t understand why.” He explained, “I could see it in his eyes, he was confused.” He sighed. I sighed and let myself fall against the sofa. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked a hint of sadness laced his voice. I closed my eyes and sighed exhaustedly. “You know,” He hesitated, “You can tell me anything.”
“Because I don’t know how to tell if it’s real or not.” I whimpered, keeping my eyes closed. “Does it feel real?” He questioned. I shrugged. How am I meant to know if something is real when I’ve never experienced real love? The other times it felt real but it wasn’t real. “I’m not sure. I mean, maybe.” I sighed. I felt Lucas move closer to me and take my hands in his, “Does he know about your past?” He asked, squeezing my hands.
I opened my eyes slowly, glancing at Lucas then shook my head at him. “I’m going to tell him. He’s the Alpha of this pack he deserves to know why the pack is in danger.” I cringed. He pulled me up by my hands and looked me straight in my eyes. “None of this is your fault.” He declared, “No one blames you.”
I could feel my eyes welling up with tears, I took a deep breath and screwed my eyes shut. “When are you telling Rhydian?” He queried. I shrugged, opening my eyes. “Sooner the better.” He smiled at me and nodded. “Did he announce the pack meeting?” I questioned, picking up my cup and downing the rest of the coffee. “Yes, it’s at 4 pm.” He answered, glancing at his watch, “It’s 9 am right now.” He stated, flashing me a smug grin.
I rolled my eyes and playfully glared at him, “Yeah, I could be sleeping right now.” I groaned. He laughed then slapped his hands on his knees, “Right, I’m going to find my husband.” He announced, standing up. “What do you mean, find him?” I asked, shocked. He shook his head and chuckled, “Don’t worry, he was on night patrol.”
I nodded my head then stood up. “I might... um... ask Rhydian to... to go on a road trip with me.” I faltered. Lucas smiled at me and nodded his head, “That would be perfect, take him somewhere you feel comfortable to tell him.” He hummed, gathering the rubbish from my table. “I will.” I smiled.
I walked him to my door and said goodbye with the promise of going round again for food. You can’t beat a home-cooked meal, especially when you aren’t the one cooking! I headed upstairs to get ready for inviting Rhydian out. I’m so nervous, I feel sick. Today is a big day and I don’t know if I’m ready.
′Do you think it’s a good idea telling the pack?′ I asked, taking down the block from Aurora.
′Don’t leave the block up for that long again.′ Aurora growled at me.
′I’m sorry. I didn’t mean too.′ I really didn’t. If I’ve put the block up before, I usually take it down before sleep... But I don’t remember falling asleep.
′As for your question... yes. They deserve to know. If we lose control, they will know what to do... or what not to do.′ She answered.
′Yeah... you’re right.′ I sighed.
′We tell Rhydian fust though.′ Aurora said. I hummed in response then went for a shower.
After I finished in the shower. I headed back into my room. I needed warm clothes for my little outing.
′Don’t you think you should make sure Rhydian is free?′ Aurora suggested.
How did I not think of that?! I’ve been away from pack life for too long. I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed.
"Um... Hi.′ I awkwardly spoke though the link with Rhydian. I have to admit he does pretty well not speaking to me first all the time. Fake bond or not, the pull has started, the bond is strengthening. He must be feeling the effects.
"Amaris! Hey." He excitedly answered. The excitement in his voice tugged at my heartstrings and I could feel my cheeks reddening.
"Are you busy at all for the next few hours?" I asked.
Please say no, I don’t think I can wait any longer to tell him without chickening out.
"Lucas has taken over the few meetings I had. He said you were wanting to talk." He answered, excitement still evident in his voice. Almost like he was trying to calm himself.
"Um, yes. But I want to go off pack lands to talk... If that’s ok?" I nervously asked. I know where I want to go, it’s someplace my dad used to take me when I was younger.
"Of course. When do you want to leave?" He answered.
"As soon as possible. Dress warmly. I’ll meet you at the packhouse." I responded then headed towards my closet to get dressed. I scanned through my clothes, looking for something to wear. I settled on a pair of blue faded high waist jeans and a red long sleeve turtle neck shirt. I quickly pulled the clothes on and grabbed my leather jacket.
I raked a comb through my hair, then applied my curl mouse and serum. I’m going to let it dry naturally for once. I took a deep breath then made my way downstairs. I made my way into the kitchen, looking through my fridge and cupboards to see if I had anything I could take for a picnic. I should really go shopping, I have nothing in this house. I guess we’ll eat out, I huffed and picked my bag up, making sure I had my phone.
I made my way over to the packhouse, saying hi to people that came my way. They were all friendly enough, even those I didn’t know. The ones that I knew made a point calling me Alpha, I internally rolled my eyes. I don’t want them to see me as their Alpha, that’s not what I want.
′What do you want?′ Aurora asked, sarcastically.
I don’t even have an answer to that, I don’t know what I want. I just know it’s not being Alpha. The packhouse came into view, I could see Rhydian leaning against the wall waiting for me. I made my way over and smiled at him. “You ready to-?” I asked as I stopped in front of him.
“Before we go anywhere, I need to tell you something.” He interrupted me. I nodded and smiled at him, “Go ahead.” I responded, gesturing him with my hand. He took a deep breath, he looked terrified. Whatever he had to tell me isn’t going to be anything good.
“Before we go anywhere and you tell me whatever it is you need to tell me...” He hesitated, “There’s something you should know.” He took a deep breath again, closing his eyes. I stayed quiet and waited for him to speak.
“Your dad’s death... It was me... It was my fault.” He spluttered.