*SEXUAL ABUSE WARNING.*
This is a warning for sexual abuse, it’s not descriptive but it could be a trigger. If you aren’t comfortable reading this kind of thing, please don’t read this chapter. There will be slight hints in the next chapter as to what happened to Amaris.
I sat staring at the envelope. I shakily picked it up, holding it tightly. I don’t know if I can open this, what if she’s leaving? What if she doesn’t want me? My reaction to her being called Luna wasn’t exactly my best moment. But, if she had given me a second to explain myself, she would have known why I reacted like that. It wasn’t because she was referred to as my Luna, it was because someone else knew we were mates. I was surprised she had told someone.
All I want to do is howl it from the highest point in the forest, claim her as my mate and let the world know. But, I know it’s hard for her and I’m willing to go at any pace she needs, as long as the outcome is her by my side.
′Just read the damn letter. You fucked it up by choking on your own breath... idiot.′ Ryder scolded.
I groaned and ripped open the envelope. 2 pieces of paper fell out onto my desk, I eyed them before picking them up. I could see the tear stains and my heart shattered knowing she was crying whilst writing this. I picked the letter up and started reading.
I didn’t know how to tell you about Noah, Tristan suggested a letter so I’m going to get it all out in here. It may not make sense because I hate talking about this. Before you read any further I need to tell you, I do want you. I want the bond... I want everything with you. When you have read all of this letter, if you still want me, come and find me. I’ll be waiting.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
′This is going to be bad, isn’t it?′ Ryder whined.
′I think so, we need to try and stay calm. Ok?′ I replied. He didn’t answer me, he didn’t need to. I knew keeping calm was going to be a challenge. I can feel the rage bubbling already and I haven’t read anything. I took a long deep breath before looking back at the letter.
I met Noah at the annual mating ball. I went with Lucas because neither of us had found our mates. It was after Brett, I didn’t think they would try again. I had gone 2 years without as much as a sniff my way. So, when I caught Noah’s scent I didn’t think anything of it. I felt the tingles and shocks when we touched so I really thought this time was real.
He said he was from New Moon Pack in North America and was visiting family when he heard about the mating ball. No one knew of this pack but because it was in America nobody was suspicious. It was good for a while, he transferred to our pack. Had the training to lead the pack with me, everyone loved him.
He kept asking when we were going to complete the bond and I said I wasn’t ready, I wanted to get to know him first. My friends couldn’t understand why we hadn’t already completed the bond, I didn’t know then that everything gets heightened to quicken the mating process. That should have been a red flag.
One Saturday night, we were having a bonfire for the full moon. Everyone was drinking but I wasn’t, I didn’t want too because I become reckless when alcohol is in my system... as you know. Well, anyway I began feeling lightheaded.
′This is going where I think it’s going, isn’t it?′ I whispered to Ryder.
′I think so.′ Ryder answered quietly.
Ria came to me, she kept asking me what I had drunk. I couldn’t think straight, Aurora was fading further and further into my mind. I couldn’t reach her. I remember Ria taking the cup out of my hand and sniffing it. I remember seeing her scrunch her eyes together and throw the cup away. She told me it had alcohol in it but couldn’t work out what it was. I kept shaking my head at her but she just said I must have accidentally picked up the wrong cup.
She got Lucas and Drew to help me inside. She put me to bed and said she’d be back to check on me later. I don’t know how long I’d be in bed before I felt someone climb into bed with me. I knew it was Noah because of his scent, but it was mixed. I couldn’t work out why he smelled different. My mind wouldn’t work, I was scared and confused. I still couldn’t reach Aurora, I could see her clearly in my mind but she wasn’t responding or moving. She looked like she was peacefully sleeping.
′Ryder, I don’t think I can read the rest...′ I whimpered.
′We need too. We need to know everything that happened to her.′ Ryder whined. I took a deep breath and glanced back at the letter.
I don’t remember much about that night but what I do remember is pain. I couldn’t move, I felt like my body was paralysed. Noah kept telling me I wanted it, I wanted to mate with him. I tried telling him, no but I couldn’t speak. I attempted to mind-link the pack but I couldn’t get through. I tried screaming but no sound came out. I thought my Dark Wolf would take over but it didn’t. I was helpless and I couldn’t defend myself.
I remember the excruciating stabbing feeling as he pushed himself inside me, I have never felt anything like it. It hurt so much. It felt like my insides were being ripped out. I didn’t know an awful lot about sex but I knew it wasn’t supposed to feel like this. I was silently screaming, trying to move my arms, I was trying to do anything to stop him.
I clenched my fists together, screwing up the paper. My vision was becoming blurry, I couldn’t focus. All I wanted to do was go and find Amaris, wrap my arms around her and never let her go. I can’t believe that bastard did this to her. Ryder was pacing back and forth in my head. Usually, I would hate him doing this but I was welcoming the pain. I straightened the paper out and laid it on the desk. I took a deep breath and glanced back at the letter.
When he tried marking me, I managed to let out a small sob. It was loud enough for him to hear, he covered my mouth and forced himself deeper inside of me. The pain was unbearable, I knew I was close to passing out. I used all the strength I could muster and flung my head towards him. It was enough to knock him away from me a little. I screamed as loud as I could, I saw my door fly open then Noah was dragged off me. I felt everything as the air hit me. The pain was so intense I passed out.
So, know you know everything about my past... I’m damaged goods, there’s a chance I won’t be able to give you pups. I have so many flaws, I’m not an easy person at all. I have a wall built up so high around myself. But I do want to let you in, I just don't know how. If you don’t want me, I will understand. There will be no hard feelings, I know there are certain things in my past that will be hard to overlook... You might not have a pup to carry on your bloodline.
I’m sorry you got me as your mate.
I slammed my fists against the table causing it to snap into two. I let out a powerful threatening growl making the room shake. I was angry, so fucking angry. I began shaking, pacing back and forth behind my broken desk. My door swung open and Ezra and Lucas came rushing in. “Get the fuck out!” I exploded. They retreated away, gawking at me with wide eyes. The burning feeling of a shift washed over me. As quick as the feeling came, it went. Ryder rose on all fours, snarling.
He was in control, he wanted out and he wanted blood.