Neptune's Star

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001: Daydream

Recently, I've been feeling more lost. I go about my day with my usual boring schedule, dreading a new tomorrow filled with homework and cheerful classmates. It's not that bad, to be honest. Everything just seems dull.

I doubt I'm the only one who feel this way. As a society, we live under a rule everyone had grown to understand. Children need to study in school, get good grades, make friends, and be respectful to grown ups. They will become grown ups too as they age, find jobs, make a family, and live a happy life. At least that's how it's supposed to go.

This is something we quickly understand at a very young age, we don't really question it anymore. It's just as normal as breathing at this point.

But not everyone could do that perfectly. In fact, I think everyone has some doubt about it at some time in their lives. And that to me, is right now.

I have lived like how I should be living. I maintained my good grades and learned to be a decent person.

But why is it that I feel this way?

There's not really anything to look forward to anymore.

The only interesting thing I found recently is how Kameron had managed to bribe the teacher with a sandwich to get a 75 (or maybe it's just his good looking face catching the teachers off their guards, and yes, male teachers as well), and her, but that's nothing new.

I catch myself staring from time to time. Okay, maybe more than a few times. But good thing no one ever notices, as far as I know. Being unpopular has it's upsides too. Even if someone did notice, it wouldn't be much of a problem. Lillian is popular, a few glances from someone is nothing noteworthy.

That got me thinking, when was the last time we've talked to eachother? It feels like centuries since the last time we had an actual conversation.

Oh yes, I was a friend of one of the most popular girls. Was.

It's not really something I worry about, growing apart isn't unusual and I've pretty much predicted it. It's just a shame, you know? Catching feelings and having to let go, but I never once did. And I never plan to.

A few taps on my shoulder woke me up. A disgusting face with a knowing grin is beside me and I turned away, cringing.

"Dude! Class is over!" said an unwanted voice breathing at my neck.

Of course I couldn't hide that secret from everyone, especially not with a nosey friend like Luca.

My ears went a little red as I noticed people around me exiting the room. I quickly went outside too with Luca trailing behind.

"Don't!" I quickly interject before Luca could say anything. "Don't even speak, alright? Why do you have to bring it up all the time?"

"'Cause you always look miserable." Luca said pulling out his phone.

"I'm not miserable, dumbass."

I kind of wish that's true. Yes, I did say I never worried about it and it's not much of a problem and bla bla. But I do miss it sometimes.

Lillian was my first and only friend for a very long time. Of course I cherish our friendship, but I knew well it wouldn't last.

We walked down, following the crowd. It was visibly getting dark when we got to the first floor.

"Just get over her, or ask her out, I don't know! If you never make a move then how are you supposed to feel better?" Luca whispered, or I guess, tried. His weirdly loud vocal chords never fails to tempt me to smack his face.

"You're the dumbass here." Luca said and I finally hit the back of his head. I couldn't help but crack a smile as he laughed.

"Whatever." I said before waving him a lazy goodbye.

Luca's words lingered even after I caught the bus. I looked outside the window, the sky progressively getting more purple as the orange glow fades away. It must've been a beautiful sunset, too bad I missed it.

I lean back as I feel the bus rattle, growing more tired so I closed my eyes.

If I don't make a move, I wouldn't feel better, huh?

I knew that. Bottling up my feelings is just a temporary solution. The more I think about it, the more full the bottle gets. It will overflow sooner or later.

It would be much easier to let go. Either let it out in a painful smash of rejection, or maybe an unexpected acceptance.

Although, acceptance is highly unlikely. Lillian is very picky for unknown reasons. Even the perfect Samuel gets rejected. Twice!

I have no clue what's on her mind. But it's clear that she tends to avoid people she rejected.

Rejection is a fast solution but I'm perfectly fine in my position. Lillian doesn't mind my presence and I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate me, and I would like to keep it that way.

I'll keep this full bottle for a little more time. Maybe someday I'll have the courage to do something about it.

"I'm home." I said a bit loudly and quickly head upstairs after putting my shoes aside, switching it with a pair of comfy slippers. Uncle Vince isn't home yet, guessing by the missing pair of black loafers.

I greeted Sir Damon, our respected butler, as I made it to my room.

"Took the bus again, Cole?"

"I like the bus," I replied with a smile.

Not feeling like doing work, I laid down on my bed rather aggressively, bouncing myself and the pillows beside me.

I loosen my tie, getting comfortable.

As stalkerish as it sounds, thinking about Lillian makes me feel better. I miss her even more now.

It made me curious of when it all started. I guess looking back at all of it is quite fun and a pretty stupid excuse to kill time. But hey, we had quite a story, after all.

Let's see...

Where do we begin?
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