As a child I would always comply. Always yesses and okays but never nos. I've never felt burdened but even if I was, I would say otherwise.
I guess I've changed now. Maybe. Just a little bit.
But at that time, I really was like that. Obeyed and never complained. I guess that's still true even now. Putting all my thoughts aside and giving room to my obedience rather than to the things I want.
It was for the better, my mother once said so.
8 years ago.
Through the misty, cold air I try to remember: my mother shouting, telling me to run. And I did.
I did even when there were no clear destinations. But even so, I kept going.
An uncomfortable atmosphere surrounded me, thick air began suffocating me as I sob even harsher. Breathing heavily as I run.
I tried brushing it off. Clearing my head to a blank, erasing all the awful nonsense to a puddle full of nothingness. Bewildered and disoriented, but never did I ask. It's a rule that I've lived with all my life, I've surrendered to it.
As the rain pours under the stars above, it shouts a cacophony of a million droplets. Each of them loud, crying out as it pities me. Their voices making a broken song, static but beautiful to my ears. Further deafening me until all I hear is a blissful hum.
It will continue to pour until everything drains and dries, and it will carry all my worries with it.
Everything goes as always. But it's always too quick. Eventually, the puddles will soon dry and everything would be clear again.
I cried for a while, letting my tears and the rain drown myself until I'm completely numb to it.
It seems like forever until I stopped for a moment. Chest burning and legs begging to give out. Of course, I ignored it.
The flickering orange from a nearby street light presented a gate in front of me with a dim uneven glow.
Having no mercy to my own body, with a short grunt I climbed and jumped over it, trying to catch my breath as I steadied my pace.
I carefully studied my surroundings. Giant, well-designed houses with at least three expensive looking cars in each and their well trimmed trees only the rich could afford.
My sudden awareness made me conscious of a sting down my leg as I took a step. A blooming red injury is visible which I assume I had gotten from the pointy gate I jumped off. It left a long bloody scratch mark but it wasn't as bothersome. Adrenaline is keeping pain at bay, for now, at least.
I walked past a row of houses, the light glowing, displaying the beautifully tiled neighborhood street in front of them.
I stopped at one of the houses, eyeing up the proud-looking raven statue above me. It's brave and reassuring, with a presence much like a friend.
Looking up, it gave the moon a determined look. As if it's going to fly to it, as if it would come alive from the top of the pillar and flap it's wings just to get to it.
It's indigo eyes said something else, though. It looks desperate and lonely. As if it knows it could never possibly do that. It knows, but it keeps it's promise with determination. To someday fly.
It hadn't crossed my mind that the rain had stopped. The cold breeze sending shivers throughout my body as it brushes through my wet hair.
I took some steps through the opened gate, my legs throbbing more viciously, threatening to collapse. The sound of gravel slowing down as I closed in.
I stood in front of the door of what I hope will be a place I could stay, at least for a little while. I reach out to the doorbell with crossed fingers and an audible gulp.
My vision getting more blurry by the second and my focus beginning to fail. All the remaining strength in my body holding on to just a single strand of hope.
Please, I just want to rest.