I unleashed on the punching bag; sweat dripping down my forehead and my eyes full of determination. I growled while my fist wildly slammed into the bag and knocked the wind out of it. The chains rattled while the inside contents started to spill out, but I didn’t care. I needed to break free, escape, run, flee away from circling memories, but the harder I fought them, the worse they forced me to remember.
My father’s voice rang in my ears, yelling at me to shut up. His fist collided with my face at eleven years old and knocked me into the next century. I heard my cheek bone smash from impact, my eye swell up with a huge purple bruise that enveloped my eyelid and pain that centered itself on my face. I cried out begging for him to stop.
He raised his fist down again and cracked against my nose; searing it in half. I sobbed in pain and crawled to try and get away, but he had a hold of me. He ripped my clothes from me, undid himself and forced his way into my genitalia without warning. Radiating fury had pushed me over the edge, while my mind centered itself around Zayn. His voice, his eyes, his touch. It made me scream. I saw his face as my father’s. His ugly brown eyes, wrinkled forehead and yellow teeth. I banged on the bag, punching, slamming, hitting, punching over and over and over again.
“Get the fuck away from me!” I yelled, trying to escape. My father’s hand wrapped around my hair and pushed me into the table. I was crying, the pain in between my legs was unbearable. I could barely walk, barely stand and yet he still undid his belt and forced his way in like the monster he was. I was a sobbing mess, yelling at the affliction he was causing me. “Shut up!” He screamed. I froze in his grasp; completely still. I didn’t dare move in fear of my life even though the sensations down there were painful as hell. I wiped my tears away and stood there in my vulnerable state, waiting for it to end.
“Get out of my head!” I screamed. Zayn’s face was clouding my thoughts and taking over my mind. I couldn’t think straight with the thoughts’ that flowed out of me. “Ana.” Brit called out. I was in a frenzy bouncing between suffering and self-destruction that I wasn’t capable of hearing her. I pushed my way through the bag, unleashing my anger with every death strike I could muster until the bag flew clean off of it’s chain’s and landed against the back wall. The world faded into a kaleidoscope as I stood staring at the wall with venom clear in my irises.
“You bitch!” The monster roared. My eyes were horrified and full of disgust. “Don’t you even come near me!” I shouted. I wouldn’t be afraid anymore. I had to get out, but he grabbed my legs, pulled me down and inserted himself inside of me. “Get off of me!” I yelled. He thrusted a wild thrust and infliction traveled through me.
“GET AWAY!” I screamed.
My ears rang, but I refused to care. I kneed him in the crotch, slapped him across the face and flew out the front door so fast my legs weakened, but I ran as far as they could carry me.
“Anastasia!” Brit yelled at me and I snapped into reality. I collapsed to the ground and if Brit hadn’t caught me, my blood would be splattered across the concrete floor. “Oh my god Ana!” She yelled. I groaned on the floor, my memories fading. Her hazel eyes were consumed with so much worry and fear that I had to come back.
To tell her that, now I was okay. “Brit...” I groaned. Relief filled her face as she brought me closer to her chest. I hear tears streaming down her frail face and dripping onto my back. ”Don’t you ever scare me like that again Anastasia!” She yelled at me. I looked down at the ground ashamed at the suffering I just cost her, but mine was far worse than anything I’d imagined. “What the hell happened?” She hollered, questioning.
I tried to form an answer, but my air closed off and I was suffocating. The room started to spin rapidly, dizziness apparent all over my face. “I-I don’t know.” I lied. I looked down even though the room felt sickening and she clearly caught my lie. “Oh no you don’t. I saw you murdering that punching bag. You only do that when something is bothering you. Who is it? Zayn? Your father? Don’t try to deny that I saw you two last night.” She scolded me.
I looked in every other direction besides her face. I could look at her knowing my memories had caused me everlasting pain to my heart and killed my soul. “Ana.” She urged. “I came here to forget it.” I spoke with an edge. I didn’t want to remember the horrifying night’s laying awake and hoping god would come and save me. I didn’t want to remember those days of punishment where I would be given to men as a piece of meat to devour.
I couldn’t push the reminder of Zayn’s handsome face from my brain and his voluminous blue eyes that made me stop breathing the second I saw them. I didn’t want to remember any of it. There was a reason why I didn’t trust men anymore and their intentions. They always meant to hurt me, but not this time. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I said slowly getting up and sitting on the polished wooden bench. “Don’t play that card on me.” She spat.
“I can tell when something is wrong with you.” She said with glaring eyes. I just wasn’t capable of spilling out the words she wanted to hear. “If this about your father Ana, fuck him. He deserves to rot in hell for the shit he did to you, but I see the way you looked at Zayn last night.” She said. I glanced away from her. Nothing she said was going to make me change my mind about what almost happened.
I didn’t want to remember. “Ana stop sitting there and telling yourself you don’t want to love someone. The way you looked at Zayn last night proves my point and don’t even try and deny it.” She stated. I looked in every other direction besides her again. “Look at me.” She yanked my face towards her in an iron lock grip. “You are going to look me in the eyes and say you like him or you can look away in denial.” She spat.
“I’m not going to let you be the one force that makes you fall apart. You deserve someone who is willing to carry you into hell and back with his love and protective nature. You need to put your big girl panties on and open your eyes fucking wide.” She said. I stared at her in shock and my lips parted. “You heard me Anastasia. It’s the truth and I can tell you like Zayn. You just won’t admit it to yourself.” She stated.
I couldn’t even look at her straight in the face anymore. I knew she was right. I knew she was telling me how much of a dumbass I’m being, but I refused to believe it. My feeling’s weren’t real, they couldn’t be real and they never could. I’m not capable of loving someone. I never was. “Whatever your thinking. Stop thinking about it.” Her voice was thick with nerves. “I-I just don’t think I could ever be able to love someone and besides I’ve only known him for barely a day.” I confessed.
“Bitch please. If you can knock the punching bag into oblivion, then you can learn to love someone. You’re not cold-hearted.” I was taken completely aback. “I-I” I couldn’t speak. She was right. Of course she was. “I’m going to strangle you if you don’t get off your ass and do something about this man. It doesn’t matter if you’ve only known him for a day, a week or even a month. Cause last night you guys almost made out.” She chuckled.
“Brityn!” I yelled and slapped her playfully. “What it’s true!” She admitted. I looked away from her sheepishly and groaned. “I can’t see him.” I said. “Hell you not! You’re going to see him even if I have to drag your ass.” She stood up and put her hands on her hips.
“Ping!” My phone buzzed.
I had no idea who was contacting me at work when I specifically don’t want them too. Who knows I could be shooting someone right now or fighting for my life.
Unknown: Hey it’s me, Zayn. I had no other way to get a hold of you and I really wanted to see you again.
My eyes went wider than saucer’s at the new text message and Brit snatched my phone from me. “Well would you speak of the devil.” She snorted. I yanked my phone from her and gave her a grimacing stare. “I don’t even know if I’m going to respond, so calm yourself.” I said. “The fuck you mean your not going to respond! If you don’t then I will.” She barked at me. “You wouldn’t dare.” I said with shock. “Try me.” I stared at her for a good minute before considering the text. “For the love of god woman, respond to the man!” Brit yelled looking like a deranged mad-woman. “Okay, okay!” I said typing back.
Me: Hey...How did you get my #?
Zayn: Did you forget that I’m the mafia lord? I can find you easily.
Me: Well yeah...haha, sorry
Zayn: It’s okay, but can I see you again?
A lump developed in my throat and my stomach turned into knots. I looked at Brit, but she was too occupied reading the text and drooling over them rather than considering my feelings.
Me: I...don’t know, I don’t...think it’s a good idea
“I’m going to kill you.” She said and I stared at her with eyes wide. “What do you mean?” I exasperated. “You’re going.” She said.
Zayn: Please, I’ll make it a good idea, just trust me
My eyes cowered under the message and I could feel myself falling. “You better go.” Brit snapped at me. “or I’ll drag you to him.” She threatened. My mouth dropped to the floor and I had to pick it up before I ate flies.
Me: Okay, where do you want to meet?
Zayn: I’m outside your building, waiting for you like the gentleman I am
Me: See you soon, Devil ;)
Zayn: Alright little Angel
Brit gave me one of the most evil grins and I sheepishly looked away. “Aww is the assassin nervous?” Brit mocked. “No.” I glanced in every other direction besides Brit. “Okay now you just gave yourself away.” She deadpans me. Thirty minutes later we were in the front of the building and Zayn was standing there in plain black shirt and blue jeans. His bright blue eyes glistened against the sun. “Hey...” I said.
A smile spread across his handsome tanned face. “Are you ready?” He asked. “Yes she is.” Brit answered for me. “Bring her back home no later than nine or I’ll stick my foot in your butt.” I gasped at Brit and Zayn chuckled a bit. “Yes ma’am.” He saluted at her. “Oh I’m just kidding, have fun kids.” She smiled and walked back into the building.
I played with the hem of my shirt and my stomach filled with nerves. I glanced at his eyes that had curiosity in them. “Come here.” He said. I slowly walked towards him and he wrapped his hand around my waist. Whatever breathing was, went out the window. “What are we going to do today?” I asked. He smiled once again. The white on his teeth became more prominent. “It’s a surprise.” And just like that we got in his car and drove away to our destination.