I was frozen in my bedroom, my eyes moving across every surface. From the bright blue walls, dark grey carpet to the empty bed that was housing boxes. There was something that was both poetic and depressing that my entire sixteen years I have been alive could be boxed up in an hour, all neatly tucked away In three boxes. Childhood memories, Trophies, High School photos, all article of clothing ever packed in these three ugly brown boxes that housed my entire life up and till last night. My eyes bounced up and I found myself locked on the person who staring back at me through the mirror. My blonde hair messy and unkept from my hand running through it constantly over the last hour. My once ocean blue eyes were now dull and lifeless, dark red rings from the tears that held my shattered life. Pale snow-white skin made me look unwell and broken. It was clear as day that the life I once had was no longer within my grasp. I sighed one last breath in this empty room, scooping the boxes in hand, down the bright hallway with the Persian rug. Descending the oak stairs and out the door to the garden in front. Following the cement path until I reached my white Toyota Run X that I have been saving up for since I was thirteen. Working odd jobs here and there until I got one after school, waitering at our local Diner. The boxes barely left any space in my trunk for even a mouse but I had nothing left to pack. In one quick motion, the trunk was closed and my legs were pulling me to the front door. I removed my phone and wallet from my jean pocket placing both on the table by the entrance. I already removed the cash that was in the wallet and I didn’t need the phone. I wanted to leave here with only the possessions I bought myself. I never wanted anything from the near me again. I took out the last piece of my life, my house keys and held it in both my hands, close to my heart. The tears were rolling down my face, the taste of salt entering my mouth.
“Guess this is Goodbye” It took moment, one quick movement and my keys were on the floor followed by the door shut behind me. The tears were fighting their war back out and I could not break down here, this was no longer my home.
Gaze glued to my high tops and the cement pathway, gliding to the car but halted when I found a pair of boots blocking my way. Exchanging the direction of my gaze from the path till I was locked in by a pair of emerald eyes surrounded by the same dark red rims. Exactly 24 hours ago those eyes would have made my knees week and buckle but now I look at them, nothing!
“Michael, please talk to me? Where are you going?” Xander Prince, once known as my best friend. His sharp jaw, handsome good looks, wavy auburn hair and the charm to make any woman leap into his arms. All wrapped in a tight white T-shirt and a pair of dark jeans.
“Why? So, you can tell more of my secrets to the world! Just go back to your precious life Xander!” I growled in a whisper, fighting the internal battle of keeping all my tears and emotions at bay. His hand took hold of my arm, a warmth radiating from his touch. One I longed and hoped for after my confession last night but instead I received a broken heart.
“Please Michael! I didn’t mean to! I am so sorry! I was scared and”
“NO!” I growled, anger bursting through my body. “I told you my biggest secret! I shared my true self with you! Instead of acceptance I got the look of distain and repulse. You told me you can never be friends with a fag like!”
“I reacted badly” Even through the tears streaming down my face, I only felt rage after the words left his mouth.
“Badly! You outed me to everyone!” I was now screaming at the top of my lungs that even the house at the end of the street would able to hear. “I have nothing left. My entire family turned their back on me, my own parents told me to leave and never come back. My own twin sister won’t even come near me! None one in this town does! I have nothing! No Family! No Friends! No Home! NOTHING!” My chest was weaving, struggling to gain control of my rapid breathing. All the anger, all the emotions came pouring out of me. I was in love with this man, and he threw me under the bus without a second’s hesitation. Some best friend he was.
“You have me!” He phrased it more like a question than a statement and I could only laugh under my breath at the notion.
“I thought I did! I really though I did!” My words were nothing but a mere whisper that only both of us could hear. I removed my arm from his grip, longing for his touch the minute it was lost, running to my car in the process. I was inside, buckled up, doors locked and the car ignition on before I could blink.
“Please Michael, I can’t lose you! I can’t lose my best friend!” He was pressed against my window, the lines visible on his palm. His face was damp from the tears, in a way he was still as handsome as the day I met him.
“I loved you, you know. More than a brother, more than a friend.” I whispered under my breath. I know he could hear me through the glass.
“I can’t lose you!” He repeated. My hand rested on the steering wheel, my car in gear, all while my eyes kept focus on his.
“You already did”
Those were the last words I spoke to him. I watched how he turned into nothing but a blimp in my rear-view mirror. My house vanishing in the same view. I was no longer a part of my family. I was now alone with nothing less but a space of guilt where my old life once took space in.