Failing to stop loving someone,
to not be able to do anything
giving high expectations to someone you love while you know you cant fulfill them.
But you can't do anything about it.
you cant do anything as you lay in the bed,
Trying to make sense of things,
while your world is falling apart,
your life is ending,
you are dying...
I closed my diary and glanced out of the window. It was morning, the sun had finally come out bringing in new beginning. But the difference was it wont change anything. At least not in my life. I sighed and stood up.
I walked in the hallway and reached the room. knocked on the door of guest room and after a second walked in.
" Hey dad."
" Oh cupcake. Come, sit ." Dad put down his laptop and patted the bed beside him.
" Thought I lost my daughter to the Ainsworth's."
We both chuckled.
" Where's mom?" I asked.
" Gone out with her friends. " We're in America , Jacob. For God's sake cheer up." She said to me when I asked her to slow down a bit." Dad stated.
" How have you been?" He asked as he stroked my forearm.
" Good." I smiled.
A comfortable silence passed between us.
" How's Dexter?" I asked while looking down.
He went silent for a minute and then said,
" He's a good guy. Hardworking, respectful and very loving. Why you asking though?" He looked at me and smirked.
He does know why but he was teasing me.
" Dad." I slightly hit him on the chest.
" I'm just joking. He's a nice guy and will make you very happy," He kissed me on the forehead.
" And incase he doesn't then he knows me very well."
" Dad." I folded my arms and pouted.
" Kiddiiiiing." He put his ends up in surrender.
" Thank you, Dad."
" Parents just want their kids to stay happy. Whatever we do is for your good. I hope you know that." I nodded and hugged him.
" I'm sure your mom will be happy too. In fact she'll start planning your wedding." Dad chuckled.
" Yes, cupcake."
" There's something I have not told you." I didn't know why I said that but it was probably the atmosphere or the feeling of being close to dad.
" What is it?"
" Woah, thank God Sylvia! Ive been finding you everywhere in the house." The door opened and revealed Celeste.
" Come on, Sylvia. My friends are dying to meet you." She grasped my hand and began to pull me away.
" There's a thing called knock, Celeste." Dad mockingly said.
" Shh. I'm getting married. I can do whatever I want." She chuckled and dad shook his head.
" see you cupcake!" Dad shouted as she dragged me out of the room.
" Relax, I'm not kidnapping your daughter!" Celeste shouted back.
We went to Celeste's room and she introduce me to her group of friends. We talked about school, uni and they asked me about the weather and life in Canada. After about half an hour of talking, Celeste said,
" Enough of talking. Girls get to work." By work she meant practicing dance moves and rehearsal of how she'll be entering and exiting the aisle.
" Have you tried the bridesmaid dress yet?" She asked me.
" Yeah. It fitted nicely." I said.
" Oh thank god. I was so worried." She sighed.
" Relax Celeste there's nothing to be worried about. Everyone goes through this and hopefully it'll go even better than your expectations." A friend of Celeste, I think Sara, stated.
" Hope so." Celeste sat down on the bed.
Suddenly the door opened and Sebastien peeked in.
" Hey! You can't come in!" Everyone started yelling and began to cover Celeste's face with their hands.
" Come on guys. She's soon to be my wife. Let me see her." Sebastien protested.
" Nope! The rule is a rule. You can't see her before the wedding." They chirped and locked the door.
What. The . Hell. Is. Going. On?
" My hubby." Celeste made a face and sat down.
" It's okay. You'll see your hubby in a few hours." The girls giggled.
" The wedding's not till tomorrow."
Suddenly someone knocked the door.
" Who is it?" Sara asked.
" Dexter. Is Sylvia here."
" Yeah. Just a minute." The door was unlocked and I saw Dexter standing outside. His hair wet from the shower. Just like all the time he managed to take my breath away in his simple pants and shirt.
" What do you need?" Celeste asked.
All the eyes turned to me.
" Yeah?" I said.
" Come on let's go." Dexter called.
" No way. She can't leave until the practice is over." Celeste said.
" Come on Celeste, I've been favouring you my whole life. Let her come."
" Unless there's a genuine reason." She challenged.
" We're going to have sex." He stated seriously.
My jaw dropped to the floor. So did everyone's in the room.
" Chill, I'm kidding. She wants to meet a friend and I'll drop her on my way to office. " Dexter grinned.
Celeste rolled her eyes.
" Okay Sylvia make sure to be present on last rehearsal at midnight. "
I nodded and left the room after waving goodbye to rest.
" Hey, babe." Dexter grasped my hand as we began to descend the stairs.
" sex, really?" I raised my eyebrows at him.
" I don't min-"
Someone coughed. We turned around.
When did she come back from shopping?
" You guys going somewhere?" I quickly freed my hand from Dexter's grip.
" Yeah to the mall. " we both said simultaneously and passed an approving look to one another.
" Oh okay. See you then." Mom walked towards the kitchen.
We both exhaled out.
" So where're we going?" I asked as I ripped apart a packet of chips and began eating.
" First to your doctor's then somewhere special." He put on the radio.
" Did you get an appointment?"
" Nah she didn't pick the phone." He snatched the packet from me and put a few chips in his mouth.
" Then let's postpone it. " I pleaded.
" No way, Sy. I'm not the taking the risk and you look unwell too."
" I'm completely fine. And besides I'm not comfortable with anyone other than Doctor Clythia."
" Are you sure?" He studies me for a second and I nodded.
" Fine. " He took a U- turn.
We travelled for another ten minutes as we both talked about random stuff and humming through the music. We had left the city area and we're now moving more in an inhabitable area. The road was covered with tress on both sides.
I rolled down the window and let the fresh wind swoosh through my hair.
" We're in woods." I said.
Finally he pulled over the car under a tree and opened the door for me.
" Never letting go of any chance to be a gentleman, are you?" I teased.
" Never." He chuckled.
He pulled me out of the car and deep in the woods we walked. The broken twigs and branches crunches under our shoes. We were walking on hiking trail in the woods. The muddy path was almost impossible to walk on due to the number of people walked on it everyday. But today we were the only ones, it seemed. The trees straightened high above our heads. We walked side by side until at last he stopped.
We were probably in the centre of the woods.
" What?" I asked.
" Come here."
I walked towards him and he pointed towards a large rock.
I jumped on it and raised my eyebrows.
" Ain't that special?" He asked while hiding his grin.
I looked around me. Nothing but a loamy ground and trees. While rotating my head in 360 I could see nothing but mud, twigs and loneliness. He was standing there and showcasing as if he had brought me to the world's prettiest place ever.
I begin to laugh. Rolled onto my stomach and fell down from the rock and on the ground. My hands and clothes became dirty with mud. But I couldn't stop laughing.
" Stop. You're hurting my feelings." Dexter jokingly said as he laughed too.
" Okay here's the truth. I wanted to spend more time with you. Alone. And especially not in a fancy restaurant or a movie theatre. So here we are where I can stare at you the whole time and hold you close." He said as he walked towards me sat down beside me on the rock.
I stopped laughing at looked at him.
" Your cl-"
He collided his lips onto mine not really hitting on the target but eventually his lips found their way onto my lips, like second nature. His hands moved from my face to my neck. I gripped the front of his T- shirt and roughly kissed him back. He pulled me even more closer and I immediately went. I couldn't help it. He kissed me deeper, rougher.
We both were out of breath as we parted, his eyes were frantically searching mine. For a few seconds I couldn't say anything and he was waiting painfully, I could see it. Probably thinking if he had done the wrong thing.
"You've got to give me a warning next time, God," I breathlessly said as my chest rose and fell. " A girl needs to get ready...for a kiss like that."
He chuckled and pulled me into his chest. He smelled of woods and...home.
" God, you scared me." He shook his head.
" Now get used to me kissing you like this." He stated huskily. " Everyday, every minute and every second for the rest of my life."
" Nah that won't be necessary." I sadly sighed.
He pulled away and looked down at me.
" You listen to me carefully. You ain't going anywhere and if now for once you say anything like that I'm not talking to you again." He scolded me.
" Fine. Just don't be mad." I wrapped my arms around his torso.
" First my parents and now....You just ain't going anywhere. I won't let you." He whispered more to himself than me.
" I won't."
" Do you know when I discovered this place?" Dexter asked as we walked back to the car.
" I was about eighteen and it was dad's birthday. Granny and Celeste were gone to Celeste's school and I was alone. So while driving I stopped the car here and started walking while I missed dad. That's how I discovered it. Kind of became my place where I could miss people." He shrugged and opened the car door for me.
" And who do you usually miss other than your parents?" I asked as he started the ignition.
" But I'm with you all the time." I said.
" Sometimes you still miss the people when they're with you and sometimes you don't miss them even when they're not with you but it doesn't mean you don't love them." He smiled.
I put my hand on his on the console as we both hummed to the song and the rays of the setting sun slipped into our car. It showed how the end of the journeys could be beautiful too. It didn't matter how boring or simple the place was but how much more important it became as I spent a few hours with him there.