" I'll be in my room." I stated as I begin to climb the stairs. Granny sighed and turned back towards the kitchen.
I stopped as I reached the door to Sy's room. It was closed. No one had entered it since she left. The whole week I couldn't bring myself to go inside. But today something told me to enter. And so shakily I grabbed the handle and turned it down.
The door creaked open and revealed a slightly messy room. Few of her clothes were scattered around and some her jewelry too. It was from the night of Celeste's wedding. There was an utter silence and sunshine seeped in through the window. I stood frozen to the same spot in the door for a few seconds.
A bird chirped outside the window. I walked in to take a closer look. Seemed like it had stuck it's wing in the window somehow and was now struggling. Silently I opened the window so as-not to startle it and while extending my hand I freed it. It didn't even wait for a second as it fled into the sky and vanished behind the clouds, between the morning sunshine.
I stared at the horizon and it's mixing colours above the sky. Somehow in everything I searched her. Just like the colours of sky. Very vibrant yet not everlasting. Just like them she went away too.
Sighing I put my head on the window sill as I experienced a flashback.
" Wake up, Dexter."
" Dexter." Someone shook my shoulder. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the source.
I looked around. I was sleeping on a bench. In a white washed room. That's when the reality hit me. I was in the hospital. I remember coming out of the Operation room after meeting Sy and then lying down on the bench.
" When did you come?" I asked.
" Just now. The doctor came and told us they shifted Sylvia to the ward so we thought we should wake you up before going in." Right then Sebastian walked in the room with a bottle of water.
" Hey." He greeted.
" Hi." I gave him a quick hug.
" Are you okay?" He asked.
" Yeah." I looked down.
" Don't worry, she'll be fine." Celeste squeezed my hand.
" Did the doctors say anything regarding the surgery?" Sebastian asked concerning for her.
" No, I think I slept when they finished operating. What time is it?" I asked.
" It's 6:00 am."
I slept for half an hour.
" Didn't you guys have a flight at 4?" I asked.
" It got delayed and then we got a call from Granny. So we rushed back." Celeste explained.
" Oh. Did Jacob or Evelyn call?" I asked as we begin to walk out.
As if on cue they were walking towards the waiting room. Her mom and dad had changed out of yesterday's clothes but her mother still had messy hair and unwashed face. Somehow her father looked old too.
" Did the doctors say anything? Has the surgery been completed? How's she now?" Her mom bombarded with questions.
" Calm down Mrs Jacob, she's fine. The doctors just informed us that she's been shifted to a ward and we can see her." Sebastian walked towards her and patted her back.
" Oh my God. Really?" She asked.
" Yes." He answered.
" Take me to her then."
We walked towards the ward. The door opened and revealed several beds. She was lying in the far corner. A nurse was putting a pillow under her head. Several tubes were attached to her as her eyes were closed. Somehow she looked paler then when I visited her.
" Sylvia, open your eyes. Look who's here." Her mom lightly held her hand.
She moaned and painfully moved her head to face her mom. She opened her eyes.
" Mom." She whispered.
"You're going to be okay. I'm here sweetheart." She kissed her hand.
The nurse stood there even though her work was done.
" Dad." She whispered and looked at Jacob standing behind her mom.
" I'm here, cupcake." His voice choked.
" Come...here." She taped her bed, opposite side of where her mom was sitting.
" Sylvia, did you tell them that the sur..." The nurse begin but Sylvia interrupted.
" It's fine...I can handle." She left, not before giving us a sympathetic look.
" What was she saying, Sylvia?" Her mom asked.
" Nothing." She shook her head.
" So how do you feel? Does it hurt?" Her dad asked as he sat down on the bed beside her. Now her parents were sitting on either side of her.
" A little."
" It'll be fine. You're a strong girl." Her dad smiled and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes as tears rolled down from the corners of her eyes.
" Hey, don't cry! I'll cry too." Sebastian stated as he walked towards her and took a position behind her head.
She lightly chuckled.
" You'll loose your charm in front of your bride."
" Nah, I won't." He looked at Celeste and winked at her.
" I'm here to take away your pain. Are you ready?" He asked.
" What're you going to do?" She asked.
He put his hand on her heart and begin singing,
" Falling slowly, eyes that know me, and I can't go back. Moods that take me and erase me....," a smile crawled on her lips but at the same time more tears begin to slip down her eyes. " You have suffered enough,and warred with yourself . It's time that you win and be healed again."
" There, you're good to go." He said as he removed his hand.
" Oh, I and your mother used to sing to you guys when you were young." Evelyn says to Sebastian.
" God, don't allow him to sing it to your children Celeste." Sylvia says as she coughs.
A silence spreads.
" I want a pre booking too." I speak up.
" Done." Sebastian laughs.
For the first time since I came here, her eyes meets mine. She smiles and I smile back. Her eyes were speaking a lot. It also felt like they were only speaking to me but I was so lost in having her back that I didn't comprehend them.
Suddenly the door rattled open. Samantha rushes in breathless, towards us.
" I...h...eard...your father...I was...Ame...rica." She kneeled down on her knees to catch her breath.
Celeste offered her water but she denied and walked towards Sylvia.
" How're...you feeling?" She asked still a little breathless.
" Fine." She says.
" Somehow I always manage to reach on time. First on Paris airport and now here." She chuckles.
Sylvia chuckles back but in between she begins to breathe hard. The monitor beside her starts beeping. Her chest rises up and down in a wrong way. Slowly and gradually her chest falls in place and her eyes close down.
I come back into reality. I knew the memory was going to stay fresh even years later. For the first time since that day I broke down and cried. I let the frustration, anger and pain to come out. I screamed into my fists. I wish she was here so I could've a shoulder to cry on who wouldn't judge. But then again I wouldn't have been crying in the first place.
After crying and wailing for several minutes I stood up. How dare she leave me like this? The doctors had told her that the surgery hadn't gone as accepted and that she might not make it up until tomorrow but she hadn't even cared to tell us. Why?! Why did always stood up to endure all the pain herself? I hate her!
I. fucking. Hate. Her!
Suddenly something caught my eye on the bedside table. It was a journal. But what caught my attention was the title.
Take my heart
I picked it up and opened the first page. It started with dear diary and some details about weather. As I turned the next page my eyes caught the sentence,
I had my first angina attack today.
It was Sylvia's personal diary. I skipped several other pages and read through them. It started from the time when she had first attack around 6 months ago. Two months before we met. And as I skipped through I realized it was about the 6month period when she was diagnosed and until now. She had mentioned me several times as well and our time during world tour too. I chuckled at the part where she described me for the first time.
Without even reaching halfway I closed the journal and wrapped my arms around it. I wanted to read it slowly while feeling her in her every word, every sentence and every page. Something fell down from the journal. It was page along with our picture where we were dancing in the rain in Switzerland. I quickly turned it around as I remembered she had scribbled something behind it.
"Something for you to remember me by."
I put the picture aside and unfolded the page. It started like this,
" Dexter. A few days would've passed or maybe months or years after you get this letter. I just really hope that you do. Now If you're reading this and I'm no more with you then it means I'm dead. It's okay don't get all emotional. It's life. Let's face it. There are a few things I would like to say to you. Though I would've told you in person too but you would've never understood the meaning behind it and rejected it straightaway. So here I am writing it in a letter. Today I talked to dad about our family business and he told me I get to have fifty percent of the shares from his company and his business. Dexter, I want you to have it. Don't panic. I know you don't need it but I would be happy if you accept it and start somewhere. Your company needs you and you are the only one who can take it where it deserves to be. You've so much potential in yourself Dexter. Never think low of yourself and believe me, your dad is very proud of you. I talked to dad and he'll tell you everything. Just in all of this don't forget to live a little. I saw the recklessness in you after we did scuba diving. There's hunger in you. Fulfil it. For me. I'm not telling you to start living in ocean or climb the mountains( though I would love to see that side of you too) but don't let it die.
So this is it. I love you Dexter. I loved you from the first day you appeared on the terrace for me while leaving the entire party behind and enlightened my mood with your cockiness. You taught me so many things and changed my life in ways this letter can never change yours.
I'll always be walking beside you.
P.S once do visit the place in the photo and don't forget to take a look at the rock we sat on before cliff diving. If it's still there, of course.
I gazed around at my surroundings. It was really cold. Lugano lake was frozen too. Not a single person was in sight.
I booked the ticket to Switzerland a few days later after the paper work for transferring her shares to my name. Before a new start I had to visit here as she had asked.
Now as I stood around the lake I couldn't help but recall our memories together. Suddenly the track we had took before going to the cliff diving came before me. I instantly began to walk down it. A few more steps.
There it was. A huge rock on the pavement. Different form the rest. But it was covered in snow. I walked towards it and in the freezing weather I sat down beside it and rubbed my hand over the rock to remove the snow. As the snow rubbed off I saw a rough phrase engraved in the stone and a small heart drawn in front of it.
Take my heart.