Five Fifteen

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While we were waiting for a cab right outside their house he gave me one last kiss on the forehead then he held me tight within his embrace and I started to feel like convincing him again not to go. When I felt that he’s about to finally let me loose from his touch, I slowly slipped a letter to his bag that he could read while he’s on his way to pursue the dream that he’s eager to achieve. Inside the paper I slipped through his bag, I told him:

Dear Jack,

I'm writing this letter while sitting on my bed and I'm struggling because I have so much to tell you. Should I begin by telling you that I love you so much that I actually thought about coming with you in Cambridge? Or that the best thing that ever happened to me is that you came into my life and I got a little time to love you and be with you? Or that in the short time I've known you, I've come to hope that we will always end up with each other, that we were made to be together? I wish I could tell you all of this in person but we both know that it's impossible since I never got the chance to talk with you right after I took off the day I knew that you're going somewhere far away from me. I wish that I was with you right now, holding your hand, feeling your warmth and looking at those breathtaking to behold eyes of yours together with your gleaming white smile.

In the days to come, I know that I'll never stop loving you and that I'll always relive inside my little head every moment we spent together. Not a day would pass by that I won't fall deeper inside your eyes and I'll hear your tender voice as it wakes me up every morning. My body will always feel your warm embrace every night that it feels the coldness that the world is giving it. You were the scariest person I have ever known but deep inside you have a very loving heart and I'm happy to say that I treasure that about you, Jack.

As you pursue your hopes and dreams, as stressful as it gets, I hope you won't forget the moments we spent together. I'll no longer feel your caresses together with your innocent yet so passionate kisses on my lips but I'll never forget how it felt when our lips first collided for the very first time.

Half of me aches because you're too far away from me and the other half is scared that there will come a time when you won't feel the same way to me as you did back then, that somehow fate would find its way to trick us and make you forget everything we shared. In order to prevent that tragedy from happening, I'm asking you to look at the sky everyday at exactly 5:15pm and always think about the day when you gave me assurance while we were riding the Grand Roue. You made me believe that loving isn't scary because you always defied every struggle it throws at us effortlessly. Even if we can't be together now, I know that we can always make our love last.

I love you, Jack St. George, and I'm going to hold the promise you gave me. That you're going to come back no matter what happens and that you'll never stop loving me. When the time comes that you finally fulfilled those promises of yours, I'll marry you. And I want you to also remember that if you ever forget even a little detail of what you swore to me and if you never be able to carry it out, you'll make my heart doleful for eternity and you'll have to live with that for the rest of your life.

As he stands by me I could feel my heart breaking, it cries for the reason that its one true love is going away. I want to stop him but I shouldn’t. Right before he entered the cab he smiled at me then he said, “I’ll be back home, to you, Tyler. It won’t take long. Promise that you’ll wait for me.”

A tear rolled down to my face as I threw myself at him and there it is again, the hug of his gentle arms that will always be carved deep within my touch and there’s my arms, holding him very strongly, telling him I don't want you to go but I won't stop you now. We stayed like that for a little while, being in each other’s embrace and by the time I let go of him I said, “I’ll always wait for you to come back Jack. I promise.”

Everything seems desolated now that I know he’s really gone. I’ll miss him forever just like how the sun misses the stars when they shine at their brightest in the starry skies. I’ll never escape this despondency until he comes back. What we have is real and I know that he’ll never break his promise to me. I trust him with all my heart.

I laid in bed so blue for several weeks. It’s funny how I feel home sick even though I’m at our house all the time. It’s probably because the whole Ontario, not just our house, doesn’t feel like home anymore ever since Jack left. Since I don’t go out of our house that much, I started to feel weak, probably because I lack exercise or something. I also don’t eat properly. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have an appetite so I skip meals but sometimes I feel like I could eat everything inside a buffet restaurant. Stress eating I guess? But to sum it all up, I’m not very healthy these days. But don’t assume that I’m this way because of Jack, well if you did, I guess you’re partially right but not completely because I’ve been this way even before I met him. I literally spend my summer days doing nothing aside from sulking to my room; at least this summer was a little bit different because I got the chance to go to some places that I’ve never been before. And the fun part is, I went to those places together with Jack.

Jack never forgot to call everyday and update me about what his day was like. Wonders never ceased because even though I couldn’t see his eyes upon me I can still feel how he looks at me as we talk. Two weeks before his school year starts, he found a small apartment that he described as a very small room and if you go inside it, it's like living in a dollhouse. He also quoted that “this'll do for the moment. It's not much but it's enough.” I know that he’s struggling there alone but I also know that he’s going to be just fine.

August came and so does my first day as a college student in University of Toronto. Yes, I passed their exam having an average of 3.9 GPA. I’m really excited to start my day one studying there because I never expected that I’d really qualify for that kind of University. I’ll admit that I was a little bit too confident before I took the exam but when I finally lay hold of the test papers, my confidence dropped from 100 to 0. It was really hard to pass so I’m really happy that I got qualified. I took Bachelor of Science in Nursing (BScN) as my program there. I decided to become a Registered Nurse first, then after saving up some money, if I have enough, that’s when I’ll study to become a doctor. And if you’re wondering, I still have no idea of what kind of doctor I want to be. Or maybe I’ll just stick to being an RN.

When I got off of my bed I went to the bathroom to take a bath then I brushed my teeth. By the time I set foot in our kitchen I noticed that breakfast is already served but as usual, I don’t feel like eating but this time, it’s likely because I’m way too excited to go and attend my classes. Just as soon as I passed through the school’s gate I can’t keep calm because I’m really freaking out of excitement. And suddenly I know that I’m about to start something new and it’s time to finally trust the beauty of beginnings. This won’t take long, I just have to endure several years of not seeing him, it’s nothing compared to the lifetime we’ll spend together after we get through this.

I attended my first course for the day, it’s called “Introduction to the practice of nursing”. It was mostly about the basics and it tackles different topics such as health assessment, relational skills and lastly, therapeutic skills. But since it’s still our first day, discussion of lessons didn’t still happen. Rules and regulation inside campus together with some expectations among us was discussed during the first two hours we spent inside our classroom, after that we were dismissed for few a minutes to take a bathroom break. I decided to go out not to use the restroom but to take some time to breathe because I think that I’m overwhelmed by everything and also sitting for too long made my back ache. Ten minutes passed by so I decided to head back to the room. As I was walking I could see students staring at me but I couldn’t give them more attention because I felt dizzy and my knees started to feel weak and it was just a matter of time before my body fell down the floor. I couldn’t feel anything aside from the burning sensation around my stomach. It hurt a lot and that’s everything I could feel at that time.

As soon as I opened my eyes, it was blinded by the fluorescent light that’s shining above me. I can feel the warm blanket that’s covering half of my body, it felt like the same blanket that I used when I stayed at Jack’s place. When I moved my hand I felt someone holding it and for a moment I hoped that it was him. But when I sit up, I saw a man laying his head downwards to the bed where I am staying and I am certain that it’s not Jack because he’s wearing a black sweatshirt with a printed lettering at the back that says “University of Toronto.” He’s probably the one who carried me here when I passed out awhile back.

I stayed there looking at him for about ten minutes, wondering what kind of person he is and why was he the one who brought me here? Why not the professors that’s roaming around that area who saw what happened shifted me here? Why did he stay? I’m asking those kinds of questions inside my head over and over again but I couldn’t find any reason because it was probably just a mere coincidence; that he was the only one who was concerned enough to help me. But why though? Why was he concerned? Another question, great! For the record, I’m not assuming that he likes me or anything like that but I’m just puzzled and I can’t believe that there’s still people who’re willing to help others who are in need even though they’re just a complete stranger to them. Am I putting him into good words that much? Maybe. It just felt nice that someone finally held my hand. I want him to be my first friend, just like my Juliet, he has a warm touch under his hands. Jack and I had never been friends, more like enemies who instantly turned to lovers, so this guy who’s probably asleep by my side would be my first if ever we get along. The novelty of being alone finally wore off and I’m hoping that we’ll have the same vibe because I’d like to know him better. Just a formality, you know? And he helped me so I want to know his intentions, if it's benevolent or not or if there's something more to it.

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