Why, why would he do this. He knows how angry I am right now. He knows how scared I am right now. He knows my head is spinning so why leave a loaded gun a few feet away from me. A perfectly good machinery to make all stupid mistakes with. Tempting, it was so tempting. I would be lying if I said scenes from actions movies with guns didn't run through my head. I've seen them hold a gun so many times I could also probably do it.
Maybe I could be able to just shoot him. Kill him? Kill him? No I couldn't it, it even left a distaste in my mouth just thinking about it. I could never kill him. If I can't kill him, I can't also just shoot him because like everyone else he will get better and than come for me. Show me the true beast behind those annoyingly beautiful eyes. So what now. What now.
Kill myself. Just end it. End everything. My family friends won't be in danger of being killed by him because of me in the future. They will hurt but they will heal. It will pass. It's life. We live, we love, we mourn, we heal. That's funny because I don't think I have fully healed. It felt fresh but it felt better than before because before my heart felt like it was bleeding. Slowly. Excruciatingly slowly. I'm sure they were stronger.
Now the true question comes. Could I pull that trigger and take my life. Could I be able to do it. I mean I could just think of them and that might motivate me. Right? Right?! No. Coward. I was scared of dying. I didn't want to die until it was my time. Maybe this was my time. If it was than I wouldn't have to take it myself. So that's no to suicide.
The funny thing about this whole thing was that I knew, I knew it was a trap. It was obviously but the thought of freedom, tasting freedom once again, the thought of not being here with him. Running and never seeing him again felt better than ever at this moment. Sylas was even more evil for leaving me with this gun like this. He wanted me to fuck up.
I knew he did which is why I shouldn't so why did fucking up look so appealing at this moment. No. I was better I was better than this. My day will come. It wasn't today and it wouldn't be through that gun but it will come. I had hope in that. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I chanted.
The weird thing was that I was chanting it yet I was moving closer to the gun. I thought I already agreed with myself. He almost crushed your throat. Who does he think he is.... Breath. 'Whenever you lose yourself in anger you never make the best decision. ' I slowly let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
When I opened my eyes the gun was in my hand. It felt heavy and weird. I wonder how many people he has killed with this gun. A pang went through my heart at the thought. What now. As if on que I watched him gracefully enter the room a devious smirk on his face. I was letting him win. I couldn't do that I was better than this. I will get nothing out of this except trauma from him.
He raised a brow at my hand as I handed him the gun. I didn't break eyes contact as I let him take it. He seemed disappointed. Why would he be disappointed that I didn't do anything stupid. Did he want me to shoot him. I don't think so, I just think he wanted to show me who was in control and for now I will let it be him. Because right now wasn't the time to act. So I let it be.
"Are you sure you want to give this back Mäuschen?" he asked.
"Yes I'm sure." I whispered my voice hoarse as I tried soothing my neck through the bandage wrapped around it.
"You seem disappointed." I said looking at the window.
"-Why were you disappointed?"
"I thought surely you would have tried something." he said. I had to look up at him at his answer.
"Why? Why would you want me to deliberately test you?" I asked genuinely, did he just want to hurt me.
"Because then you would have given me a reason to give a taste of what happens when you disobey me. This just means I have to wait a little longer, you are bound to fuck up." he simply said so casually with a tone that drew you in.
"Why are you doing this to me? " I asked my voice cracking as tears rolled down my face. I thought he actually felt something for me because we were together before this whole fucked up ordeal so I guess it was just me. It's pathetic how even though everything he put me through, that thought alone was able to break my heart.
"You already know why. Ask the right questions Mäuschen. "
"Why would you want to hurt me?"
"It's how you will learn. I don't have time to play games with you. Your mind thinks there is a slim chance of walking out of my gates, that's because I haven't given you enough motivation to kill those thoughts, the amusing hope. I want to diminish that, I am going to diminish that."
"You are scared. But you are scared of the unknown making it more likely for you to try something because the unknown is never that scary, it's never enough that's why we explore. But if you fear the known, that's different. Knowing how bad things can get is motivational enough to stop you from making mistakes, stupid mistakes. It makes you learn. And the worst mistake you could ever make is to disobey me."
"You want me to be scared of you?" I asked my chest raising and falling at a pace I had no control over. Every word leaving his mouth just evoked more fear in me.
"I don't want you to be scared of me. What you should be scared of is what I will do to you if you make the wrong choice."
"It's hard not to be scared of you, especially right now." I whispered biting my trembling lip I couldn't believe this was happening. Where do did I go wrong. I couldn't take my eyes of him, my back was pressed against the head board my hands fisting the sheets. I was so scared. The words were one thing but his eyes. They held a excitement I couldn't describe.
"You have nothing to be afraid of Mäuschen. Everything is up to you. You are after all the queen of this game, just know your pawns. " he said. I wasn't convinced in fact it made everything worse.
This is the same man. The same man smiling at me. Behind that immaculate smile was a monster. A monster that I've only seen glimpses of I was afraid of finally seeing it one day and I felt as if that day would be sooner than I expected. Sylas was a mess of a man. Spiritually I think.
Today we went to the poetry slam night. He knew how much I loved poetry. I usually used to go maybe twice a month to the little joint I stumbled upon one night. I wanted to be far from her. Mother and I had had a bad argument that night. We just lit everything on fire. I needed to cool off.
What turned to be the worst day became one of my most cherished days. I was happy I went in and I have been going there ever since, well twice every month. I tried to make time for it, I also didn't want to make it a regular thing even though I really wanted to. It became my escape. A special escape.
Sylas dibbled in everything so I wasn't really sure if he liked it. When I took him there It was me showing him how special he had become to me. None of my friends knew about that joint not even Kutcher. It was my special place and I had let Sylas see that part of me which was not a easy thing.
He seemed to like it. I could never be sure with him. You could only see the emotions that Sylas wanted you to see. It was very hard and weird to catch him off guard and see something he doesn't want you to see, it was also next to impossible. Especially when he was around other people but when it was just the two of us, it seemed kind of possible.
I remember when I told him I liked poetry he had once quoted Shakespeare to me which made me think of that place in the first place. Even though I liked poetry I wasn't a fan of Shakespeare I read his work and knew of his work but he wasn't in my books. This surprised people when I told them this but it was true, the man just wasn't for me. Maya Angelo, Sylvia Plath and Emily Dickinson. I remember I used to breathe them.
'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'~Maya Angelou.
That was the first quote I've ever quoted for Sylas. It was my favorite. He seemed to like it.
Those three were part of my all time favorites. I could get lost in their work for days. It was kind of hard to find someone to share the love of the work with, some of the poets I fell in love with weren't really well known.
With everything going on I had pushed everything else at the back of my mind, what I was going through demanded my undivided attention. I slowly watched him open the Limo door for me. I softly said thank you and got in. As soon as he got in he pulled me closer to him. It was better to block everything out than to test him. So I let him hold me.
I closed my eyes with my head on his chest as his addictive scent washed over me. I sighed thinking of how I was going to pull this off. Sylas moved in silence I had no idea of his plans until he decided he wanted me to know. The conversation from last night completely freaked me out. I hardly slept last night and I knew he knew. I turn a lot when I can't sleep.
I wonder what was going through his mind knowing he made me sleepless. I wonder if he cared enough to try and speak to me about the whole wedding thing bothering me but I knew better. This was Sylas I was speaking about.
I couldn't lie, I enjoyed myself tonight. It was nice to be wrapped around the beautiful world of poetry. It helped calm down the chaos in my head. My eyelids were heavy and sleep was slowly envolping me. I was tired but I didn't want to sleep just yet. There was a poet that was mentioned that I knew not of and I wanted to do some research on her especially the piece that was mentioned.
I tried fighting the sleep heavily in my eyes as I felt Sylas lips pressed against my head but I couldn't. I knew I was fighting a losing battle, just like in real life. I finally let the sleep take over as I shut my eyes folding my hands together before pressing them against Sylas' suit jacket that was around me. Before I knew it everything went blank.
I panted my nails digging into his broad shoulders as I moaned out his name, trembling at the sensation. I tried unwrapping my legs around his naked waist, the towel I had on 30 minutes ago now on the floor not far from us, so was his. And to think I took a bath while he showered trying to avoid being fucked against the wall today.
Too much for that because not only a few minutes ago, he made me come against the wall next to the shower before he moved me to the counter. I placed my trembling hands against his rock solid chest trying to gently push him away. We were supposed to be downstairs 50 minutes minutes ago. He didn't seem to be done as he tightened his hands around my thighs holding me in place.
The man was beautuful in every way except on the inside of course. I could feel his hard abs against me making me shuddered. His body was perfect in every way. Muscle, pure muscle.
I held my breath holding onto him for my dear life as he slowly slid into me again, knocking the breath out of me. My thighs were covered in my juices. I was so wet. I looked at the ceiling whimpering when he started moving his hand tightening around my thighs, bringing me closer and moving me off the counter. I was sure by the end of this his hand prints would be printed on my thighs. I tightened my arms around his shoulder, his lips hot on my neck.
"Y-your parents." I gasped out breathlessly when he moved out of me before thrusting back into me as he held me up with his strong arms. He was so deep in me. I swear he was in my guts.
"Can wait." he groaned as he picked up his pace making me dig my nails into him as his hands controlled the movement of my body. I wasn't worried about falling my mind was far too occupied. My legs tightened around him as I felt my stomach tighten. I couldn't stop moaning neither could I close my mouth. The pleasure he was bringing me was addictive.
"Fuck." he groaned into my ear as I came tightening around his shaft. I felt him shoot his ropes of seed into me as I panted catching my breath. My hands were still trembling from the pleasure that was still rushing through my body. I was dazed.
I welped when I was placed on the floor on my trembling legs before being bent over the counter.
"Sylas I - I don't think this is a good idea! - I " he didn't give me a chance to finish as he entered me from behind. I bit my lip so hard I could taste the blood in my mouth. I closed my eyes panting, my boobs and stomach pressed against the counter. His hand on my lower back kept me still. I couldn't move.
"Sylas!" I cried moans spewing out of my mouth, I felt like he was rearranging my guts. Not gently either. I closed my eyes as my body moved roughly with the rhythm of his deep powerful thrusts. My hands were hurting from how tight I was holding onto the edges of the counter. I was so close.
Fuck. I could feel my juices running down my thighs as I came. Hard. Creaming his manhood with my juices. He didn't stop neither did he miss a beat as he continued fucking me from behind through my earth shattering orgasm. I gasped desperately tightening my hand against the the counter as I felt another release creeping up on me.
My glossy eyes closed as I screamed in bliss trembling under his massive form reaching my climax yet again. I felt him remove himself before he plunged back into me. I couldn't move with his hand keeping me in place. My struggle was futile against his hand. I felt his thrusts slow down before picking up again as we both climaxed at the same time. I felt like I have been deprived of air for a long time as I greedily took in air.
I was quickly pulled out of my state of daze when I was swung over the shoulder.
"Sylas what are you doing - we can't. -" I whispered my voice breaking from the screaming I did.
"We are far from done." I heard him say his voice deep coated in his thick accent. I was already wet but his voice alone made it worse. I whimpered when I was slammed against the bed on my front before he quickly positioned me so I was on my knees with my back arched. Before I could open my eyes I felt him deep inside me yet again his unforgiving thrusts leaving me breathless.
I guess we were meeting his parents tomorrow.
I looked at my phone, Sylas gave it back to me. I asked about it last night and he gave it back to me this morning. No threats, absolutely nothing. When he gave me my phone back I expected him to tell me his conditions or demands and all that but nothing. His eyes emotionless. I was currently reading the work of a poet I learned of last night. She was good.
I've been sitting in living room for the past hour reading her poetry, I was moved. I was also avoiding Sylas' mother I didn't want to speak to her for some reason. I had thought that we would meet them tomorrow because of this morning but Sylas insisted that his mother wanted to have brunch with us. I sighed looking at my phone.
I asked him, not long ago if I could text some of my friends. I thought about texting them but I feared Sylas so I asked him first. I thought he would say no but he caught me off guard when he said yes. I was happy but I was also worried. I had this bad feeling at the bottom of my stomach that I just couldn't shake.
None of my friends seemed freaked out or worried over me everyone believed I was at a retreat in Norway. I expected questions from them when I first texted them but everyone was just relaxed. They knew nothing. I didn't bother to read the details of the lies that were fed to them. Everything was going well I was just happy to speak to my friends again. I needed the break after the brunch I just had.
It was supposed to be breakfast with his parents but we got a bit delayed. They seemed like nice people the opposite of what I thought they would be like, raising the monster they raised of course. I just thought they would be more like their children. Breakfast went well although what has been bothering me the whole day was the look his mother kept throwing my way. She was worried about me.
It was clear in her pure blue eyes. Sylas looked like both his parents, even though his features were more masculine. He had his mother's blonde hair. His father had dark hair. They all had blue eyes but Sylas' kind of blue was different. His mother had an innocence to her that I would never have thought that anyone one in the Harman family would have. She loved her husband that was something clear as day to anyone watching.
I looked closely to see if there were any hidden emotions thinking maybe the son was just like the father. Nothing. They seemed like normal people which was weird because their son was far from normal. His mother kept on sending weird glances at me. There was so much emotion in her eyes when she glanced at me, I was curious. While his father caught up with his son they seemed close. They even laughed together which was so weird.
Even with the glances she sent my way she seemed happy to see me, they both did. The traumatic highlight of the dinner was when Mr Harman Sylas' father told his son he wanted grandchildren. Sylas promised him grandchildren soon. I was confused did he now have a womb, last time I checked I was the only one with a vagina between us. I was scared that he would make me remove the contraceptive Implant.
We both hadn't had a problem before with the it I think, I didn't know what I would do if he would make me remove it. The first time he learned about it which was after everything I couldn't read him so I didn't really know how he felt but I could tell he wasn't pleased. So I made sure never to bring it up and avoid it at all costs now knowing how Psycho he was.
I didn't want him to even think about, I was really afraid that he would make me remove it and currently it was the only thing holding me together after learning about his crazy future theories and the constant sex. It was kind of the only thing I had control over right now concerning my body.
I was quickly brought out of my thoughts when my phone dinged. I didn't even realise that I had put it down. I took it from the armrest of the couch I was comfortably sitting on.
My heart skipped a beat at the name. Kutcher. I couldn't believe it for a second I smiled but then I realized where I was. I missed him. I looked at the notification all I had to do was just tap it and I would be able to read the message. I was curious but I knew it would be better If I didn't. Better for the both of us. Kutcher was persistent, it was one of the things that was partially annoying about him.
I wonder if he believed the crap about the retreat, I highly doubted it. I knew I had to find out, if he didn't I had to convince him because if he was to suspect something was fishy he would immediately get on a flight back home. And I couldn't have that. I couldn't have Sylas and Kutcher in the same country. Sylas would end him and that would break me.
I tapped on the notification, I felt flushed as tapped it. I read the message stopping all movement. For a second I forgot to breathe as I slowly read it over and over again. This couldn't be happenening. I felt as if my world just stopped. I couldn't breath.
"I'm almost home. I can't wait to see you."