The German's Obsession

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Chapter 19

...

I lay in bed not moving feeling numb. Everything felt numb, I could not believe it. I of course thought I knew how ruthless Sylas could get but this left me speechless. I think I was still processing what happened and it seemed to strike new fear into me even though I felt completely numb. I almost died. I heard the doctor tell him that whilst I was deep into slumber, my mind seemed to sense his presence every time he was close.

I think I mentally panicked every time but at the same time I felt too numb to have panic attacks, or so I thought; the speed of my racing heart seemed to triple on it's usually fast pace. I was too numb to produce anymore tears, so I just sat and stared at my walls. And by my walls I mean the white hospital room walls that were starting to make me feel like I was going crazy.

I wasn't even worried about the fact that I was going back home with him or that he took my phone so I couldn't have any contact with my mother anymore who I had been making sure to keep tabs on. I missed her, yes, we had our differences, but I truly did miss her. Sitting in this room I am not truly sure how long I have been in here, but I do know I need to stop thinking but that seems to be impossible with seeing as I woke up with an engagement band fit for a queen around my finger.

I think that was the first time in my entire life I have ever had a panic attack. Luckily, Sylas had not arrived yet, I let the nurses guide me back to my normal state of mind. Back then I could still cry, back then I could still feel the suffocating fear I had for Sylas. I avoided any mirror when the doctor finally let me go to the bathroom on my own, at first, he feared I was too dosed up on medication so I would collapse but eventually he gave me the privacy I had been craving. I did not want to see the bandage around my neck, feeling it was more than enough.

I finally concluded that I liked his mother ironic but true, right now there was no safe loved one in my life and I felt so alone. She was there she never left the hospital. She came early and left when I fell asleep. At first, she did not say anything to me but asked me if she could sit in here with me. I had said no for the first five times. I somewhat felt it was also her fault for birthing a man worse than the devil, but she was persistent, and I was deteriorating with each day. Sylas seemed not to mind her presence. He made it clear that when he was here, she leaves us. She did not argue sensing his bloodthirst.

After some time visiting me without pushing me to speak about anything and allowing me to wallow in my numbness, she had finally spoken to me and I was surprised that I replied. She did not say anything that would have made me get her visits banned, neither did she speak about the ring on my finger. I was glad because I also didn't want to speak about it; for now, I went with if I truly believe or not truly pay attention to it, it wasn't there. That alone helped me breathe and sleep better at night.

The only thing I got from Sylas about the ring was "You have no choice." He had said as he watched me stare at it longer than necessarily, my face not showing any emotion. I of course chose to live yet again; I should have chosen death.

Sylas did not need to say much around me I understood what went through his mind, at times he lets me and on other times he does not even let me catch a glimpse of what he thinks. I have been with him for months now, I would like to convince myself that I knew part of him. He was not a very vocal person so with time I got used to it. At points like these I wish he would say something, anything. His silence was suffocating. There was nothing regretful about him which did not surprise me, if he were, he wouldn't be the man I knew. He did not apologize, instead he was still truly angry, but his anger was contained which was something new.

I guess I was now engaged. Engaged to the man I had seen myself end up with at the beginning. I would chuckle but I was afraid I would hurt myself. I was healed but I did not want to take any chances I didn't even want to touch my neck. The last time I mistakenly touched my throat I did not sleep the entire night. I felt like the medicine they had dosed up did nothing to me. I felt everything.

I was itching to ask about the ring Sylas and I both knew that, and he wanted me to ask but I didn't have nine lives, so I decided to play it safe. Especially after his few words. It seemed as if ever since I found out about what he truly was he was always ready to hurt me, clearly, he wasn't the same man I was crazy about. Well, I wouldn't say the same because there was a side of him, I had never been unlucky enough to encounter but if I wasn't inquiring about the voices in his head or his f-ed dark side he was the same. I don't know why in the world he would think everything would go back to the way it was, I mean he is a f-ed up psychopath for crying out loud I don't think anything would ever be normal and I don't think I will ever settle for this life.

This might sound stupid, but I would rather be stupid than be a robot. Death did not seem that bad at this point. I want to see who the fuck he thinks will marry him. I just knew deep down I would swallow my words, but I liked having the little control I had in my head, thinking Sylas is not the literally most terrifying person I have ever met. I liked convincing myself I had control over everything but that all perishes in the presence of Sylas.

At this point I couldn't even stand being in his presence, he is just so terrifying I can't even start to describe the fear that washes over me when his eyes darken whether it's in the bedroom or when he wants to make me beg for my life. I shivered changing my sleeping position. The fact that I was going back home didn't sit well with me. I quickly sat up as I watched him walk in; the room immediately turned cold.

The fact that I could sense his bloodthirst made everything more intense. I felt his eyes on me. He didn't say anything he just sat in his usual seat and stared at me. When the doctor walked in, I could finally breathe again. I dozed off as he spoke to the doctor who was also clearly intimidated, so it just wasn't just me, but I had a reason as to why this man intimidated me so much and as for the doctor It was the aura that surrounded Sylas and the fact that he never smiled didn't help.

"Lets go." He simply said taking a hold of my bag that his mother had brought for me a while back. I wasn't even dressed I was still in my hospital gown and I knew he wasn't going to turn around even if I asked. I didn't want to try afraid he would make me regret even thinking about asking him that. I slowly peeled of the hospital gown; I could feel his eyes roam my body which left me with goosebumps.

...

His hand rested on my thigh as I sat quietly beside him staring at his side profile. Monsters sure are beautiful, that I had to admit the man was beautiful in a deity way. I watched his sharp jaw move. I quickly pulled myself together realising that he was speaking.

"Would you like to go shopping with mother?" he asked his deep voice filling the car. I suddenly felt like there wasn't enough space in between us. Finally, out of a trance realising how close he was.

"If that's okay with you." I said, he looked at me as his chest rumbled as he released a dark chuckle, I felt the need to hide from him envelope my body. I suddenly could not sit still anymore. His chuckle alone gave me flash backs.

"What are we shopping for?" I asked realising that, that should have been my first question. I was simply happy he broke his intimidating silence.

"Our engagement party." He said eyeing me. I managed to keep a straight face as I avoided his eyes which should be on the road, but I was not about to tell him that. I made peace with myself in winning the small battles between us by restraining my tongue with the promise of winning the war.

"You seem tense, are you okay Mäuschen?" he asked. Son of a-

“I'm okay just a little surprised I guess.” This seemed to bring out his menacing smirk. I had to keep on reminding myself, I would not be surprised if Sylas was ten times ahead of me. Sylas knew that. It was hard containing my thoughts and I do not think I would ever be that person, but I also felt like I at least now chose my words. Because even though I would never change who I am I clearly knew that Sylas was fucked up. I had to take a deep breath in because of the conflict of contradicting myself in my head was starting to give me a headache. Even though I liked how tough I thought I was in my head whenever I looked at him all that seemed to disappear.

"About what?" he asked.

"Sylas you didn't really ask me to be your wife I just woke up with a ring I mean you ca-." I stopped myself I knew that if I continued, I would be starting something I would not be able to finish.

"Haile."

"It would have been nice if you had asked me Sylas." I concluded hoping I did not set him off. My eyes moved from him to the handle of the door. He quickly seemed to catch on as he put on the child lock.

"What's the difference, at the end there will be a wedding." At this point I wish I could say I was surprised but I was not. I could not wait to meet up with his mother. At this point in my life, I wasn't scared of dying while trying.

"Did you maybe have a different ending in mind?"

"Of course not." I said facing forward. I watched the road ahead. I somehow didn't feel like I was trapped or in jail when I was back at my kidnappers abode. I don't know why but the feeling of being imprisoned wasnt there, maybe it came every once in a while, when Sylas reminds me, I'm not allowed to go anywhere without him or a bodyguard.

"Would that make you happy?"

"Yes Sylas."

"Marry me Haile." Just wow.

For a second, I thought about the question and I gulped. It was a heavy question. I tried diverting my mind from the fact that he didn't even say please neither did he sound like he was asking but the question strongly hung in my head, I won't lie I've thought about this day, but I didn't envision it like this. His smile drew me out of my thoughts.

"Having second thoughts Mäuschen?" he was so evil.

"No Sylas I'm not." The man lacked patience.

"-Yes, Sylas I will marry you." I said knowing he wouldn't be calm and understanding for long.

"Sylas do you love me? Marriage is sacred and is entered by parties who are madly in love with each other." I said after a minute of silence, I zoned out for a second thinking about everything. The reality of my situation sinking in. I looked at his pure intense blue eyes at this moment. Every good memory of ours played at the back of my head.

"Do you love me Sylas?" I questioned as my eyes glazed over. We have been through so much together before he turned into this monster. I don't think I would have ever accepted his profession, but I was really all for him. Just his presence made me feel at home. It was that deep.

"I don't think so." He said and for some reason my heart dropped. I don't know why. I suddenly felt a slight pain on my chest that I couldn't explain neither would I question. I shifted in my seat. I wasn't supposed to be this affected; have I also gone mad?

" -Love is not enough of a word to describe what I feel for you." My stupid heart that he would most definitely tear out one day skipped. One losing their minds must be contagious because I have clearly lost it. I wasn't focused on that rushing warm emotion that flooded my entire body. It was the deep chilling fear that came with the emotion that left me frozen. It was stronger than the unneeded stupid emotion; it completely drowned it out.

I couldn't tear my eyes of him. I carefully watched every part of his upper body as his hand on the starring wheel turned the wheel as he checked the mirror, doing everything so effortlessly and sexily. His sharp jaw seemed tense. He did not look at ease as he usually did. Even his side profile was beautiful. The man was truly something else. Images of the first time he kissed me flooded my mind as I tried burying horrific thoughts of him. Sylas was bold, demanding and dominant. It was a hell of attractive, frustrating and scary. I have never met any man like him. I had quickly got addicted to his scent, being in his arms and him.

You do know that you will end up killing me one day right. I said sniffing. I could not help but sniff at the memories. I felt like he was going to break me, emotionally, mentally and physically. And he might have succeeded. I did not want to think about the knife that he threw into my neck. It was more than enough that it gave me sleepless nights in the hospital, his presence alone gave me sleepless nights.

"I won't kill you. I won't ever kill you."

"What made you change your mind?"

"You."

I was surprised yet still sceptical. I did not believe this. Sylas was pure evil.

"You almost killed me."

"I know."

"-continue with your ways I will bring you to the brink of death and make you beg me to kill you." He said chuckling to himself before eyeing me yet again and that was the last thing that was said in the car. I was done. It was now clear to me that I would rather die trying than to let myself get to that point.

I urgently needed to speak with his mom.

...

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