I quivered trying to focus on the blöod in my mouth that developed from bitting my lip too hard, trying to stop the sounds coming from my mouth. I could feel him deep inside me. I felt like I could feel him in my chest. My eyes were sore from crying. My whole body was sore. I now knew that there was something as too much pleasure. Too much pleasure leads to pain if repeated over and over and over again.
My fingers dug into his chest. I wanted to stop breathing. I had to keep the pace otherwise there would be consequences. I didn't want a repeat of the two last times. I was hurt. I was so hurt and tired. Orgasm after orgasm. I get it he was punishing me. I left him, but I had to. He doesn't seem to understand that he is a psychotic murder whom I don't want to be in the same space of air with.
Sylas didn't even want me to go to the bathroom for more than five minutes. It's been sex after sex. On top of sex. Even when we had a break to eat when he remembered that I was a human being that had needs. He would still look at me like he wanted to devour me alive as if he hadn't just spent the last few hours before in between my legs.
I regretted leaving. Yes at this moment I wish I could take it back I knew this was just the beginning. Just the thought of what happened the last time scared me. I couldn't sleep for weeks after what he did to me. After everything that happened with Kutcher I think I lost a piece of myself and Sylas really gave me another proper definition of monster after that. A new definition of pain.
It was three days, the most dreadful three days of my life, to me it felt like weeks but his mother said I had been with him for three days. That was when I was properly introduced back to into panic attacks and when I finally got my first dose of real nightmares.
It was just me and him in that room. I could feel the tightening of my stomach I wanted to slow down but the grip of his hands on my thighs where I already had his handprints, tightened. His blue eyes daring me. I couldn't stop crying. The darkness in his eyes didn't once fade ever since I got here. I shook, my entire being being shifted as I fought for my breath after reaching my orgasm.
At this point I wanted to get out of here even knowing that what comes next after this would surely leave me only partially sane. I paused feeling my body give up on me.
"Sylas-I can't - ple-" I didn't get to finish as one of my wounds were reopened. I screamed. I felt like I would choke on my sobs as my neck tightened up. I clashed my teeth together swallowing the wails that gnawed at my throat.
If I didn't have a drinking problem maybe I wouldn't be here. Maybe Kutcher would still be alive, maybe the memeory of him being gutted alive in front of me wouldn't reply in my head minute after minute. After he had taken me from Kellita he wasn't pleased either about my drinking. I remember swearing on my life that I would never touch it ever again, I kept that promise when I still strongly valued my life.
"Would you like to continue with that sentence Mäuschen?" he asked. I didn't want this, it was unbearable. I lost in his sick game, nothing new there but I had atleast hoped and prayed it would be better than being caged in the shower with nowhere to go, just being slammed against the glass as he took me from behind. At the beginning I had almost preferred this from what Sylas had been doing to me. I was chasing every breath. With every movement I was slowly losing.
I wanted to be done. I wanted to go back with him if that's what it took to make him stop. I hated this bed. I knew deep down that after Sylas was done with me back home I would either not be the same ever again, or I wouldn't be breathing. I didn't mind losing my mind maybe I would be able to sleep at night again but I definitely didn't want to find out what he would do to me this time.
I couldn't do it anymore but I knew he could easily make things worse if I quit now. My body wanted a break, it needed a break. I was beyomd exhausted but Sylas looked like he was just getting started.
"Sylas - may - I please - - use the bathroom." I panted.
"Hold it." he said flipping us over.
"Sy-Sylas I - I please I - Please. I-ahhh." at a certain point I didn't even remember what I was begging for when he entered me, but I just knew I couldn't stop. And so I didn't and at that point I felt like speaking or opening my mouth somehow made the pain bearable.
That's all we have been doing for the past week. Not that I saw the light and darkness outside to confirm that the day was over, I would see the day and time on his phone passing by. I was scared to even blink, breathe or speak in his presence. He was pissed yet so calm about everything. Sometimes he would skill into his head while we were having sex I would scream for him but to no avail because his eyes looked beyond empty. I was terrified of those moments.
The last time I screamed so much I thought my voice box would never be the same again. The next morning my voice came out shaky. We were still at the asylum and I had made the discovery that this place would be decorated with dead bodies.
The entire week there was no use of protection and I wouldn't ask him about it because I never knew if that would somehow offend him or disrespect him. I would love telling him I didn't want anything to do with him but I decided I wanted a not so brutal death. I could clearly see that he was on the edge these days. Sylas was always calm and collected which is why I was terrified, his eyes seemed unhinged.
That what was my whole week consisted of. Sylas made me come, bleed, scream, shake, beg and we hadn't even reached home yet. I barely got any sleep and when I did get that little sleep I made sure to try and enjoy it. I completely wiped myself from the world and my current circumstances. I was just alone and I enjoyed that. At this point I just wanted to be alone.
I didn't mind the darkness I was somehow familiar to it. I would take any darkness in exchange to the one that floods Sylas' eyes when he looked at me letting me know to run if I thought I had the chance. I never did. And I never will unless if he told me to and there was a slim chance there too. I liked having legs. I didn't want to lose anymore of me to him.
He had asked me if I wanted to leave I didn't reply terrified to be breathe. He then opened the door for me and told me I could leave. My brain had completely shut down any glimmer of hope, as I just sat down and started crying. I didn't know how to act because I never knew with Sylas. Alot went through my brain. I was scared of even moving so froze and cried until he decided what he wanted to do next I had no power in this room. I never had any power when it came to Sylas.
I had tried and had successfully managed to burry some of my darkest memories with him in those three days but they seemed to be resurfacing. Everytime I felt like he was definitely going to kill I am brought back to those days by my mind I couldn't control it. My life was hanging on a thread.
When his mother saw me. I knew her mind was made up. The week before my wedding I realised I didn't care that much about my life anymore. I would run whenever I got the chance. The sleepless nights or the nights I woke up because of my nightmares made me make the decision to go to his mother. She was more than happy to help me. I was scared and I didn't know where I got the courage but when I finally got away at first I felt like I was free but then things changed for the worst realising who Sylas was and that there was no turning back. I had to accept my fate. I had made my decision and I had to stand by it.
My mind seemed to stop working as shock waves shot through my body making me shake. The powerful orgasm shot through my entire body as I tightly grabbed onto the sheets my mind becoming blank and my eyes rolling to the back of my head.
It's nothing you can't handle. It's nothing you can't handle. I chanted to myself quietly with my eyes shut as I sat opposite him. Even with my eyes closed I could still feel his eyes on me. They burned me. His presence bringing my very soul to it's quivering knees.
A tear ran down my cheek. I now wished he hadn't left the room. After ordering me to get ready for our flight of course after him slowly. I realised I was getting closer and loser to my doom.
After he decided I could find my rest then, I couldn't move. I literally couldn't move my limbs. They were shaking and unresponsive to me. Sylas had disappeared into the bathroom for five minutes I had foolishly closed my eyes and hoped he would never come back. He came back. He had scooped me up and placed me in a sweet scented tub full of warm water and bubbles. I was surprised he remembered just how I liked my water close to hot but not too hot. That was warm for me.
I still didn't think that the other rooms in this asylum were the sane as this one. This was like an apartment, a five star apartment. And there was so much of Sylas in here that I doubted that this was his first or second time here. But why would he have a room inside an asylum. There was a lot I couldn't seem to put together because I know and can bet my life on the fact that Sylas would never come here for himself seeking help neither would anyone check him in here without his consent. None of this made sense.
I expected him to drop me in and leave, scratch that I had hoped for it but he got in, in the other side. He had took his own sweet time as he bathed me and kissed me here and there, being gentle throughout. Even though he was gentle I couldn't help but jump every now and then, he didn't seem to mind. That didn't seem to even make him feel a little bad or guilty.
It was like he was analysing my body seeing if it was still how he had left it. To see if I had bruised or changed what belonged to him. To see if anyone had touched what belonged to him. I held my breath. There was nothing he would find but I was still scared. I didn't trust anything at this point not even myself. In other news I was truly grateful the hickey was gone, my neck was still healing. Sylas had scraped it off. I cried just thinking about it. I quickly wiped my tears looking away.
I remember holding my breath and closing my eyes for the longest time even as I had felt him get behind me and gently laid my upper body onto his hard chest. I had finally found my breath after some time. We had sat like that for a while as he also made sure the water stayed the same temperature. After that I was confident again that I could maybe sleep without nightmares. I had felt a little relaxed, my body, my body had felt a little relaxed. I find it necessary to correct myself.
After getting dressed and waiting for him with a blank mind that had then wanted no sleep, even though I was a little at peace knowing he was outside that door maybe even outside the asylum, having no idea when he would return. When he came back I wouldn't have guessed, even when he made the first call telling whom I had guessed was Kairo that he was done and was coming home. The second call, I didn't know neither did I have guesses whom it was. I just know he told them to bring the clean up crew. I had too much of my shit to deal with than to hang onto those words.
As we stepped outside his door I then realised the amount of dead bodies covering the floor. So many dead people. I had been confused as to why I hadn't heard any commotion, I had then realised what the phone calls where about. I tried keeping a strong face and walking but I failed miserably it wasn't everyday that I saw so many dead bodies, or any at that.
"Mäuschen don't look so shocked this is all your doing. The five targets I initially had didn't seem to satisfy my hunger.-" he paused as he held my cheek I couldn't look at him. Even after every thing he was too close. He then made me look at him.
"And I couldn't return to you with that hunger. I don't want to kill you and I don't want break anything, yet. I would rather we sort our issues out at home. " he said his hand easily siding around my waist as he pulled me closer to him. He gently pecked my lips before leading the way.
I have always been such a nice person. Was this because for that period of time when I hated mothers guts, but I've never actually disrespected her. Even in our arguments I avoided raising my tone nor being disrespectful so why. Was it because of the alcohol but I needed it to keep me sane because of my mother.
I didn't deserve this, I wasn't having a pity party for myself but I didn't deserve this. I remember barely making my legs work as his hand had tightened around my waist, after seeing one to many dead bodies I seemed to have lost my sight. I couldn't see properly my eye sight was filled with white. I took a deep breath in pulling myself out of the horrific memories as I tried to relax.
I couldn't seem to get the hang of relaxing, his stare was making things worse. I was afraid of going to sleep because I fear he would join me in the bedroom and I couldn't take anymore. I leaned against the seat staring into nothing. I couldn't relax even if I tried becaue I knew that sooner or later this jet would land and I knew I wouldn't like what Sylas had in store for me.
The moment the plane landed, I thought I would have a panic attack. Everything seemed to go on at a very fast pace as he took my hand and lead me to the awaiting cars. Even as he pulled me closer to him in the car I let him. I was so scared. I felt like saying I was scared was an understatement. Sylas seemed like a brand new person as we reached his homeland.
The craziness that was so exposed to me before was now behind those blue eyes of his eyes. One would think I wouldn't have anymore tears to cry. As the gates to our home came into view my hand wrapped around his. I looked at him, my lips trembling. He looked at our intertwined hands raising a brow.
"Do you love me Sylas?" my hoarse voice whispered out. Tears now wetting my lips. He kept quiet looking at me. I felt like he was looking at my soul. I looked down as my trembling hands.
"Please forgive me Sylas." the car had now stopped, it was time to get out. I watched him signal for the driver to stop as he was about to open the door.
"I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I couldn't seem to say any other sentence aside from this one.
"Why are you sorry Haile." it didn't sound like a question but it was a question. I felt my chest tighten up as his eyes darkened.
"I only left because I was scared Sylas. - I ran from you. - I -. I didn't choose -"
"You chose to listen to my mother."he said chuckling, the atmosphere was getting thicker by the second.
" No no I didn't. I thought you would end up killing me. The last time-"
"Have I ever went back on my word." he asked.
"N-no." I said thinking back and finally answering him.
"But I -"
"Let's go." he said ending the conversation if I could even call it that. He opened the door getting out before he held out his hand for me to take. I softly placed trembling hand on his. I followed him as he lead me into the house. The memories flooded into my head as I walked in. As I was away I almost missed almost burning down his kitchen and making him eat my horrible experiments.
I smiled wiping away my unending tears. He lead us to his office. I followed without question. When we entered the office there was a man whom I'd never seen before already sitting in one of the stools and his brother Kairo was sitting on the couch with a drink in his hand more than comfortable. He smiled at our presence. Upon seeing Sylas they stood in respect before sitting again.
Everything stopped as they spoke about something, this loud ringing took over in my ears as I stood. What was going on.
"Mäuschen." His voice brought me back. I looked at all of them looking at me as I was the only one standing left, I watched Kairo look at my arms and neck before chuckling and muttering something in German to his brother. Sylas' handprints and marks were all over me.
I looked at Sylas with tears in my eyes. I looked at the stool next to the man and the couch, there was still space left next to Kairo. I took a deep breath in and walked over to the other side of the table and stood next to Sylas. I could tell I definitely made the right decision as I sat on his lap not looking at anyone in the room.
I could hear them speaking but I couldn't hear a word. Ever since we landed here I wasn't really sure what was going on in my head. I was pulled back into the world when papers were placed in front of me. Confused I looked up at Sylas. He didn't say anything but just handed me a pen. I was scared to ask but I had to. Before I could say anything Kairo spoke up lifting up his glass to me with a smile on his face.
"Welcome to the family." he had said making me look at Sylas.
"Sylas." I whispered looking back at the papers in front of me, realising what is is. I started panicking.
"This isn't up for debate. You can either sign now or I will tell them to get out and call them back when you think I have convinced you enough to sign." My heart raced as my grip on the pen tightened. I looked at my bandaged fingers shivering.
"Sylas.- I - "
"In case you don't make it, I want you to die as Mrs Harman." he said.
"You said you wouldn't kill me."
"You said you would never leave me." he said. Even though I knew he would never go back on his word I was still shaken to the core. I looked at the marriage license in front of me. The man sitting opposite us showed me where I had to sign Sylas had already signed. My hand trembled as I tried to contain myself.
I knew sooner or later Sylas would get impatient and kick everyone out and wouldn't listen to me after that no matter how much I would promise to sign them, asking for another chance. At that thought I signed my soul away as a tear dropped onto the paper making a tiny stain on my signature. I felt a hole in my stomach. It's not like I had a choice but what did I just do.
A special thank you to @ImberApricus
You are an amazing author and friend. ❤️ And thank for the amazing cover of The Irish's Sanity.