I took a deep breath in reminding myself it's useless to fear the inevitable. It's been about four hours that I got home and Sylas hasn't touched a single hair on my head. I should be grateful I was still alive, I am, atleast I think I am. The anticipation was killing me and the new ring on my finger wasn't helping my situation.
Even though I wanted to dislike the ring I couldn't help but find it pretty under different circumstances I would have loved it. He seemed to love it on my finger. A few hours ago in the kitchen I noticed that if he was looking at me he was looking at the ring. After the whole soul robbing ordeal he asked me to make him one of my experiments. Sylas was fucking crazy.
I knew either way there was no way I would be pardoned for what I did and I didn't understand what he was doing. I just knew that fear and anxiousness were not a good combination. I didn't know or understand anything going on in my life anymore except that if I died anytime soon it would be by my husbands hand. How lucky of me.
I didn't understand why he wanted me to make him something because as some people get better at things I was literally getting worse. I wish he could cook me something I missed his cooking but I wasn't about to let him know that. He had sat not far from me as I started working hoping that there would be no fire this time. Maybe I will get lucky and he would be hosptalized for food poisoning, I didn't want his death on my conscious.
Of course there almost was an explosion and of course there was fire and I almost burnt myself, it's been a while since I've done anything in the kitchen obviously aside from the fact that I was terrible. Sylas managed to help me not get burnt of course he wanted me unharmed for when he would start his own torture. I served him his plate, I was skeptical about serving myself it looked promising but I knew myself.
He had this power to make everything going on seem okay for that moment. I let myself have these forgetful moments because honestly it was now my escape. I can't escape the inevitable. So if pretending for a second will let me be able to breathe normally once again I would take that chance.
Sylas didn't miss a heartbeat in eating it. I couldn't understand the trust he had in me even I didn't trust myself. Plus I think he enjoyed watching me burn down his kitchen. When he knew it was safe to eat he made me eat with him. Just like old times. I know that he could tell that his presence brought fear to my very soul but he didn't care. Oh and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I felt like everything I did now mattered. So I was kind of happy that after all that I actually kind of enjoyed one of my experiments. That happened only once in a blue moon.
I looked at myself in the full length mirror the dark green dress I had on made my skin glow. For a minute I wasn't staring at the dress anymore I was staring at the marks Sylas left atleast they weren't as visible as three days ago but they were still visible seeing as Kairo spotted them. Before Kairo left he informed Sylas about his parents ordering everyone's presence. I thought I was definitely not going but here I was all dressed and ready to go.
I sighed pushing my hair behind my ear. I slightly lifted up my dress it was beautiful and long enough to cover my feet but not long enough to touch the ground. A fancy dress for a fancy dinner. I looked at my pretty toes in the black heels atleast I really loved my shoes they had cute little diamond designs on them. I think these were my favourite shoes.
I stopped thinking about the whole thing and just told myself to accept that Sylas was the one in control so now I just went with the flow it was either that or I would go crazy. Everytime he came close I had to bite my tongue because apologizing is all I wanted to do. I know it wouldn't change anything but I couldn't help but ask for forgiveness. I don't think anyone could understand how much I feared this man and what he was capable of.
I slightly jumped when I felt hands on my waist looking up at the mirror, Sylas' reflection smiled at me. It was a beautiful smile. He pulled me back closer to his body as my head rested on his chest, I took in a shaky breath seeing my body start to slightly tremble at how close he was.
"You are breathtaking Mrs Harman." he said kissing my neck making me jump.
"Thank you." I didn't understand what was going on and I wouldn't ask. He lightly kissed my neck before looking up at me in the mirror, getting serious.
"Have I ever made you happy?" he asked. I took a deep breath in calming my racing heart. I didn't understand the question I didn't think he cared and I didn't think he would ever give a single flying fuck to even considering my emotions. I knew the second one was true because I was going to ask Sylas to let me go and consider my feelings anyone in the side lines looking at us would laugh.
I was about to answer honestly with a no. If I die I die. But all these memories came flooding back. I had no doubt in my mind that Sylas would do anything for me beside let me go as we speak he built me yes from scratch my own ice rink. When he showed me I was happy, surprised and scared, just how powerful was this person.
The cooking shows that I held for him in the kitchen, which were full of shit honestly because I would sometimes pretend I was on a cooking show and telling my audience - Sylas, who would make sure to make time for them even when coming from work- my ingredients which I would sometimes say out loud in a questionable manner. I chuckled thinking of all the fire I've started in the kitchen.
Sylas told me I should just get out all the time, he would handle it. He didn't want me anywhere near fire he almost made me stop my experiments but I was grateful he didn't he made sure I had supervision though. He has never once said any of my experiments tasted like shit even though I wouldn't eat most of it because I valued my life. Yes the bad outweighted the good but when we were good we were so good.
I remember teaching him how to skate. It was a very comincal few days. I enjoyed knowing and being good at something he wasn't, even though he wasn't as bad as I was at first. I did force him to learn he preferred watching me on the side lines but I insisted. He only did it for three days and continued to watch me do my thing, he would come in every once in a while after some blackmailing from my side.
Sylas had not so many different sides to him. And of course with the flowers he never stopped and I don't think he ever will. I loved them the most they reminded me that the type of person that Sylas was when he wasn't losing his mind was still there. I wasn't trying to hold on to false hope because I let that ship sink a long time ago it just helped me sleep better at night. My garden had grown over time, it was beautiful.
"Can I be honest?" I asked looking at him through the mirror as his eyes solemnly focused on me.
"Go on." he said curiosity flooding his eyes.
"You do make me happy but-there is no true happiness without the feeling of safety- only moments." I said looking at him trying to see if I needed to start running or begging. I didn't like any memory anymore because a good one is always accompanied by a bad one and so was it the other way around.
"Sylas I feel safe with you but I'm not safe from you." I said softly. I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders for some reason. After a long pause of us staring at each other through the mirror he kissed my cheek and took my hand saying nothing as he led me to the car I was guessing. We were on our way to his mother's mandatory dinner.
I had a lot of questions floating through my mind, did she know I was back, did she know what Sylas has been up to and would she try something with Sylas. I didn't know if I wanted her to or not, I was already dead anyways why should I settle. Why should I have to live like this, because you wouldn't want to keep on getting caught and Sylas making it worse every single time. I didn't want to live like that.
I sat quietly beside him as we sat at the back of the limo. He hasn't striked but I knew I wasn't off the hook this just meant it will be the worst thing I've ever experienced. I let out a wavering breath. I closed my eyes before opening them at least I would see his mother one last time, the person who actually tried to help me.
"Sylas why haven't you done anything to me yet?" I asked bravely looking at him.
"Is there a slim chance that you have maybe possibly found it in your h-heart to forgive me? -" I had to try. I found it harder to let out the word heart than the question alone. I couldn't stop thinking about this even if I already knew the answer I had to ask.
"No." he said before chuckling.
"You have always been impatient Mäuschen, this time around I think you should think otherwise." that was the only thing he said and I strangely found myself content and accepting. More than before. It was better from the horses mouth.
The car arrived at his parents grand mansion that I never seemed to get used to no matter how many times I was to come back. I let him take my hand as he led us inside. Everyone and everything was just simply existing around me I just wanted to see his mother. I wanted to hug her and thank her for at least trying and being the only one in this fucked up family to actually show me humanity. But I knew I couldn't I could only wish.
The sight of her left me on edge. We now all sat at the table as I stared at her after 'heartfelt' greetings were exchanged. Her eyes were empty just like her sons and she wouldn't look at me. She was nonchalant. My heart broke into pieces, what did he do. She was quiet the entire dinner and eating while laughter and chatter flowed around the table. I wished I could speak to her.
"They were innocent." she suddenly said not looking at anyone in particular.
"You touched my wife." Sylas said focused on his food.
"So you decided to kill your aunts-my sisters and the sisters I made through my hard times." she said sipping her wine emotion nonexistent in her voice.
"You fucked with her, I warned you." Sylas said. Everyone else was quiet. I looked at his father who sat eating like nothing was going on. I felt like at this moment he would let them work it out. This seemed normal to everyone as Sylas' siblings minded their business.
"I grew up telling you stories about the wonders that that Asylum did for me. After your grandparents were murdered in front of me. You know how I feel about it. " she chuckled bitting into her food.
"And I told you I would only ask you once about the where abouts of my wife."
"You killed them all and you knew how much it meant to me. That was my home."
"You would be dead too if it wasn't for your darling daughter-in-law." she looked at me and then at my finger. It couldn't be. I didn't think he actually would listen to me but I guess he somehow did. I still partially believe it. This was Sylas. I remember begging for him not to harm his mother with blood all over my back. He told me I should be begging for myself but I didn't know the lengths that Sylas could go to, I needed the only person who cared enough to listen to be safe. It wasn't her fault.
"I don't allow fighting at the table. I will not speak again." His father suddenly said silence filling the room. And that's how the rest of the dinner went. This answered a lot of questions. Sylas had told me that his mother went away for sometime as a teenager before coming back to Germany to his father and becoming the best in the field. I guess it was to get help.
I almost couldn't believe that Sylas burnt it down. Almost. I didn't say a single word to her even though I wanted to, I knew it was better for everyone if I kept quiet. I held myself together and decided to be strong when congratulations were sent my way.
'Welcome to the family.' the line alone haunted me. Of course after the ring that belonged to him that would never come off my finger. I wasn't looking forward to the next dinner party we were invited to on which was in three days but I yearned to see his mother again. I wished I could comfort her in any kind of way I could.
We sat in the car on our way back home. There was a lump in my throat as my lips trembled. This was all because of me. Sylas did what he did because of me. I was tired of people I loved and people I cared for getting hurt. What was I to do though was I suppose to sit around and accept this stupid fate. That's not the woman my father raised, I might be beaten, broken and shattered but I was still my father's daughter.
I would take what Sylas would put me through if I die, I die but if I survive I will find a way, a less painful way to be free but I would find a way. I-
I looked around us my heart beat picking up as the cars that were behind us were driven off the road, some of them going of in smoke and others rolling of the road. I was panicking. What was going on. I unconsciously got close to Sylas. When I looked up at him at him seeking comfort and answers, he looked down at me his eyes full of emotion I couldn't make out.
"Feeling safe yet?" he asked lightly chuckling. I couldn't believe him.
"Sylas there are cars being driven off the road and that's what's on your mind." I asked looking at him.
"Do you feel safe now?" he asked taking out his pistol and pulling me closer.
"That's not even-"
"It's a yes or no question Mäuschen." he said so easily. He looked at me if there was no world around us, it was just us.
"Yes Sylas. I feel completely safe in your arms now please do something about the gun shots. " I said sincerely looking at him as cars circled us. As he kissed me a car drove into ours almost making us swerve off the road.
"You are still in a lot of trouble Mäuschen." he said brushing my cheek before pulling me back, telling me to close my ears and sit back. I did as instructed as I watched him skillfully sending shots to the car that was currently trying to swerve us off the road. I watched from behind Sylas as he pulled the trigger and the bullet swished through the drivers head. His car rolled over and off the road crashing before catching on fire.
Sylas now seemed to be in some sort of robotic mode as he pulled out another pistol under the seat checking the bullets before opening fire at the other cars chasing us down the road. He didn't seem to be missing. Even as everything around me seemed to be in chaos as I sat so close to his arms as he shielded me from the window, I felt safe.
I seemed to be brought back into the world when the shots completely stopped and we seemed to be the only car on the road under the cover of night. I watched as he spoke German to John, the driver. He was giving him instructions, telling him to take me home. I didn't understand, it seemed like he was staying behind apparently there was another car on the way and John's life now depended on my safety on getting home. I didn't want to leave him. I knew I was a hundred percent safe with him. I was scared.
My body seemed to be going through it, before I could ask any questions a racing car came out of nowhere and before I could act I felt Sylas' body cover mine as the car clashed with our vehicle, the impact so great we were now completely off the road and continously rolling over.
It felt so surreal as I felt his hands tighten against me, the world seemed to be spinning as the car rolled over and over and over again before I felt our bodies get thrown through the window and in the air. I couldn't feel Sylas warmth anymore I didn't understand why that caused me worry and panic. I slowly slipped out of consciousness as ringing filled my ears. I guess I wouldn't make it to that dinner after all.