Losing hope

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Chapter 9 - Old Town Road

(Him - Ryder) Now...

Another night without sleeping... I can’t forget that weird dream or the weird message in the paper either. My wolf is as worried as I’m and we both want, no need, to understand. Ethan and Sam told me, I was just tired and disturbed by my great great grandmother’s story but I can’t help but to think there is more. Goddess this is so frustrating! I need a coffee. Let’s take a break, I can’t work anymore anyway.

“Still thinking about your weird dream?” Ethan asks me when I meet in the kitchen. I groan in response.

" I have something in my mind too. The way my father reacted yesterday... It was weird, too much almost. Do you think?” He asks me.

“Yes, he was really affected by the news. More than the others but your father has always be a sensible man.” I reply.

“Still, he was closer than us with Hope and sometimes I’m asking myself if he didn’t know something that we don’t know about her?”

I scoff:″ And you find me ridiculous with my dream. You’re family, he would’ve never hidden something important about Hope.”

He sighs: ” You’re right.”

“Do you know when he lost contact with Hope?” I ask him.

“No idea! A few years ago for sure and he didn’t know she got married and adopted a kid. He was as studded as my mother when we told them.”

I nod! He was really surprised to know all of this.

“I need to empty my head. I’m going for a run, you wanna come?” I ask him.

“Sure. I just need to come back in 1 hour to pick up Seth at the school. I want to spend some time with him before we’re going to the Red Moon Pack.”

We’re leaving, in 2 days, to meet one of our allies, the Red Moon Pack. We will stay there for a week. The objective is to reinforce our alliance. On our way there, we will stop to say hello to Avery and my mother and Sam will stay there. I used to go alone but a few years ago I was attacked and I almost died so now I’m always taking my Beta and some warriors. I don’t keep a lot of souvenirs and to be honest I’ve no idea how and why I survived.

The run made me feel better but I can’t shake out that weird feeling. As I’m not late for work, I decided to spend some time with my best friend and my godson. I need a time where I’m not the Alpha. And Seth is the perfect guy to remind me that I’m his godfather before anything else.

Traditionally, the Alpha, Beta and Gamma have their kids at the same time. When they grow together, their bond and friendship are stronger and deeper. Unfortunately, Seth is growing alone, with no Alpha’s pup nor Gamma’s pup… This is not fair for him. He will be older than his Alpha. His Alpha… Would it be? Avery’s first son or Sam? What if Sam’s mate is really a werecat? Obviously if her son is a tiger, he can’t become the next Alpha.

“Stop frowning like that or you will have wrinkles too young.” Sam says, coming to sit on my side. We are both looking at Ethan and Seth playing together.

“I’m sure he will have a strong friendship with his Alpha. Or his Beta if you choose him as your heir.” She tells me.

“How do you know what I was thinking?” I asked her, surprised.

“It’s written all over your face.” She explains.

She just knows us really well!” My wolf comments as we both don’t see how it’s possible to see that on my face.

“Are you okay with the fact you will never have your own child?” She asks me.

I sigh irritated but before I can reply, she adds:”It’s just as an Alpha, you’re pushed to having an heir. It’s part of your training and your wolf’s instincts are stronger than our. And my wolf is already bothering me with kids so I can only imagine how it is for you.”

“He’s not bothering me with that, which is a good thing as everyone else is. I think like me, he doesn’t see himself with someone other than his mate.”

“I really hope you will be blessed with a second mate.” She says.

“I won’t…”

“You can’t know that.” She protests.

“Hope is the only one for me.”

“Was, she’s not here anymore.”

That makes me growl and she mutters an apology.

“Why didn’t you fight for her then? Why did you reject her?” She asks.

“Because she was the one for me but I’m not sure she was the right one for the pack.”

She nods so I keep explaining: “ I waited so long for her to reveal her true self, to prove she was the right fit for the pack. To even acknowledge our mate bond. To come out of her shell. She was not what she pretended to be but as she never let me, I still don’t know if she would be a good Luna or not.”

“I know what you mean she was always quiet but she had that fire in her eyes.” She agrees.

“As the future Alpha, my connection with the pack is stronger and I can feel the strong feelings of each member. The only thing I felt coming from her was frustration… Except that day. She felt proud. She was pleased with the pack’s anger and distress. They all knew she was supposed to become their Luna, one day. And when dad kicked her out she felt relieved. What kind of Luna is pleased to hurt her pack? She really freaked me out that day.”

“But she knew the truth and we know why she did it now.”

“Still instead of coming to see us, she decided to avenge the tiger by herself like she always did. You reproach me that I didn’t fight for her, for us, but she never did.”

“I’m sorry… It’s just I want to see you happy. You’re a great guy who deserves to know love. To at least have a test of it.” She says.

Oh I did and it was heaven…

“What?!” She screams, making Ethan and Seth stop to play, to look at us.

“What what?” I ask, not understanding.

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing!” Did I say it out loud?

“When did you have that taste of heaven?”

Shit, I did say it out loud!

“Just forget it!” I tell her.

“Impossible!” She protests.

I get up: “Seriously Sam!”

“Seriously Ryder! How can you hide that?” She mimics my tone.

“It happened only one time,when I went to ask to properly accept my rejection.” I say quietly.

“Wow! And what happened? Did you kiss her? Did you make love?” She asks, smiling excited. When she sees me blushing, her smile broadens.

“This discussion is over!” I say before leaving.

But I turn around to look at her: “Don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t but this discussion is far from being over!”

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