Losing hope

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Chapter 1 - Waiting for Love

(Him - Ryder) Now...

“Ryder Sawyer Raven! What did you do to your mother!” My father says storming into my office.

“I’m working, Father! I have more important matters to deal with.” I reply annoyed by his disrespect.

“You made your mother cry! This is an important matter.” He replies.

“She has to stay out of my personal life and stop to set me up with women!” I tell him.

“What personal life? You don’t have one! And this is the problem.”

“You never think about the fact that maybe I’m happy like that?! If I don’t have one maybe it’s because I don’t want one!”

“You need a mate! The pack needs a Luna. Your mother only wants to help you.”

“With setting me up with some whore not worth that title!” I yell.

“We want grandchildren Ryder!” He yells back.

“You have Sam and Avery for the grandchildren!” I reply.

“What about your heir? You need one. You’re doing a great job but for what? For who? Who will be this legacy for, if you don’t have kids?”

“Sam and Avery’s ones.” I shrug.

“Is it what you really want? Spend your life mateless and without kids. Do you really think a loveless life is worth it?” He asks me.

“I’m happy with my life. I don’t need anything else, father. This should be enough for you. We are becoming the most powerful pack in Europe and we have never been stronger than now. I’m doing fucking great job as the Alpha. At least, you could be proud of me!”

“And I’m proud of you but you’re 25. You need love in your life. You need to find a mate.” He says, sighing.

" I already had a mate.”

“Mate that you rejected 7 years ago. It’s time to move on, to settle down with someone. You’re free to mate who you want to. So take the opportunity.

“I wish I could mate whoever I want...” I mutter for myself.

“What did you say?” Dad asks.

“Just that I will be thinking about it but I don’t want Mom’s help on that subject!” I tell him.

“Really think about it and let me deal with your mother. Next time be nice to her, she only has your best interests in mind.” Dad says before leaving my office.

I know but only I know what’s the best for me and I don’t want, nor need, a mate. And without a mate, I can’t have kids so be it. No kids for me and I’m okay with that.

“Are you okay?” Ethan, my beta, asks, passing his head through my door.

“You heard?” I reply. He nods and walks in, taking a seat in front of my office.

“I know I was harsh with my mother but she’s so annoying! I will find a mate when the time is right.” I explain.

“And you want me to believe that?” He replies with an eyebrow raised. He knows me too well.

“I don’t want a mate! I don’t need one. I had one and that was enough.”

“Do you regret rejecting her?” He asks me after a silence.

“No... It has to be done. The pack comes first and she would have never respected Luna with what happened.” I reply with no hesitation.

“I know... Do you ever ask yourself how it would have been if you had accepted her?” He asks after a few minutes of silence.

“All the time. A different life for sure.” I reply, shaking my head.

“7 years already... Do you think she looks different now?” He asks again. Of course, he’s curious!

“I don’t know buddy. I hope she found what she was looking for and that she’s happy.”

“Sometimes I wish she would contact me. If only we kept in touch. I miss her, you know.” He sighs.

“I know. It’s normal she’s your little sister after all. Nobody in our family has news of her. Your parents have no idea what she’s doing?”

“My father used to be in touch with her but not anymore. And as he’s denying it, I don’t know when they stopped to speak. But I know for sure they were. I heard a phone call one time. I heard her voice. If only I would have talked to her too...” He says with regrets.

“I’m sorry, bro...” I don’t know what else I could say.

"Me too, I hope she is fine." My wolf says.

"I know!" I reply annoyed. I need him on my side not crying for our lost mate.

“Maybe, we could hire someone to find out what happened to her?” I propose to him.

“No, she chose to leave if she wanted us to know she would have contacted us. But thanks, man!” He replies.

“Still maybe we should...” I mutter.

“Why?” He asks, curious.

“I don’t know. My wolf is more restless right now and I’m thinking about her a lot more for the last few weeks... In some way, I know my wolf is restless because of her.”

“Are you sure? Maybe it’s just the signal that you need to move on.”

“Oh come on! Not you too!” I reply exasperated.

“Fine. Imagine we hire someone and then we discover she is mated and happy. Are you ready to hear that?” He asks me.

“Absolutely!” I reply with no doubts while my wolf disagrees.

"Liar!" My wolf comments.

“Really?” He asks as if he can feel the conflict I have with my wolf.

I sigh: “Maybe it’s what I need to move on. But something is not feeling right and I don’t know what it is but my guts are telling me it’s about Hope.”

“How can you be so sure? She accepted your rejection so you don’t share a bond with her anymore. And it has been 7 years since we last saw her. Maybe you’re just tired and need a break. Look at you, you never stop. You’re so involved in your duties that I don’t remember when was the last time you took holidays or even a weekend.” He says.

I do remember when was the last time I took a holiday... And she didn’t really accept my rejection, not properly at least.

“I don’t know, maybe you’re right...” I say pitching my nose.

My phone rings so Ethan gets up and whispers as if the person on the phone could hear him while I didn’t reply yet: “We will finish that discussion later.”

I nod before hanging up the phone.

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