Losing hope

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Chapter 33 - Transatlantique

(Him -Ryder) Now…

The pack knows... They know everything... How I fucked up with my mate. We let Grandpa chose if about his own history, to reveal or not the secret around his parents and the fact his father lied. He chose to tell the whole truth out of respect for his mother and because an Alpha shouldn’t act like his father did. A pack is built in trust but where is trust when the Alpha is the first to lie... They know about their Luna being a Tiger and an elemental and in danger. Vincent, my head of enforcers, met me after the meeting to plunge his and his team’s service to me and Hope. I’m so grateful for their understanding and I felt how sorry they were for my Beta family...

It was hard for Ethan and his family to learn the existence of Nikolaï, Ezequiel and Masha. They had and still have a lot of questions. Enzo called him and he will arrive tomorrow, they are all expecting him eagerly. To be honest, I’m curious to meet him too, to discover another part of Hope’s life.

Hope... I need to find her soon! If only I could understand how I could use our reinforced bond? She was able to save me a few days ago because she felt I was in danger but I can’t when I know what he’s doing to her. I’m so useless! I groan, putting my head on my desk. I came here to isolate myself and think about all the things I’ve learned.

“You need to let go of your anger for her.” A woman says. She’s sitting on the seat in front of my office.

"Witch!" My wolf comments.

"Obviously, she appears in the middle of our office!" I retort

“I’m Willow, I’m a seer.” She introduces herself before I can ask.

“You know my sister, Samantha.” I comment.

“And your mate, Hope. I consider Hope as a friend.” She explains.

“Still, you know she’s alive and you’re only coming now!” I state.

She sighs: ” This is the problem with being a seer, people think that I’m playing with them, that as I know more than them I could do more. Do you know How is it to see your own death or the death of your son! This is as much of a gift as it’s a curse. This also applies to Hope. Most of the people don’t understand why she’s so powerful and so different from other elementals but I know it’s because of who she’s. For some she would appear too unstable and hard, even cold when she killed but she knows... She can feel when someone is dangerous, when it’s a lost cause. Moon Goddess doesn’t make mistakes and Hope was the right choice because she is broad-minded, conscientious and quick-witted.”

“Why are you telling me all of this? Why are you here?” I ask her, not seeing the point,

“I’m here to help you to connect with her but for that you need to let go of the anger and grief you’re feeling because of her. I know it’s hard but it’s the only way.”

“She hid my son from me! It’s hard to pass that.”

“And you would have died if you’d known about him.” She retorts.

Still this is not an excuse!

“I set you up with that woman when she came to announce to you she was expecting your pup. I couldn’t let you die and also because of your bond, it’s one of the most powerful I’ve ever felt...” She adds.

“And setting me up and breaking her heart was the best solution!” I hiss.

“It was! She would’ve told you if not. You don’t realise how important you are. You’re her anchor in this world without you she would become bitter and she would lose control over her abilities. She needs you to be safe. You’re the lighthouse who helps her to cross any storm she’s facing. You’re the reason why she’s able to resist Anatoli. You and Dan. You’re meant to grow old together.” She explains calmly.

“This is bullshit! I should’ve known! She would be with us now if I had known” I snap.

“No, you won’t!” She retorts, putting her hand on my hand.

She shares with me her visions. I see my death repeatedly depending of the differents scenarios. Then I see Hope’s death and Dan’s death. This is so awful!

“Stop! That’s enough!” I yell taking my hand back.

“Do you understand now? Her telling you about your son was impossible. The path only could become dark.” She states.

“Still you took that choice away from me.” I retort.

“Really? Will you really have risked Hope and Dan’s lives?”

When she sees my reaction she adds:“That’s what I thought. I made that decision for the both of you. As soon as your life and Dan’s life were in danger, I knew Hope would hide him. Her love for you is as strong as yours, she would sacrifice everything for you.”

“Not strong enough for her to choose me or to trust me.” I contest.

She sighs: ” I hope you know her better than that. Hope is sensitive, which is her strength but also her weakness. She was stuck in a shity situation here, even the ones who knew expected something impossible from her: to shut down a part of her. She was alone facing her own doubts. Could she really hide her tiger all her life? What if she had a force shift? What if your children were like her? How would the pack react? Would they accept her? Could she be happy with you while lying to you? Would’ve accepted her if you knew...”

“Even then I would’ve accepted her...” I mutter.

“I know that but she didn’t.”

“She didn’t even give me the chance.” I retort.

“You’ve no idea how she felt. Being in a lovely pack and so lonely at the same time, around a family and a mate that love you and at the same time denigrate the part of you they don’t know. You, hating her for what she did was bearable but you hated her for what she is would’ve killed her.”

“I would’ve never hated her. Even now that I’m angry and she betrayed me, I still love her.”

“Do you remember what subject you and Ethan chose for your project in senior year about natural enemies?”

“Werecats, especially Tigers... I wanted to honor my great grandmother, to show that she didn’t die for nothing... But that’s not fair, I didn’t know!”

“Do you remember who helped you to prepare your presentation? On who you practiced it?” She asks.

“On our family... How do you know all of this?” I request.

“I can see all the key moments of someone’s life. The moment where a new path is created, every crossroads that will change its life.” She explains.

“How was that one of these moments for Hope?”

“She cried all night that day and she decided to stop writing in her diary. She started to write it because she wanted to show the world she was a nice girl… That night she understood that love would not be enough, that here she will never be free to be who she really was... That loving you was not enough. She would have shut out her tiger for you but living with that shame to be what she is, with your despair of her kind, became impossible that night. She felt trapped in your love. After that moment she started to dream about freedom, about running freely without being scared to be caught. To be loved for all of her but how was it even possible when her mate and her family despite half of her?”

“Stealing the skin and the jewels was her ticket for freedom, with the guarantee I wouldn’t come after her.” I finish.

“Yes it was but not only. She saw herself in that skin the first time she went into your father’s office. Would she finish like him? Like just a trophy and not a living being. The only thought she had at that moment was the need to save him and herself too. That she would never be safe here. She freed two tigers that day.”

Goddess, If only I would’ve shown her how much I love her...

“Don’t! I’m telling you this because you need to let go of your anger not for you to blame yourself for something you didn’t do. It was the context that came between you two. She needs you, you need to focus on that.” She states.

“She’s my anchor too, you know. Without her, I’m feeling lost. I need her as much as she needs me.” I confess.

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