Losing hope

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Chapter 34 - Riverside

(Him -Ryder) Now…

“Good then keep focus on that and you will find your way toward her.” Willow tells me.

“Do you know where she is?” I ask.

She shakes her head:“No, she’s hidden by a spell but I know that soon you will figure it out. I can feel it.”

“What do you mean you can feel it? You don’t see it?” I ask frowning.

“Hope’s path is still not clear so no I don’t see it. But the more you move on the more it becomes clear. If only I could know where she is. She’s suffering... Unfortunately I don’t choose what I’m seeing or not...” She explains.

“You love her too!” I remark.

She smiles:“Hope never judge me nor make me feel like I’m annoying and haughty. I consider her as one of my friends and they are rare.”

She closes her eyes before adding: ” Now is a good time to try to connect with her.”

“How?” I sigh, frustrated. That’s not for lack of trying.

“Are you ready to let go of your anger? You need to set your mind free. When the betrayal will not cloud your thoughts, you will be able to use the bond.”

“I’m ready! I need to find her!” I reply, annoyed.

“Stop pressuring yourself.” She states.

“As if it was easy!” I comment sarcastically.

“Close your eyes and follow my lead. Focus on the love you feel for her. What would you like to say to her, think about happy times with her, what she smells like, the sound of her laugh, the fire in her eyes. Feel the invisible but indestructible bond you’re sharing with her and let it guide you towards her.” She says quietly and I feel myself falling asleep. Yeah not this time again…

Where am I? It’s all dark... There is a light in front of me and I decide to walk toward it as I want to leave this darkness. Finally, after a long time, I see her sitting on a bench.

“Hope is that really you?” I ask.

“What do you want this time? Can I have at least a moment of peace!” She demands.

“It’s me, Ryder.” I say sitting by her side.

“You don’t took this form often but I know better.” She mumbles.

“No it’s really me and I’m here to save you.”

“So this is your new strategy now, to make me believe you’re on my side!”

“For your 16th birthday, I offered you a private concert of Ludovico Einaudi because I know how much you loved his music. Divenire is your favorite music track. When you were 6, you lost your favorite plush. I went to 8 shops to find the same one and I used my own money to buy it. You were so grateful even if it was not the same.” I tell her. She smiles remembering those memories too.

I learn to play piano to be able to play Divenire. I wanted to surprise her by playing it at our mating ceremony. Hopefully it will happen one day.... Soon. This is why I will still keep that secret for me.

“No, it was better as you bought it for me.” She replies, beaming now.

“I should’ve known what you were, it was a tiger.” I chuckle.

“If only you were real and not only my imagination.” She exclaims.

But I’m real!

"We don’t have a lot of time with her! Focus the discussion on what info she can give us.” My wolf states.

“And you know.” She adds, paling.

“Yes, I know and I don’t care about that. It’s more difficult to accept the fact you hid our son from me.”

“It was the best solution.” She explains.

“I know but it doesn’t make it easier to accept I missed so much of his life, of both of your lives.”

She nods: ” I know, and I’m sorry. The guilt was killing me. You didn’t deserve that, neither did Dan to grow without his dad. Now that I know he’s with you and safe makes me feel at peace... I’m so tired...”

“Maybe it’s my mind telling me that it’s time to let it go. I don’t have the strength to fight anymore... I’m so lost. I don’t know where the truth is. Still, I’m sure fighting in Ryder’s body was really. Or wasn’t?” She mumbles for herself.

I’m losing her. She needs to focus.

“Baby girl, I need you to stay strong a bit longer for me. I will find you as soon as I can but I need you to give me something... anything... A clue...” I swear.

“We’re moving every few weeks so it will be difficult.” She comments.

“I will not give up! Can you tell me anything else that can help us to find you?” I ask.

“Not really. He’s smart. I don’t see the light of the sun anymore and he’s the one who decides everything I’m doing and when I do it. I lost count of the days and nights...” She sighs defeated.

“How is he able to keep you weak?”

“Magic and he created special jewels with a meteorite that weakened my elemental gifts.” She explains.

I remember them now. She adds a necklace and 4 big bracelets, one at each wrist and ankle.

“What about your tiger, baby girl?” I ask.

“She’s losing her strength too... I’m losing my connection with her. Her silences are becoming longer, more and more often... What I’m going to do if I lose her too?”

“He’s coming back, you need to leave, Now! If he knows about it he will use it.” She says panicking.

“Let me take you places!” I beg.

“No! He will feel it. He almost did last time!” She refuses. She is fading already.

“Stay strong for me, baby girl.” I order.

I don’t even have the time to tell her how much I love her.

When I wake up Willow is still here.

“Thank you for everything.” I mutter.

“Until you’re able to locate her, be her lighthouse.” She advises.

“I will!” I swear to myself.

“You’ll have to find her soon or he will be able to impregnate her. He’s working on a philter and he is close to succeed.” She warns me.

“And why are you saying this to me now!” I growl.

“To give you another motivation to act fast. Save our girl soon!” She says before vanishing.

Damn! Now I know why people find her annoying, she definitely is.

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