Losing hope

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Chapter 38 - Sweet dreams

(Her - Hope) - Now...

“Good morning Sweetheart! Did you sleep well?” He says kissing my head before sitting by my side at the table.

I smile at him. We are having our breakfast in an open kitchen, in front of a window. The garden is beautiful, so peaceful... The table is full of food, everything looks mouth watering but I can’t smell anything.

“Good morning. I think so... I don’t know. I don’t remember... I don’t remember my dreams.” I reply, confused.

“As always! Don’t worry, it’s normal to not remember.” He tells me.

I don’t know... Something is missing... I can feel it.

“So what’s the plan for today? Maybe we can go for a walk. It’s a sunny day today.” I propose changing the subject. I know how upset he gets when I talk about my feelings. Moreover I need to go out. I don’t why but I would give everything to feel the direct sunshine on my skin. I miss it so much!

“We already went for a walk yesterday.” He retorts.

“Oh... Maybe we can meet with some friends?”

“I have another idea for today. I just want to spend some time alone with you, my love.” He says, putting his hand on my thigh.

“I’m not feeling well.” I whisper and I feel his hand grip my thigh stronger. If he keeps tightening it will become painful. I bow my head and he’s scaring me.

“Come on sweetheart, you promised me that we will be mine today.” He says pushing my chair closer to his and I feel his lick on my neck. That makes me shiver and I don’t know if it’s in a good way.

“Anatoli, please!” I tremble.

“Love!” He retorts. Goddess he’s not happy with me.

“I’m sorry!” I gulp.

“You’re my beloved Hope. Mine!” He shoots.

Beloved? What does that not seem right...

“I’m not a beloved... I was a mate.” I mutter.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Hope!” He says disapprovingly and the decor changes.

“This is not real!” I exclaim.

“But it could be if only you were compliant! This would be easier for you but no you prefer the hard way! Too bad for you!” Anatoli says in my head.

“Get out!” I hiss.

“Soon or later, you will give in Hope. The more we play the perfect lover the more you need time to realize that.” He smirks.

“No it’s not true!” I deny.

“Are you sure Hope?” He asks me before he launches at me and bite my neck.

When he finished with me and he finally left me alone, everything was hurting. I don’t know how long he tortured me this time. Too long. I’m so exhausted. I just want it to stop. I’m so tired...

"Don’t give up, baby girl!" I hear in my head.

Goddess, help me. I’m going crazy. I just want to rest.

“Good morning Sweetheart! Did you sleep well?” He says kissing my head before sitting by my side at the table.

“That’s not my nickname...” I mutter.

“What did you just say?” He asks.

“Nothing!” I whisper.

He catches my hand and clutches it:” What is your nickname?”

“I said nothing!” I try to take out my hand but he squeezes it stronger. I hiss in pain.

“Who gave you another nickname?” He snaps.

“Nobody!” I deny.

“You’re mine Hope! Do you understand!”

“I’m not yours! Not now! Never!” I scream.

“You’re mine. I will break you! I know I will. I’m close to it. Every time, you’re more in. It takes you longer to realize you’re in an illusion.”

“Not this time.” I whisper.

“How do you do that? You can’t do that alone. Who is helping you? Who gave you your precious nickname?” He demands.

“Nobody! You cut all my ties with the real world! I can’t even barely feel my tiger. How the hell, I would be able to ask for help! Don’t be more stupid than you already are.” I retort.

He catches me by my throat and bangs my head violently against the wall.

“I’m going to start thinking, you like it rough, Hope. You enjoy pushing all my buttons even when you know how bad it will end for you.” He tells me.

“I just can’t help myself. You’re just disgusting me.”

“I’m losing my patience here. It will be easier if you were giving in already. But something or someone is still attacking you in reality. But what? Who?” He inquires.

“I know it’s someone. You gave it I will destroy everything you built, fight everything against your beliefs, kill everybody you loved. But at the end the result will be the same Hope, you’re going to be mine.” He threatens me.

I laugh sarcastically and mock him: “You’re delusional! You just can’t accept the fact I’m resisting you. That’s you’re actually not that strong. That I will rather die than be your. You’re just miserably failing. ”

“That’s it Hope, you asked for it!” He states before breaking 4 of my fingers and it’s only the beginning.

The next hours, days, weeks, I don’t really know. It never really stops... the abuse. When it’s not physically, he’s in my mind. He made me watch the destruction of Imladris again and again. Ryder rejected me again and again... I saw him kill my family, Ryder... Then the next second, I woke up in a mental institute just human. A crazy human that believes in a supernatural world that doesn’t exist and he’s just my therapist, here to help me. I can feel I’m losing it. The more he’s playing with my head the more I’m losing my grip on reality. I’m trying, I really am but I don’t know where the truth is anymore. Did I really meet Dan, Enzo and Sam,his mate a few weeks... Days ago? It felt so really but now I'm doubting it was. My head is killing me, my body is only a mass of pain and I don’t have the force to open my eyes anymore. Everything is just fading away.

“Why are you not healing her?” Anatoli asks. Even if he seems far away, I can feel he’s fuming.

“I-I’m so-sorry Master, I-I c-can’t.” Sofia stutters.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Anatoli barks.

“Some-something is bl-blocking m-me.” Sofia explains still stuttering.

“How can she block you in that shape?”

“It-it’s not h-her. You-you w-went too f-f-far M-Master.”

“How dare you!” He thunders.

“I-I’m sorry M-Master. S-she n-needs to r-rest and in a f-few days I w-will b-be able t-to heal h-her.”

Knowing that bitch she kneels in front of him. How can she be working willingly with him... Maybe I will find peace now...

“Where were you, baby girl?” Ryder asks me.

We are both sitting on the same bench as always. I don’t think this is Anatoli but I also know he’s not really here either. It’s just my subconscious. Ryder is the figure who brings me the most comfort.

“Sorry, he didn’t let me rest.” I reply, putting my head on his shoulders.

“It has been 9 days!” He exclaims.

I sigh deeply, feeling in peace:” I missed you! I missed your scent. I will give everything to be able to smell you.”

“I missed you too, baby girl. You’ve no idea how much!” He replies.

“What happened?” He asks me.

“I pissed him about my nickname.” I explain.

“How? Can you tell me more?” He requests so I explain everything.

“I should’ve tried harder. I could’ve taken your place!” He says, pacing in front of me.

“I’m tired Ryder. I don’t know if I can fight anymore. Nor if I want...”

“Of course you want to!” He retorts.

“I don’t know, it’s so hard. If I...” I sigh before going on:” If I leave, he will not have me.”

He kneels in front of me: “I can’t let you go! Not now, not until we have time together. I want to see you walking in a breathtaking dress in our mating ceremony, in white for our wedding, in a fucking hot lingerie for our wedding night. I want to see your belly grow with my pups and my little tigers.”

I smile: ” pupS, TigerS? How many are you expecting us to have?”

“At least 4." He replies putting his head on my lap.

“4!” I exclaim, caressing his hair.

“You need to make up for the one I miss.” He shrugs.

“Let’s start with another one and we will speak after.” I propose.

He beams: “Deals!”

He frowns, taking my hands in his:” I know I’m asking for a lot, baby girl, but don’t give up now. If only I could give you my strength.”

Suddenly I feel warm in my hands that make me panic.

“What the hell did you do? Who are you?” I yell panicked before he disappears.

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