Losing hope

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Chapter 45 - Fix You

(Her - Hope) Now...

It has been awhile since I slept so well. Ryder didn’t leave me and chased away all my nightmares. I spent the night in his arms, my back on his front in a spoon position. I’m still hearing him breathing deeply, still asleep. Yet, someone woke me up. A familiar smell that I missed so much...

“Hello my little men!” I whisper before opening my eyes.

I beam when I see his face. He grew too much while I was away. Another proof this is really, in Anatoli’s mind games Dan was exactly the same then the day I was taken. It has to be real! I can smell him for once and in Anatoli’s game Dan and Ryder were never together.

“Mommy! You’re late! You missed my birthday! We will have to celebrate it again!” He whispers back, making me chuckle.

Clever little boy! All excuses are good to receive presents. How is it possible for him to be here. He supposed to be in Night Walker Pack, not here. Both Ryder and Enzo told me I will see him soon when I will be more stable. And I agreed I don’t want him to see me in one of my panic attacks / Anatoli’s visits in my mind.

“What are you doing here? Does Unclezo know you’re here?” I ask him.

“I used the portal!” He replies like it was obvious.

What portal?

“I just wanted to see you. I know you were back still he told me you weren’t!” He replies before I can ask.

Even if we are still whispering, Ryder is stirring behind me and I feel something hard poking my ass.

“Not the right moment, Big man!” I tell him.

“Oh yeah, baby girl! I’m a big man. Want to see it by yourself?” I reply in a deep sexy voice, kissing my shoulders. For sure his eyes are still closed.

“Hi daddy!” Dan says, making Ryder jump in surprise.

“Dan! Little man, Why are you here? How?” He asks him, confused.

“Duh, I went by the portal.”

I really want to ask about that portal but it will wait. I’ve something so much more important to do now that Ryder is awake.

“Where is my hug, Little Man?” I inquire. Dan smiles and joins us in the bed.

Our first family hug, finally... I never thought it would happen. That makes me cry.

“I love you both so much!” I snob.

“Baby girl?” Ryder asks, worried.

“I’m just happy to see us together.” I explain.

“Me too! You’ve no idea!” He tells me, cleaning away my tears with his thumb. Dan jumps between us, and we both take him between us in a sandwich hgf. This feels so good! I want to wake up like that every day.

“This is only the beginning.” Ryder swears.

I nod. This is only the beginning of our life together

Seeing all my family, falling in their arms was... I don’t know how to describe it. I’m so grateful for their kindness and understanding. We all cried together and I met my nephew Seth. It’s so good to see them after so long. It’s also nice to see Enzo in love. He’s just a little kitten in Sam’s hands. Old Hope would’ve already teased him about it. Soon, I will be my old self again. I’m so happy for them! They both deserved the happiness that a mate brings.

I’m surrounded by love and I missed that. I can see the light finally. And the more we go the more I know it’s real. Anatoli tried to use my parents and brother the first few weeks but he was not realistic enough. His Ryder was not credible either but he succeeded in triggering my insecurities so it worked.

“Stop thinking about it! You’re not there anymore.” Melinda orders me.

“And you’re not going back.” Enzo adds.

We are back in Imladris with Dan, Noah, Al, Enzo, Sam. I don’t know where Ryder is. Maybe busy with his alpha’s duties. Dan and Noah are playing in his room.

“Sorry, it’s just difficult. I wish to think this is over but I still can feel him and I know he will come back.” I explain.

“He will but you’re so much stronger than him.” Alistair retorts.

“Yet, he had me once. He could’ve me another time.” I mutter.

“Why didn’t you use your gift already since you’re back?” Melinda asks, changing the subject.

“Because everytime I used it the first few weeks there, it was pure torture. I don’t know how he did it but he turned my gifts against me.”

“How?” Enzo asks.

“The meteorite and a mirror spell.” Melinda says, taking my hands in hers.

“I don’t feel any magic around you anymore. It’s now you can use your gifts again. It’s safe.” She adds looking at my eyes.

“Try.” Enzo says.

I nod. I raise my hand toward his glass of water. I really want to try but before I can, I’ve a flash... The pain... Pure torture only.

“I-I c-can’t!” I stutter.

“Hope...” Melinda mutters.

I need to get away!

“I’m tired, I’m going to my room to rest.” I say before running away from them.

I can’t breathe anymore. I just want for everything to stop. I feel so dirty. His hands on me, his fangs piercing my skin... Him in me... I ran to throw it in the toilet. God, I just want to forget. Maybe the water will help. I turn on the shower and once the water is hot. I let it run all over my body. I start to relax below the calming sensation of the shower.

“You can forget me don’t you, Baby Girl.” I hear Anatoli say as if he was by my side.

“You’re not here! It’s just on my mind.” I whisper.

“My hands all over your body, my fangs testing the sweetness of your blood,my cock deep inside you...” He keeps going.

“You’re not here!” I repeat.

" The second you’ve never had and the last one you will ever have.” He says as he said each time he raped me.

“Shut up!” I whisper.

“That’s cunt! For sure I will not forget it.”

“Shut up! You’re not here!”

“Do you really think Ryder will want you? After how I ruined you! With my mark on you! Look at you, you’re just a broken fucktoy.” He mocks me.

“SHUT UP!” I yell.

I start to wash my skin frantically. I need to wash his touches but no matter how hard I try it’s still here... I still can feel him on me.

“Hope! Stop! you’re bleeding!” Phoebe says. She is me in the shower, her clothes all wet.

“I can’t wash it off...” I cry.

“It’s over now! He’s not here.” She whispers hugging me.

“He’s still in my head...”

“I know but not for long anymore. You’re stronger than him.” She replies.

“Not anymore. He ruined me. I’m so broken. Who would want someone like me?”

“You’re down now but soon you will rise again, stronger than ever.” She states.

“I don’t know if I will.” I disagree.

“Of course you will. It’s who you are. And if you don’t do it for you, you will for the ones who love you. For Dan, for your mate, your family and your friends.” She explains.

“It’s so hard!” I sob.

“I know but you’re not alone. Let us in.” She inquires.

“You shouldn’t be here. We broke our sisterhood for a reason. If Bill discover that you’re here...”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered up.” She replies with a sad smile.

“You need to go! We can take any risks with Olivia’s life!” I state.

She beams: ” See! Old Hope is still there. Still caring for others before herself!”

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