The night couldn't have gone worse. We were about to have sex, or at least a super steamy make out sesh and then my brain had to go and short circuit on me and send me into a complete and utter meltdown. However, how Tanner cared for me last night- he was so gentle, so sweet and patient, it was as if he knew exactly what he was doing, like it's something he's had to do a million times before- my heart twists at the thought. Then waking up this morning to him, freaking out after my night of on and off nightmares- I wouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to see me again.
Despite my anxieties, he texted me about fifty times throughout the day- whenever we didn't share a class or see each other in passing- just to check up on me and see how I was feeling.
The rest of the morning was eventful, to say the least. This man was killing me, in every single amazing way possible. He started off the morning by bringing me coffee, made to perfection- which was all the wins he needed in my book. Then I did something that shocked myself, I crawled on top of him. I straddled his lap, and when I lowered myself fully into his lap, I could feel how bad he wanted me, and it made me feel so guilty for what happened last night. It was supposed to be a special moment between us, and I ruined it. I could see how his body reacted to mine and I wanted to take full advantage of it, but I was terrified that if I initiated anything that what happened would happen again. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to give him what he so desperately wanted.
The only thing I could think of to do was to thank him for what he did for me the night before. I had to thank him before it was too late, before he too would soon be gone. I didn't want him to run, but I didn't blame him after the way I reacted last night.
He sat there and listened to everything I had to say and my god, the look in his eyes stole the breath right from my lungs. I was so captivated by him for a moment that I forgot to breathe and then he started speaking.
His words did so much to soothe me and reassure me. He made me feel like I wasn't tainted- some broken object.
He was so goofy and cheesy and despite all the silly cliché things he said- I secretly loved every single one- everything he said made me fall harder and faster for him. Harder than I ever thought possible. I didn't think it was possible to feel this strongly for another person. The way I was starting to feel about Tanner has begun swallowing me whole and I don't think there's any going back from here.
My lips were on his before he could even stop speaking. I just needed to taste his lips. I needed to be closer to him than I already was. His arms pulled me closer, and I traced my tongue across him bottom lip, begging for entrance. He obliged, his mouth opening just slightly as my tongue collided with his. I could practically taste the desire coming from him and god, it was so sweet.
I pulled back, afraid of what would happen if I let the kiss continue any longer. I wanted everything he had to offer, and I couldn't help but fantasize about everything he could do to me and how he could make me feel.
I could feel him pressing against me, the thin material of our pajamas doing nothing to shield how hard he was. My legs were jell-o, and I was afraid if I tried to get up that I would just collapse. I could feel the pool between my legs and instantly blushed.
Once we both had a minute to cool down and I wasn't being distracted by his manhood pressing against me I said everything that I've been wanting to. I spilled my guts to him and told him everything I've been feeling since meeting him. I left out some things, like the huge fact that I think I'm falling in love with him, but if last night didn't scare him off, I didn't want my premature confession to chase him off either.
When I finally have the courage to look into his eyes, the only way I could describe the way he looked at me was one of pure love, and I really hoped that I read him right because the feeling was definitely mutual.
I throw myself down on my bed, a smile permanently stretched across my face. I pull out my cellphone, sending Tanner a text:
I'm home. Thank you again for everything. You're amazing.
I add a heart to the end of the message, erasing it, and then typing another one before finally sending it. I bite my bottom lip and pull up my contact list, typing Lydia's name and pressing the FaceTime icon next to her info.
Lydia's face fills the screen in mere seconds a huge grin across her face. "There's my best friend!" She squeals. "I miss you so fucking much!" She pouts her perfect lifts before she flops down on her bed, holding her phone above her.
"I miss you too." I groan and return her pout.
"How have you guys been? I don't like not seeing you every single day. I think you guys need to move to Tuscon." I tease.
"Ugh, I wish!" Lydia groans in response before flipping over onto her stomach. "This whole being away from you definitely sucks, but umm fill me in on the whole Tanner situation." She gives me her full attention.
I blush at the mention of him, and she definitely picks up on it because she giggles. "Charlie's in loveeee" She sings.
"Shut up!" I scold, a grin perking up the corner of my lips.
She giggles and waits patiently for me to start.
"Well, we went to his house for dinner. I met his parents."
Her eyes go wide and her mouth gapes. "That sounds serious."
I shrug sheepishly. "They're amazing. His family is seriously like... definition of perfect family." I sigh almost dreamily.
"Then, now you're gonna love this- I asked to go back to his place."
Lydia screams and I can't help but to giggle.
I just nod my head. "And let me tell you, when we got inside... His kiss. Oh my god!" I sit there and remember how his lips feel on mine and I can feel the tingle between my legs again and instantly scold myself.
"And then?" Lydia asks impatiently.
"And then I fucked everything up." I sigh.
Her brow furrows. "What do you mean you fucked everything up? I highly doubt that. You're pretty damn perfect."
I roll my eyes. "Far from it but thank you. We were in the middle of making out and I don't know, it was like my brain was just teleported right back to that night with Gavin. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, I could feel his grimy hands on me. I practically hauled myself out of his arms and shrunk down to the floor." I groaned as the memory makes my stomach twist with disgust.
"I can't fucking believe it. I've never wanted to have sex with someone so bad." I whine before continuing- "He was perfect through everything, through my entire melt down and reassured me the entire time. I slept over and even in the morning he kept reassuring me. Never once was it awkward between us or weird, but if I was him, I'd probably bolt immedietly."
"Well, that's you. It seems like he really likes you. Think of the facts doofus, after everything he laid with you and reassured you, he didn't just kick you out after everything happened. Chill, give the boy some credit here. He's not Gavin." As soon as she says his name, I can tell she regrets it. "I'm sorry."
I sigh. "It's okay. It's not like his name will send me into a complete meltdown." I shrug my shoulders. "I guess you're right. I'm just scared. He's so perfect, and I think he's exactly what I need."
"I think you're right. You need someone who's going to love you and treat you the way you deserve. You're one of the most magnificent people I know, and I'm not just saying that because you're my best friend and practically my sister. You're so smart, beautiful and you have one of the biggest hearts, he'd be crazy to not stick around.
Lydia and I stay on the phone for an hour longer, catching up and such. The phone call with her has me missing her dearly and I'm just about to get settled in with a good book when my phone chimes.
What're you doing beautiful?
A smile instantly spreads across my lips.
Oh, just settling into bed with a book.
You have all your homework done already?
Mhm, thank god. That assignment was brutal.
It was. Do you wanna go out? As silly as it sounds, I miss you already 😊
The smile on my lips just gets bigger.
Not silly at all. Of course. When and where?
I'll pick you up in an hour. It's a surprise 😉
I was intrigued now. I throw the blankets from my body and walk over to my dresser. I have no idea what I'm going to wear, and how the hell was I going to decide if I don't even know where we're going.
Another text comes through
No need to dress up, just dress comfortable. Yoga pants are a plus 😉
I giggle at his message and roll my eyes. Typical boy.
I walk back to my dresser and rifle through. I settle on a simple white v-neck and since last night was a complete train wreck, I pull a pair of yoga pants from the drawer- gotta give the guy something.
I check my reflection in the body length mirror that's attached to the back of the door. The shirt sits slightly above the fold on my yoga pants, exposing an inch or two of my olive skin. I rake my fingers through my unruly, wavy hair and pull it all up into a messy, high ponytail before sitting at my makeshift vanity. I coat my long lashes with some mascara, and smear some shimmery golden eyeshadow over my lids- the color bringing out the golden flecks in my eyes.
He shows up exactly when he says he will. When I open the door, his eyes devour me whole. A sound close to a growl escapes his lips as he walks in behind me, his eyes no doubt on my ass.
I bite my bottom lip, reveling in the attention his eyes are paying my features.
"Those yoga pants- You have no idea-" He stutters, at loss for words.
I give my ass a little shake and his eyes go wide. He engulfs my body in his strong arms and holds me as close to him as space will allow and his signature scent has me completely and utterly intoxicated. His lips are so close to mine that I can feel his breath cascading across my lips as his breathing picks up speed. I can practically feel his heart beating through his chest and before I can even react, he presses his lips firmly to mine. His kiss has so much behind it, so many emotions and I completely melt into him.
"I.." I mumble against his lips and I stop myself before I can say any more. I almost just told him that I love him. No, Charlie.
My breathing is ragged, but I continue kissing him to mask what I was about to say, moaning against his lips softly when his tongue slips in, intermingling with mine.
He pulls away and I seriously want to pull him back in, continue kissing him till the end of time.
He leans his forehead against mine, his breathing still fast and heavy. "You're beautiful."
His confession sends chills through my entire body, especially between my legs- after that kiss we just shared, jeeze.
"So are you." I realize what I say and giggle, rolling my eyes.
He smiles at him, his hand on my cheek and his thumb tracing small patterns across my skin- a gesture I've really come to love.
I lean into his hand, kissing whatever exposed skin I can reach.
He leans in, placing one more light kiss on my lips. "You ready to go?" He asks in a whisper, his forehead still resting against mine.