#32 Body, soul, the whole damn thing
“Don’t you dare wake up Jagger,” I hiss at Khiêm. “This is confusing and frustrating enough without him finding out and reporting this to Marcus.”
“Sorry,” he says, reeling in his amusement. “It’s just… I’m not with Gail. Not even a little bit.”
“But you… you kiss her and spend time with her and talk about her…”
He shakes his head. “Nia… I slept on the fucking couch the night she stayed here. I haven’t had sex in eight months, and I found a girl who is into me, who wants to sleep with me, and who isn’t my best friend’s sister, and all I could think about was you. I seriously felt like I was cheating on you, so I told her I wasn’t feeling it and crashed on the goddamn couch in my own fucking apartment while there was a naked girl in my bed.”
“But you… the next morning…” I can’t make sense of this. What the hell is happening?
“You’re Marcus’ little sister,” Khiêm says, grunting in exasperation. “Which makes you totally off-limits. On top of that, you have this whole history of men objectifying you. I couldn’t just come out and tell you that I’ve been completely obsessed with you since that first real talk we had in the coffeeshop, that day I asked you to move in with me. At least when I thought it was just me, I could reel it in and pretend I wasn’t totally into you, but then you started snuggling up to me on the couch, and telling me how handsome I looked, flirting with me…” He shakes his head in wonder. “I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, all I knew was that I needed to put some distance between us, so I tried dating Gail, but it was no use. I broke things off with her the morning after she slept in my bed.”
He broke things off with her. For me. A small smile curls up the corners of my mouth and I wipe away the last of my tears. Still, that doesn’t explain why he kept hanging out with her.
Without me even having to voice the question, he speaks up again. “Gail and I are just friends now, and we’ve only been talking online, when we collaborate for a vlog or a podcast or something. I haven’t seen her in person since that morning.”
“But you’re always telling me that Gail was here when I’m at work, and you’ve been out with her a few nights, and-”
“I lied,” Khiêm says, looking a little embarrassed. “Why do you think she was never here when you were? When I said I had Gail over, I was just working. Or thinking about you while pretending to work. When I was supposedly going out with her at night, I went over to Trystan’s place to play videogames.”
I laugh softly, scooting a little closer. “I’ve been imagining so many inventive ways to kill her,” I admit.
“No need,” he says, angling his body in my direction. “I’ve only got eyes for you. I need to ask… are you sure? I mean… we both know that in the past, you’ve been sleeping with people for validation. And now, I’m the one giving you validation. I’m happy to do that, but if we… do… anything, I don’t think I could take it if it turns out you’re not truly into me, if you’re just looking for a way to fill a void or something.”
I hate that he thinks I’d do that to him. I get it, I don’t blame him, but I don’t want him to think I like him for any other reason than because… well, because he’s amazing. “Khiêm,” I start, scooting to the middle of the bed to I can take his hands in mine.
“Nia,” he replies with a small smile.
“You’re the best person ever. Like… ever. You’re driven, funny, kind, and you’re so confident…”
“Not all that confidence is real, you know,” he says softly. “Everyone gets insecure sometimes. I know the kind of guys you’ve been with. I’m nothing like them. I’m not tall, muscular, or-”
“Exactly,” I cut in, squeezing his hand. “You’re nothing like them, which is one of the many reasons I like you so much. Please, please can I kiss you now?”
He lets out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, of course.”
I take his face in my hands and slowly move closer until our lips are brushing. He knots one hand in my hair while the other goes around my waist, drawing me closer. His lips press against mine in the softest, sweetest kiss I’ve ever shared with anyone, and I don’t want it to ever end. He seems to feel the same way, flicking his tongue over my lower lip. I open up expectantly, moaning softly when our tongues start a slow, seductive dance.
If there was any doubt if we have chemistry, it’s all gone out the window now. Fucking hell, this guy can kiss. He’s so gentle with me, not tugging at my hair or pushing me down on the matrass or anything like that. He seems perfectly content kissing me for as long as I’ll let him. Which might just turn out to be forever, because I’ve never felt so alive.
It’s Khiêm who pulls away eventually, gasping for air. “Fuuuuck,” he grunts, tracing my jawline with his fingertips. “I’m so fucked.”
“Why?” I ask, my entire body humming with pleasure. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
“Hell yeah it does,” he groans, pressing another kiss to my lips. “Feels like… fuck, I don’t know. But… Marcus is my best friend, along with Jagger. They’re the two people I’m closest to in the whole world. And with Jagger living in a different town now, Marcus has become even more important to me. I don’t want to lose him. You’ll always be his sister, even if he finds out we’re… doing whatever it is we’re doing… but he can cut me out of his life, and I don’t want that, Nia. I can’t lose my best friend.”
I honestly didn’t even stop to think about what might happen if Marcus finds out that me and Khiêm are far from platonic. Khiêm means a lot to Marcus too, and I’d hate to come between them. That being said… I’m not willing to give up this amazing connection between us either. It’s magic. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before.
“Maybe we should first figure out what it is that we’re doing,” I whisper, kissing him again, softly and with all the care in the world, not wanting to waste a single second of this precious moment.
“Hmm,” he murmurs against my lips. “Yeah… What are we doing?”
“Kissing,” I breathe, scooting even closer so I can put my legs in his lap, pressing myself against him.
He groans when I start to kiss his neck, sloppy, wet kisses, softer than I’ve ever kissed anyone before. I want to melt into him, get as close to him as possible, but I also don’t want to rush things. That’s what I’ve done with all the guys before him, and it never worked out.
“I want you to know I’m not in this for the sex,” he whispers like he can read my mind. “I mean… I obviously want you…” He grabs my hand and puts it on his rock-hard cock to show me the effect I have on him. “But I can take care of that myself. It’s not the reason I’m into you.”
“But you haven’t had sex in eight months,” I can’t help but remind him of his earlier words.
“If all I wanted was sex, I’d have slept with Gail,” he grunts, pulling me tighter against him. “I’m a patient guy. I want to be very clear about this… I want you. All of you. Not just your body.”
No one has ever said anything like that to me. Ever. I tear up a little, clutching him as I press my face into his shirt. Don’t cry, Nia. Not now.
“Hey,” he whispers, shifting so he can lie me down on the matrass, stretching out beside me so he can wrap his warm, soft body around me. “Don’t cry, lovely.”
“You’re so sweet,” I whimper, getting his shirt all wet with my tears. “Sorry. This is so stupid.”
Khiêm rubs my back and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Not at all. When you’re done crying though… I’d very much like to know what you think about all of this. What you want.”
I laugh through my tears. “You,” I state simply. “Body, soul, the whole damn thing.”
“That sounds nice,” he breathes, nuzzling against my neck.
We stay like that for a long time, hugging while we’re all wrapped around each other, our clothes still on, doing nothing but kiss and come up for air every few minutes. I’ve never felt so safe, or so turned on, and we’re still fully clothed.
“We can’t tell Marcus,” he says, sounding pained. “Not until we’re sure…”
“Right,” I agree right away. “No need to add all that extra pressure. We’ll just take things slow, see where this goes, and if it goes somewhere… real…”
“We’ll tell him then,” Khiêm agrees, his lips finding mine again.
Things get heated pretty soon, his hands moving up my body to cup my breasts while I stroke his erection through his jeans, but we both know we can’t do this. Not now. Not with Jagger in the living room and still so many things to figure out between us. For the first time, I don’t need sex to know a guy is into me. I don’t need sex to reassure me I’m worthy of attention. I want sex, obviously, but I don’t need it. I know that Khiêm likes me for me, not just because he’s horny and is looking for a quick fuck. It means everything.
“I should go,” he whispers, his hot breath tingling on my skin. “This was already pretty risky with Jagger crashing on the couch.”
“No…” I whine, pulling him back when he tries to get up. “Stay for a little while longer.”
“Lovely…” He smiles and kisses me tenderly. “We’ve got all the time in the world. I’m not going to have sex with you tonight. I want to… I don’t know, be alone in the apartment, for starters, and take you out on a date or something, make you feel special.”
God, I can’t with this guy. Is he for real?
“You always do,” I assure him. “And I’m not saying we should have sex, but… don’t go. We’ll set our alarm really early. It’s not like Jagger is going to wander into your room at night. Unless you and him have a different kind of relationship than I thought you did.”
He chuckles. “Wouldn’t you like to know…”
“Then break off your friends-with-benefits situation, because you’re all mine now,” I whisper, half-joking, half-serious. “Jagger will have to make do with Rose.”
Khiêm laughs again, and he moves to get out of bed.
“No…” I whine. I don’t even care how pathetic I sound. I don’t want this night to end yet.
“Relax, woman, I’m just taking off my jeans,” Khiêm says, winking at me. “It’s a little uncomfortable to go to sleep in my clothes.”
Hmm… I like the sound of that. As he steps out of his jeans and takes off his one sock – which is still weird, but oddly endearing at the same time – I reach to tug off his shirt as well. He complies, and I sit back to watch him, let my eyes wander over his body. God, he’s gorgeous. Every single part of him is just… Khiêm. No, he’ll never be voted America’s most eligible bachelor based on looks alone, nor could he pursue a career as an underwear model, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think he’s the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen.
“What’s that look?” Khiêm asks, looking a little shy now.
“Enjoying the view,” I reply, letting my eyes wander to the tent in his shorts. “You’re beautiful.”
He makes a low sound in the back of his throat and gets in bed with me, rolling me away from him so he can press his chest against my back, spooning me. I snuggle against him, my head on his upper arm, enjoying how perfectly he fits against me.
“Nia…” he grunts when I wiggle my ass against his erection. “I’ll never get any sleep this way.”
I giggle, snorting a little at the end. God, I’m so not being seductive right now. Apparently, Khiêm doesn’t agree, because he kisses my neck and softly brushes his fingers over my nipple as he presses his cock harder against my ass.
“You smell so good,” he whispers, nuzzling against my neck as he inhales deeply. “All… Nia.”
I’m so used to guys yanking off my pants and sinking into me in this very position, instead of spooning me like Khiêm is doing. Yeah, he’s horny, but I can tell that this is enough for him tonight, just enjoying being close to me. The only compliments I usually get in bed are how wet I am, how easy, what a good girl I am. Not that I smell nice. I much prefer this, to be honest. He likes me for me, including the way I smell, which isn’t even very nice right now, since I last showered this morning, I’ve been sweating like crazy during my earlier marathon masturbation session, and I’ve been bawling my eyes out.
“Does anyone know?” Khiêm asks, his voice husky. “That you… like me, I mean?”
“Yeah, my friends,” I reply, yawning a little. “Ayaan, Holly, and Aimee.”
“Oh God,” he grunts. “I can’t even imagine what they must have said when you told them. I’m surprised they didn’t push you to just get over it.”
“Aimee thinks you’re perfect for me,” I whisper, turning around in his arms so I can kiss him. “And I don’t give a fuck what Ayaan and Holly think. Did you tell anyone?”
“Trystan,” he admits. “I had to talk to someone, and Marcus and Jagger weren’t an option. And I think Gail suspects, but we’re not that close, obviously.”
“Marcus told me about all the nice things you say about me behind my back,” I say, looking into his beautiful brown eyes. “I thought at first maybe you just said those things to my face, because you knew I needed the validation, but when I realized you said it even when I can’t hear you…”
“I meant every word I’ve ever said to you and about you,” he assures me, squeezing me tightly. “Expect for when I said that you were like a sister to me, obviously.”
I grin. “Good, because that would be creepy.” I sit up to set the alarm on my phone, making sure we’ll wake up only a few hours from now so Khiêm can sneak out of my room before Jagger suspects anything.
We spoon again, and Khiêm keeps his lower body a few inches from mine so he can get his erection to die down. I tease him a little, pressing my ass against him each time he’s getting close to falling asleep, causing him to groan and pull me in for another kiss each time I do. Eventually, we both grow too tired to keep kissing, no matter how good it feels, and we fall asleep wrapped around each other.
When we wake up six hours later from the sound of Jagger flushing the toilet, Khiêm shoots up, eyes wide, looking down at me.
“We slept through the alarm,” he grunts, grabbing my phone. “It went off an hour ago.”
Yeah... I sort of ignored all my work to write this... OOPS. Now I really need to get some work done!!