Pretty Fake Fantasies

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Carter and Ava sitting in a tree

The two weeks following my suspension were hell. I felt agitated and like a bum all the time. It was weird not working my butt off and rather just sitting at home, waiting to beg the other kids to send me all the notes and homework as soon as the clock struck 3:00 pm.

I woke up early everyday and got to cleaning the house, doing the laundry, washing the dishes and preparing all the meals including my mother and brother's packed lunches. Unfortunately, everyday all this work lasted only for 5 hours maximum and I had to sit idle for hours before school got over.

I thought I'd enjoy this, I thought I'd be relaxed and this would be my vacation, my break from all the stress and anxiety. But apparently not, the same things that used to happen before happen now when I'm sitting idle.

My stupid mind goes to weird places but this time those places are not sad, oh no they are far from those types of thoughts.

These days all I can seem to think about is Carter. Since everything else in my life has been going so smoothly, I think I have time to think about things that I used to consider stupid and unnecessary before: BOYS!

It is understandable that someday in my life I would meet a person who would capture my interest, who I'd fall for and find comfort and support in. But I always thought that would be way into the future, I never in a billion years could've fathomed the idea of me fauning over a guy NOW!!

However much I try to convince myself, I can't seem to reason with this stupid head of mine. It is hellbent on liking Carter Grey....

Out of all the people I could've fallen for, I fell for Carter Grey. I can't believe not only I have a crush, now my first crush is going to go unrequited.

"You don't know that yet Ava, it's possible he likes you too!" I heard my subconscious say that stupid line for the thousandth time in the past 1 week and 6 days! It made me stop thinking and fume. I was currently wiping down the kitchen counter, trying to keep myself away from thoughts of Carter.

I was angry at myself. Why was I acting like a stupid teen? I get it, I wanted to be normal but not THIS Normal! I can't afford crushes especially crushes that will end up crushing me!

"Listen to me you stupid little bitch, this is Carter Grey we're talking about! Have you seen the kind of girls he dates?! You think there is even a remote possibility that HE will like ME?!!" I screamed back at myself.

This is what my life has been like for the past 2 weeks. I have zero clue as to what I am going to do when I actually see Carter tomorrow in school.

I met Carter twice during my entire 2 week suspension and during the second meeting, I realised I had developed a crush on him which obviously made me avoid him like the plague.

His calls, texts everything! I don't know what I am going to do at school tomorrow..how am I going to avoid him? And if I can't avoid him what will I say to him? How will I explain why I have been ghosting him?

I dump the dirty kitchen towel in the washing machine and make my way towards the living room. I was exhausted from all the thinking I've done for the past 13 days...it seemed never ending.

I can't believe I am being like this!! But I guess there's no harm in this? Right? I mean unless and until I don't neglect my family, my studies and my job. Even if I end up getting my feelings hurt, liking someone isn't that big of a deal right?

Kids do this all the time! Yea... I'll get through this. It's just one more year of highschool and then I'll probably be in another state for college! This isn't that concerning.

Yes, I should stop being crazy and think logically, think like the old Ava would.

I should just focus on going back to school and making sure I haven't missed much of my lessons. I tried my hardest to keep up with everything that was being taught in school.

I was in no way gonna let my idiocy effect my grades, that will just make this mistake more horrendous and also it will make my mum worried which I cannot tolerate.

My mother got a permanent position and is now a full time office worker. I need to make sure that I don't create extra problems for her.

I took a deep breath in, this was my normal routine. I would have a nervous breakdown and then the calculating, logical and mature side of me would make an appearance and the rest of the day would go by smoothly.

Soon the house is in a ruckus. My brother came home around 3:15pm and brought a whole tornado with him which was nothing unusual.

He has been such a chatty Kathy these days, telling me all the interesting things that happened in his school, watching television and shouting out the dialogues loudly. We soon rushed out to the library and there I did my work while Ray did his school work as usual.

We were back at home by 7pm...just in time as always. I found my mum already at home, making dinner. We had dinner, all of us talked about our days, cleaned up and went off to our respective rooms to retire for the day.

Nothing new, same as it has been the past 13 days. Tommorow though is going to be different, since my 2 week sentence would end tommorow.

I could go back to school and won't have to mope around all day at home, with nothing to do.

I quickly changed into my night gown and started getting my bed ready, picking up all the crap I had thrown on it and putting em back in their respective places.

*Tuck* *tuck*

The sound made me stop and look towards my bedroom window.

"What the Frick" I whispered to myself...was that the wind? Or maybe the branches of that huge tree that's right outside my bedroom window? The branches must've grown out more...

Suddenly my phone pinged and this all turned into a really scary montage from THE SCREAM. Fuckin hell

I picked up my phone and it was Carter. Of course!

I checked his text and it said

'open the window or I'm breaking it'~ Carter

"Wtf" I thought to myself as I made my way, once again, towards the window. I drew the curtains back and almost screamed my lungs out!

Carter Grey was literally sitting on the branch of a tree, grinning and waving at me!

I hurriedly opened the window, scared that our neighbours might see him and also because I didn't want him falling down and breaking his neck.

"What the fuck are you doing?!?" I whisper screamed at him as soon as he landed inside my room.

"Your room is....not what I expected" he said, looking around my very normal room.

"Carter!" I said as I physically turned him around to face me. Is this boy crazy?

"You weren't answering my calls or my texts. At first I thought maybe you needed time to process the whole suspension thing but nope! You were just blatantly ignoring me" he said, his arms now crossed and his eyebrows raised.

"Oh so whenever someone ignores you, instead of taking the hint you CREEP UP THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW?!?" I said, my voice risisng bit by bit.

"Yea when that someone is a suicide risk, then I do!" He said, his voice accusing me.

"I--i" that left me speechless. He was worried?

"Do you have any idea how scared I was all this time? I thought you killed yourself or something! I thought we made a deal!?" He said, now anger clear on his face.

"I'm sorry..I didn't think about it like that. But you don't have to worry anymore, my sister is gone, my dad is gone which means I have to stay here and take care of my brother...I can't die anymore" I told him, now calming down. I walked to my bed and sat down.

"Oh, well I didn't know that you had changed your mind. I thought maybe there was still a possibility....so" he said, scratching his head.

It made me giggle

"What?" He asked, a smile gracing his lips as well.

"This is the first time someone has done something so extreme for me" I told him. It was truely heartwarming. I was used to being ignored and hiding my feelings...I was used to thinking I was all on my own and that no-one is coming to save me.

"Yea well that's what friends are for, right?" He said, sitting down on my bed beside me.

"Sooo what now?" I asked. "You gonna climb back down?" I said, laughing that his efforts went to waste. He climbed a fricking tree in the middle of the night for nothing.

"Yea...umm I'll um see you in school then." He said and got up and made his way towards my window. "Oh and don't ignore me anymore, I don't like that at all" he said to me.

"Okay done" I said. He climed over the window sill and turned towards me to wave goodbye.

I don't know what came over me...maybe I was possessed but I speed walked towards him and kissed him on the cheek!

"Bye and thanks for checking up on me" I said as I realised what I had done!

"Try to act cool, try to act as if youhadn't just kissed him" I heard my subconscious.

"I'll seen you in school tomorrow Grey" I said, waving goodbye.

I looked at him, assessing his reaction, he looked like in a daze. He nodded his head and started climbing back down using the tree.

I closed quickly my window, desperate to get away from whatever just happened right now and plopped down on my bed like a dead person.

Fucking hell! Why the fuck would I do that?!?? What the fuck is wrong with me?!?

I don't even know why....one moment I was standing there, looking at him wave and the next my lips were on his cheek

"Is this how we're thanking people from now on?" My subconscious snickered.

"Take a day off will you??!?" I barked back. I can definitely count on my subconscious to make me feel like crap.

Oh I've done it this time.....






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