I woke up at 4 in the morning. Even my dreams were about Carter! I tried to go back to sleep but I had too much on my mind. So I just layed in my bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking what would happen when I go to school in a few hours.
Should I make up an excuse and stay home?!? I can't, my father would have a sheep if he find me home during school hours...
No, I'd rather face the drama waiting for me in school than face my father's wrath. I decided it's better to get up and get ready for school instead of moping around on my bed. I went inside my bathroom, brushed my teeth, did my business and took a warm shower to calm my nerves.
I dressed in all black cause I was preety sure it's going to be my last day on earth today. Carter would tell the entire school that I'm suicidal and that would be the end of my peace, my secret.
I went downstairs into the kitchen to fix breakfast for everyone. I made myself toast and eggs and kept my father's tea in the microwave so he could warm it up when he wanted to drink it. I covered the rest of the food as well.
I opened a book and ate my breakfast while enjoying the rare peace and silence that engulfed my house. Soon everyone would be up, especially the devil, and the house would be as if Chaos himself came to visit.
Soon I'm done with breakfast and it's almost time for me leave for school, so I gather my things and start towards the door. As I was about to open the main door, I heard the stairs creak behind me and turn around to find my father, still half asleep.
"You didn't make my tea again bitch?" He asked with the usual endearment he uses for me. "I made it, it's in the microwave" I said, with no emotion in my voice. My voice tends to become plain and emotionless around him.
"Get lost, I don't want to look at your ugly face anymore." He said as he disappeared into the kitchen. I roll my eyes and thought to myself 'like I wanted to start my day by seeing your assoholic face'.
As I embark on my journey towards my own doom, I couldn't stop thinking about what Carter would do. I don't really know the guy, not personally. He plays football, he's popular and hot and that's all I know about Carter, which does not provide me with any clues as to what he will do with the information he came across yesterday.
Soon I'm walking through the school doors and my eyes feverishly look around for any sign of Carter or people looking at me weird. There were none of both. So I'm guessing Carter has not announced anything to the student Body yet. I open my locker, put my bag inside and took my history book out.
I am getting frustrated now, where is he?!? Is he going to do something?!? My mind is a mess because of that idiotic jock! I slam my locker shut and--!
"Carter what the fuck!!!!??" I scream at Carter who was was standing in all his stupid glory right behind my locker door like a fucking ghost ready to scare my heart out of my chest!
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you" he said.
"Then why in the seven hells were you standing there like a creep?!?" I whisper-scream at him.
"I didn't know how to--" he starts saying but then I thought, I should stay AWAY from him, the less I interact with Carter or am seen by him, the sooner he'll forget about all this. So I simply walk away towards my history class.
"Hey, wait!" I hear him scream after me but I don't stop. I feel him tug at my shoulder, forcing me to come to a stop.
"Why do you keep running away while I'm talking?!" He says.
"And why do you keep pulling me back when I walk away from you?! Take a hint Carter, I don't want to talk to you" I said to him, getting my rude on, hoping he'd stay away if I acted like a bitch.
"No, I want to talk to you and you know what I want to talk about, so stand and listen to me" he fires back at me instead of walking away.
"Carter, just go. It's none of your business" I say to him. Why is this guy so stubborn?!
Carter looks around us and I realise, I'm standing in the middle of the hallway with Carter gray holding my hand!
I snatch my arm back from him and try to run away again. Key word 'I tried'
Carter was quick, he grabbed my arm again and pulled me inside an empty classroom and locked the door.
"What the hell Carter?!" I ask him, annoyed and confused.
"I just want to talk, why can't you just stay still for a minute!?" He half screams at me, annoyed that I won't listen to him.
"Okay, what do you wanna talk about?! Huh, Carter?!? The fact that you saw me trying to kill myself yesterday?!? So what! Why do you care?! We don't know each other, you're not my friend or my parent?! Why can't you let this go and let me be?!" I say to him, frustrated that he won't leave me alone.
"Can you let it be if you saw someone tryimg to take their life?!" He whisper-screamed at me.
That shut me up. Suddenly I could see why he was being like this. Of course I wouldn't let it be if I saw something like that...
"I get it but I don't wanna talk about it. You don't have to worry, I'm not gonna try something again. Yesterday was just adrenaline or the rush of the moment. The point is it won't happen again so you don't need to bother" lie! Each and every single word was fucking lie.
"What's the guarantee you won't do it again? I'm sorry but I can't let you be"
He says calmly.
"Well what do you want me to do Carter? Open my heart to you and pour out all my pains and worries and problems? Huh?" I say in a sarcastically fed up tone.
"Yea that'd be a start" he said to me looking me dead in the eyes. You have got to be kidding me.
"I'm going Carter, we're done with this. You're going to let this go." I say to him, done with whatever this was. I get it that he was worried but I'm not going to tell him my life story, we're not gonna become each other's buddies, none of that bullshit is happening here.
I start making my way towards the classroom door, I just wanted to get out of this school, it's starting to suffocated me.
Carter grabs my arm from behind and pulls me back.
"Carter don't!" I say to him, tired of this. I try to pry my hands away from him but he's stronger than me. Perks of being a football player.
"You either talk to me or we're gonna sit here all day" he says.
I stop struggling and just stand there, with him holding me back from running out. He wanted to stay here, fine! He'd give up sooner or later. I have patience, I can handle my father's tantrums, Carter is nothing.
Soon he lets my hand go and sits on the floor with his back against the classroom door. I go and settle on one of the chairs. I pull out a book and start reading it but I could hardly concentrate, reading the same line again and again.
I could feel his eyes buring holes in my head. I look up and our eyes meet. He looked determined as hell , so I just rolled my eyes and tried to get back to my book.
Hours passed by and Carter still didn't give up. It's a wonder noone came inside this classroom till now. What the freak?! aren't teenagers always looking for places to make out or hook up?!? Where were these hormone driven teens?!? How in the hell has noone entered this classroom?!?
I look at Carter and saw him with his eyes closed, head against the door, listening to music with his earphones in. Lord, this guy had patience.
I slam my book shut, pick the rest of my books up and make my way towards him. I kick his leg to get his attention.
"Oww" he squeals while rubbing the foot I kicked.
"Are you done with your tantrum? Can I go?" I asked him.
"First, the kick was unnecessary, you're barbaric lady and second, I told you, you answer my questions and I'll let you go" he tells me making me more antsy. I was tired of sitting here with nothing to do.
"I'll answer what I want to and you can't press me any further than that" I say, if we were going to do this, it's going to be on my terms.
"Deal" he says with a triumphant look on his stupid face. God, I hate him!
I sat down beside him, leaving a considerable distance between us.
"Well..?" I say, waiting for him to start.
"Why?" He asked. It was just one word, the answer should've been simple...I so wished it was simple.
"Pass" I say. I'd rather stab myself or him than tell him all my plights.
"Well, since when have u been thinking about...umm..you know"
"Suicide Carter, it's not 'he who shall not be named' that you're hesitating like this. You were the one who wanted to talk about this, don't be a pussy now" I say to him, thinking it's funny how people can't even say that word.
"Yea well suicide" he say blinking his eyes multiple time.
"It's been long" I say while looking up at the classroom ceiling. If I cry right now, it'll be the cherry on top of this shit pile!
"Do you still want to do it? Even after yesterday?" He asked with something weird in his voice. It sounded as if he wanted me to say no but knew that I won't say no.
"Things don't fix themselves overnight Carter" I say to him trying to keep my answers short and straight.
"Does anyone else know?" He asked.
He remained quiet after that, I looked at him when no more questions came out of his stupid mouth. He looked deep in thought, with his brows scrunched up.
Suddenly he looked at me and I did not like the look in his eyes.
"What?" I asked, scared to know what absurd thing was going to come out of his mouth.
"Go to a doctor, a shrink, anyone. They can help you" He said.
" That won't fix things Carter, it'll make everything worse. I'll have to tell my parents and how do you think they'll react?" I asked him annoyed and kinda amused at his stupidity.
"You don't have to tell them, just say you're going to a friend and I'll find you the shrink, I'll pay" he said in a rush, trying with all his might to convince me but I couldn't be convinced.
"Carter why does this matter to you, you don't even know me. Just forget about it. It's not something that concerns you. If I die, it won't be your fault. You have nothing to do with this." I say to him desperately, trying to make him understand how much I wanted him to butt out.
He stood up with his hands in his hair.
"We're talking about a human here, Ava. You're not just some toy I can toss aside and forget about. I witnessed it, if you do something to yourself, I will feel guilty that I didn't do anything"
He goes on.
"I don't want you involved Carter. I'm fine on my own." I say to him, hoping he'd understand.
" I can't Ava, I can't just let someone die. Can't you see where I'm coming from? It's okay if you don't want to talk to someone else but you have to make a deal with me" he says as he straightens his back.
I look at him, signalling him to go on.
"You talk to me, sit with me during lunch, hang out with me and call me or text me if you ever feel like doing something. Promise me this and I'll let you go"
" No Cart--"
"No listen Ava, you don't have a choice. You either accept and oblige or I tell someone else. A parent or a teacher, anyone but I'm not letting you kill yourself."
And with that he picked up his bag and exited the classroom, leaving me with a bundle of messes to sought through.
Lord what have I gotten myself into?!!
What the fuck happened to doing this on my terms?!?