Living in the past
** POV - Melaena – age 19
Warning – sexual content!
He moves his fingers under the lace of her panties, yanking them off. Moving slowly he kisses his way up her thigh, turning his head so his breath tickles her. She lets out a deep moan, moving her hips in anticipation. He moves in, tongue lashing against her clit while his hands move under her hips pulling her into his face. She lets out a cry of pleasure, her hands pulling his hair. He licks and sucks, moving his fingers into her wet ….
I groan and close my eyes. Green orbs fly into my mind and I feel an ache forming between my legs. I press them together and throw the stupid book on the bed. Kiara peeps out of the closet.
“Mel, stop reading yourself into a climax!” A pair of jeans hit me in the face before I can react.
“It’s time to get funky!” She shouts excitedly pulling clothes from the shelves and throwing them on the bed. Kiara is a fashion-obsessed individual, unlike me. I will wear anything I like without thinking about who designed it or how much it costs. She stops and looks at me, her eyes shining even more. Then she picks up the book on my bed and looks at the cover picture.
“Ug, you’re sex dreaming again?” I just snort and pull my knees up to my chest. Kiara always teases me for being such a romantic. She’s more of a realist, not believing in true love. She loves to date good-looking blokes but never lets it get serious. Me, on the other hand, dream about …. well, let’s just say I dream about something different, something special, the sort of storybook love where two people’s eyes meet and BAM – true love forever, like a Romeo and Juliet kinda thing, but without the dying part.
What can I say? I for sure as hell know that love, at first sight, does in fact exist, but the living happily-ever-after part … well, that part is a warped cliché. The universe is cruel and mischievous, that’s for freaking sure. Let’s just say that fate and destiny seem to fight against each other in a battle of wills no one can win.
Yes, destiny scored and I got the eyes meet – BAM - part under the belt. But fate intervened and the rest is all screwed up and intertwined – twisted up into a corrupted ball of claustrophobic frustration. Cause in that same BAM moment, I learned that love and hate are homogeneous; like identical twins, they share the same DNA and it’s almost impossible to distinguish between the two. I now have a theory that the perverted universe likes jokes, especially when it comes to love - because of all the boys in the world, they set me up to have my BAM moment with HIM.
Granted, he’s the most beautiful man in the world, with fiery green eyes, jet-black hair, the body of a Greek god, and the face of a fallen angel. Sounds great, doesn’t it … and destiny keeps smashing us into each other … but there’s just this teeny little problem - the sick depraved universe added some insurmountable obstacles to that perfect complexion – like an annoyingly rebellious, moody, troubled, heartless bad boy attitude combined with the soul of the devil. And if that’s not enough … believe it or not, fate laughed in my face, and now that satan is my brother’s best friend.
The same obnoxious boy that helped us at the haunted house. The same boy whose number 13 jacket is still hanging in my closet. The same boy whose green eyes have been haunting my dreams for years and years. And, yes you guessed it, the same boy Logan started a lifetime BFF friendship in his junior year with - Damion Grimm, a cocky bad-ass playboy and MotoGP champion.
Who would have thought that we were destined to meet again? And in such circumstances at that. Just thinking about our first meeting after the whole haunted house incident, makes my skin crawl with frustration as it replays in my mind.
It was the end of our first week back at school, freshman year, and Kiara and I were stashing our stuff in our lockers before leaving for the weekend. As usual, Logan would come to pick us up, like every other day. He was in an all-boys school just a few blocks over. I was standing with my back to the doors. Suddenly all the girls in the hallway started acting like monkeys in heat, and I didn’t need to turn around to know that my brother must have entered the building. It was the same routine every freaking Friday. For some fucked up reason – still unknown to me – Logan would walk through the doors, strutting his handsomeness in his school uniform, smiling and flirting with every girl in the hallway. I’m sure he did it just to piss me off… and it did. Oh, hell, it definitely did. I got infuriated from my small toe all the way to the top of my cranium.
It’s not the fact that all the stupid overeager females, and probably some males, would drool over him, flaring on his already massive ego, that got on my nerves. No, it was the intrusion of my privacy the whole week after his dramatic performance of maleness, when every bitch and cranny in the school would enter my personal space trying to get his freaking number – that’s what mangled my anger. I’m not his personal assistant after all!
As soon as he spoke I could hear the mocking in his voice blazing on my heating irritation.
“Hi, girls. You’re ready to go?”
Can he not just wait outside like I’ve asked him a million times over? But I knew he did it to antagonize me. He just loved the attention and as much as it hurts me to say this, he liked to misuse it following in the twin’s man-whore footsteps.
Usually, I just count to ten and try to ignore the moron - but that particular day I was already as grumpy as a cow with tit-infection; ending up in the principal’s office twice and getting my knickers in a twist for being innocently accused. First for emptying my strawberry milk on a bitchy senior’s head, and next for giving Jason a big fat shiner. Don’t get me wrong, I did both of those things, but they deserved it and more – still I’m the only one that ended up in detention. I tried to explain to the principal that the bitch bullied a freshman to tears, and Jason squeezed my butt cheek, but to no avail. I’m sure he didn’t even listen. So, yeah, I was not in the mood for my brother’s sarcasm.
Displeased, I slammed my locker door shut with a little extra force, ready to take all my anger out on the dickface jock.
“Logan, I swear one day I’m going to fudging kill you, prick!” I hissed before turning around eyes blazing with anger, ready to give my brother a piece of my mind and maybe even my fist. But then BAM my breath and everything else inside me got sucked out with force by teasing bright apple-green eyes. The hot-as-hell guy standing next to my brother filled out his uniform better than Thor himself ever could, his raven hair was in a messy-sexy style and the skew smile heated my core to boiling point. For some crazy reason, I wanted to grab and kiss a total stranger. And to top it all off, I immediately recognized him as the same boy from years ago, the one I just couldn’t seem to forget. And the one whose jacket I just happened to wear at the time. It couldn’t get more embarrassing than that, making me even angrier.
“Hello,” He said in a husky raspy voice. Of course, even his voice would be sexy, how could it not be?
“You!” I exclaimed, not sure if I should run away or not, “You’re the boy … “
“I’m Damion,” he interrupted me rudely, looking around as if he was bored to death. “Nice to meet you.”
What an ass! He acted as if he didn’t remember me … but in my gut, I knew he did. How can he not? I’m wearing his name on my sleeve for goodness sake.
I don’t remember much after that, just Kiara holding on to me as I stormed out of the building, thinking that I might just set the number 13 jacket on fire!
Let’s just say that Damion became a regular in our house. And he became the person I hated the most. In fact, my hatred for him is so much that I experience heavy heartbeats, a twisted stomach, and nauseating feelings each time he is around. He’s like an itch under my skin I just can’t get rid of - increasing its discomfort each year, getting almost unbearable – so much that I’m scared of doing something irresponsible one of these days – like ripping his balls off.
I realize Kiara is staring at me, tapping her foot impatiently, waiting for a response.
“It’s cliterature – you know like clit-literature. I have to learn from books to gain experience since all guys seem to walk in circles around me. But since you have regular one-night stands, you might not understand,” I pout my lips at Kiara as she shoots me a pitty-full look.
“You know that’s something I could never understand. It’s strange how guys always seem to flat-out avoid you.” She’s right – it is strange. Guys would check me out but never ask me out. And if one did gather the courage to do so, he would never show up for the date and look like Mike Tyson’s punching bag the next day. I even had to go to my prom with Axel … or rather he was forced by my brothers to go with me.
Sometimes I wonder if they are the reason for men avoiding me like the plague … Axel dodged the question - just grinned and shrugged his shoulders blabbing that they are not fully to blame for my awkward social life. But I’m not convinced. I’m sure they have a finger in the pie somehow.
“At least you have Ren now,” Kiara comments out of the blue. Yes, I do. Ren, a friend of Jason’s, asked me out as soon as we got back from Europe. And he lasted more than two dates now. It’s not that he’s the love of my life - although he’s not bad looking - but more of a case that I was just so glad someone, at last, showed some interest in me.
“Yep, I suppose.” Grabbing my black dragon soft-toy, Ripper, I squeeze it against my chest as if it can dull the ache in my heart. Funny how I use the toy Damion won for me to comfort me when I feel sad. I mean, I only kept the stupid thing to always remind me of the evilness under his pretty-boy exterior. Yep, I’ve experienced just how evil he can be on more than one occasion. Kiara’s voice ships me back to reality again.
“Um, mm.” She pulls her judgmental face and looks at Ripper with a pity-full look. Kiara knows I hate Damion - and for 2 good reasons.
One, he woke me up one night, dared me onto his bike, and then we broke into the zoo. It was a great night, walking hand in hand between the animals, just talking without anybody judging us. But then the very next day he broke my heart into pieces, showing up with a bimbo squashed against him on his bike.
Then, like a sucker for punishment, a few months later he made me skip school and go with him to the Boardwalk. It was just after he won his first MotoGP championship and I was overjoyed that he wanted to celebrate it with me. Again he gave me hope, holding hands, spending the day having fun on the rides, eating ice cream, and playing games. That is where he won the big black dragon toy for me and it was the best day I’ve ever had.
But when he dropped me off, Jackson caught us and they had a big fistfight on the grass. I’m not sure who won but like clockwork, the next day a new brunette was paraded on his bike for me to see, shattering my heart and hope.
This time I was devastated and I cried for weeks. For every tear that fell the hate grew in my heart and Ripper got its name. Damion never asked me out again after that. Hell, we hardly had a decent conversation since then. Instead, I go out of my way to ignore the annoying dimwit, acting mostly as if he is invisible, only talking to him when I absolutely have to - and even then I am rather hostile and cold. Only Kiara knows about the real reason for my coldness and being the good friend she is, she also treats him like the enemy.
But of course, Damion, on the other hand, goes out of his way to annoy and antagonize me every moment he can … and believe me he can. He can get me from zero to mad just by opening his mouth, and at the same time from dry to wet in just one stare. Yeah, I’m not proud to admit that fact even to myself – physically I’m attracted to the man like a bee to a flower. But I learned my lesson the hard way and no amount of honey can ever make up for the pain of a broken heart. As I said, love and hate – different sides of the same coin.
So, yes, Kiara knows everything, but that doesn’t mean she understands what I’m going through. How do I explain something I don’t even understand myself to someone else? How can I be so attracted on one hand, but hate him so much on the other?
I hate his fudging humongous narcissistic ego. And I hate every girl falling before his feet as if he’s God’s gift to women. I also hate how that fact fuels his already big head to grow even bigger – as if that’s possible. And most of all I hate his man-whore ways – sleeping with every available brunette … and believe me there are plenty of those it seems. Hell, some girls are even willing to dye their hair brown just to get a piece of the action. It’s utterly ridiculous!
I guess it’s that smoldering, moody, on-the-edge, dangerously mysterious bad-boy reputation of his that gets them hooked – myself, I’m not sure yet if it scares me away or intrigues me.
Kiara is tapping her foot again and I stop the mind-running to answer her before she suspects where my mind is lingering.
“What, I like Ren,” I say this more for myself than her to be honest. Ren is a really good guy, that treats me like a queen … it’s just that our views of the future differ. He is already talking about getting married and having children. At 19 I’m way too young to think about marriage and I certainly don’t want to even think about kids and that stuff. I won’t even know which side of the baby is up and which side goes down. But honestly … maybe it’s just having kids with him that scares me.
Kiara snorts. “Yeah right. You keep telling yourself that.” I sigh. How can I tell her, that when I kiss Ren I don’t feel any sparks? And sometimes Damion’s frickin green eyes are laughing at me.
I ssssoooo much want to delete Damion forever from my life because he just messes up everything. It’s as if my mind, body, and heart are in a constant war, each one fighting for a different outcome. My mind repercussions me about staying miles away from the cock-ass, my body lusts to be in his arms, kissing him and my poor little heart is hoping just to come out of this mess in one piece. And truthfully, I’m not sure whose side I’m on.
“Tell me the truth … are you in love with Ren?”
I fall back onto the heap of clothes lying on top of the bed. Kiara still can’t decide what to wear. I know the answer … not that I would admit it. But my stuffed throat is not because of my new boyfriend … the fact that I can’t seem to breathe normally has more to do with the fact that I’m about to see Damion again.
This past year Kiara and I have been backpacking through Europe, and we only got to see the boys when they happened to travel for work or something … mostly Enrique. But Damion … well, we ended up going to his races in France and Italy but never met him in person. Let’s just say I watched him from a distance … and stalked him on social media like always. But now … I’m going to see him face-to-face again.
It’s times like this that I miss my mom the most - but she’s been dead for almost 10 years already. Just a little while after the whole haunted house incident in fact. But no matter how much time passes … the night we found her murdered in our house, is not a night I would easily forget for as long as I live.
We slipped out to go skateboarding … even though we were grounded again. I can’t remember what exactly we did wrong that time … but I do remember the smell of mom’s famous spaghetti bolognese drifting through the house as soon as we opened the door. We all immediately knew that we were caught red-handed … she returned earlier than normal. Me, I felt bad that we bought pizza, not expecting her to be home, and that it’s going to go to waste now. None of us would miss out on mom’s pasta.
The twins tried to quickly escape to their rooms, hoping to avoid punishment, but then we all froze at the sight of blood on the floor between pieces of broken glass, the room a chaotic mess. I remember Jackson dropping his box of pizza, and vomiting in the flower pot next to the door before taking off his sneakers. Jackson could never stand the sight of blood for some reason and he stepped into a puddle.
Ilkay told us to stay put and disappeared into the kitchen. The twins followed him a little later. Logan grabbed me and my 10-year-old body started shaking like mad. We formed a little duo of frozen, scared kids, silently waiting for something we could not even begin to understand.
Ilkay returned like a zombie, dragging a sheet-white Enrique behind him, while Jackson left bloody footprints as far as he went – his socks drained – but this time he didn’t vomit. My big brother forced us all outside, making us sit on the porch until Uncle John arrived.
Enrique threw up a few times into the rose garden and still looked like a ghost. Jackson was not looking any better, he kept on hitting the wall with his fist, leaving a scarlet pattern on the white paint. Logan never left my side, clutching so hard onto me it almost hurt. Uncle John hurried inside and after a while, that seemed like forever the police and ambulances showed up.
They put blankets over our shoulders; the paramedics injected us and bandaged Jackson’s bloody hand before Uncle John took us all to his place. He told us that our mom was dead and that dad is gone. I lost both my parents in one night. My father would never have won the dad-of-the-year award, but he was still my father. We all knew he drank and worked too much, but he seemed to love us at least when he was around.
I force my mind back to the present again. Why do I keep recalling the past tonight? But I think I know the answer – Damion.
“It’s only been a couple of weeks, I can hardly be in love with him in such a short time.” I eventually answer Kiara.
“Look, you know I don’t believe in the storybook kind of love, but I know you’re looking for that, so I’m speaking about something I know nothing about here, but I just think that you are looking for it in the wrong place. Or rather with the wrong guy.”
She clicks her tongue when she sees my what-the-fudge frown. What does she know anyway? Ren is my first boyfriend, she knows that.
“So are you going to have sex with him?” She seems a little agitated. She knows that I want my first time to be special. Yes, I know it’s cheesy but it’s just who I am. In our senior year, Kiara started dating one of Axel’s friends, Don, and I know they did it on prom night, like most typical teenagers. But I’m different … I’m waiting for sparks, electricity, love – name it what you want, that special someone that’s going to knock me off my feet. And Ren is not him.
“No,” I’ll rather wait at least until I feel consumed by lust “not until I’m sure, anyway,” I add as an afterthought.
“And it’s got nothing to do with …. oh I don’t know …. some green-eyed bad-ass?” Now, why would Kiara bring him into the conversation? He’s the last one I want to think about when talking about sex, but still, he haunts me like the ghost-from-hell he is.
“Ug, seriously? He’s like a fungus or something I can’t get rid of. And anyway, he’s bad, mad, and crazy, and I’m officially sure he doesn’t have a heart, at least not a beating one. I’m not going to get on that choo-choo train again. He goes through girls faster than my phone goes through data … you know that!”
She doesn’t answer, but just pouts her lips and nods her head. I know she doesn’t believe me. Kiara is my best friend and she knows me even better than I know myself sometimes. I get up and pour some coffee before sitting on the sofa this time, slowly sipping my caffeine boost, watching Kiara piling more clothes on the bed. There’s a small knock on the door and then Axel’s face peeps in.
“You decent.” He asks in a soft voice and we both yell ‘yes’ together. Axel has seen us like a million times in our pj’s before, but he always asks before he enters our rooms. He’s like our gay-but-not-gay best friend. It means that although he’s totally into girls and extremely hot, we like to think about him as a gay virgin. And I say ‘virgin’ in a very relaxed casual sense since he also goes through girls like a knife through butter, but he hides it better than my brothers. And with looks like his, combined with his mysterious personality, he for sure as hell doesn’t find it too hard to woe the ladies. But there are no complicated feelings between us, it’s like he’s our brother from another mother. Since he helped us in the haunted house, the three of us have been inseparable.
While Kiara and I took a gap year, traveling and backpacking through Europe and Asia, courtesy of Uncle John, of course, he became a fireman at Station 19. But the main reason he couldn’t join us was that he can’t interrupt his swimming – not if he wants to qualify for the Olympics.
I silently watch him as he falls onto the sofa next to me – his delicious swimmer’s body packed on some more muscles … in a very attractive way, and his dark hair is now longer, making sexy curls in his neck. He still gives me vampire vibes … especially with those mysterious eyes that seem to hypnotize any normal person. But, although I still don’t know half of his rough childhood, even after all this time, I know enough. He’s no vampire, but just a vandalized boy that grew up to be a hero. A child with no childhood. No wonder he and Jackson are so close. They’re both slightly crazy … due to what happened in the past. Not that either of them shares anything with anybody … but I can guess there must be some demons haunting them.
“So are you all packed and ready to move into your new home?” Axel asks with a smile.
Yep, our days of leisure are over - it’s time to enter the real world as varsity freshmen in the next week. We are both enrolled at Stanford – Kiara is going to study accountancy, while I’m going into Computer Science and Graphic design. And just like each of my brothers, as well as Axel (whom Uncle John also seems to have adopted), Uncle John gave each of us our own luxurious townhouse with a view of the ocean … in the same complex. But we decided to stay together in Kiara’s house while renting out mine to a friend of Logan’s … some guy named Sean.
“I can’t wait to become an official student,” I answer him, “and join all the things everybody is talking about.”
“And what things might that be?” he skuffs with big eyes.
“Eh, I want to run again … and dance and may also join the equestrian team … and then there are parties … you know … things students do,” I explain.
“Oh, I see … you’re going to be busy that’s for sure. Are you at least going to have some time for that dimwit boyfriend of yours?” Axel pries. And to tell you the truth, I actually didn’t think about that. I just want to experience everything I can while I’m there.
“Talking about Ren, what do you think about this newest relationship?” Kiara asks our friend, ignoring my stare.
“Can you ladies PLEASE keep me out of your love lives?” Axel holds up his hands in defense, “But speaking as a completely objective third-party observer with no interest in the matter, I think Ren is a scapegoat because you’re too scared of the devil you secretly want.” Axel pulls an unsatisfying innocent pleading face and Kiara points a finger at him in an I-told-you-so motion.
“What I secretly want is new supportive loving and sympathetic best friends.” But his words get me thinking about the day just before we left for Europe.
Damion teased me and got on my nerves like always, but then I grinned into his smuck face like a cat smelling cream.
“What?” He asked, standing rather close to me; making my hair stand up.
“Just think, I won’t have to put up with all your crap for a whole year!” I gleamed. Damion got this glint in his eyes and slowly moved towards me, a smirk plastered over his way too handsome face.
“Damion, if you come any closer I’ll castrate you for sure!” I yelled, but he didn’t even waver, he pushed me against the wall, his arms on both sides of me, closing me in. I wanted him to kiss me so badly, yes … I know … pathetic, right?
“I’ll miss you, my little angel.” His voice was husky and his minty breath sent goosebumps down my body. He kept me there for who knows how long, both of us just staring into each other’s eyes as if frozen. Eventually, he stood back, leaving me feeling cold, unsatisfied, and all tensed up. He left with a wink and a knowing smile.
Ug, how I hate that guy! He seems to haunt me no matter where I go … even overseas … Kiara and I shared some romantic kisses with a few handsome foreigners during our travels, nothing serious or hairraising, but like clockwork, his emerald eyes were teasing me in my mind. Do you know how frustrating that can be? He’s killing my love life.
“You guys getting ready already?” Logan enters the room, followed by the rest of my brothers. I shake the cobwebs out of my head. Tonight is the last day before we move off to our new lives and Uncle John is throwing a bash here at his mansion.
Ilkay’s eyes find mine and I can see he’s worried about something, nothing new, my brother is always worried. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty damn sure that one was born worried. He’s responsible, reliable, calm, and clever, and I mean extremely clever, like a certified genius. At the age of 24, he is already finishing his internship, and starting the new year he’ll continue his residency to become a neurosurgeon.
My eyes move over to Enrique, the cocky playboy, age 23 is the fun one I’ll call to bail me out of the fire. He’s also very annoyingly observant, just like his twin, and I struggle to hide things from them. Enrique is a super successful international model and actor and also shares ownership of a nightclub called ‘Inferno’ with Logan. He winks, making me smile.
Jackson is hanging on to his twin brother. He plays right-wing for the Sharks at the moment, and he is the definite troublemaker bad-ass with a short fuse – not someone you want to piss off. He’s always in the cross-hairs of the paparazzi … for all the wrong reasons.
I turn my head to look at Logan, age 21, leaning against the wall. He’s the star quarterback for the 49ers and my dramatic brother, the quick-tempered drama queen. And just like his siblings, he can’t seem to stay out of trouble and the tabloids.
“Mel!” Enrique jumps on top of me, making me almost spill the last coffee.
“You’re daydreaming AGAIN!” Logan pulls the last words out and I just give him a faint smile. Yes, it’s something I do a lot, I know – a side effect of my ADHD. I call it brain-running. It’s as if I just can’t switch off my brain, even at night. As much as I hate to admit it, mostly it’s about Damion. Don’t judge, I don’t have to like the guy to divulge how incredibly sexy he is, but that’s not it … usually I think about how much I hate him, or how to get back at the ass-head dick. Not that I ever think about his ass … or his dick … oof, Mel, oof.
“I was just dreaming of my sweet little brothers.” I spit out the lie without even blinking my eyes.
“Ug, that’s not creepy at all.” Logan moans pulling his I-smell-shit face. I stick out my tongue at them and get up to start looking for something to wear.
“Maybe you girls should start titivating for the party tonight, while us boys go and get something to drink.” They all get up and move out of my room and I hear Enrique’s sexist comment “Damn, it’s good to be a man!”
“I’ll go check if Damion showed up,” Logan speaks, “he’s bringing me a new microphone from Switzerland.” Logan is a prominent Youtuber in his spare time … and he’s pretty good at it. He’s also my only brother that would get this excited over some piece of technology equipment.
“You know that Jason is also going to be here, right?” Kiara asks me as soon as the boys leave. I pull a face. Jason grew out of his cowardness over the years and turned into a hunky jock and one of the most popular boys in school, but he’s still the same jerk. And for some reason, he started harassing me, even now while I’m in a relationship with his friend. I haven’t told Ren about it … maybe because I don’t want to ruin their bromance … or because I know I can handle Jason by myself.
But my mind is not on Jason or Ren. I’m wondering when Damion came back from Europe. I knew he was there … his agenda is all over the news all the time … he raced in Spain. Even though I hate his guts, I must admire his performance on the track. He’s the youngest motorbike Grand Prix champion ever, and he keeps on breaking records as if it’s nothing.
But it’s not like I always watch his races on TV or something. Ok, I watch some … maybe most, or all of them … but it’s because I like bikes and also because my brothers watch them. It’s got nothing to do with him. I still don’t know why my stupid brother had to go and make friends with the worst guy ever.