The Biker's Rules

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Starting over

***POV - Melaena

He walks up the stairs and abruptly drops me onto a bed with a black and grey quilt. The ash-colored walls contain some greyscaled images of bikers and skateboarders doing stunts. Underneath some shelves hosting helmets and trophies is a motorbike that’s converted into a table.

“Are you mentally crazy or don’t you have any brains? You can’t just run off like that! What if D got to you before I did? Are you trying to get raped or something?” I swallow down some spit. I never thought about that. But it’s his fault, not mine.

“Don’t you lecture me, bone-dick!” I point a finger at his nose, “If you were just 10% a decent person, I wouldn’t have to run.” He stays looking at me as if he wants to eat me alive. “You freaking laughed at me! I don’t listen to cocky, self-absorbed, social-malfunctioning devils with no hearts.”

He grabs me unexpectantly and kisses me so hard I swear my lips are bruised, and then he pushes me away.

“I hate you! And stop kissing me just to push me away, I feel like a flipping yo-yo.” I try not to yell at him, but it’s freaking hard to keep my cool.

“I needed it. You scared the crap out of me. And I know you don’t hate me, and I for sure as hell don’t hate you!” He crosses his arms, and no, I’m not staring at the godly specimen before me, the movement of his muscles, and how his pants dip teasingly low around his hips. I’m also not following the magical V slowly downwards to get a load of the way he fills out his jeans just a little too well. Nope, not staring at all.

“Don’t you eye-fuck me right now, my control is very low at the moment and I might just bend you over that bed and claim you right here!” I can see in his eyes that he’s dead serious and I blink before looking away, biting my lip.

“Mel, seriously!” I jolt, what am I doing wrong now? An agitated Damion is no laughing matter it seems. At least I’ve learned something today. I decide to keep my mouth shut, so I just stare at him, trying to look tuff and innocent at the same time, hoping it will smother the raging fire in his eyes just a little.

“Ug! You drive me crazy!” He starts pacing up and down, hands in his hair. Then he presses them against his temples and lets out a scream, before throwing the poor chair with a SMACK against the wall. I try to make myself seem smaller between the pillows of the bed I’m sitting on.

“I’m sure that chair was innocent, Your Honor.” I just can’t help myself. He stops as if he can’t believe I just said that to him.

“Fuck! You’re going to kill me, do you know that!” This time he slams his fist into the cupboard door, splintering the wood. I decide that, innocent or not, that door is on its own, I’m not giving it any legal representation. Nope, I keep my mouth shut. Another few paces and then he stops and takes a deep breath.

“Okay, let’s start again.” He looks at me, and I can see that he’s calmed down a little. He pushes his back against the wall and slides down to sit on the floor.

“That night at the party, I was not talking about Chloe, that’s for sure.”

“But you’re mom said she saw how you looked at her… you said you would die for her …” I’m babbling again, I know.

“Mel! There’s no other girl! None. I’m not in love with fucking Chloe, hell, I don’t even like Chloe.” I swallow my words and nod. Didn’t see that one coming.

“Still, I know that you’re a self-declared player and your reputation for banging girls precedes you.”

“Mel, I’m not trying to fuck you … I mean I am, but ... “ He throws his head back, leaning it against the wall. At least I’m not the only one struggling to find the right words. He takes a deep breath again and blows it out slowly. Then he looks back at me, still sitting between the pillows on the bed.

“What I’m trying to say is that although I want to fuck you badly, I also want to do all the other things I’ve never done with you, like dating and having a girlfriend.” His eyes are unwaveringly fixed on mine … peering right through my heart until they capture my soul. For once I give him the space to finish. And I’m too astonished to speak anyways.

“You’re so opinionated about me and what I’m supposed to be, but actually you don’t know a groping paw-paw about who I really am. Yes, I made mistakes in the past … and I know I hurt you before … but I was a coward. I was afraid to admit my feelings … even to myself. And I was afraid of losing control … scared to break my rules and mostly scared to drag you into the darkness with me.” My intuition tells me that he’s in the middle of something … so even though a million questions fly through my mind … I dare not interrupt.

“Mel, I know I’m anything but perfect … and I know what they say about me … and I’m still scared stiffless … but I’m willing to give up everything if you give me a chance. But if you’re so blinded by the past and my reputation that you’re not willing to take a chance on me, on us … you just tell me now and I won’t bother you again.” Suddenly I feel sick and guilty and heartbroken and sad all at the same time. I look down, ashamed. It’s true … I judged him without even getting to truly know him. I open my mouth, but close it again … not sure what to say right now. He must take my hesitation as a rejection.

“Have you ever thought to take a deeper look, to ask me why I do what I do … or did what I did? Ever even tried to get to know the real me behind the rumors, before judging me? Yes, I fucked a lot of women, but it didn’t mean a thing. Sex, adrenaline, racing … it all just helps me to cope with everything. And maybe I fucked brunettes because I needed to try and forget about a certain blonde.” I gasp. Everything I ever thought about him seems to be wrong. Am I that shallow? That stuck up to judge a person so wrongly? Or was it to protect myself from getting hurt?

“I suppose you were too busy with Alejandro to listen to the words of the song last night. This man standing in front of you might be broken … but I’m real … my feelings are real. Okay, maybe I’m selfishly asking you to risk everything and become part of my fucked-up life … but I’ve tried to forget you, to push you away … but I can’t … the only question left is how do you feel?”

How do I feel? I feel horrible … guilty … ashamed, guilt-ridden, remorseful, sorry, shamefaced, rueful, distressed, and uncomfortable … but I can’t seem to utter any of those words. Nope, I can only stare at him sheepishly. And my heart is bouncing like a timebomb … waiting to explode … not sure if it’s because I’m feeling like shit or because I’m overjoyed. I’m not sure if I’m dreaming … but did Damion Grimm just declare that he likes me back. I’m not understanding it wrong, am I? Please let it be the truth. I open my mouth to tell him I’m sorry … to tell him that I love him … always have … but the words get stuck in my throat.

“It seems you don’t feel the same, so I guess now you’ll never know if I can be a forever kind of guy, will you? And don’t worry, I won’t kiss you again.” He pushes himself from the floor and walks into the bathroom without another word, slamming the door close, and leaving me feeling like elephant crap. I stick out my arm … call after him … but my voice is hoarse.

Tears start streaming down my cheeks and I don’t even bother to wipe them away. I just lost the most important thing in my life. There’s no denying it, I’m head-over-heels, madly, crazy in love with Damion Grimm. And I just screwed it up. Not him, ME! I just broke my own heart.

I get up and start walking up and down in the room with such speed I’m sure I’m creating a draft. The words of the song keep repeating through my mind – ‘in case you didn’t know, baby I’m crazy about you’ - it was meant for me.

I’m so fucking stupid. I fucked everything up. I stop and look at the now broken cupboard door before me as if it has something to do with my pain. I give it a big shove and it slams shut just to fling back open, hitting me against my shin. I jump up and down a few times on one leg, glaring at the stupid door.

“I felt sorry for you, but now I think you deserved the punishment.” Shoot, I’m officially going mad, I’m talking to a freaking piece of furniture. Then I see the paper stuck on the inside of the said door. I read the heading written in thick black capital letters at the top: RULES.

So these are the famous rules, the ones that keep Damion on the right path. I glance over it and see that there are 10 of them. While I’m reading through them I realize that Damion was right, I don’t know him at all and I was so preoccupied with protecting my heart, that I didn’t even try to see his.

Control … that’s what everything is about … I realize now that it’s got nothing to do with the rules as such. These 10 points are just something he can cling to in his life … something to help him manage himself. Breaking the rules just means he loses his control and everything that goes with it. Why does he need such strict authority in his life … I don’t know yet … but I’m going to find out. He is willing to risk everything, and I didn’t even have the guts to risk my heart.

I walk to the huge window and stare at the ocean, tears falling from my eyes, my body shaking with each heartbroken sob. I make a decision … even if my heart shatters … or I have to die … from now on I’ll fight for him … I’ll get to know every fucking demon in his head … and I’m going to fix all the broken parts of him …

“Mel, pumpkin.” I didn’t even hear Hayley come in. I turn around and grab her around her neck, sobbing into her chest. She rubs my back softly. “Want to tell me what happened?” Her voice is soft and soothing. I give a big sniff and then let her go before I wipe the wetness and snot from my face with my sleeve.

“I was stupid,” my voice sounds small and childlike, “and now I lost him.”

“Oh, I don’t believe that. So you made a mistake … everybody makes them … it’s how you fix it that counts.” I stare at her and bite my lip, trying to hold the tears back.

Damion comes out of the bathroom, only covered by a towel, drops of water sticking to his perfect skin. Oh, my goblin broken bits, this man’s body is a work of art, that’s for sure.

“Well, now both of you listen to me.” Hayley points her finger at me. “So you were scared and judged him without listening to his side, maybe a little too harsh.” Then her finger turns to her son, “But it’s not as if you are an innocent little angel, after all, you hurt her before and the rumors about you were not all wrong.”

“Both of you are stubborn and stupid, and it’s way past time to admit your true feelings … to yourselves and each other. And while you’re at it, get to know the reasons behind the other person’s actions. People tend to see things from different perspectives … what you feel or think might not be the same as others. Talking openly is the only way to clear misunderstandings. Remember that. There you have it, my motherly advice for today.” Hayley gets up and closes the door softly behind her.

“I’m sorry.” I hope that’s a good start cause I truly need this to work. I look up and into his eyes. I need him to see that I mean every word I’m about to say.

“I’m really sorry. I was scared cause my feelings for you are just too overwhelming. I honestly believed that you loved Chloe and that you were going to rip out my heart like before. I just realized that I indeed don’t know anything about you, but I want to know it all if you’re willing to tell me.”

“I’m also sorry, angel. I should have told you the reasons why I did what I did. So let me do it now.”

He leads me to the bed and we sit down … next to each other. Without letting my hand go, he tells me how he used sex and thrills to comfort himself … and to forget about me … that he only did girls with dark hair cause I was blonde … that he uses adrenaline as a type of drug to help keep him sane … that he really doesn’t like Chloe … that he hits walls because the pain makes him feel better … I listen intentively, mentally taking in all the information. I can’t understand his coping mechanisms exactly … but I do understand that he needs them …

“Mel, I know I hurt you, but I promise that won’t happen again.”

“So how will you cope if you have to leave all your methods behind?”

“Who says I’m going to leave it behind?” I swallow some spit down the wrong hole and go into a coughing frenzy.

“So you’re still going to have sex with brunets?” I ask shocked.

“No, I’m still going to race and do stunts, but I promise to just have sex with you!” I choke again. I stop coughing and put my hand on my chest to regain my composure.

“What if we maybe start over? But this time we’ll have no secrets.” I ask and my heart starts thumping dangerously in my chest. He gets one of those famous BEAST smirks and holds out his hand.

“Hello, I’m Damion Grimm,” I laugh out loud, relieved but also excited, “the guy who fell for his best friend’s sister.” Oh shit … I totally forgot about my brothers. But that’s a problem for later … I can fix only so much at a time. I take his hand.

“Melaena Blackburn, the girl that fell for the man behind the rumors.”

He pulls me against him; my hands land on his naked torso. His head descends slowly towards me and I close my eyes, waiting for the best feeling in the world – his lips on mine.

“Yuck, stop smooching … and come play with me,” Luke interrupts. I blush and Damion chuckles, “We’re coming … and I’m going to kick your butt, brother.”

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