***POV - Melaena
‘At week 8, your baby is about the size of a kidney bean. Hands and feet are forming tiny fingers and toes, and those arms are able to flex at the elbows and wrists. At this point, eyes begin to develop pigment, and genitals are forming too, although it’s still too soon to know whether you’re expecting a boy or a girl.’
Is that what’s in my tummy, a little bean with Damion’s DNA in its system? The repercussions of … passion, love, forever? How did an intelligent girl like me walk knowingly into this situation? Can I blame ignorance, innocence, maybe hope?
Kiara puts her head on my shoulder, her voice against my ear while she reads on. To stipulate this situation, pregnant by the devil without even knowing his exact feelings towards me. Since the first positive test on Boxing-day, I did a few more and all of them came back positive, but I still kept it from Damion.
And him being on a four-week tour made it so much easier to hide our little bean from him. Although, his coming back a day earlier almost undisclosed the secret, catching me unprepared.
It’s not that I want to lie to him, it’s just that I’m not sure what to do yet. He made it clear, previously, as well as last night, that he doesn’t want a baby and isn’t ready to be a father. He also hasn’t told me in so many words that he truly loves me, yes he cares, but does he LOVE me? And then there’s the oppressed press, who will definitely have a field day with this, his reputation, my family, his family, stupid D and Harry … I could go on.
Ug, but first I just NEED to make sure, like in 150% before spilling the beans to anybody - pun intended. And with Dean acting like he did last night, I’m now 150% sure I’m doing the right thing – namely keeping the bean a secret.
“So, you’re telling me Dean went ballistic when he fought Chloe was knocked up?” I don’t know why Kiara thinks that my situation last night is so hilarious. I almost had a freaking heart attack when Dean complained about - and I quote – ‘sitting with a fucking pregnant girl’ – unquote. I was sure he was referring to me, that the cat was out of the bag! Ship, I almost fainted and the way I clung to the wall would make a spider jealous.
Kiara grunts and pivots her head from side to side, chin still resting on my shoulder.
“Shit, Damion not having sex for the past year. Impressive. Unbelievable, but impressive,” she continues as if talking to the magazine in her hands.
I sigh softly. When Damion told me that he’s been celibate for a year I couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe, could hardly stand up and for sure as hell couldn’t think straight. Blinded by my feelings for him, all I could wrap my head around was the words ‘no sex for a year’ that he dropped like a grenade on my shocked mind. It blew away the logic and long story short, it gave me hope of a possible happily-ever-after ending. That is if I can tell him that in the not-so-distant future he’ll be holding his procreation in his arms and him being happy about that prospect.
I put a hand over my stomach as if I want to draw some strength from the little bean. It doesn’t matter what happens, I now have much more to think about than myself, I have to protect my baby. Damion warned me that Chloe is a psycho-bitch, that he never even kissed the slut, and that his lawyer is pressing charges this time. And if she is indeed pregnant a paternity test would show she lying about him being the father.
Turns out that my new OB-GYN, Dr. Burden is in the same hospital where Ilkay works. We made sure to make my appointment at a time that my brother is not on call, not wanting to run into him and explain what I’m doing here.
We look up from the magazine when the nurse calls my name. Kiara takes my hand and we walk over to her.
“Oh, my gosh, you’re both so pretty, but where’s the daddy?” I smile at the friendly middle-aged woman not sure exactly how to answer her. She must see the hesitation in my eyes cause she looks at my hand in Kiara’s and then continues, “Or are you two in a relationship?”
“No, this is my best friend. Dad’s not here. It’s complicated.” She nods and warmly squeezes my shoulder.
“It always is, dear. But a new life is a blessing, no matter how dark things seem.” She hands me a gown and tells me that the doctor will be with me shortly.
I undress and get on the hard bed, feeling almost sick from anticipation, and Kiara walking up and down in the small space is not helping.
Startled, I jump when the doctor burst through the door.
“Shame, dear, don’t be scared, I don’t bite.” The doctor’s friendly face lit up with a big friendly smile. She looks at my chart and up again, her chocolate eyes light up.
“So, Melaena Blackburn, I’m doctor Burden. And I see you’re pregnant with your first baby.” I just nod, not trusting my voice yet.
“Hello, I’m the best friend, future aunt, here to help.” Kiara holds out her hand overeagerly, and I smile at the notion, knowing that she’s probably more anxious than me. The doctor, probably used to first-time moms and their stupid-acting counterparts, just greets her with another loving smile.
“Ok, and where’s the lucky father then.” She looks around the room as if she missed someone.
“He doesn’t know about … this,” My hands wrap over my stomach, and tears form in my eyes. She hands me a tissue to wipe my tears and nose while eyeing me closely.
“Don’t worry, things always work out for the best. Just a question, Doctor Ilkay Blackburn, is he family of yours?”
“Yep, he’s my big brother.” A big smile spirits over my face thinking about my brother and I feel much better. She pouts her lips and nods, and I’m inclined to think that she asked that just to set my raw raging nerves at ease. Give the doc a bar of chocolate cause it worked.
“An excellent student and doctor, not to mention, his sexy broodiness drives all the nurses bonkers.” I can for sure as hell believe that, but Ilkay is still smitten with the resident that disappeared from his life a while ago. The one I’m trying to help him find, but no luck so far. It’s like she just fell off the earth.
“First, we’re going to check if the little bean is a-ok. So you just lie down and relax. I’ll explain everything as we go.” She puts a sheath, that looks a lot like a condom, on a small, narrow tube, and then rubs it with some kind of gel.
A Condom, how ironic … if only the freaking jack-ass used one, but no. You should expect that a gigolo like him would know to use a fucking condom at least. I feel mad, but I’m not, my emotions are just all over the spectrum these days.
“This is called a transducer and I’m going to insert it into you. It might be a little uncomfortable, but it’s the only way I can make sure everything is as it should be. So just bend your knees and keep your eyes on the screen. Ready?” I nod and then I try not to think about anything else than what appears on the screen. It’s just a lot of black and white and some grey static and blobs, but doctor Burden seems very interested and she stares at the screen for ages before speaking again.
“Now I’m just taking some measurements of the little one.” I try to figure out where the hell on the screen she sees anything that even resembles a baby, but just don’t see it.
Kiara is also focused on the screen, her head cocked to the side and her nose bundled up. I know she’s also trying to find the baby in the chaos on the screen.
“Ok, Mel, ready for the heartbeat?” She turns a switch and a soft doof-doof sound blares from the screen. She points to a tiny dot that seems to move in rhythm with the sound and suddenly tears spring to my eyes at the sight of my baby’s beating heart.
For the first time, the essence that the little bean inside me is actually a living human being seeps through my clogged mommy-to-be mind, a sudden feeling of attachment clings to my chest, knowing that this new creature is going to play a humongous part of my life from now on, with or without Damion.
Kiara smacks her hand over her mouth, overwhelmed herself, tears flowing over her cheeks. She looks at me and smiles. Then the doctor prints me a picture of the screen and pulls the probe from me, wiping it clean.
“Ok, you get dressed, and then we can talk. I’ll wait for you in the next room.” She smiles again while walking through a door.
“Oh, Mel, it’s perfect. Did you hear the little heart?” She’s staring at the picture, you would swear it’s her baby the way she acts.
“It’s … it’s … “ I can’t get the words out cause my heart is overflowing. I quickly get dressed and open the door. The room has a table and chairs and the doctor points to them for us to sit down.
“Mel, you have a perfect and very strong little baby growing inside you. According to my calculations, you are about 8 weeks and everything is normal.” I feel a weight lift and even a little excitement starts running through my veins.
“I’m a little bit concerned about your weight. You’ll have to make sure you eat enough and get lots of rest.” She looks at my skinny frame and then at my face. I know she noticed the black rings under my eyes.
“You tell her doc. This girl is getting borderline anorexic.” Kiara chirps in and looks at me with stern eyes.
“It’s complicated,” I mumble, not that they would understand what I’m going through right now. I’m in love with a man that may or may not love me enough to have a baby with me, that’s the problem.
“Mel, I know I’m no shrink, but I am a baby doctor, and no matter what you’re going through at the moment, you have to put the little mongrel inside first. You better eat healthily and regularly and you better sleep, even if you have to force yourself to do so!”
She looks over at Kiara “And you, doll, is going to help her. Or get Mr. Complicated to get his butt into the game and do his freaking share.” Kiara looks at me with a determent face and nods her head.
“You hear bitch, enough of this bullshit. You’re going to tell him. He won’t take your shit that’s for sure.” Kiara scolds. I throw my hands up in the air, I give up.
“Ok, so complicated daddy, does he have any issues that I should know about?” I frown, confused by the question.
“Duh, where do I start, he’s cocky, reckless, stubborn, annoying, hyperactive … sometimes he can be incredibly stupid and a real asshole … but he is intelligent …” I stop in the middle of my description when the doctor bursts out laughing.
“I was more referring to medical issues in his family that can affect the baby or the pregnancy?” She smiles warmly after her outburst.
“I don’t know. He seems very healthy.” I look at Kiara for help, but she just pulls up her shoulders.
“VERY healthy.” She wiggles her eyebrows at the doctor. “Great abs, cute butt, sexy-eyes, working sperm too. Yep, very healthy indeed.” The doctor pulls her eyes and laughs out loud again.
“Okay, just stop. And now I for sure need to meet this dude.” Her brown eyes gleaming but then she continues more seriously. “It is good to know the history from both sides to make sure we cover our grounds, but it is not a requirement. Can I write a name here for the father or should I just put ‘complicated’?”
She smiles at me expectingly. I look at Kiara and she nods, encouraging me to tell her.
“Dad is Damion Grimm.”
“Holy shit!” She slaps her hand over her mouth. “Sorry, it slipped out, but holy-shit! The bad-boy hunky motorbike guy, that Damion Grimm? His father is doctor Deimos Grimm?” I nod and pull my nose up feeling a sting of jealousy hit me straight in my gut.
“Yep, that Damion!” I sigh, hoping the good doctor can now understand the level of complicated I have to deal with.
Complicated bad-boy, complicated fame, complicated relationship, complicated past, complicated brothers, complicated baby – all leading to an even more complicated ending.
“Oh, boy, are you going to have one hell of a baby.”
“That’s for sure.” Kiara eagerly chirps in. The doctor nods her head at Kiara, and she nods back as if they’re partners in a crime.
“I’m going to prescribe some vitamins you have to start taking right away, and my nurse will give you a pamphlet about everything you must avoid from now on. There are also some nice pamphlets with lots of information and stuff you need to know. Please read them. Do you have any questions or concerns?”
Yep, doc, I have lots. How do I tell a guy, who’s my boyfriend, that he’s going to be a father? How do I tell my overprotective family and keep them from killing said father? How do I keep this baby safe from a psycho-manic who wants both my father and my baby’s father dead? And said manic wants me to be his wife. But instead, I opt for an easier question.
“Um, will it hurt the baby if I exercise?” I have to keep my life as normal as possible and running always clears my head.
“Nope, exercise is good, just don’t overdo it and avoid physical contact sports where you can get hurt.”
“So running, dancing, and horse-riding?”
“Yes for the running and dancing, but stop if you experience pain, no for the horse.”
“And before you ask, sex is excellent for the baby, so go for it. You will start to crave it actually, but that is normal with all the hormonal changes, so just enjoy it. And with a man like Damion, I’m sure it’s nothing but enjoyable.” I can literally feel the blood shooting to my face and Kiara rolls her eyes saying, “As if they need encouragement.”
“I would love the sound of you shutting up now.” I hiss at Kiara but she just gives me her I’m-not-scared-of-you face and continues softly, “Just saying that you two humping like rabbits is exactly how this little beany was created.”
She shrugs her shoulders and suddenly I can’t think of one reason I’m friends with her.
“Ok, then I’ll see you in about 2 weeks, hopefully with the daddy-to-be. Just tell him and get it over with, stress is not good for your baby.” I get up and smile at her. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m overthinking the whole thing. I’m going to tell Damion and then we can sort it out together.
We walk through the hospital on our way to the car still teary-eyed and heart-filled, looking at the sonar pic.
“So, are you going to tell him?” Kiara stops and pulls me to the side of the corridor.
“Ug, I don’t know. If he can just tell me those 3 fucking words. I mean how difficult can it be?” I-LOVE-YOU – easy.
“Mel, Damion has the right to know, I think.”
“Firstly, what are you two doing here? And secondly, what do I have the right to know?” Both me and Kiara turn around quickly, looking as if we’ve been caught red-handed stealing the crown jewels from the queen herself.
Startled I stand frozen, his voice echoes into the abyss of what seems to be a black hole in my head. There, for sure as hell, is no brain in there at this moment, just a gap of nothingness.
Kiara hides the picture behind her back, trying to slip it into her pants before he sees anything. Damion cocks his head to the side, pulling his brows together. I’m still a marble statue, cold and stiff, but I know he’s waiting for an answer.
“We … uh …” Kiara stumbles over her words and I look at Kiara and she looks back, biting her lip.
“Kiara came to see her gynecologist. Menstrual problems.” I blurt out hoping my quick thinking will save the day and to get back at her about the sex comment.
“Okay …” he says hesitantly, “and?”
“And … eh … you should know that … eh … “ My mind is working overtime to come up with something … anything, but then Kiara saves the day finishing for me, “That she got a job offer in Los Angeles.” She lets out a deep sigh-breath while I’m still holding mine.
“Los Angeles?” He seems confused, but hell, so am I. But then he plants a kiss on my cheek.
“I have to go, or I’ll be late for my appointment. My monthly checkup for STDs and such.” He drags the last part out sarcastically while winking at me and I know I’m blushing beet red. So I accused him before, but I was not actually wrong, was I? His dick was the cause of me feeling under the weather.
“Maybe you should pick up some free condoms while you’re there,” Kiara blurts out softly, rolling her eyes at the ceiling. “Just to be sure, you know.”
Damion frowns awkwardly at her and I give her an elbow in the ribs. It’s not as if she doesn’t deserve it. I wave at him uncomfortably, waiting for him to disappear around the corner before turning to my friend. I take a deep relieved breath when I realized I’m still holding it in, I don’t want the baby to suffocate in there.
“And what was that?” Kiara looks around, not knowing exactly where to focus or what to say. Then she smiles and pulls my arms through hers so we’re walking side by side.
“I’m thinking about replacing my BFF with a more tactful person,” I mumble and she just scoffs.
“So, you’re telling him tonight?” Kiara is relentless, and I guess he does have a right to know. And at least I’ll know where I stand … a much better situation than this uncertainty.
“We’ll talk tonight, I promise,” I say while getting in the car.
My phone vibrates. There’s a message from D again. With a sigh, I open the message and I almost choke on my spit.
D: It’s time!
Kiara reads the message over my shoulder.
“Time for fucking what? Maybe we should introduce him to Chloe. Now, won’t that be a crazy match made in heaven?” Kiara says and puts on her seatbelt.
“Can we buy a big bottle of wine? I just want to smell it.” I need something strong right now, but it’s not possible, so maybe the smell will calm my nerves.
“I think the baby is eating your mind.” She’s eyeing me as if she’s looking for any sign that I might turn into a zombie. Not finding what she needs, she starts the car.
“I can’t wait to see that bad-boy’s face when he comes with you to the next sonar.”
“If he’s still alive after my brothers got the news that he knocked me up.” We struggle with the stupid radio in Kiara’s car, it just doesn’t want to connect to her phone today. Waiting for the light to turn from red to green, Kiara hits it with her hand, hoping it will connect to Bluetooth, but no luck.
All of a sudden, the sound of crunching metal and screeching tires fills the air, the car snaps and jolts up. Then it twirls in a circle and lands on its side – as if in slow motion I see the phone flying from my hand and through the air.
Then things went down very fast, my stomach plunders into my throat each time the car hits the ground, just to gut down again when the car flies as if weightless through the air for another turn. I get tossed around like a rag doll by the centripetal force from the circular motion of the rolling car. My arms instinctively drape protectively over my stomach, trying to keep the blows away, even after a sharp pain shoots through my elbow.
I scrunch my eyes close tight, waiting for everything to settle. And then it’s over – no movement, no sound, just the smell of fuel, fear, and destruction. I force my eyes open and catch a glimpse of Kiara’s wide scared pain-filled orbs, mirroring mine. I’m still trying to figure out what happened, when someone kneels next to me, injecting something into my neck. I keep my gaze on Kiara, her eyes huge but hazy, blood running over her face. Darkness overwhelms me swiftly.