On My Mind
“How the fuck are you doing that!?” I yell as I continuously looks over at Theas painting
She’s a witch, she’s some sort of magical being with magical fucking talent and can paint like no other, what the fuck.
Her painting in comparison to mine looks like it could have angel wings and a halo while mine could burn in the depths of hell.
She has some sort of awesome as hell technique to make her painting look vibrant and detailed as fuck. It’s so full of life and emotion that I almost want to cry looking at the painting of a girl looking at a woman clothed in white with her back to the girl.
Then I look at mine and I also want to cry.
I throw my paintbrush down “What. The. Fuck!”
Im glaring holes at my stupid as hell painting when I feel a small touch on my arm. Looking over, Thea looks at me with a sweet as fuck smile on her face and I can feel myself melting at her touch.
“Don’t doubt your skills Ethan, your painting isn’t mine, yes, but it’s beautiful in all different ways”
I want to roll my eyes and glare at my painting some more but before I can do so, she leans closer and points to the section of trees to the right of the waterfall “see these trees? The talent to create the blend from the color and the light hitting it is something so many people couldn’t achieve sometimes in a lifetime”
Again I want to shake my head, say that anyone could do it but she moved her finger to point at the waterfall “and the water, you created the water so vibrant and entrancting that it looks like a million crystals glittering, reminds me of your eyes”
She just whispered the last part maybe not for me to hear but when I caught it, I smiled a little.
“Besides” she picks up a brush and dips it in paint “no one is perfect” she turns back to me and before I catch it, she swipes the brush over my nose, painting a blue streak in its path.
She giggles and pulls back. She turns to Connor who is also giggling at my state and I glare at him.
Thea has a twinkle in her eye as she looks to me “no need to be so blue Ethan”
“You’re a whole load of fucking trouble” I narrow my eyes in her direction, a small smile playing on my lips as I flick my brush at her, getting orange paint on her face
Her shocked face looks between me and the paintbrush. She looks down at her shirt where a little dot of orange lays. “Aw man, you got orange on my shirt” she whines
I shrug “it’s fine”
She gasps in mock hurt “I happen to like this shirt”
I make a face at her “it’s a painting shirt. It literally has paint all over it.”
She’s about to retaliate with what’s probably some sassy remark, but the bell rings and she raises an eyebrow at me “lucky save”
We all pack up our things and make our way down the hallway to get our things from our lockers.
Connor and Thea walk down the opposite hallway to me and unbeknownst to them and everyone else, I wish they would come back. I don’t want to be alone.
These halls are filled with fucking idiots who dont know how to keep their opinions to themselves.
I walk through the crowded halls to the beat up lockers. Alexander comes marching up to me as im putting in the combination “I fucking hate it here” he grumbles as he opens the locker one over from mine.
When the lock comes off, I tug violently on the corner and it opens with a loud pop.
I’m about to make a remark to back up Alexander’s statement but something comes fluttering out and onto the ground.
Staring back at me is an amazingly well done painting of..me
My face is grim as I notice the scene around me. This was only yesterday, the day those fucking jocks shoved me into those lockers.
I remember it clearly, they called me names and pushed me around, just because they can. I mean, yeah im just one guy, but I could take a few. And I might have provoked them except Connor said to not start unnecessary drama. Does he not see the people here? Punches are thrown every day. This school fucking sucks.
My fists are clenched and my head is tilted down and to the right, looking into the eyes of the painter.
I just wish I could remember who I was looking at.
Upon deeper inspection, I find myself looking into those eyes, a much more brilliant blue than mine, so filled with emotion I never knew someone could capture with a brush.
The anger, the longing, the hurt
They’re all there swirling in the deep water of my eyes
And it’s right. Sure I was angry, sure I wish for one day to be seen as who I am and not what people think. And yeah it sucked, it did hurt. The pain behind my eyes is unmistakable.
I find myself lost in the picture. It’s like looking into a captured point in time, it’s..remarkable.
I find myself looking up and bouncing my eyes from student to student as they walk through the halls wondering who could have done this..and why?
Someone saw what was happening and could see me. See what others couldn’t. While others saw some kid being pushed around, this person saw so much deeper, deeper than what even I could see.
A hand on my shoulder has me tearing my gaze away from the captivating painting. I look over my shoulder to see Alexander looking at me strangely “you ready to go?”
I carefully and quickly put the picture in my bag, planning to show the rest of the Group later. “Yeah”
We make our way outside and to the parking lot where Levi, Benny, and Reece wait for us.
“What took so long?” Benny questions
Alexander looks pointedly at me “ask Ethan, he’s the one who spaced out. Called his name several times before he even acknowledged me”
They all look at me “I’ll tell you later. Where’s connor?”
They’re quiet with puzzled expressions, probably by my lack of enthusiasm in my sentence. I’m just still lost in my head about the mystery painting. Who could have done it? Why? And how the fuck are they so good?
Finally Benny speaks up “Connor offered to take Thea home”
I want to laugh at how everyone’s face seems to fall just a bit at Thea leaving. If I wasn’t so distracted, I would also admit to feeling the same, that girl is truly something else. Only Alex is the one to keep a cold face, as if Thea is the bane of his existence.
We all separate into Benny’s car. Reece, Levi and I all sit in the back, while Alex sits up front. Someone needs to get another fucking car.
It’s quiet for a while until Alex speaks. Leave it to Alex for his first words to be fucking shit. “So who the fuck was that girl?”
I scowl at him. “Thea”
He returns my scowl with a glare “okay, why the fuck was she around us?”
This time Levi speaks “I wanted her to”
He scoffs “maybe consult the rest of us first”
“Quit it with the attitude” Benny says sternly
“What the fuck is wrong with you all? Getting all defensive over some girl?” Alex says
I get he doesn’t trust easily, and he doesn’t have to, but he doesn’t have to be a dick about it.
“Alex, what’s your problem?” Levi speaks in both a soft and firm tone
Alex stays quiet glaring holes in the dashboard. The ride is quiet and tense, everyone in their own world.
Thea is certainly unexpected. She is something I’ve never seen before. She’s gorgeous but doesn’t flaunt it, she has her own style that fits perfectly to her personality. She’s shy and quiet, but kind and funny. If people took the time to get to know her, they would never leave. I feel slightly guilty that I’m happy she doesnt have people all over her, I doubt I would be able to get a single word in. I’m glad I got even a speck of her attention.
I wonder about her though. She has these sad eyes that may light up and sparkle like no fucking other, but they hold a sadness that is unmistakeable. We’ve all held it before.
All of us are so different, but connected through a series of turns we all took. We’ve all had a similar sadness in our eyes but we hold each other together, I wonder what’ll take for her to let us help her.
Maybe for Alex to stop being a fucking idiot
The car comes to a stop and I climb out. Benny is always the one to drop us all off from school. He likes to drive, if anything it’s to get away from his overbearing parents.
They think we’re bad influences. I scoff in my head. Yeah right, more like him not having snobby elite friends is bad for the press.
“We’ll see you tomorrow?” Benny asks
I look over at Levi, who’s messing with his watch which I got him for his birthday, then to Alex who’s still glaring holes in the dashboard, seemingly in his own head. I tap on the window next to him. When he looks up I say “take a run?”
His glare doesn’t falter, but he gives a tiny nod to his head signaling ‘yes’
I step away satisfied and turn back to Benny, “yeah”
I then turn and walk up the driveway to my house. The house is quiet once again just like every other day. I sigh as I trudge up to my room.
The cleanliness of my room contrasts from my jumbled mind full of today. Mainly thea. Today she’s been pretty much the only thing on my mind. Her beautiful adorable face, her playful, shy attitude, and those sparkling sad blue eyes.
I shake my head and let my bag drop from my shoulder and onto the floor. I kneel down to grab my homework when my fingers brush over the picture of me painted by that mystery artist.
I take it in my hands with great delicacy and once again can’t seem to tear my eyes away. The only thing to alert me to the outside world is when the door downstairs opens and closes.
I wait for some indication that Jill and Mark are home but nothing comes. No ‘im home,’ no questioning of my presence.
I move across my room and gently put my picture down on my desk, with one last look at it, I turn back around and walk out to the hallway.
I gently walk down the stairs knowing they don’t like loud noises. Unfortunately for me, I’m not exactly a quiet person but I really need to make this work.
I walk into the kitchen and see Mark sitting tiredly on one of the stools by the island and Jill rummaging in the fridge.
I stay in the doorway “hey” I murmur
Jill jumps, hitting her head on the shelf of the fridge and Mark looks up with blank eyes. When Jill recovers she turns to face me “Ethan”
I shuffle from foot to foot, trying my best to not move above three notches when speaking. What can I say? I’m loud, I curse, I’m expressive. But at this house, I have to move from a ten to a three. “I didn’t know you were home”
They don’t say anything, just periodically look between me and anything else, as if they’re waiting.
“Do you need anything?” Mark finally asks
I clench my fists behind my back and I give my best polite smile “just checking in”
Mark waves me off “we’re fine”
I stand there a little longer hoping to continue the conversation. They hardly talk to me anymore.
Jills eyes narrow on me “go to your room Ethan”
I clench my jaw, continuing to smile and I nod.
I turn to leave, and if I could, I would stomp up these stairs if it wouldn’t mean stepping a foot back into the orphanage.