well what can I say? I'm happy and I can’t ask for anything more, well except that today is the 31st and my plan to leave is weighing me down a lot, Carl has been such a darling that he makes things hard, he makes leaving him hard, a part of me thinks maybe he know and he's doing this on purpose but why does a part of me want that to be true so much?
Anyway .... after Fiji we went to Rome then Mexico, gosh how great was that, I even snapped a few pictures just for memory, throughout he was either holding my hand or touching my back, either way he always had his hand on me and I wasn't complaining...
Right now we on the rooftop of a hotel, safely booked for only us can you imagine, sipping some wine, before that we were playing a know-me game, I didn't know he also paints, remember I once saw some paintings? Well those belong to him but he says he stopped, he plays basketball and obviously very fond of his niece and nephew...big news!!! Angel and cavin are an item, have a kid together, I didn't know that, but anyway I learnt a thing or two about him, he was still too reserved to talk about Mirabelle of which I kind of understand because I too don't talk about my past that much, he asked about my scars and I told him I don't want to talk about it, I felt the way his demeanor changed but nonetheless he let it slide , I didn't share much about me I mean why because day after tomorrow I'm leaving him*sigh* why does this topic sound do heavy?
Right now I have my back on his chest and my head on his shoulder my eyes closed and his playing with my fingers, gosh this is heavenly...I don't know what time it is but we just waiting for it to strike midnight...so we can see the fireworks...crazy, in fact it's a cliché to tell the truth...I'm seeing the fire cracks with for the first and last time, spending last day of the year only to leave the beginning of another year.
He released a sigh and said:" stay"
okay...I'm thinking and imagining too much, I should stop all this.
“did you hear me?”
“I’m not sure I did...I tend to imagine a lot"
I felt his chest vibrating meaning that he's laughing at me, then he stopped.
“I mean it...I want you to give us a chance "
“what are you talking about" My heart was beating fast; he seriously can't be saying what I think he's saying.
He releases a very deep sigh and turned me so I look at him
“uuhmmm...okay...*he rubs his face*so I heard you that day "
My body tensed, no, no, no, no please lord don’t do this to me now, please.
“Bella look, I know I haven’t been the best but please stay, just*sigh* give me a chance, give us to explore this”
He can’t say that, he shouldn’t be saying those things, he’s making things difficult. I stood up not wanting to hear anymore. He can’t want that from me.
“yes Bella I want that from you. please” he stood up too. “look, fuck this is hard, I, I…look, Isabella, I want to explore us okay? if you don’t want to fine then but please not before we try at least”
He kept rubbing his face, with a look I have never seen on him before.
“carl…I’m sorry, but please”
“no please baby, please I’m begging here, I have been an arse towards you but please give me a chance please”
He called me baby again, tears were burning my eyes but I can’t, we! We can’t I know it. I should probably just go…yes. I’m leaving now, right this minute.
no, no, no, no' carl thought to himself, he quickly grabbed her arm making her turn as fast as possible she had hoped he does that but as usual she left a room for disappointment, but she was happy he stopped her and cupped her cheeks, tears were streaming down Bella's eyes and Carlos hated that, it pained him to see her like that, although he's indene but he knew he felt something for Bella, he just has to make her agree and then once things are over they can part ways.
“please Isabella, please miamor just give us a chance okay?"
He was begging and as crazy as it sounds a part of him knew something he doesn't want to admit
“carl I can't please understand okay "
She lifted her arm to touch his cheek and he closed his eyes savoring her touch...Bella knew though, she knew she was in too deep and as painful as it was she had to do it, Carlos was going to hurt her it's only a matter of time and she's trying to save her heart ...
“please Isabella please I beg of you"
He couldn't believe he was on the verge of begging and that alone a girl so he stopped himself so instead he asked “okay ...tell me why then "
He was battling with himself, he wanted her to stay but didn't want to come out as desperate.
“please Bella, why wouldn't you give us a chance?"
“I just...I... Carl I can't okay " she said.
“Bella please.... I beg of you okay ... Three months then, give us three months, if it doesn't work I'll let you be... Sign divorce papers if needs be okay "
He was hurting and it was evident in his eyes and his voice was breaking a little and that triggered Isabella's tears and cried, Carlos held her and held her for dear life
“Travis you going to hurt me " she said in between tears.
He froze, yes she's telling the truth but he can't help himself, he wants this just as badly ...
“Bella I'm not perfect but I vow to you, right here right now, I promise to put you first in everything, you before anyone... No Alexa no Valerie no Mirabelle I promise you"
As much as she wanted to believe him, he let her down the first time, but the heart wants what it wants, was is better to play it safe of take a risk? She's always done things by the book, 'it’s time to take risk 'she thought to herself...Carl saw that he was fighting a losing battle, he removed his hands from her and stepped back nodding his head countless times,
“this is then?"
“this is it then?"
Fuck!!! Why does that hurt so much? Yes, the past few days have been a bliss with him and yes he made me feel special but can I trust him to do the same when we get to the real world, when we get back to reality? But why does leaving him hurt this much and the thought of staying with him feel so great? I was in too much thought that when the words came out of my mouth and when I saw where he was, I could only hope he succumbs
"Promise you won't hurt me"
I said again...this time walking towards him... He had his back facing me. I slowly walked up to him with tears flowing am crazy but what can I do, I'm overpowered, I can't tell him in case he hurts me but I'm willing, I'm giving us a chance ...I get to him and bury my face on his back, I feel him tense
“three months, that's all I'm giving, after that-"
“you can go I won't stop you " he said before I could finish.
I don't ever want to go I want to say but don't, I know he doesn't want me like I want him, but I'm taking a risk so I'll let it ...
He's looking at me and before I know it his devouring my mouth, my back pressed on the door, he hitched my dress up, I’m busy fumbling with his clothes too...next thing he's massaging my Brest "mmm" I moan, I can already feel how wet I am, well...he makes me do that
He turned me so my whole front was against the door he attacked my neck with kisses while unzipping my dress, after he removed the dress he went down ,slide my panties to the side and inserted one finger "Ooooooh yes" next thing his tongue followed ,will I ever get used to this, without warning he ramped into me, lord of mercy, he kept going in and out and playing with my boobies and kissing my neck ears and everything kissable....after that he took me to the picnic Mat and this time when I exploded he whispered
"Happy new year my love" Then the fireworks started, he continued rocking into me in slow motion that I almost said the three words, almost but thank God I didn't ...