Dreamy Dylan

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#28 Luke Danes

I clap my hands together, excited now. I have been begging Kian for my gift all day, but he insisted on waiting until I’d open all the presents tonight.

“I didn’t see anything with your name on it,” Mila says, rummaging through the left-over presents on the table.

“It’s not there. I’ll go get it.” He gets up, then hesitates. “Could someone help me carry it down?”

Joshua jumps up right away. “Of course.”

Aston laughs, getting up too. “Settle down, Joshie boy. You’re the scrawniest one here.”

“I think I am,” Chase argues. “Or Dylan, maybe.”

We settle that particular argument by arm wrestling. Turns out Chase is the weakest, followed closely by me, with Joshua coming out as the winner. Aston is the one to help Kian get my gift downstairs, and I squeal the second they walk in.

It’s a rug. A huge, soft, purple rug. Kian and Aston roll it out, and the thing covers a whole lot of floor. It doesn’t match any of the furniture, but I definitely love it. Before Kian can even say anything, I’m already running over laying down on the beautiful purple rug, running my hands over it.

“I love it,” I sigh happily. “It’s the best rug ever.”

“I made sure to pet every single one of them before buying one. This one is the softest by far.”

Imagining Kian petting rugs in a store to find me the perfect gift makes me tear up a little. Might be the alcohol and weed too, but mostly his sweet gesture. I hold out my hand, and when he takes it to help me up, I pull so hard he topples over and lands right next to me. I kiss him hard, one hand knotting in his hair, the other moving down his chest.

“Dylan,” he groans, pushing me off.

“What?” I ask. “This is the best present ever.”

He gets up, looking annoyed. “Not now.”

Right. No PDA in front of… well, I guess not in front of anyone. These people aren’t his family. They’re just my friends and three of his colleagues, and they’re not even looking at us. Silas is holding up a dildo now, and Mila is giving him instructions about all the different ways to use it. Kyle has his arm around Chase, who’s hand is dangerously close to his crotch. I guess that means Kyle is out, and not shy about it either. Ralf is chatting to Franny and Joshua. Seriously, no one cares if we make out. No one except for Kian.

I stay on the rug, and Mila brings me more presents and another chunk of brownie. I unwrap more presents, and I’m happy about Malik and Andre joining us on the rug with their beers.

“He’ll come around,” Andre mutters to me, squeezing my lower leg. “This night is a lot for him. He did buy you a rug.”

I fake a smile, opening another present. They’re socks with cupcakes on them, from Liv and James. They’re bright pink, and I absolutely love them. My name is on them, so they must have ordered them specifically for me. So sweet.

When you really think about it, all of my friends have bought me gifts that are a lot more thoughtful than this rug. Yeah, Kian knows I like soft rugs, but everyone knows that. Thomas had to tell him after months and months of dating or he still wouldn’t know. Mila got me a new set of pencils to draw my logos, shoes in the perfect size, a bunch of sex toys, and a new pillow because I’ve been complaining about neck pains lately. She knows me. She knows me so fucking well that I love every single one of her gifts, and no one had to tell her I’d enjoy them.

Andre, who I haven’t known that long at all, got me kitty potholders from one of my favorite shows. Of course Kyle, Silas and Ralf got me generic gifts, but even Chase, Ivan and Malik got me things I actually love. I bet Andre picked out gifts for all his friends to give to me. Same with Elijah, who must have had some help from James and Liv.

Everyone knows me so well, yet Kian… he’s only now finding out I like to eat olives from the jar in the middle of the night, and that I am always drawing tattoo designs that I will never get because I’m terrified of needles. That one tattoo I got scarred me for life both literally and figuratively.

The doorbell rings, and everyone looks up in surprise. I have no idea who isn’t here yet, but I get up anyway to open the door.

“We come bearing beer!” Derrek exclaims. “Sorry for showing up so late. We all had to work.”

It’s Derrek, Matthew, Imani, and Deidra. They’re all carrying cases of my favorite beer, and Derrek is wearing a party hat in the shape of a penis. He hands me one too, and of course I put it on right away. We all go inside, where the four of them immediately mingle with the others, handing out beers and hats. Imani has a box of Liv’s baked goods in her hands, and she puts it on the coffee table.

“It’s not stuffed with cannabis, but I bet you’ll love them anyway.”

She opens the box to reveal cocksicles. My favorite snack in the whole damn world. And low and behold, there are pussy cupcakes too. Cupcakes with vagina sugar work on them. Seriously, I’m not kidding. And cookies that look like boobs.

“Oh look, she made one of me.” Aston takes out a huge black cock. “And is this James?”

Judging by the piercing, it is.

“Gimme a boob,” Joshua orders, accepting a cookie from Deidra and biting down. “Oh God, this is good.”

“Better than my boobs?” Franny pouts.

“They’re not made of sugar and I’d never bite them.”

“You should try it,” Mila says with a low moan. “Fuck, I miss Scarlett. Take a picture of me to send to her, Dylan.” She poses with a pussy cupcake, and I send it to Scarlett. I hand the phone to Mila when Scarlett sends back a picture of her actual breasts. That most certainly wasn’t meant for my eyes.

Kian is looking at the baked goods like they’re toxic, even though his colleagues are already scarfing down cocks, boobs, and pussies. He’s the only one minding the vulgarity of it all.

“Boob?” Andre asks, holding a cookie in front of my face.

I take a bite while he’s still holding it. “Will you finish the rest or do you only like cock?”

He grins and stuffs the cookies in my mouth, taking a cocksicle. “I think we both know the answer to that.”

A little later, Jianyu shows up as well, bearing the best gift of all: a bag of joints. He’s Scarlett’s best friend, and he tells me the drugs are her gift to me. We all get even higher, and my annoyance with Kian slowly subsides while I lie down on the rug, inhaling deeply as Andre, Mila, Malik and I share a joint.

Silas is still working on his pot brownie, and he’s talking to Kian. It looks like him being so chill about the weirdos all around him is making Kian feel better too. He’s even eating a pussy cupcake now. I guess that’s progress.

“Andre,” I say as I take the joint from him.

“Dylan,” he replies all seriously.

“I really love the kitty potholders.”

“Luke Danes is your favorite Gilmore Girls character, so I figured you would.”

“Luke Danes?” Malik asks. “Really? Your favorite character is the guy who’s just like Andre?”

“Like Andre?” I laugh at that. “The guy is white, and grumpy.”

“He also runs a diner, and Andre runs a coffee shop.” He pulls Andre’s baseball cap off and puts it on himself. “He wears a backwards cap just like Luke. And their uniform is jeans and a plaid shirt. Skin color and general demeanor aside, they’re quite alike. They both make great coffee. They’re sexy. They look good in plaid. They’re true friends, helping out whenever they can.”

Hmm. He makes a fair point. They’re not exactly twins, but their fashion sense is quite similar. And Luke too likes eccentric people. He’s straight, sure, but Lorelai Gilmore is hardly a normal gal. She’s insane, in the best way. It’s why I love that show. Most of the characters are strange, witty and out there. The show could do with some gay people thrown in the mix, but hey, you can’t have everything.

“Time for games!” Mila announces.

Soon enough, we’re doing truth or dare. Of course, I end up streaking through the street, much to Kian’s horror. Andre has to eat an entire can of pickles, and Thomas makes out with Chase at some point. It was Tracy’s idea, so it’s all good. Kyle looks upset over that, so I dare Chase to give Kyle a blowjob. The two disappear into the bathroom for a while, much to Kian’s horror. Everyone else is quite frisky already, and there’s lots of feeling each other up from all the couples in here. Imani sticks her tongue right down Deidra’s throat, and I’d bet anything that Shaughna is doing something very naughty to Dshawn in the kitchen, since his groans are getting louder by the second.

“I wish I had someone to kiss,” Mila sighs dramatically, stretching out on the new rug.

Malik gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Here, you’re all set.”

“Oh wow, I’m so satisfied now.” She rolls over, being all dramatic. “Why did I ever agree to long-distance? I miss her so much. She’s so sweet, and pretty, and cute, and I just… I want Scarlett!”

“I know, honey.” I stroke her hair softly, knowing that all her pain is coming out now that she’s completely hammered. They haven’t seen each other in almost four months, and Mila is lonely, even though she’ll never admit it.

“Okay, I need to get the missus home,” Aston decides when Annabel is falling asleep against him. He lifts her into his arms without trouble. “This was great, Dylan. Thanks for inviting us.”

The two of them leaving gives others permission to leave as well, I guess. Kyle and Chase grab an uber together, and I know for a fact their night is far from over. Andre catches a ride with Ralf and Silas, and everyone else finds their way home too. Everyone except for Mila, who is so far gone that Thomas and I have to carry her up the stairs to tuck her into bed in one of the guest bedrooms.

Eventually, Kian and I are alone again.

“That wasn’t too bad, was it?” I ask, going in for a kiss.

He steps back, his expressions inscrutable. “You ran naked through the street, you’re high as a kite, you spent most of the time talking to anyone but me – most of the day too, by the way. You were constantly touching everyone, men and women, and my colleagues inspected our new sex toys. This whole night was like a goddamn orgie. How the hell am I supposed to show my face at the office on Monday?”

“Kyle got a blowjob in our bedroom and he’s having a one night stand right now. Ralf smoked an entire joint on his own, and Silas was awfully interested in anal sex. I think it’s safe to say they didn’t mind any of this. Besides, I now have pictures of Silas putting flashing anal beads in his mouth on a dare to see if he could fit them all in there. I don’t think you have anything to be embarrassed about, babe.”

He doesn’t find any of that funny. “It was humiliating. I don’t get how you can still be like this at 33. Shouldn’t you have left this stuff behind in college?”

“Yeah, well, you’re 40, but I bet you were already this boring at 20.” Sad burn, but he’s hurting me, and on my birthday no less.

“I’m going to bed.” He walks right out of the room without looking back.

Well, I’m not going to chase him. Instead, I grab a pillow and lie down on my new purple rug. Fuck Kian. I can sleep right here.

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