Dreamy Dylan

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#37 They’re not Andre

“Of course you didn’t cheat.” Thomas doesn’t doubt me, not even for a second. “It’s one thing to catch feelings for someone, but it’s another matter entirely to cheat on a person. Tracy and I didn’t exactly start things the right way, but you would never do anything like that. You’re too pure of heart for that.” He seems to see right through me. “Whatever you think you did, I’m sure it’s not that bad. Your boyfriend was in bed with another man, Dylan. This is on him, not on you.”

I know he’s right that Kian fucked up more than I did, but I’m not as angry as I was last night. If I’m perfectly honest… we were never going to make it, were we? Both of us fell for other people while being in a relationship and even living together. That’s not a good sign. Not even a little bit.

“I don’t think I’m even upset that we broke up,” I admit, wrapping my hands around my coffee mug. “I’m mostly upset that the past months were a complete and total lie. He wasn’t just vibing with someone else like I was – he was actually dipping his dick in someone else’s asshole.” I shudder at the memory of the lube and the condoms on the nightstand. On my nightstand. “I mean so little to him that he didn’t even think I deserved to know. I gave up my apartment, and only a few weeks later, he starts sleeping with someone else.”

“The offer to fuck him up still stands,” Thomas vows, his eyes ablaze. “You know I’ll do it for you in a heartbeat. Aston too.”

“You know you’ll have to invite Mila or she’ll be pissed,” I joke. “I’m okay, truly. Don’t do anything stupid. I just want all my stuff out of there, to find a new place, and start over. Forget all about him.”

Thomas looks like he doesn’t believe it will be that easy, but he doesn’t comment on it. “You’re welcome to stay here until you find a new place. We’ve got a big shed that you can put all your stuff in. No rush. You’re family.”

Somehow, that’s what breaks me this morning. Thomas’ unconditional love and support, and the realization that I’ve still got a home, even if I don’t have a place to live. This is where I came at my breaking point, knowing that they would be there for me, and wouldn’t think it was weird at all that I let myself in while they were sleeping.

“Hey…” Thomas pats my leg awkwardly when I start to cry. “Fuck. Did I say something wrong?”

I laugh through my tears as I put down my coffee and wipe my eyes. “No, not at all. You’re perfect, Thom. I’m just a mess right now. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“None of us do. You just have to find a person willing to figure all of it out with you. Someone who will help you up when you fall flat on your face.” He smiles, obviously thinking about Tracy.

I bite my lip, thinking about the person who might be willing to do just that for me. “Do you think I could text Andre? Or would that be totally wrong?”

Thomas smiles. “That depends. What do you want to say to him?”

“That I broke up with Kian.”

“Yeah, but then what? Are you ready to date? You only just found out Kian was cheating on you for months, and I know you want to move on, but you were with him for over a year, Dylan. You love him. Are you sure you’re ready for something with Andre when you’re nowhere near through this mess with Kian yet?”

He’s right. I know he is, but I wish I could go to the bakery and forget about this whole mess. Just talk to Andre, eat a cupcake, laugh with him… Thom is right though. I probably need to at least see Kian again first. Get my stuff back. Start looking for a new apartment. I’m not ready for a new relationship yet, and I’m not even sure what Andre wants.

“How about we start with breakfast?” Thom offers. “Then you’ll text Kian to let him know to get the fuck out of the house so you and I can rent a van and get all your stuff out of there. We’ll get Mila, Aston and some of the others to help out, and we’ll be done in one afternoon. Easy. You can take a couple of days before meeting up with Kian to get some closure, and after that you can start to think about apartments and moving on. One step at a time.”

That sounds like a plan. I wipe my tears, finish my coffee, and then take a long hot shower, trying to cleanse myself of what I witnessed last night in my own home.

If I’m truly honest though… It never really felt like my home, not even after I moved in. Not even when Kian got me that rug for my birthday. Looking back, maybe that was a big fat red flag that should have kept me from moving in with him at all.

Thomas keeps true to his word. After Kian agrees to make sure not to be around when we come over, Aston borrows his brother-in-law’s van and we all meet up at the house. It only takes two trips to get everything to Thom’s shed, because I donated most of my old furniture to charity. My possessions mostly consist of shoes, clothes, kitchen utensils, and my art supplies. I feel kind of sad seeing how little I own these days.

Time to start fresh, I guess.

At the end of the day, Mila stays over at Thomas and Tracy’s as well, getting into the single bed with me. She doesn’t like cuddling in bed, but she wraps herself around me anyway, giving me the comfort I didn’t even know I craved.

“I’m so sorry,” she murmurs. “I wish you’d told me about what was going on, but I get why you didn’t. I was such a dick.”

“You can be a bit of a dick, that’s true.” I’ve already forgiven her, though. All day long, she’s not said a bad word about Kian, because she could sense that’s not what I need right now. Aston did most of the cursing and threatening. He even called Anna to tell her to fire both Kian and Silas, but luckily Annabel told him that no matter how much she hates what they did to me, she’s not going to fire two of her best employees because of what they do in their spare time. I agree with her whole-heartedly. I don’t particularly like Kian at the moment, and I wouldn’t mind never seeing Silas again in my life, but that doesn’t mean I want them to lose their jobs. I’m not a heartless monster.

“You know it doesn’t say anything about you, right?” she whispers in the dark. “That he cheated? I don’t know if you think that, but just in case you do…”

“I don’t know if it says something about me, but it does say something about our relationship. This is the first and only truly serious relationship I’ve ever been in, and we both developed feelings for other people.” I groan. “Am I even fit to be in a relationship with anyone? Or am I destined to be alone forever?”

“Both?” she repeats, sounding surprised. “Who did you… Oh! Andre! Of course, it all makes sense now. But you didn’t do anything.” She doesn’t even have to ask me. Mila knows me too damn well.

“I was going to tell Kian. That’s why I came home early. I did flirt with Andre, if I’m honest. I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet I still-”

“You didn’t kiss him, and you most certainly didn’t sleep with him.” She sounds decisive. “Don’t blame yourself for this mess, Dylan. You haven’t been happy in ages, and you gave this relationship your all. Kian didn’t. I could see that from the start. My methods may have been a little shitty, but I meant well. I was scared something like this would happen. I always feared he’d destroy you.”

“He didn’t destroy me,” I mutter, but I’m already crying.

“Oh Dylan…” She rubs my back, and doesn’t complain when I get tears and snot all over her shirt. It’s weird how things change. A few years ago, lying in bed with her like this would have given me hope. I might have gotten turned on. I’d most certainly be trying to put the moves on her. Now, there is nothing but friendship between us. We’re comfortable together, and her girlfriend trusts her completely. Scarlett didn’t even bat an eye when Mila announced she’d be spending the night with me.

It gives me hope. I got over Mila, so surely I will get over Kian cheating on me too. Mila and Thomas are weird as fuck, and they both found someone who embraces all of them. Tracy and Scarlett love and support them unconditionally and would never try to change them. Maybe I can have that too, one day.

Maybe I already met the person who could be my Tracy or Scarlett. Who knows. It’s too soon to say, but I do know I want to explore things with Andre. I missed him this past week, and I desperately want to see him again. I hated not talking to him all day, but I knew I needed to have a bit of distance so I wouldn’t fuck things up. I’m way too emotional right now.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the bakery. Maybe that’s too soon, and maybe I should listen to Thom some more and take my time, but Andre is my friend before anything else. He’s the person who got me through all the tough times with Kian. He’s who I want to talk to the most, and that’s saying something, because Mila, Tracy, and Thomas are like family to me. They’re my people.

Still, they’re not Andre. No one is.

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