#51 What if
When Andre pulls back and lies back down next to me, I feel like I have no bones anymore. Trembling, I cuddle up to him, my head on his chest. He rubs my back while I come down from what is without a doubt one of the greatest highs of my life.
“That…” I mutter, kissing his cheek. “That was the best blowjob I’ve ever had.”
He laughs softly. “I highly doubt that.”
“No, I’m serious.” I throw my leg over him and kiss him again. Fuck, I feel good right now. “That was amazing. I love you so much, Andre.”
He inhales sharply, his fingers digging deeper into my skin. “You love me?”
“Of course I do.” I’m too excited to even think about the possibility he won’t say it back.
“I love you too,” he finally whispers, pressing his face against the top of my head with a sigh. “I just thought it might be too soon to tell you that.”
“Fuck that.” I prop myself up on my elbow so I can look at him. “Feels more like a long time coming, doesn’t it?”
He looks at me like I’m the fucking sun and the moon combined into one shiny package. “It really does. I didn’t think any of this was going to happen today.”
“Please,” I scoff, teasing him. “You knew what you were doing when you started googling washable rugs, Andre. You were totally seducing me with all that thoughtfulness.”
He grins. “It wasn’t why I was taking you to that store, but it’s good to know you’re so easy to get naked.”
“Are you calling me easy?” I give him a push. “Nice move, babe.”
His eyes twinkle at the endearment. “No, not easy at all. Felt quite hard to me just now.”
“Are you still hard?” I grab his dick to confirm that he is indeed still hard as hell. My turn to make him lose his mind.
“You don’t have to-” He stops talking when I try to take off his shirt, hastily pulling it back down.
“Are you cold?” I ask, a little worried. “I have a blanket in my car. Should I get it?”
“No, I’m not cold.” He looks uncomfortable all of a sudden. “I just… You don’t have to…”
“I really, really want to.” This time, I undo his belt instead of trying to take off his shirt. He lets me, but he still looks a little unsure. “Andre, is something wrong? Do you not want to?”
“I do,” he assures me quickly. “I really do, but… I mean… There’s so much light.”
Light? What the fuck kind of answer is that? Then, suddenly, it hits me. The sunlight is streaming in through the window, and I’m trying to take off his clothes. He is self-conscious about his body. Ah fuck, I didn’t think about that.
“I love being able to look at you, babe.” I put a hand on the side of his face, looking him straight in the eye. “But if you want to keep your shirt on, that’s okay.”
He seems to relax a little. “Could I?”
“I do need to take off your pants to give you a blowjob. Or should I just slide them down enough to free your cock?” I’m already unbuttoning his pants. “I don’t care, as long as I can get my mouth on you and finally see what you’re packing.”
That makes him smile. “Don’t expect too much. I may be black, and some clichés are true, but I’m not Aston.”
It doesn’t surprise me he’s heard about Aston being hung like a horse. Bigger than that even. He’s hung like an elephant. Everyone knows that. He enjoys bragging about it.
“Let me be the judge of how impressive you are.” With that, I sit up to pull at his pants while he lifts his hips to help me.
And holy hell, he’s got a beautiful cock. A weird word to describe a man’s favorite body part maybe, but it’s the truth. He’s not extremely long, but his girth makes my mouth water. Fucking hell, he will feel amazing inside of me. He’s got a slight curve to him, and he’s circumcised like me, which is always a nice plus.
“That’s a great cock,” I groan while I start to stroke him. “Please tell me I can take off your pants now.”
“Yes,” he groans, lying back and closing his eyes.
I get him half-naked as fast as I can, and I settle between his legs. I kiss his thighs softly, then lick his balls, and finally draw my tongue slowly up and down his erection. I love how responsive he is to every single touch.
“Oh that feels good…” He bucks up his hips, obviously wanting more than this.
Guess what? I am more than willing to give it to him. With a moan, I take him inside of me. He’s too big to fit all the way in, but I sure as hell try. I wrap my hand around the base so he won’t make me gag when he bucks up, and I use the other to cup his balls. He lets out the deepest, sexiest sound I’ve ever heard, causing me to grow hard again myself.
“Not gonna last long,” he warns me, his hands knotting in my hair as he takes over to dictate the pace. I love that. I love how he takes control while still giving me space to pull back if I wanted to.
I let him slip out for a moment when I sense he’s close. “Do you want to come like this, or do you want to fuck me?”
He groans and tugs at my hair. “You know damn well I want to fuck you, but I haven’t got lube with me.”
Fuck. Lube. “Blowjob it is.” I dive back in, taking him a little deeper than before. I suck him hard and fast, giving into the way he yanks my head up and down by my hair. A few more jerks of his hips, and then he’s coming in my mouth.
“Oh wow…” He’s trembling the way I was when he went down on me, his eyes closed as he tries to catch his breath.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and stretch out next to him, smiling to myself. Too bad we can’t have sex yet, but I doubt it will be long before we do. He rolls onto his side to put his head on my chest, and I wrap my arm around him. He’s naked from the waist down just like I am, and it doesn’t take long before he’s jerking me off with slow, sloppy movements.
“I love you,” he whispers into my shirt, lighting me up from the inside out.
“I love you too.”
It takes a while for me to come again, and when I do he gets down as fast as possible so I can come in his mouth instead of making a mess of both of us. It’s intimate, and it feels incredibly good. I want to return the favor once more, but he’s already getting dressed, much to my dismay.
“Please tell me you’re only putting on your clothes because you want to drive to your place. You know, where the lube is.”
“I’ve got plans with Ivan,” he apologizes as he throws me my boxer shorts. “I’m sorry.”
I grunt, but decide not to complain. Today was amazing. Sex can wait. Besides, I’m not 20 anymore. I already came twice. Might be wise to wait to have sex until I’m not exhausted and drained of all I’ve got to give, I guess.
“I’ll drive you,” I decide. “Let’s first get all the stuff we bought into the house.”
We put everything into the library just so it’s out of the way for when the furniture arrives in a month, and then we get into my car. He assures me he’s fine taking the bus to Ivan’s, but I insist on driving him. For some reason, that makes him look uncomfortable, but he doesn’t say anything.
When we get to Ivan’s place, he turns to me. “You don’t have to wait until I get inside. It’s been a long day. Go home, love.”
Love. He’s calling me love. God, I love that. It’s not a pet name I’d ever pick to call him – I’m a babe guy all the way, but it feels so special when he calls me that.
“Give me a kiss goodbye first.”
He does, and we all but melt into each other. It’s hard to let him go, but I have to. I know I do. It’s only for tonight. I’ll see him again tomorrow.
Of course, I do wait for him to get inside. I’ve got my window open, and when Ivan opens the door, I hear him exclaim: “Hey man, what a nice surprise!”
Andre looks over his shoulder, waving at me as a sign that I can leave.
“Hey Dylan!” Ivan calls out to me. “You joining us?”
“No thanks,” I call back, absolutely certain that Andre does not want me here. I’m not sure what went wrong today – I genuinely thought everything was going great. There’s no mistaking what just happened, though. Andre lied about having plans with Ivan. He’s ditching me. After what we just shared, he’s lying to get rid of me instead of inviting me back to his place.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
I’m both pissed and sad as I drive back to Thomas and Tracy’s place. The overwhelming feeling is confusion, though. I don’t believe for a second Andre was lying when he said he loved me. Nothing we shared in my new home felt like a lie.
Then again… I also had no idea that Kian was a cheating bastard who never truly loved me. What the fuck do I know about whether or not I can trust someone?
What if I left a cheater only to start a relationship with a liar?
What if I am incapable of having a healthy relationship with anyone?
What if Andre doesn’t truly love me?
What if… what if… what if?