#56 My boyfriend and my baby mommas
I’m so completely focused on my laptop screen that I jump in surprise when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Gasping for air, I spin around on my chair to see who is standing behind me. Deidra grins at me, flipping her long black hair over her shoulder. Her lips move, but I can’t hear her. It takes me a second to realize I’ve still got my earbuds in and the music is blaring too loud for her to hear me.
“Hey,” I say with a smile when I take them out and put them in their case. “You scared the living daylight out of me.”
“Jumpy, huh?” She takes a seat next to me, handing me one of Andre’s delicious vanilla lattes. “Not sure if I want a jumpy baby daddy.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re never going to find sperm as good as mine, babe.”
Of course, that’s the moment Andre shows up at our table with two cupcakes. He looks a little uncomfortable as he sets them down on the table. The bakery is in one of those rare lulls between breakfast and lunch, when there’s barely anyone around. Liv went upstairs to feed Aurora, who she’s always checking in on through the baby monitor when she’s in the bakery. That’s nice about her apartment being upstairs. She can come in to work for an hour without needing a babysitter. She can just pop up when Aurora wakes up. Perfect system. Of course, her parents watch Aurora sometimes, as do Derrek and Matt, but on days Liv is on mom duty, it’s nice that she can still come into the bakery when her baby is napping.
“Is that true?” Deidra asks Andre. “Is his sperm the best in all the lands?”
Andre laughs. “I think the two of us have very different ideas of what makes sperm good, Deidra.”
“Sperm is for making babies.” She sips her drink. “What else could you possibly use it for?”
“Girl, you’re bisexual,” I remind her. “You must have sucked dick before you got together with Imani.”
“I may have sucked a dick or two.” The wicked glint in her eyes tells me there were way more hot nights with men than she’s fessing up to right now. “So what you’re saying is that Dylan’s sperm tastes good, and that’s all that matters to you?”
“It’s a nice plus.” Andre nods to the cupcakes. “Enjoy. Liv left them for you.” With that, he walks to his coffee counter and starts cleaning up the mess he made during the morning rush. Normally I’d help him, but I have a feeling Deidra didn’t come here to watch me be all cutesy with my boyfriend.
“We’d like to invite you and Andre over for dinner this Friday,” she confirms my suspicions. “I know he’s not completely on board yet, and we don’t need to talk about baby stuff, but we do want him to feel included, you know? If the two of you are still together in a year, he’ll be a father to our babies, so we’d like to get him a little better.”
“I’ll ask,” I promise, glancing at him. “He might say no, though. He’s having trouble wrapping his mind around all of this.”
She nods, looking both sad and understanding. “If he doesn’t come around, will you… I mean, you might…”
“I’m not changing my mind.” I squeeze her hand in comfort. “Trust me, Deidra, I’m all in. Andre and I will figure out how to do this. We’ve still got time. Whatever happens between me and him doesn’t change that I’m ready to be a dad, and I want to have kids with you and Imani, okay? We’re still set to meet up with that co-parenting lawyer on Monday, right?”
“Yeah, to talk about custody.” She looks less worried now. “You’re sure you want this? I didn’t push you into this? I’d feel terrible if-”
“Deidra,” I cut in. “I was the one who came to you, asking if I could be the father of your baby, remember? I’m ready for this. I want this. Don’t doubt this for even a second.”
“Okay,” she sighs, relieved. “It’s just so hard to believe it’s really happening. And soon. Really soon.”
“Yeah, soon.” I can’t help but look over at Andre. If things go well, and Deidra gets pregnant right away, we might be having a baby in less than a year. A year seems like a long time, but it’s not, is it? Will it be enough for Andre to get on board?
“Ask him about Friday,” Deidra whispers, knowing exactly what I’m thinking. “We won’t talk about the baby thing, I promise. Maybe he’ll feel better about this once he knows me and Imani a little better. We’re just Liv’s friends and your baby mommas right now. Once he sees us as friends too, it might get less uncomfortable.”
Friends. The four of us. I’d love that, but I’m not sure if he’s ready for that.
I was right to worry. Andre said yes, but come Friday night, he’s so nervous he’s barely talking to me anymore. He looks pale, which is a real feat with his dark complexion.
“Do you want to stay home?” I ask him for the millionth time.
“No.” He fakes a smile. That’s all he says, nothing more. That’s the only word to come out of his mouth during the entire drive to Deidra and Imani’s house.
Yeah… not off to a great start.
Imani is the one to open the door. She’s in a tight black tube skirt and a crisp white blouse. She’s wearing four piercings in each ear, and she’s barefoot, looking like the perfect mixture of her eccentric self and her sales rep job. As I’m getting to know her better, I now realize that she’s the steady one in their relationship. Deidra can be a little all over the place, and she’s very emotional. Imani knows exactly what she wants, and she makes sure she gets it in a calm, professional manner. I think those two balance each other out quite beautifully.
Like me and Andre. We do that too. I think it’s one of the things I love most about him. How he’s a lot like me in some ways, but also completely different. He’s the calm one, the rational one, the one who overthinks and who’s careful. Meanwhile, I am impulsive, certifiably insane, and anything but calm. Somehow, it works. It just does.
At this moment, though, he’s not calm. He’s totally faking it. He shakes Imani’s hand and follows her into the living room, where Deidra is sitting on the couch. She jumps up right away, rushing over to hug both of us. Her hair is curled to perfection today, with little beads and feathers woven into the little braids she put in. The woman is like a piece of art.
“I’m so happy you came,” she tells Andre, motioning for him to sit down. “Like I promised Dylan, we will keep the kid talk to a minimum.”
Imani sighs. “Babe, you’re already talking about it.”
“Ah fuck!” Deidra’s face falls. “How long did I make it? Five seconds?”
“Four.” Andre’s smile is a little more relaxed now. “And you can talk about it. I need to get used to it eventually, don’t I?”
My heart squeezes together painfully at that. He doesn’t sound like he thinks he ever will, to be honest. More like he’s giving this a try because he feels he doesn’t have a choice.
“Beer?” Imani walks into the kitchen and comes back with four beer bottles, handing one to each of us. “Maybe booze will make this less awkward.”
“I’m driving,” I remind them, putting down my beer.
Andre is already downing his. Poor guy. I didn’t even know he could get this nervous. We’ve been so good together this past week. Ever since that first night together, I’ve been staying over at his apartment every single day. We have the most incredible sex, but it’s so much more than that. Waking up together, brushing our teeth together, making breakfast for him, learning what he can and can’t eat, and how his IBS acts up when he gets stressed or doesn’t get enough sleep… I love all of it. I’m getting to see the real Andre in a way I never did before. I thought I knew him already, but there are so many layers to him that I never saw before we took that leap of faith and truly got together.
The only thing we hardly ever talk about is the fact that I am going to become a father. Ever since I told him that I’m fertile, we haven’t brought up the subject again. I hate that I’ve been running away from it, but I don’t want to lose him. Finally, I’ve gotten a taste of what it’s like to have it all, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to settle for less now that I know.
Know what it’s like to be loved by Andre. And to know how badly I truly want kids. To have all of that within reach. Losing any of that is simply not an option anymore.