#62 Gotta save my soldiers
Tonight is the night. The first time I will be trying to knock Deidra up. All the paperwork is done, the girls and I are on the same page about pretty much everything, and Deidra has a pretty regular cycle, so she told me to come by tonight for our very first try. In two days, we will try again. And then again two days after that. That way, she should definitely have fresh sperm inside of her when she’s ovulating.
Even though my job is merely masturbating in the spare bedroom and then handing Imani the cup with my jizz in it, it still feels like a huge deal. Without me, there would be no baby, after all. I might be a father nine months from now. That’s exciting, frightening, and weird as hell. I’m more ready than I’ll ever be, but it’s still a strange feeling.
Me. A father. Of a baby I’m not even having with my own partner. So fucking weird.
The moment I wake up next to Andre, nerves bubble up in me. That’s not my usual jam. I’m a chill guy, or at least I fancy myself to be chill. Sure, I get nervous sometimes, but I am not one to lie awake so early in the morning, staring at the ceiling, worrying about everything that could go wrong. I toss and turn so much, trying to get one more hour of sleep, that I end up waking Andre.
“Hey,” he groans, rolling over so he can snuggle up to me. “Why are you awake?”
“Tonight.” That’s all I have to say, and his entire body goes rigid against mine – and not in a good way. Not at all.
“Right,” he breathes. “Tonight.”
He’s trying so hard, he really is, but he’s still so uncomfortable about the whole thing. That doesn’t do anything to soothe my nerves, of course. I’m still scared I will end up losing him. I want to raise my child with him, not on my own. I know I could do it if I needed to. My life won’t end if Andre decides to leave me, but my life sure as hell would never be the same again. He’s it for me. I know he is. He’s the first person I can see a future with that I’m actually excited about. He gets me in ways I’ve never experienced before.
“It’ll be okay,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “You’ve jerked off before.”
I laugh at that, loving how he’s trying to keep the mood light. “Yes, I have. Although I have to admit it’s been a while.”
“Really?” He sounds surprised.
“Babe, we have sex almost every single day. Sometimes even more than once.” I move a little so I can embrace him tighter. “You don’t seriously think I’ve got the energy to get myself off as well?”
“Is it weird that I’m turned on by that?” He presses himself up against me harder so I can feel his erection pressing against my thigh.
I groan, pleasantly surprised. We’ve never had morning sex. A little afternoon delight? Hell yeah. Hot as sin sex when we turn in for the night? That’s a no-brainer. But never in the morning. It’s the time his IBS is at its worst. I’m already used to it, so I don’t even try anything with him when we wake up. I’d hate for him to have to turn me down or feel pressured to pleasure me when he’s feeling so shitty. I may be a horndog sometimes, but I’m not an animal.
Seems this morning is different though. There is only one problem…
“Andre,” I moan when he rubs me through my boxer shorts. “I can’t.”
“Ah fuck.” He sounds disappointed. “Of course. Gotta save your soldiers for tonight.”
“You don’t have that issue,” I whisper as I touch him, loving how he responds with a deep, feral grunt.
“You really don’t…” He trails off, rolling onto his back as I take off his boxers. His shirt stays on – he still sleeps in it most nights, and I don’t pressure him to take it off every single time. It’s up to him. Whenever he bares himself to me, I make sure to make him feel beautiful, but I’m not going to push my luck. Body issues can’t be resolved in little over two months. That shit takes time.
“I don’t?” I tease, stroking him leisurely. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” he rushes out. “God no.”
“Are you sure?” I press sloppy kisses to his cheek, then move on to his neck. “I can stop if you want me too. I wouldn’t want to do anything you’re not into.” I take my hand off him, laughing softly at his frustration.
“You’re such a tease.” He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in for a scorching hot kiss.
I’d love to tantalize him longer, but I’m too hot for him already. I’m well aware that I can’t come this morning for the same reason we didn’t have sex the past two nights. We want my sperm to be in the best possible condition. I can, however, make him come, and that turns me on so much that I’m moaning along with him when I return to jerking him off.
“Do you want to come on me or in my mouth?” I ask, unable to stop myself from humping against his leg as I give him all my attention. I need to pace myself or I’ll come in my boxer shorts and ruin the whole damn thing.
“Mouth.” He doesn’t even need to think about it. In fact, he’s already applying pressure to the back of my head, guiding me down his body quite forcefully. It’s still amazing to me how commanding he can be at times, exactly the way I like to be handled. At other times, he’s sweet and takes it slow with me, truly making love like he wants to remember every second of being inside of me. I love both sides of him equally.
I just love Andre, period. Every inch of him, inside and out.
Right now, I’m taking all seven inches of him into my mouth, moaning around him. He’s not into slow and soft this morning. Not at all. He knots his hands in my hair, keeping me still so he can fuck my mouth. His hips move in a steady rhythm, taking me deeper each time he trusts up. I have to wrap my hand around the base of his cock to keep myself from gagging. My eyes are already watering from the fast and furious way he’s taking me, but I don’t mind. I’m rock hard myself, wishing I could come when he does.
“Fuuuuck,” he groans loudly. “So close, love.”
I roll my tongue over him the way he always does to me – yeah, he’s learning me new moves, who would have thought? – and that does the trick. He grunts my name, and then he’s coming. He doesn’t hold back, forcing me to take him deeper as he empties himself inside of me. Gagging, I pull away the second he’s done, struggling to swallow it all.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, his eyes closed as he trembles from the aftermath. “Too good.”
I wipe my teary eyes and lie down next to him, putting his arm around me so I can put my head on his chest. “Don’t apologize, babe. In a week, I’ll be fucking you so hard you won’t know what to do with yourself.”
A week of not having sex with Andre. That’s what this whole insemination business means. I need to jerk off for Deidra three times this week, so that means no sex at all. I sure hope I will knock her up fast. I already miss the intimacy, and it’s only been two days. I’m an addict and I’m not even embarrassed to admit it.
“Oh yeah?” Andre squeezes my ass. “You want to be inside of me?”
I haven’t fucked him yet, both of us perfectly happy with him being the top all the time. Still, I know he’s open to switching roles, and I’ve found myself wondering what it will be like to be inside of him.
“Hell yeah.” He doesn’t hesitate for even a second. “I need to be having a good day, though. With my IBS, I mean. And I want to douche first.”
“How about you tell me when you feel up for it?” I kiss him tenderly, loving this unexpected early morning. “I’m always up for anything, anytime.”
“Oh, I know.” He sighs, sounding perfectly content. “I’ll miss you tonight.”
“Miss me tonight?” I’m confused for a second. “I’ll only be gone for like… an hour at the most. It’s just jerking off into a cup. How long do you think that will take me?”
“Oh…” He sounds weird, so I prop myself up on my elbow to look at him while he goes on. “I just figured… I thought you’d spend the night with the girls. Or with Thomas and Tracy.”
I can tell right away that he wants me to not come home tonight. Fuck. That’s how uncomfortable he truly is with the kid thing. He doesn’t want me here after I try to knock up Deidra.
“Okay, if that’s what you want.” I’m not going to pretend this is for me. It’s for him, and that’s okay, but I am going to need him to admit that.
“It’s not that I…” Andre groans. “I’m sorry. I just don’t think I’ll be… I don’t want to ruin this night for you. It should be a happy occasion, and it kind of is, but I’m still working on being completely on board. I’m not going to be great company tonight, and you’ll be all hyped.”
He’s right. I definitely will be. I won’t be able to talk about anything but having a baby. I’ve been talking about tonight for over a week now, even though I know it makes Andre uncomfortable. It’s impossible to help myself. Maybe it’s for the best we’re apart tonight.
“I’ll miss you.” I give him a kiss to show him I’m not upset. “Thanks for telling me what you need.”
“Maybe I’ll feel different next time.” He sounds like he truly hopes he will. “Just be patient with me, love.”
“Always,” I assure him. No, I don’t like not sleeping in his bed tonight, but I can handle it. I can even deal with it if he doesn’t want me here the other two nights this week either. As long as we keep the lines of communication open, I’m certain that he’ll come around eventually.
Andre suddenly sits up, a grimace on his face. “My belly just woke up. Sorry, I need to…”
“Go poop.” I get out of bed as well. “I’ll make us breakfast.”
He calls out his thanks before rushing to the toilet. IBS sucks balls, but I do love how open he is about it these days. We’re so in sync, and he is finally trusting that I won’t run the other way just because he’s not a muscular god with perfect health. I love him just the way he is.