Our First Words
It had been 7 years since I found out the words that my “true love” would say to me, and of course like everyone else I kept mine secret.
It was an unwritten rule about finding out our “lines” that we didn’t share them with one another, but I knew that the first words my true love would say to me would be “Welcome to Starbucks. Can I take your order?”
At first I thought this would be one of those things that I’ll happily stumble into one day in New York city and by chance I’ll find her, however time passes quickly and before I knew it 5 years had passed. I was ready to settle down but no matter which Starbucks I came into it was always a little off, “Welcome, what would you like?” or “What can I get you?” and eventually the idea of having a soul mate out there waiting for me didn’t bring me the same sense of ease it once did.
Before long I found myself getting bitter at the prospect of having to “wait” for the right one to say a stupid line. Where the fuck are my choices? Why don’t I get a say in what happens and when it happens. While all my friends were hearing those magical words all I became was more and more bitter at the miserable world, so much so that my “happy” friends stopped talking to me.
I knew It wasn’t right, I could see myself becoming a bigger asshole everyday but felt I could nothing about it, like watching a car crash in slow motion I was helpless.
Eventually they did all cut me out, and I was alone.
I started playing video games and I stopped going outside. I joined online chats and became mod of /r/nosoulmateyet on Reddit. I hated others that found their soul mates and wanted to ruin anything I could to prevent that. There were others like me and I became fast friends with ASH1983 amongst other haters. ASH1983 hated the idea of the Soul Mate thing as well and we wrote to each other almost daily about how fucked up it was that everything had to be ‘pre-written’ and nothing was up to chance.
We ended up e-mailing each other every day and then multiple times a day. I knew nothing about them and I liked it that way – anonymous means we don’t have to worry about being “nice” we can just be honest. I’d say we became friends, actually I’d say we became closer than that. Eventually when I had nothing else and felt that I could trust them completely I told them about my “line.”
After a long while they responded back, but they didn’t share their line, only mentioned that mine was a “bum deal.” I admit it hurt.
Shortly after that ‘she’ added me on Facebook, Ashley Johnson, she lived in the US thousands of miles away, boyfriend, dog, house…everything I didn’t have.
I felt cheated. I felt like I had opened my miserable dark soul to someone and they threw their beautiful life in my face. I felt like everything I knew about her was a lie. My blood boiled and I wanted her and her perfect life to end FOREVER. Through tears I found her number and dialed long distance. A man picked up, “Hello?”
“I need to speak to Ashley.” I said through tears.
“Sure…” the man said hesitantly
After a brief moment and a small behind the phone chat I could hear breathing on the line. It sounded nervous and fragile. I paced around my living room, phone to my ear waiting for her to say ANYTHING….. But she didn’t.
I was heartbroken….she didn’t even have the decency to say hello first. “You know what?” I said through gritted teeth. “Go fuck yourself.”
And I hung up.
That was two weeks ago.
I woke up this morning, 7 years to the day I found out my words and decided that I wouldn’t be heading out to Starbucks again, maybe ever so I made and poured myself a coffee. Just then my doorbell rang.
I opened the door and standing there was Ashley suitcase in one hand and umbrella in the other. She smiled at me and said, “Welcome to Starbucks. Can I take your order?”
I dropped my coffee and stood there slack jawed.
“You think you had it bad?” she asked jokingly, “imagine if you had ‘you know what? go fuck yourself’ as your soulmates first words.”