Life can really be a bitch, most of the times. You get to want something, and you know deep down that no matter how many times you deny it, by the end of the day, you just have to drop everything and do your best. And once you decide to go for it, life fucks you up once again, and everything you thought that was perfect gets shattered, everything crashes with each other in front of your eyes, with you tied down to the ground, completely incapable of stopping the disaster from happening… because before you even notice the destruction that’s about to happen, everything was already long gone.
I was staring at my own reflection as I applied my mascara, and wore my beanie. Everything is fine, everything is fine.
I grabbed my purse, double checked what was inside, took out the key to my apartment, and was about to walk towards the door. Everything is fine, everything is fine.
But I stopped on my tracks when I saw a picture of me and my mom on the small desk. I picked it up, and small smile started to escape the tip of my lips. Everything is fine, everything is fine.
I ran my fingers across the photograph, reminiscing everything that happened after we took that photo. Everything is fine, everything is fine.
There was some kind of electricity I felt as I held on to the picture. I saw my dog, Fluffy, in the picture as well, and stared at the empty halls of my apartment. It was so empty. Everything was fine.
There was a cut out of my dad stuck to the photograph, as if he was still there with us. So that it would seem like he never left.
I used to be fine.
I remember everything.
But I couldn’t afford to break down now. Today is just enough to make me too emotional.
I went out and locked my apartment, and drove to get some coffee. I had to shake off this feeling.
“One venti dark mocha with mint for Carly.”
“Thank you, have a nice day.”
My cellphone starts ringing as I took my cup of coffee from the counter. I looked at the screen and saw Ivan McGregor’s name appearing in the screen. Ivan and I go a long way, but more on that later.
Anyway, I answered the phone, "Hey, Ivan. What's my schedule for today?"
"Well, you and the band's got an interview at Ellen. Then, you're gonna have to attend a photoshoot of Fender and Marshall as their latest endorser right after the interview."
I chuckled while I was taking a sip from my cup, "Why don't I bring back my specialty back in High School for the interview?"
I could hear the sudden rush of panic in Ivan’s voice, "Don't you even think about it, Ms. Scarlet Autumn Williams Gonzales!"
"Alright, alright," I snickered, "But, if I do get late, then you know why. Just cover up for me, okay?"
"Well, I've got no other choice, do I?"
"Nope, how unfortunate, huh?" I teased as we finally said our goodbyes and put back my phone on my bag.
I took a seat and looked out the windows, watching the leaves of trees falling down as fall has begun. The red leaves covered the surroundings of trees and the cold wind was blowing gently. I moved my cup in a circular motion as I giggled lightly, gazing outside of the coffee shop’s walls. And as I stared longer at the trees, memories flashed back inside my head. It all seemed just like it was yesterday. Everything was still fresh on my head, as if I was still the reckless 17-year-old I used to be … - Well, I am still pretty reckless - … But those moments have never left me since that fateful day.
I am now 29 years old. But, nothing has changed about this fateful day. I remember everything; everything that happened, and how it felt. The scenes of the past that has given me a reason to continue to live, to smile and laugh at every problem. I have long accepted it, but those experiences will always be something worth remembering, something worth smiling at, to give me joy once more and to inspire me to keep on living and seeing the bright side of everything.
My name is Scarlet Autumn Gonzales. And I'll start this story 12 years ago, back when I was still a young girl who was reckless and almost out of hope. This is the story of how my life changed in one blink of an eye. Out of hopeless, came promises; out of promises, came joy; and out of joy, came sadness... And I hope that you give a few moments to hear about it.