Harry's hands are still laced around mine and I squeeze them tighter in fear he will let go. My breathing spikes as I take sharp breaths in the darkness.
"Harry please turn on a light." I try to stay as calm as I can. Listening to the room around us I can hear Harry's hand feel on the walls looking for a light.
"Harry." I squeeze my eyes shut closing my hand around his even tighter.
"Almost got it." Pressing my head down I lean into Harry's chest. Normally I would pull away but not right now. I take slow breaths against his chest trying to console myself.
"Found it." The light flickers on and I can feel my heart again. He places his hand on the back of my head. "It's okay." I open my eyes still resting on his chest. His shirt smells like vanilla and it calms me.
I probably sound like a scared little girl afraid of the dark. Well, yeah I am but still.
Pulling away from Harry's chest I feel his fingers rest under my chin pulling my gaze on to his. His lips are plump and resemble a small frown.
"I used to like the dark." my voice barely resembles a whisper.
"Don't have to tell me. M'not here to judge you." Slowly nodding he takes his fingers away from my chin. We stand there for a few seconds looking at each other, when he pushes me back by my hips ever so lightly.
like a feather afraid i'll snap in two.
with my back now pressed against the cold wall he turns to stand beside me on the tiled wall as well.
I slid down the wall until my butt hits the cold dusty floor. A few seconds later Harry's shoulder presses into mine as we sit, side by side in the small closet.
"It's not that I'm trying to know you. Violet." my head turns to look at him in surprise. "I'm trying so hard to stay away from you but I can't."
My body doesn't move and I turn my head away from him as we both stare at the white door in front of us.
"I'm trying to stay away from you too. I'm trying so hard." We both sit in silence and I'm deciding if I just want to get up and leave or talk to him. It's weird because I've never wanted to open up to anyone. Abby doesn't even know half of what i'd be telling Harry.
But if I want Harry to stay away from me i'm going to have to give him a reason. Make him see that I'm just pathetic and a waste of time.
"My life's different Harry." I whisper as I feel his glare on my side.
"I have so much built up inside of me that it hurts to breathe. Arriving at this school every morning is so exhausting, I try so hard to push everything down but it never works." I say numbly. "And I- I just-"
Harry's lips part as his eyes rake over me, "feel like you're about to explode." I inhale and lean my head back, "yeah."
"I do too." His voice now the one muttering silently. "I understand everything you just say. I'm exhausted too."
Time seems to stop as we look into each others eyes. I see the same pain in them as my reflection, which confuses me.
I'm not sure exactly what to do in this moment but sit in silence. The silence is nothing from uncomfortable, in fact I feel the most at peace.
"We don't have to talk about our pasts okay."
"Okay." I respond thankfully.
"Harry?" I shyly ask. "Yeah?" he responses keeping his voice the same level as mine.
"When you saw me in the alley why did you try and help me?"
He huffs lightly, "I wasn't at school that day. I had to do a few things." in my part of town?
"I saw you standing at the light, waiting to cross the street. There was something bothering you. I knew it wasn't just a simple issue because the look you had in your eye I feel almost everyday when I look at myself in the mirror. "
"When I saw you panicking I just stood there frozen because I've done the same thing. I haven't had a panic attack in a very long time but I just couldn't stop watching. Everything you said went straight through me and I felt choked. When you looked at me time stopped. You looked so broken."
" I have pushed everything away for so long in such unhealthy ways but the first time I looked into your brown eyes I felt everything come back to me."
" But it's not that violet. I'm not talking to you because you remind me of someone or because I want to know your past. Trust me if I could you would never have seen me again. My head still tells me to run away from you but there's something deep down pulling me to you. I just don't know."
I pause taking everything in. Sniffing I decided to just roll with it. "When I look into your eyes it feels like a mirror too. There's just something there I've felt before" is all I can say. My head still trying to process everything he's saying.
His head flicks hard to mine and away from the side. "Really?"
"Yeah. ever since the first day I saw you, you just felt so familiar. Maybe it was just a shared perception of pain." I wrap my arms around myself from the cold tile floors.
"What's your escape Violet?"
"What?" I'm confused where this is coming from. "When you want to escape from everything you feel, what do you do?"
I know exactly what I do but it's too personal. "I read sometimes I guess." Biting on my cheek.
"That helps?" His surprise sounds like when you tell a thrill seeker you read for fun. Two opposite perceptions.
"Yeah." I shrug, "getting lost in a book, your brain forgets everything around you temporarily. A mental picture plays. you forget about yourself and get lost in the story. While reading I get lost into the characters' life and forget my own." I rarely read anymore but everything I said was true.
Abby bought me a book for Christmas and I forgot about myself for a while. "When the book ends though you're back to where you used to be. That's what I hate about it the most. Afterwards you just feel more numb. I stopped reading after that."
" I was just envious that the characters could live the life I wanted to live." As soon as the words come out I instantly regret them. I should've just told him I like to walk.
Exhaling into the cold room I look up then back to Harry with a read-less look on his face. "Why what's yours?"
"Anything that gives me a rush." mhm I hum. "Does it work?" Harry shakes his head no.
"it lasts for a couple minutes but the feelings never permanent."
"Must be the most freeing minute of your life." I wonder what it's like to feel free. Even just for a moment.
"It feels... i'm not sure how to explain it but the world just goes silent. There's no problems stuck at the back of your brain. You just live in the moment."
I tilt my head to the side. "It goes quiet?" The question's pulled from the deep parts in my body listening.
"yeah. Just for the tiniest moment."
Getting lost in space I rest my head against Harry's shoulder closing my eyes. Harry does the same once I get comfortable and presses his head against my own. "Do you ever think about running away Violet?" Yeah. All the time.
"I've tried. But my past follows me. No matter where I go it's with me. Just doesn't work"
"I've tried too. It only feels good for a little while. All I really feel is alone."
"I don't think it's ever going to get better Harry." honesty keeps flowing out of me.
"It has to be Violet. Things don't stay bad forever." his head lifts off mine to stare down at me.
"It doesn't seem like it." my body tightens holding back my emotions. "Come here." Harry wraps his arm around my shoulder and brings me tight to his chest.
Stiffening from his sudden actions my body starts to relax. Why is he doing this?
The bell rings from outside echoing in the small room were in. I go to stand up but Harry just pulls me back down.
Obliging not really wanting to leave either, I stay in his warm vanilla chest a little longer. "Were gonna miss class."
Harry laughs, "of course you're worried about missing a class."
"Hey I can't help it." sitting up, crawling my way out of his arms, I sit directly in front of him.
"Well if we leave this closet and get spotted we're gonna get detention." my face goes white and Harry only laughs in pleasure. Detention?
"Have you ever gotten detention?" he mocks laughing even harder. Leaning forward I press my hands on to his mouth and I can feel his smile hit my palms "No and I don't plan on it so shush."
"Then I guess we're gonna have to stay in here a little while longer." Stupid smirky.
"Violet what's your favourite colour?" pressing his body more into the wall. "Now look who's being cheeky."
"Shut up and answer." Harry's voice serious. giggling I run my fingers over my lips in thought, "blue. I like blue... What's yours?"
"Black." he states. I drop my jaw in shock and close my hands around my mouth, "you know. I would have never guessed."
Biting down on his lip Harry contains a grin. "Ok, my question"
"What made you want to get a lip piercing. I'm not judging, I actually like it. Just wondering." Harry tugs on his lip ring.
"Many reasons but I was in a bad place and made the decision."
"Well I like it. Suits you."
"Okay your turn." This game's fun.
Thinking he sits up an inch. "Violet you don't have to answer this but i'm really curious."
"What did Peter say to you?" I close my eyes thinking back to an hour ago. I honestly forgot Harry and I weren't the only people left on the earth.
"Just don't tell anyone okay."
"Violet you have to trust me when I tell you I'd never."
"I just don't trust anyone anymore." breathlessly answering
"Me either. But when I tell you I would never, I mean it."
I exhale a large breath. "Okay."
"Last year I moved out. Got my own apartment." he nods, "students always speculated there was something wrong going on but no one ever did anything. They would always just watch and study me like I was a dinosaur on display. Everyone looks at me like I'm a case to be solved."
"When I finally moved out and everyone heard of it, rumours started to go up. Not that there wasn't any before but it just got more specific. No one really moves out at 18 unless there's something really wrong." I take a breath continuing.
"Peter was always the one to say things to my face. He was so direct and hurtful. made it his mission to make my life a living hell. I'm not quite sure why. I've done nothing wrong."
"Today in the cafeteria was nothing new. He tripped me and spat his hypothesis in my face about the life I'm hiding. Sometimes he's not even close to the truth and I let it go but other times he explains feelings too well."
"When they fall from his tongue I freeze. It's the only thing my body can do." when I finish talking I close my mouth because he probably didn't ask for all that information.
"Violet don't be sorry. I asked you a question and you answered it."
It's just a reflex. I've been taught that no one ever cared or wanted me to justify anything.
Harry's fists close and lips form a line. "Harry, stop, it's okay." I place my hands on his wrists and he unwraps them slowly, the veins on top still growing hard.
"Why don't you stand up for yourself Violet? Why do you let him say those things to you"
Slumping back down into the floor I take a sharp breath. "Because I deserve it." my voice is barely audible but the room where it is deafening silenced except for our voices.
Opening his mouth he closes it once more. His green eyes look over mine like they always do.
When Harry stares at me I don't feel like I'm on display with everyone else. I don't feel like I'm being judged or investigated.
Just like that the final bell rings and I know we're going to have to get up. "Are we gonna have to get out of here secretly." Harry stands
"This is a lot of excitement for you, is it darling?"
"I feel like i'm breaking the rules. Feels funny." giving me the strangest smile he holds out a hands for me to stand. Placing my hand in his, Harry effortlessly pulls me up.
When he lets go however I trip over a broom and hit a caution sign which goes smacking into the ground. I shut my eyes and curl my fists to my face hiding myself.
"We aren't caught now are we?"
"Nope I don't think so." he sarcastically mocks. While he peeks through the door I reach down, placing the sign back as quiet as possible.
"It's just a sign Violet it's not going to sound an alarm." Looking him in the eyes I roll my own, "you never know."
"Are you sure you don't wanna leave out here separately."
"What do you mean?"
"Well if we leave here together then people will see us together. I don't want you to be pulled into what I'm in right now."
Harry just shakes his head with a hard look, "I don't care what they think of me. They can go fuck themselves."
Okay well language.
"Coasts clear, let's go." just like that Harry pulls on my backpack so I can leave the closet first.
Walking through the halls we get stares from other people and the ones in groups start to whisper. I just look forward.
Once we reach the outside I stop by the wall like yesterday.
Pushing his hair back from his face Harry pulls a fabric headband out of his pocket and starts wrapping it around his hair. Pushing it back I'm assuming to ride his motorcycle home.
"Want me to give you a ride home?" instantly my head goes on red alert and I'm shaking my head quickly.
Giving me a wondering look I stop shaking my head.
"It's just." thinking how i'm going to word this is too hard so I just give him the half truth. "I have to meet Abby on the bus. I already missed lunch, she's just going to be wondering if I'm okay."
Humming with his brows slightly pulled together he just shakes his head, sadly agreeing with me.
"Thanks for the offer though."
"Yeah no problem." he smirks before backing away, "see you tomorrow Violet."
Waving back at him I turn around and make my way for the bus stop.