"Oh." I sniff, wiping back the tears that fell. Not wanting Harry to see me like this I go to lie back down, watching the stars above, as my chest breathes up and down. The space goes quiet between us but the feeling within the air hasn't changed so I know Harrys still standing there.
His footsteps crush the rocks beneath his shoes which fill my eardrums. walking towards my place on the grass his body stands over me.
"Can I sit?" he asks unsure, looking down.
Harry bends down, laying next to me on the grass. Our shoulders touch while he gets situated, letting out a relaxing breath when his head hits the grass. "What are you looking at?" turning his head staring into my side.
"The stars Harry." I breathlessly say.
"The stars?" he questions back like he heard differently.
"Mhm. Aren't they beautiful?" Looking away, Harry stares up into the sky and I feel a light exhale escape his mouth. "Wow," he mutters like it's his first real time looking above.
"Have you never watched the stars before?"
"No." he simply states. "I just walk through life. Never really had the time to look up."
"For me I had to make the time to look up." living in my apartment is hard. There's nowhere I can go to watch the stars and it makes it harder for me to keep everything under control.
"Why did you come out here Violet? Out of all the places" Both of us still looking up. Breathing out I just stay silent.
"It's quiet out here. I like the quiet."
My hands shake but I hold them tightly to my heart. "I tell you too much." speaking shakingly and I feel Harry's body nudge closer into mine.
"In the closet that day, I told you more than I had ever told anyone as well." My mouth goes dry as he talks.
"I know it wasn't a lot of detail and It couldnt even set my life up in a picture but it was the most I had ever talked about it. I don't tell anyone, anything anything Violet."
"It terrifies me." I grip my hands harder. "That someone knows this part about me. I have never told anyone. I keep it so hidden and have tried so hard my life to keep it that way." Harry's breath hits my cheek soaking in my words.
"I try so hard to keep that part of me hidden too. You make me weak though Violet. it scares me and I dont wanna ruin you."
going still, I just continue to look up at the stars trying to map out every constellation.
"What did the woman say to you in there?" sniffing back my fears I decide to trust Harry. Something inside of me is telling me it's okay and that feeling hasn't been there in a while.
"She said that." I breathe back the hate in my body and continue to play with my fingers.
"My parents must be proud of me." I choke back on the scream in my throat that wants to let it ripe out of me. Disgust rakes through my body and I cringe.
"Why did you come out here to watch the stars after?" I can hear both pain and curiosity in his voice.
My own voice cracks while I speak, "it's a long story." I bite on my lip.
"Could you tell me?" Closing my eyes, a tear falls down my face.
"Trust me you dont want to hear it." the pain in my voice clear and Harry sits up, looking down at me. "If you don't want to tell me I understand. But I want to hear, i'm not going to judge you."
"Promise you won't tell anyone." I open my eyes to meet with his green ones staring at me with so much care. "I have never asked anyone to promise me anything, but please."
trusting someone with a promise is much harder than keeping one.
I had never taken the world seriously but in this moment the word feels real and wiped clear of any memory behind it.
"Promise." He speaks as if it's just as hard for him to tell me as well.
"Just lie down." Harry looks in pain that he has to leave me without contact but he just agrees and lies back on the grass.
"I've never told anyone this before. One of the things I keep hidden so just listen and don't try to respond." This is going to take everything inside of me to push out.
"One night my parents were fighting in the other room. I just laid under the covers of my bed with the blankets over top of me, trying to separate me from them. But it never worked, I could always hear them clear as day." gulping back the fear in my voice. "I got out of bed and walked outside into my backyard needing to get away from the voices. They were just so loud. Closing the door I heard the quiet of the outdoors surround me. Quiet was really all I ever wanted and the outside surrounding me, just gave me a break.."
"Walking out into the middle of the yard I sat down and looked up. I'm not sure what I was looking for but when I looked up I noticed the stars. There were about a million of them in the sky shining so bright in the dark. They were all outshining each other, lighting up the sky. Looking up I sucked in a breath from how at peace I felt for just a moment."
"I always wanted someone to pull me out of the darkness or just sit with me in the dark for a while and when I looked up they were just there above me. It was like they were watching over me, I guess. Guiding me to something. I still wonder what that feeling is when I look up to them." Harry's eyes never leave my side as I feel them staring into my soul. He takes in everything I'm saying with no judgment. I have to keep talking or I'll stop and regret it.
"Ever since that day I would go outside each night. I'd study the stars. How they were all different from each other. Whenever I was at school I would rush into the library each morning pulling out a new book on the stars. Everynight id turn to a new page and study up on a new star looking for it in the sky."
Stopping I just breathe. Inhaling and exhaling. No one knows about this part of me. I have never explained it in this much detail. It hurt so much to bring up. I feel the world shattering around me at the minor details.
I don't look at Harry, I just keep my gaze on the sky. After a few seconds Harrys hands traces over mine before wrapping it completely in mine. Intertwined he moves his thumb up and down my hand squeezing lightly telling me he's not letting go. He knows how hard this is.
I hate being vulnerable, I'll never let myself be that way again. But with his hand wrapped in mine, my mind stops thinking. My thoughts run to a stop .
I'm just laying in the grass looking up at the stars with Harry listening to my words as if everything I say matters.
"Tell me about the stars Violet. The stories you know." The air gets taken away from me. No one had ever asked me that. Sometimes when I tell people I like the stars they just brush past it. "Really?" I look to the side into his frame.
"Please." his green eyes light up like a lighthouse meeting with my glossy ones that bring my mind back to the present. Rolling my head back I begin.
His touch gives me a newly found confidence.
"Did you know that a star is a symbol for guidance and protection. It's one of the most powerful protection symbols. Each night I would lay outside and study the stars. Each and every one of them. Some Nights I would cry out to them for protection."
I stop talking, thinking about what I'm going to say next but Harry just nudges my side, "keep going."
"That star right there." I point into the sky. "That's Orion. That star can be seen in the sky throughout the whole world. Orion was a mighty hunter. Very brave and self prideful. He was known to be the most handsomest man in all the world."
"There's many retellings of this story but this one's my favorite. I'll tell you the other ending another day." taking a breath I let it all slide off my tongue.
"Orion was Star struck by the daughter of Zeus. Her name was Artemis. The goddess of wild animals, the hunt, vegetation and childbirth. I like to think she was the protector and guardian of all pure... Did you know she had perfect aim with a bow and arrow?" I look back to Harry with so much energy coursing through my veins as I smile at him. A real smile that I havent felt in so long.
"astounding isn't she." Harry nods, hiding shy of a grin.
"One day while Orion was hunting he ran into Artemis. Being the virgin goddess she was, he averted his eyes from her in respect. She thanked him for the respect but she wasnt there for him to be looking away. You see she wanted his attention. She was there for a reason. When he looked up at her, she asked if they could be companions of the hunt together. For days they played and laughed with much pleasure. They both were having the time of their lives."
Smiling to myself I continue "Well surprise, they fell deeply in love. The kind of love that the other person would fall off the ends of the earth for you. Soulmates. One small issue... She was the God of chastity." I laugh pressing my head against Harry's shoulder, "But she loved Orion so much she was willing to give everything up for him. No matter the consequence."
I run my fingers over Harry's red ring, twisting it around and feeling the texture momentarily.
"Artemis's brother Apollo was envious of his sister. He was jealous that she found love and that it was with a mortal. Envy makes you do bad things. Turns your blood cold and that's exactly what it did with Apollo. He came up with a plan. An awful cruel plan created from the roots of jealousy. Apollo spent the day with his sister together and during that time Apollo dared her to hit the target in the far distance ahead."
"Easy. Her aim was perfection with a bow in arrow and she didn't have to prove herself to anyone. But it was a dare. So obvious she could win and bring down his male ego. how could she turn down the opportunity. Time for her to show off you know."
" She brought her arrow back and fired. Hitting the target perfectly centre. But when she blinked, she saw that the target was Orion going for a swim. Apollo created the invisibility. He knew exactly what he was watching unfold."
" Artemis just killed her love with her bare hands. Tragic isn't it. To love someone so much and then they're gone in the blink of an eye." Harry just stares shocked at me with eyebrows pressed tightly together in deep thought.
"As a God, In mourning she decided to put him in the stars where he belonged. Where he could always be with her. Where they could watch over one another for all eternity. It's beautifully romantic. Awfully sad and tragic but beautiful. Imagine loving someone that much you'd send them to the stars."
"I hope I get sent to the stars one day."