I've been swearing to myself this whole shift. I have never been surrounded by so many drunk assholes in my life. There's a clear difference between fun drunks and rude, hard to manage drunks. Can you guess which ones I served today?
They were so damn loud. Orders were messed up tonight and everyone was yelling all over the place. One guy I served clearly drunk, yelled at me with so much force. I jumped from the level of passive in his voice but I held myself down. He was thrown out before he got the chance to do it again.
Drinks were spilled all over and my shirt was all drenched and sticky. I had to change halfway through the night and I was glad I learned from last time to bring a washcloth.
All the yelling tonight has made my stomach turn and had to take a moment to breath.
The coffee was wearing off and I've been catching my body from tripping all night. Harliegh caught me a few times, some were close calls.
The room was spinning and I was seeing double.
On my break I sat myself down and tried to remember how to breathe, my head pounded and my body just wanted to break in a sob of tears from how tired I was.
Approaching the end of my shift I asked Julia to cover my tables. Everyone I worked with saw how I was on the verge of fainting so she gladly took it. I'm now just sitting at the bar with my head in my hands trying to stop the room from spinning.
I promised myself I would start putting on a mask but it's times like this where you're so helpless, the act disappears.
I hadn't seen Philip either yet tonight. He just disappeared and I have no idea where he went.
Everyones been trying to send me home early but I didn't want to sleep and I need the money.
Sniffing back frustrated tears I press my temples to the table and rake my hands through my hair.
It's currently four am and I have to go get my bag from the break room. Standing up my knees buckle and I completely fall onto a chair in front of me, hands stopping my fall. Blinking hardly the room spins at warp speed and my brain aches from the pain.
Sitting back down on the seat I was in I huff with a mix of aggression and pain.
"Here violet I got your bag." Harleigh speaks from behind the bar. He places the bag on top of the table with a warming look.
"Thank you." I whisper. I hate being viewed as pathetic but I appreciated the act so much.
"You're not taking the bus home right?"
"No, someones picking me up." I rub my hands over my eyes.
"Alright well i'll wait with you till he comes." Usually customers head off by three but some stay back till four. Haleigh or Philip always have to wait till the place is cleared and call cabs for people.
I just nod unable to get the words out.
The next few minutes go by painfully slow and it's one of the worst feelings I've ever felt. I tune out the restaurant around me trying to calm down.
Walking through the front door I notice Violet sitting at the bar with her hands over her eyes. She looks exhausted.
Walking over to her I press my hand on to her back but she jumps slightly but calms down immediately when her stare lands on mine.
"Hey." I speak lightly so I won't throw her off remembering back to when she told me she doesn't like when random people touch her. She seems oblivious to the world around her right now.
"Sorry." Violet whispers and her grip tightens on the counters edge like she's trying to stay afloat.
Bringing my hand to the back of her neck I rub my thumb up and down still looking at her as she sniffs into her hands. She doesn't look like she's okay and I feel so helpless for her.
"Are you okay?" I keep my hand pressed to her neck.
"I'm just not feeling too well." she mutters with closed eyes and I can tell she's lying. There's more to it than that. My blood starts to boil thinking if someone hurt her tonight but i've learned she'd be reacting a complete different way.
"You don't look good darling." I brush my hand through her hair.
Biting down on her lips she just inhales. "Do you think you could take me home now." she states weakly and my heart breaks. I haven't felt this way in so long and it throws me completely off as I stare into the back of her head.
What is she doing to me? I don't feel things, I'm a monster.
Taking her bag from the counter flinging it over my back Violet still sits there with tears in her eyes.
What's going on in that head of yours angel.
She hates when I call her that for some hateful reason so I keep it to myself.
I look at her helplessly and I hate that there's nothing I can do to help.
"I'm just tired, Harry." She speaks through the silence.
"Let's get you home to bed then."
"No Harry." Her voice raises but still sounds so broken. "That's the problem."
Looking at her I just don't know what to do or what she's talking about.
"Can you get up by yourself?" I whisper with my arms wrapped around her back. She leans her head back on my chest and nods her head. Gripping the bar table she elevates herself from her seat. With silent cries of exhaustion she steps away from the table.
With my arms still around her, she falls back on my chest as her knees buckle. Her hands lay on her temple and I bring her to her feet again.
She nods her head, assuring she's okay, but she's not and it's beyond her just being tired. There's a whole other person inside of her just like me covering up the fact they're broken.
"It's okay I got you."
"No, I'm fine it's okay." She tugs her arms out my hold.
"Violet." I call her as she pushes me away. "Im fine Harry." She says as she starts to walk away slowly with her hands pressed to her temple.
Watching her closely next to me she grips the door handle with a lot of pressure and I can tell she's pushing herself.
Opening the door to the empty parking lot the wind pushes her back unsteadying her feet. The wind isn't even strong.
Why isn't she letting me help her? Just let me help you.
Wrapping my hands around her waist I pull her close to me despite her arrogance.
From the contact she leans all of her weight on my hip right away and closes her fist around the bottom of my shirt accepting the help.
I think she puts up a big game but just wants to forfeit inside.
Reaching the side of my car I open the door placing her inside ever so gently. My touch has never touched anyone this soft. I'm afraid i'll break her if I'm not careful.
Running over to my side of the car I hop in and close the door but the bang makes her jump again.
Doing everything around me slowly I make sure not to make any noise. She sits on the bench with her hands covering her face.
"Hey." I pull her close to my body and she immediately clings to me.
A soft whimper of helplessness echoes in my ear and my body just tightens. Holding on to her hips I reposition her so she's straddling my waist.
Violet clings to me like at any moment she's going to disappear.
I wish in my darkest moments I had someone to cling on to.
I sound weak. That's not who I'm supposed to be.
But god angel you make me weak.
Swallowing my fears I just turn on the engine. Positioned on my lap with enough room to see out the windshield, I put the car in drive.
Pulling up at a red light I bring my hands down from the wheel and on to her waist when she speaks out from the silence.
"I can't go to bed Harry." She tightens her grip around my neck and I feel her lips on my skin.
"What are you talking about?" I whisper back.
"I can't go to sleep." She sniffs and I feel a small tear hit the skin on my neck and I look back to the red light begging it won't turn green soon.
Pulling her shoulders back her glossy eyes don't look back to mine until I press my fingers to her chin. Looking at her clearly for the first time I notice the bags under her eyes as the concealer washes it away with tears.
She doesn't just look exhausted she looks scared.
"When's the last time you slept?" I wipe my thumb over her waterline.
For the first time she laughs but it's not a laugh from happiness. I recognize that laugh with my own.
"Thats a funny question." she closes her eyes as another tear falls.
"Violet." I say with more hardness in my voice then planned and she leans into my fingers trying not to fall forward.
"I get like two hours a night. Sometimes four." she says with no energy in her voice and I feel a rush of pain hit my own chest from how easily she says the words.
Her head falls back to my chest quickly as soon as my fingers leave her chin.
I'm the only form of strength holding her up right now.
I'm not sure what to do. How is a person like me supposed to help an angel like her?
As the light turns green I drive with one hand as my other keeps a tight grip on her waist and I can't help but linger on her words.
I can't go to sleep.
Pulling into her apartment I ditch the parking lot and pull right up to the front door. Give me a ticket or tow my car, for once I care about someone and I haven't ever cared for myself.
Pulling up Violet doesn't move in my arms so I tighten my hold around her and open the door climbing out. Her legs wrap around my back in instinct and I hold her up by her thighs. Shutting the door my mind is circling with thoughts and I forget to close the door softly.
Slamming, Violet jumps in my arms tightening her hold. One more squeeze and I won't be able to breathe but she can do whatever she wants to feel better.
"Sorry." I scrunch my face. I hate causing her pain like this.
Never moving or once letting go we make it to the elevator. Resting on the bars in the gold and brown space I take a seat as this old elevator takes a while to climb up.
Placing my one hand in her hair I comb my fingers through analysing every brunette lock. Her front pieces of hair are lighter from the sun kiss of the sun where under, her pieces are a natural shade of dark chestnut brown. its my new favorite color.
She's so beautiful.
With a bing, the elevator doors open and I stand up placing my hands under again making sure to not let her fall.
Arriving at the door I hold her up with one hand easily while my other finds the pocket of her purple backpack where I've noticed she keeps her keys in.
Opening the door I step in and place her bag on the ground.
Walking into her house so freely I know if the circumstances were different she'd be cursing at me. I almost laugh but right now I'm trying not to go find the person who caused her this pain and kill them.
"I'm gonna walk into your room, don't yell at me later," I whisper, afraid to startle her.
Walking into her room the bed sheets are all over the place. Laying her body over the bed she still refuses to let go. guess we're doing it this way.
I place my knees onto the bed and nudge upwords so our bodys move to the middle of the bed where we both dangle.
"You gotta let go." it was time for her to get some much needed rest.
After minutes ticked by her tight grip on my neck loosens and her arms fall weakley down to the bed.
I think she fell asleep.
My arms place between her head and I just look down deeply at her.
"What are you doing to me."
"I don't understand." the back of my finger traces her cheek which is always my body's reaction to her.
She was oblivious to the knife he was holding against her throat but his own fire was burning around him. The world was crumbling in front of them and they were watching the destruction, but in truth they were the only people falling.
"I wish I didn't like you darling. I really wish I didn't and for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." she doesn't deserve any of this and I don't deserve her.
Climbing out of the bed I take the messy sheets and pull them over her body. Raking my eyes on the black bed I notice a small bear at the bottom laying on its side. Reaching forward I hold it in my hands and just shake my head.
I've seen this bear before but my thoughts just can't fill the void. Taking one last look I place the bear down and walk out her bedroom door into the kitchen.
Walking towards the front door and placing my hand on the knob I can't seem to turn it.
I'm yelling at myself to but I just can't.
Respecting her privacy I open the door but as soon as I do so I hear a sharpness of breathing coming from her room.
Turning my neck to the noise quickly I look through her bedroom door staring into her sleepless body as heavy breaths leave her mouth.
It sounds like she's scared of someone. I wonder who she's running from in the dream and I can't help but think it's the reason she hates to sleep.
She's going to hate me but I can't leave. two hours she told me. Two. I care more about this girl more than just leave her.
She's a story where the hidden messages are in between the lines. You can read the presented story or look hard enough for the truth.
Someone did this all to her and If it's still going on I have to stop it.
Appearing through her door I can't help but consider how jumpy she is. I wonder if someone walks in here every night and does something. Defenceless and innocent, she can't protect herself.
I can't leave her like this. We promised to not ask questions but if she's in danger I can't accept the fact I could've helped and just walked away.
With one last look I walk over to the single couch and lay down. With my arm around my head I listen to the silence in the dark apartment, holding my breath trying to hear her own which I noticed slowed down in normalcy.
Trying to stay awake my eyes can't help but close in the utter darkness.
My eyes shoot open from a voice in the apartment. It's her voice but it's a whimper of pure panic.
"Please stop." She cries out and I hear her bed springs as her body kick the sheets off the bed.
I jump up from the couch.
Walking carefully into her room Violet's body is curled into a ball in the corner. still asleep but tossing and turning with sharp breathes of hyperventilation.
"What are you doing, stop it." She whimpers out strongly in aggression.
"Violet." I raise my voice so it is louder than hers. Climbing on the bed I straddle her body so it stops moving.
"Wake up." I shake her shoulders doing everything I can to wake her. Placing my hand on her cheek trying not to hurt her I keep calling out.
"Violet baby please wake up." I cup her face with both hands so she stops jittering back and forth.
She's still not waking up and I'm gonna regret talking to her like this but I have to. "VIOLET." I boom through my teeth like how I talk to the guys I torture when they piss me off.
Her eyes open wide from the yelling of my voice and her body jumps up in the air. the look of fear on her face is unreadable and I hold my breath. She looks beyond terrified and can't catch her breath. Her chest heaves as tears pour out of her eyes, blinding her senses.
I can't even think straight in this moment.
"Violet." my nerves spike and I don't know what to do. She doesn't even realise i'm here and she keeps looking around the room when her stare lands on mine and her eyes grow wide pulling back.
Her body jumps backwards on the bed and she shakes her head. Gripping her hair in her hands hyperventilating in her lap.
"Close the door." She shoots out as her body shakes.
"Close the door." A sob breaks in her throat of pure terror.
Not thinking once my body shoots up and I run to the door closing it. She cries in her lap and the sound breaks my heart.
Returning by her side on the bed I grab her body bridal style and pull her on my lap as she continues to break. Her head rests on my shirt as her hands grip the material so hard her knuckles turn white.
I bring her closer to my chest but theres not enough space in the world to ease her pain.
Leaning her head against my chest Violet brings her hands up to her ears suddenly, breathing a sharp inhale.
I can't do anything but hold her and that's not enough. I'm not scared of her, I just want to help her.
I'm powerless in this moment.
She was cold to the touch and he burned everything in his path. Polar opposites that share the same disasterous effects to others but to each other they cancel out.
"Just make it stop. Tell her to stop screaming." She cries angrily into my chest and I lean forward hiding her from whatever she's scared of.
He hid her demons away
All I could do was be there for her. I remember her saying that all she ever wanted was for someone to sit with her in the darkness.
Wiping away her tears with my finger her breaths start to go constant but it doesn't tear the brokenness in her voice.
Looking up to me for the first time my own lungs stop. Those brown eyes hide so much pain like my own.
"Who did this to you." I say to myself. Who would hurt this girl.
"I just want it all to stop Harry." She cries into my chest once more pulling the material off my chest.
"I know darling. I know."
They just met but he knew in that moment he would always hold her until it stopped hurting. They were so alike but oh so different.
"I'm so tired Harry. So tired." the words have me staring down at her. What does she mean by that?
Her hands travel from my chest to hold around my neck and I just bring my knees up to pull her higher.
Breathing against her own skin I feel every breath of her own against my chest. As time ticks by, her breaths dial down to a constant rate.
minutes go by as we sit here.
I lean forward when I feel a hand grip my arm tightley. Looking back, her glossy eyes look back to mine and its not noticeable but her small hands tremble.
She thinks im leaving.
"im just gonna grab the blanket."
still not moving her hand from my arm I move upwords, placing her body down on the pillow.
Her eyes watch me carefully when I grab the blanket and pull it over our bodys, laying my own body next to her.
"Is this okay?"
She nods with tears in her eyes.
We share the same pillow on her small bed but being so close to her makes the destruction go away. Our breathes hit each others matching the same pace.
I trace my fingers over her cheek once more as her hands rest under her face. she doesnt say anything but her eyes speak a thousand words.
Placing my hands on her hips I pull her even closer, closing the space between us. only leaving air to breathe.
Im not good with this stuff but she needs comfort. I can still tell shes afraid.
Her head rolls back to the door swallowing as she looks at it. I've never payed attention to anothers terror remorsefully before but watching her makes me want to burn down entire cities until whoever hurt her is gone.
none of us move a single muscle. she places her head back after more moments of watching the door.
"promise?" She speaks which ripples an ache in my chest. we dont like using that phrase and swore to never bring it up again but right now I know shes needs reassurance.
brushing her arms with my finger I try to coax the shakeness of her body. "whoever youre scared of isnt coming in here Violet."
"are you sure." A slow tear makes a path down her face.
"im not leaving your side. if they do I'm here." pressing our foreheads together.
Nurturing isnt something I know how to do but I do it so easily with her. Its like breathing, you just know how.
"go to sleep." I press my hand to her hair brushing it back. "im not leaving."
all I can do is watch her as I see her eyeslashes shut close. her lips pucker as she exhales. minutes go by as I continue brushing her hair never stopping.
Thinking she's asleep her body suddenly rolls over top of me. now her head rests in the crook of my neck and her legs lace through mine. I bring my hands to her back embracingly as my hands travel up and down.
locking my own eyes to the door I wonder whos she's trying to keep out.
"What happened to you my sweet angel." Pain in my own voice clear. I had my share of panic attacks from trauma but this was different.
She was right though. All I ever wanted myself was for someone to sit with me in my darkness. Guess we were doing that for each other now.
"I shouldn't like you this much."
The thing about us is I don't like to sleep either. Your past catches up to you there but in this moment having her in my arms makes up for all the nights I spent looking out my window as a child.