Aspen Styles- 16
Blood boils through my body and tears flow down my cheeks. I never wanted to be this way.
My hand trembles as I walk outside in terror. They looked so scared. I screamed and screamed refusing but they hit me to the ground. Kicked me until I couldn't breathe all because I didn't want to hurt someone.
Dad looked so upset. Why doesn't he ever just hug me? He never hugs me.
Why won't they just let me play outside? they won't ever let me in the garden. They say it makes me feminine.
I walk through the backyard and roam my hands over the colourful flower bush. I always loved the colour yellow. No one's home except for Aspen but she's locked in her room. I tried to talk to her but she didn't respond.
She took a beating for me yesterday because I didn't wash the dishes. I was out in the backyard again.
Everyone keeps shutting me out.
I just want someone to take me away. Hide me from the monsters. Whenever they're gone I sit in the flower bush and watch the butterflies sit on the petals. Why can't I be a butterfly? It's not fair.
I just want someone to free me. Let me be able to fly away and never come back.
Entranced by the hundreds of butterflies flying around me I hold out my hand in hope one will land.
It's never happened before-
My eyes grow wide as a blue butterfly sits on the top of my finger. I hold my breath scared to move a muscle. "Wow." I pull my fingers close to my eyes and watch the pretty creature.
"You're so beautiful," I whisper.
A bright smile pours on my lips and the world stops.
Deep down I think I'm a butterfly. When I die I want to be brought back as one. So I can fly and just be free one day.
With the bright smile on my lips, I look up to my sister's window and notice her standing there watching me. Her brown hair sits over her shoulders and she smiles. "Aspen," I whisper up the window. "Aspen come down." I flag her with my hand but she shakes her head.
She was the first person to show me the butterflies. We were home alone one day and I was so scared to be in a new country. I had no friends here. We walked to a patch of flowers and it spread out for miles. Butterflies flew everywhere and we both ran through the wind.
That was before dad made me go into that building.
Aspen loves butterflies and hasn't been out of her room in a while. I stare back to the window and notice a sad look on her face. I pull my head back but she shakes her head.
"Aspen?" She places her hand on the window and I watch her cross necklace hang down from her chest. She just stares up at me mouthing something but I don't catch on. She steps away from the window and I wait to see if she's going to come back but as minutes go by there's nothing.
With my tongue between my lips as I study the insect, I place my hand on the butterfly catcher I have next to me. "I'm just going to show you to Aspen. She loves you." I carefully take the catcher and gently move the butterfly inside holding the net so it can't escape.
We haven't talked in a long time. It's been months and she'll definitely play with me when I bring her this. I haven't been too nice either. When dads around I feel the need to protect myself.
I hope she knows that.
"I'll bring you down after, don't worry come on."
I race up the steps with an excited smile on my face but there's a wrapped small rectangle at my door that stops me. "A present?" I say curiously and pull it up so I can read the black marker on the wrapping paper.
I love you Harry and I know you love truly. It's okay to be scared sometimes.
I squint my eyes at the writing but widen them again. Aspen gave me a gift! I run inside my room still holding on to the net and I rip open the paper to reveal a book.
Aspen loves reading. She's always trying to get me into it but I always roll my eyes. I run my hands through the paper and the first page has black writing on it again.
You're not a bad person
I don't understand? Dad and Mom always tell me I ruined their lives. I am a bad person.
Maybe this present means that she does love me again. I'll read this whole book and then we can talk about it. I giggle at the butterfly who sits perched carefreely. "You'll be my gift to her come on." I place the book on my bed and run to her room banging on her door.
"Aspen! Aspen! I caught a butterfly open up." I knock a melody to my favourite song. "Hellooooo" I laugh and wait on the other side of the door. I bring the net up with a smile so when she opens it she can laugh but after minutes go bye I place my ear on the door.
"Aspen, can I come in?" I swear she was in here a couple of minutes ago.
I walk down the hall shouting her name. "I caught a butterfly where are you?" walking back and forth down the hallway I make it back to her room and place my hand on the door. "I'm coming in." I open the door and look around the room but it's empty.
"Hello?" I look around and my eyes land on her bathroom door. Oh, she was in there that's why she couldn't hear me. Smiling, I run-up to the door, "I'm coming in." With no argument from her side, I open the door.
"I got a butter...fly." I drop the catcher to the ground. Everything in my body stops. My hearing, my sight, my body goes lost as I stare into her body in the empty tub. Next to her, there's a bottle of pills and foam drips out of her mouth.
"Aspen?" I creep forward and poke her body, tears coming out of my eyes. "Aspen?" My cries get louder and I shake her aggressively. "Aspen wake up."
I climb into the tub and sit on her lifeless body. "I just wanted to show you my butterfly." I hit and hit her trying to wake her up but there's nothing. I wrap my arms around her body and pull her closer to me. Her hands drop to her sides unresponsive and her body acts like jello.
I place my ear to her chest and I don't hear anything. "You-you're coming back right?" I cry into her shoulder but there's no response.
"Come back." I grip her so tight but her body's cold.
"You have to come back, we have to play. I haven't heard your voice in so long, please say something." I sob into the empty house.
"Im sorry I ignored you." I fill the tub with my tears.
"Please come back."