I've tried to tug away but he pulled it right back, not budging with my pleads. It's been about an hour and he's just been tracing over the cuts gently. Neither of us has bothered to speak but my stomach grows anxious at his hard eyes on my hands.
It kills me inside of what this young boy went through. How much guilt he's put on himself from such a young age. It crushes me what happened with his sister and how much he loved her. I can't even express it in words.
What I don't ever want him to know is that I tried to do the same thing. He wouldn't be able to handle it. He never wants me to leave and if he sees the hidden mark he'll break or cling to me and that's not what either of us needs.
When's the point that we're not good for each other anymore and just become toxic? Dragging each other down as the other drowns.
My thoughts snap when his finger accidentally touches my cut and I hiss out in pain. He removes his hand quickly and looks up at me in panic. "I'm sorry."
I immediately feel bad from the hurt look on his face. "It's okay."
"No, I hurt you. I don't ever want to do that again."
"You're not hurting me." I ease his worries but he doesn't believe me, looking through my eyes as his head rests on the pillow.
"I'm still allowed to kiss you right?" His eyes weakly look up and I nod. He immediately pulls forward and lays a kiss on my cheek. His lips lay pressed into my skin delicately lingering over the area. He lets an exhale from his lips as he pulls away and rolls over getting off the bed.
Before he can make it past the sheets I grab his arm in panic. He looks back at me empathetically and reaches forward to drag my body to the edge.
"Can I?" He says placing his hand on top of mine. Ashamed to look at him I just nod and he reaches forward to carry me to the bathroom.
I hug his neck tightly as he walks through the room.
Placing me on the counter he wipes over my tired eyes and frowns before shaking his head. I don't bother to speak knowing he just has to figure things out for himself. It's a storm I can only stop by being here.
Pulling open the cupboard he finds what he's looking for and pulls out a small first aid fit. I close my hands into light fists and close my eyes in embarrassment.
"Hey." He tilts my chin but I keep my eyes closed. "Please look at me." I weakly do what I'm told and my eyes flutter to his green ones perched in front of me.
"You have nothing to be embarrassed about, I'm just going to wrap them up," I remember the day he came to my work and I wanted to wrap his own cuts for him just needing him to know someone cares.
He pulls on my hand and presses his fingers lightly to open them. I follow through with the motion and I watch his every move looking for caution on his face but he shows none.
He takes a small disinfectant wipe and presses it to my skin which causes me to pull away quickly feeling like my skins on fire. "Ouch," I yell out, shaking my hand.
"Baby I have to clean it." he takes my hand and pulls it back down wiping it gentler, barely placing the wipe against my skin.
He removes the wipe from my skin leaving it red from contact. The room is silent as he lightly blows on my palm to ease the sting.
Pulling out a white bandage he unlaces it from the packaged roll. This is a little excessive but when I look down the scrapes cut deep and start to turn purple. I immediately take my gaze away and focus on Harry who stares into my brown eyes.
Taking my right hand he wraps the bandage around slowly and parts his lips in pain.
"She taught me what butterflies were. On the first day we moved to America I was so scared and she took me out to a field where we tried to catch them." my shoulders sink from his words not thinking he was going to explain what happened anytime soon.
"Before Wesley sent me into that building my sister and I were really close. We always hung out in our house's garden. She would read and I'd sit by the flowers. One day it all changed. I came back from training and when she tried to comfort me I pushed her away. Told her that I hated her. Every day I grew madder from my mixed-up emotions that I didn't understand. The anger and sadness were tearing me apart."
He tugs his face back but continues despite how much this hurts him. He takes a small breath. "Slowly people were shutting me out so I decided to shut the world out before it could hurt me. I was only eight when this started but I felt like I grew up much faster than I should. In the beginning, she would always check up on me but the angrier I got the sooner I never saw her. My family hated her and I was the only person she talked to. I was her only friend." He breaks. finishing up my hand's bandage he moves to the other as Im frozen listening to his words.
"I didn't hear her voice for months. Never saw her anymore. I knew that she was sad but I never knew the extent of it. I shut her out but she would still check up on me. The day she stopped entirely I felt insignificant. One day when our parents left for a business trip I went out to our garden. I always went there when they weren't home. It was the only peace I ever felt in my head. She was watching down at me and smiled. I thought she was going to finally come down and play with me but she turned away. There was something about her that looked so broken and I decided to meet her instead."
He stops breathing and the room goes silent. "So I brought her a butterfly. Only problem was when I reached the upstairs there was a book in front of my door that she gave me. I looked it over for so long excited that she was paying attention to me. So long... If only I just put the book down and went to see her, maybe she would've been okay." He blames himself with a tight face.
"When I found her she overdosed on sleeping pills. It was the first thing our father started to deal and she got her hands on it somehow." His mouth twitches but focuses on the bandage he's tying.
"She left another note. It was on the wrapping paper. That's what was under my bed. I thought the book was too but you were right it was on my shelf. Im sorry." He shakes his head as his voice breaks, letting his hands fall to the counter locking me in.
"Stop apologizing." I brush my wrapped hands through his hair. I know he means it but that word has lost its meaning a long time ago but I know he is true by his eyes. His eyes have always told his feeling in any situation.
"Do you want to go somewhere with me?" He asks and I squint my eyes in a light laugh from how fast the environment changed in his head. "Shouldn't we be going to bed it's 5 am?"
"No. I don't want to spend another moment away from you. What do you say, darling?"
I shift on the counter and he helps me down. "Where to?" This pulls a smile on his face and he tugs me out the bathroom.
"You think I'm going to start telling you now?" Laughing my head back I stop in my steps pulling Harry's body to a stop. "What?" he laughs as I pull him close and when our bodies collied I give him a hug. He wraps his arms immediately around me strongly. Like he didn't know if I wanted him to touch me. He holds me like he's never planning on letting go and I swear I feel a silent tear hit my skin.
"Nothing has changed harry," I whisper into his neck and a breath of relief hits my skin. "You sure you don't want me because I'm broken? I represent every single red flag." He presses his face closer to my shoulder.
His insecurity pours from his soul and my heart clenches. "Harry, don't you understand?"
"You've never pressured me to do anything and our whole relationship has been gentle and patient. If you demonstrated red flags then why do I feel safe with you? Stop thinking you're not good for me because you're scared of the possibilities."
"If I ever make you uncomfortable will you tell me?" I shake my head, "You won't ever make me uncomfortable but I will make sure to tell you if I ever do as a result of something or someone else."
A small smile tugs on his lips as he weakly pulls away. "I really like you, you know?" He pulls my jaw closer to him and I smile. "Back at you Harold." That smile I've been inching for finally reveals on his face and I know he's back.
"Let's go Sunshine." He pulls me to the hallway and my eyes send lasers into his back.
"Not funny." I practically spit.
He tugs me to the elevator and wraps his arms around my body like usual. When the doors open he rushes us to the parking lot and I follow weakly behind with our hands interlocked. When the breeze and darkness of the fall morning hit's my skin he starts to jog.
"Harry!" I laugh until he stops and I run into his back like always, "We're going to have to work on that." rubbing my head and opening my eyes it lands on his motorcycle. He looks down at me with a painted smirk and I shake my head walking towards my designated seat.
"Fine, let's go." I climb on before he does and pat his spot. Following quickly I wrap my hands around his waist and hug my legs tight around him.
"Strapped in darling?" I hear the humour in his voice and I giggle. "Hit the pedal baby."
In no time the engine revs and he takes off into the dark morning of the empty streets. A gasp leaves my lips having to get used to the feeling and I tighten my hold.
We fly down the roads for a long time and I let out a freeing laugh from the exhilaration I feel in my body. It's like a weight is lifted off my chest in the most heightened way possible.
Turning on to a dirt road he drives for a little while until the wheels hit the grass. The sun is just starting to rise, leaving enough light to make out where we are.
Parked in the middle of a field I slowly stand off the motorcycle until I'm pulled back with his hands. He lifts me onto the bike so my back hits the handlebars and I straddle his waist.
A gasp leaves my lips from his sudden grip and before I can blink my body seated in front of him. I open my squeezed eyes to a striking Harry.
"Yes." I smile and places his hands on my hips making sure I don't fall.
"Why are we here?" I look to the dark field of grass and gravel, we're in. It's such an unusual spot but I can see the sunrise growing in the near distance.
"I've driven past here a couple of times and saw the open field. I thought we were going to get here earlier to see the last of the stars but we missed it." His simple words and thoughts could never represent the bad person who he thinks he is. It will never make sense but he sadly doesn't see what I see. I'm sure that's a two-way street.
"You were going to take me to watch the stars?"
"I thought you were probably aching for it all day," he says shyly and I shake my head as I lean forward placing my arms around the back of his neck. "Do you know how much your words affect me?"
He widens his eyes pulling his head back, "What do you mean?"
"Harry every time you open your mouth my heart practically bursts." He makes me feel high off of his presence.
"That's not a bad thing is it?" Panicked, a smile plays on my lips. "No, it's a good thing. Every time I'm with you my heart gets this warm feeling that spreads like a drug throughout my whole body." Even now I feel every beat from my heart souring through my body. It's beating for him.
"I feel that too." His simple words cause a flush of emotions on his face trying to understand himself. "Like a drug I can't get enough of." As the words leave his lips he leans forward picking me up with him and shifts our bodies so we're standing on the ground.
"Wanna go watch the sunrise?" He brushes his finger against my cheek and I wrap my hands around his wrists. My heart now sends a euphoric happiness through my veins. A high smile pulls on my lips.
Taking my hand we walk until we reach the top of a hill and I immediately gasp. Overlooking the green farm fields is a clear view of the sunrise. It looks like a painted picture. Pink and orange start their climb in the dark sky.
The bright sun of the morning starts its assent and I can't help but feel on top of the world from up here.
The clouds and dark colours that light up the sky are a beautiful disaster. Unexplainably beautiful but with a silent anger of rage. Like the beauty erupting doesn't know if it wants to leave the darkness to step into the light.
Sitting down next to Harry I watch the sky in intoxication. He looks down at me never removing his stare and I feel the need to share a raw moment to make up for his.
We each have our own garden and I think back to when I would lie down staring up at the sky aching for a moment of quiet.
"Whenever the stars would fade in the night sky I would always get sad when there would be nothing left. It was always just black. But nothing ever lasts forever. The sky would illuminate in colour and it was like the universe's way of apologizing for the small fits of darkness it left behind for me."
I find myself confessing things to him that pull from the deepest parts inside that I didn't know existed.
He turns his head to look at me in complete understanding. "I would always watch the sunrise from my window. Waiting for the peace the colours would bring me. It was the time between night and morning that made me feel safe."
Just kind of like the time we're in now. He was the split in my life that brought the unknown feeling of warmth.
Looking over to the ground we're in I find a single flower laying in the grass and lean forward to pick it. The yellow flower rests between my fingertips. Moving to my knees I straddle Harry and he urges me with open arms.
"Whacha got there?" he rubs his hands down my thighs and I sit tall. "It's a flower," I say focused as I place the yellow flower in his long hair. I stick the stem behind his ear as the pedal reveals brightly.
"There." I cheer but don't get off of his lap. Looking at me with pure joy he bites down on his cheek.
Looking away with red cheeks his hand roams over the grass finding the last flower and he picks it quickly.
"Can't have my angel without her flower." He speaks quietly.
When we've been in bed I've heard him call me an angel a couple of times thinking I was asleep. Threading his hands through my hair he would barely whisper the word and other phrases but I would fall into the darkness before I could hear.
The word saddens me but to him, it holds meaning that I don't question. The passion and ache in his voice as he says the word is like it escapes the one part of his brain he admires.
I stare weakly as he places the stem behind my ear as well.
"It's pink, do you like pink?" He squeezes his eyes a little waiting for my answer.
"I love anything you give me. But yes I like pink." Smiling like a little boy I flinch as a raindrop suddenly hits my skin.
Looking above the grey clouds grow like mountains. It's not thunder clouds but I watch as droplets start to fall from the sky quicker. Shifting my shoulder up I exhale as the water pours down all at once soaking us.
Harry immediately pulls us upwards hooking his arm around my waist. "Were gonna get soaked." He laughs and looks around for a place to hide under but there's no forest around, just farmland.
He ducks his head to get to my level and the rain gradually gets harder. Our clothes are officially soaked and a loud laugh of pure happiness erupts from my lips. He places his hands over my cheeks not containing his grin and he rubs the moisture of the rain off my cheeks.
"This didn't go to plan." he smiles and it's one of my favourite things.
"no, no it didn't." I join his laughter and our voice carries swiftly through the sounds of the rain. The smell of the rain and dirt create a fresh smell that makes me feel like I can breathe and I lift my head up closing my eyes.
The rain hits my skin and when I look back down Harry's watching me proudly.
I've always wanted to get caught in the rain and before I can stop my fit of giggles I turn around and start running through the field. "Come on," I yell back but I didn't have to tell him twice.
Pressing my hands up to the sky my fingers interlock and I run freely letting out a happy scream. I take off through the green meadow and for the first time I feel free.
Racing down the hill, the wind pushes my back in encouragement shifting me freely off my feet. The crunch of our shoes and laughter intertwine.
Harry and I in our brown and green world take off racing through the field.
"Hey slow down," I call and hear an exhale of a hissing, "No way."
I push my feet harder to the ground and finally catch up with his pace. I blink through the rain and my palms drag behind me feeling the air of Atlanta.
"I thought you were faster mister mafia." My converse cover in mud and the squishing sound of our clothing drown everything out.
"I think this gives me an extra point-" I scream as Harry's hands find my waist ushering us to a stop. He lifts me off of the ground spinning us around in a circle. I shoot out a loud laugh and he curls our body forward protecting me from the rain. His long hair fills with droplets that make a path down my cheek.
"Caught you again."
Even without sleep when he's with me I feel the most awake I've ever been.
Gripping his hands around my waist I manage to claw myself away, slipping through our fabrics. Looking back as my socks pool in my shoes he's chasing after me brushing his long locks out of his face.
"Sure you wanna say that again-" I yelp an inhale as I slip in the mud. My two feet kick upwards and I fall onto my back landing right in a pile of mud.
My jaw drops as my fingers dig into the mud and my whole backside grows heavy in the substance. "Oh my god." I erupt in laughter and Harry's quick to drop to his knees and tackle me deeper.
"Harry!" I scream to factor that he's just getting us dirtier. Managing to keep me pinned he places his knees on either side of my stomach. With his muddy hands, he leaves a purposeful handprint on my cheeks.
"We're gonna get my bike all dirty." He shouts cheerfully over the rain and as his eyes close from the droplets pouring in I press my hands to his chest and he falls back. Letting me climb over him he sits upwards and I straddle his waist still saturated in mud.
"Screw your bike we're going to have to walk through your apartment lobby like this." I press my muddy fingers to his face and trace a sharp line from his cheek to his nose with my palm.
His face turns to the side from my hand but when our stares meet the world just stops.
The rain pours down between us but our dimension goes silent, deaf to the world.
His hands brush my messy hair out of my face and I exhale breathlessly leaning forward. His hand never leaves my right jaw.
Our bodies shift unnoticed and our faces sit barely an inch apart. Staring down to my lips I watch him swallow but he doesn't say anything. The red roaring sky above darkens over us.
"Harry," I whisper weakly and he doesn't respond, too entranced by the use of his eyes. Giving up on all my will, before the two of us can breathe I press my lips to his hard.
His lips immediately kiss mine back and our devotion for each other collide. My body sparks in fire from his touch. All the air is robbed from my lungs as our lips finally meet in the one moment I have been urging for.
I feel his plump lips working against my own. He kisses me with so much hunger and his hand cradles my face trying to pull me closer than we already are.
My lungs scream for air but he's my source of it at the moment. The only thing my body craves and needs. I don't remember how to do anything as our lips drown in each other but he's my antidote.
Folding and caressing our lips together my head starts to spin. Our ragged breaths pour out viscously through our nose and mouth but neither of us pulls away.
God don't ever pull away.
His lips work against mine and his tongue swipes across my bottom lip asking for entrance and I part them. Wasting no time he slips his tongue in. Our gasps and moans mix with each other.
I don't focus on the small pain my face sparks from the hard contact, all I can feel and need right now is Harry.
"I can't stay away from you." He stops briefly to pant and attacks my lips once again which I greet in hunger. "Don't then." It comes out mumbled.
His hand falls from my cheek and greats my back pulling me forward so our chests collided. He brings his hands right back and one threads through my hair while the other rests on my jaw.
His lips are beautiful. Cold from the rain but the feeling was better than I ever could imagine. My stomach grows in thousands of butterflies and they all flutter around my heart reaching for him.
This kiss was delicate and compassionate but filled with lust, hunger and our adoration for each other. I want nothing more than to keep us frozen in this time forever. Keep us locked away from everything that has ever ruined us and just float around happily in our hell together.
I feel safer at this moment than I ever have.
I'll burn with him if it means I'll be with him.
Our lips pull away with a gasp needing to catch a breath. Our lips remain right in front of each other and I feel his hard aching breathes on my skin.
Electricity sparks in my veins from the simple touch. My body's electrified and the light switches on in my body. What was once dark turns to light and I need him again missing his touch.
His hand removes from my hair and matches on my other jaw. "Fuck Violet." He whimpers, placing our lips back together but this time slow.
I analyze every feeling in my body and every detail of his soft lips. We take our time and I relish in the delicate feeling.
His sweet hums cause my breaths to hitch in my throat and I start to smile in the kiss.
Matching my pace we smile until our lips physically can't keep going. I lean my head up in the rain needing a breath and he traces his lips down my exposed neck.
I feel like I'm dreaming.
Closing my eyes from the rain his lips send an ache through my body and I can't take it anymore. Lowering my head I grab his cheeks in my hands and connect our lips. It's tender and I just want to engulf myself in the feeling forever.
He's the one to pull away this time and our foreheads rest on one another.
"Never leave," I say timidly and his hands brush against my cheeks as he holds them, swallowing a breath.
My heart swells from the words. He was trusting me in this moment just as I showed him I was trusting him.
This was his promise to me and my promise to him.
The world finally went quiet.